A Curious Thing Chapter 1: Troubled Soul, a new tricks fanfic

A/N: I actually don't know exactly where this fic came from, but I have been listening to a lot of Amy MacDonald's songs this week, so that might be what happened. This is set a few weeks after "Meat Is Murder."

The song lyrics are from "Troubled Soul" by Amy MacDonald, who I am absolutely addicted to right now!

Sarah x

Oh, the sun may shine through your window on a summer's day
Doesn't change, your heavy heart skips a beat each day
You get a temporary high as your watch life pass you by
Every single day you want to cry
Can we wish the tears a fond goodbye?

Weeks had passed since Sandra's dad's secrets shattered everything she thought she knew. The sun shone through the window of Gerry's car, hitting her face but not really helping to light up her almost dead eyes. She was waiting for him to return from the shop at the petrol station – he was living off of cigarettes, and she was being fuelled solely by caffeine. She'd had so little sleep that she briefly wondered if it was keeping her alive just now.

She thought again about what she was left to deal with now. The tears once again stung her eyes, and she tried to stem them. She didn't like the boys to see her cry, and Gerry in particular. She had to be seen as strong, not a weeping woman who couldn't deal with her situation.

She jumped as the car door opened and Gerry sat down next to her. "One coffee for the guv'nor," he announced cheerily, trying to keep her spirits up. "And a bacon roll and a packet of Jaffa Cakes, since look like you've barely eaten all week," he added, looking at her deathly pale face.

She wiped her face with her sleeve and took the food and caffeine Gerry was handing her. "Thanks," she tried to say, but it came out broken. She returned her gaze to the outside world, watching while people filled their cars up, while children argued in the back seats of cars, while lorry drivers drank from large bottles of energy drink so they could finish their shifts. It was the only thing that made her really curious just now – watching other people, wondering what their lives were like.

"Sandra," Gerry sighed tentatively. She looked around at him with her trademark glare but, for once, it didn't bother him. "Do you realise you've cried every day for the past six weeks?" She said nothing to him. He was right, after all. How could she really deny it? He would have seen her. "I just wish I could make you stop crying," he admitted. "I hate seeing you cry."

Aching heart, troubled soul
I wanna tell you something wanted you to know
Look at these eyes, look at this smile
They're gonna stay around here, for a while
Aching heart, troubled soul
I wanna tell you something wanted you to know
Look at these eyes, look at this smile
They're gonna stay around here, for a while

She felt his hand fall onto hers in a sort of comfort neither of them offered one another very often. "It still hurts, Gerry," Sandra whispered.

"I don't think it'll really ever stop," he said honestly. "That kind of betrayal and lies ain't just gonna go away. You'll learn to accept it, keep on living and working. You'll have to. I don't think I could put up with Grumpy and Dopey on my own," he joked.

Her face broke into a smile for the first time in a long time. She could just imagine the chaos that would ensue if she deserted her boys. Messy office, a grouchy Jack, an annoyingly obsessive Brian and hourly death threats from Gerry. She wouldn't envy Strickland and the poor sod he would put in charge of UCOS if she left. It made her smile to know that if she was replaced, her lovely boys would make Strickland and her replacement's lives an absolute living hell.

"See," he said cheerfully. "There's the smile we all love! Now we just gotta keep it there," he grinned at her, daring to pat her cheek companionably.

Oh, the rain may pour and it may fall
But still I'll always hear you call
I'll be waiting, waiting for you
Oh, your eyes so blue, your smile so wide
I think about you every day and every night
I'll be waiting, waiting for you

Sandra looked outside and let the thoughts run through her head with no real order to proceedings. "Tom keeps phoning me, sending me emails," she revealed. "It's selfish of me, I know, but I'm just not sure if I want to go there," she confessed, ashamed of her own selfishness.

"It's up to you, Sandra," Gerry reminded her gently. "Maybe you'd like having a brother. But if it doesn't work out, you'll always have us. And it's not selfish. I completely understand it. He'd just be another reminder that your dad did a lot of things he shouldn't have done, and that he lied to you for a long time before he died."

She looked at Gerry for a moment, studying his face. "Do you mean that?" she asked doubtfully.

"Which part?" he replied, not sure what statement she was referring to.

"Will you be there for me when it goes wrong? When I speak to Tom and I haven't got it in me to be his sister, will you be there for me when I need you?" she asked quietly. She realised then that she couldn't be alone anymore. She was too upset, too troubled, to make her way through her life on her own anymore. The burden had finally become unbearable for her.

"I'll always be there," he promised her. "Day or night. I just wanna see you smile again," he told her, patting her leg lightly. She looked down at his hand and thought about that so simple gesture. He really was serious; he was really promising to stick by her through this.

"Why didn't he just admit it?" she asked of Gerry, trying not to cry as she recalled the way she found out about everything. "My dad. Why didn't he just admit it? I would've still loved him. He would've still been my dad."

"He probably didn't want to risk losing you," he explained to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. "Don't analyse it, Sandra. It'll just drive you up the wall," he told her, rubbing her arm gently. "He did what he did, and you have to deal with the fallout. One way or the other, you're gonna have to deal with Tom. He ain't just gonna disappear."

"I know that," she groaned. "I just feel guilty for not feeling like he's my brother and not wanting anything to do with him, because it wasn't his fault. He was the product of one of my dad's more major cock-ups, and I can't hold that against him, can I?"

It troubled her greatly to feel what she did for Tom, which was very little. There was no sense of companionship or family between them. They were strangers. This was no joyful reunion of long lost siblings. This was more betrayal and more lies coming to the surface, many years after being buried. Every time she looked at Tom, heard his voice on her answering machine, she saw her dad and the lies he spun. She was reminded of how much she had loved her father, while he went behind everyone's backs, risking everything he had.

"I could be with you," he suggested. "You know, while you speak to him. I don't mind."

She smiled to herself, her heart melting a little bit at the reminder of his care for her. "No," she declined. "This is something I'll have to do on my own. But thank you," she said, patting his chest lightly. "I'll be OK," she promised him, wondering if she actually believed her own words. She would be OK. She would make sure of it. She would force a smile until it became real, and she would stand in the sun forever if it could brighten her eyes again. She would not let this rule her life. It had done for nearly six weeks, and what good had it done?

Aching heart, troubled soul
I wanna tell you something wanted you to know
Look at these eyes, look at this smile
They're gonna stay around here, for a while

"I know you will," he smiled. "You always are." He pressed a soft kiss onto her head, smiling into her hair. "And if it goes pear-shaped, you can always call me, or come over."

"Thanks," she whispered. She just sat there for a while, leaning into his chest, letting his warmth flood through her again. She would get by. She would make sure of it. And, most importantly, Gerry was going to be right there, making this journey with her, making her smile and laugh, making her eyes light up every day. He was going to make it bearable.

Hope this is OK!
Please leave me a review and tell me what you thought!
Sarah x