She looks at it, thinks about what it is, what it isn't.
What it could have been.
His words ricochet of the walls of her brain, bouncing around like a pinball. Dancing to a rhythm she can barely comprehend.
Marriage.
There's so much she wants to say. There's so much that needs to be said.
The words he wants to hear. The words she wants to say. The words are the same.
She can't force herself to say them. She doesn't want him to get hurt.
"Castle," she breathes, barely forcing out his name. She sighs resignedly.
Still kneeling, he looks at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
Her silence is eating him, and he hangs his head.
"Castle," she says again, "please don't. I don't want this to end."
"Then say yes!" he pleads. "Please. Say yes."
"I...I can't."
He slowly stands up, closing his eyes, as if maybe he'll open them and it'll all be a dream.
"Castle...not right now. Not today. Not this week, not in a month, hell, maybe not this year. Not until we've talked."
"Kate," he says, finally looking at her face, "I'm not saying we have to get married right here, right now."
"I understand," she interrupts. "But I'm not ready for this." She reaches out to touch him, hold him, but he flinches, resisting.
"You took the job." It's not a question.
"Yes."
He knew she would. He hoped she wouldn't.
"But I do love you, Rick," she offers. "I want to do more. I want to be more."
"You deserve more," he reiterates.
"We both do," she echoes.
He looks as though he is about to cry. "How will I know you're safe? How the hell am I supposed to keep you safe?"
"Castle, I don't need a babysitter. I can do this on my own."
He's hurt. She's gone and hurt him.
"But I don't want to," she admits.
"Kate," he says. "Let me come with you."
"What about Alexis and your mother?" she asks.
"Alexis is at college, and my mother can handle the loft by herself."
"Rick, I can't ask you to leave your home."
"I'm a writer. As long as I've got my characters and you, I am home."
"Are you sure?" she doubts.
"Always. Kate, I can't lose you. Why do you think I proposed?"
"Castle, my answer is still no. Give me some time. Ask me again another time. The swings will still be here."
Reviews are appreciated!
Thanks,
Kelly