Kurt felt tears building in his eyes as he read the list over half a dozen times, the prickling of salty drops stinging his corneas and he had to squeeze his eyelids shut to relieve the burning. This was it. He was gonna do it, once and for all. And in front of him he held a list of all the reasons it wouldn't matter if he were gone. It hurt, really, to realize that there were so many things reiterating his insignificance in the world, but it wasn't like he wasn't already aware of it. After all, that was why he was doing this in the first place.
"Kurt!"
Kurt slammed the notebook closed and turn to face the approaching voice. Rachel's hard-heeled shoes clicked against the linoleum floor as she came over, bulky pink bedazzled binder in her arms. She plopped herself down in the seat next to him, dropping the binder onto the desk and flipping it open. "So, I've been trolling New York City real estate websites looking for the perfect apartment where we could be roommates. And I think I may have found the exact one we need, and it's actually in a reasonable price range!"
Kurt smiled, patronizing her well-thought-out plans for the near future. Graduation was two weeks away. Finn decided to go into the military after all, and then he'd marry Rachel once his service was up. Just because his father had turned out the way he did, didn't mean Finn had to live in those footsteps. He was proud to be able to serve his country. Blaine wouldn't be graduating until next year. That left a whole year in New York for just Rachel and Kurt until their boyfriends would join them. The duo had gotten into NYADA, and Rachel had an amazing future in front of her.
Kurt just didn't have the heart to tell her he wouldn't be joining her.
"Kurt? Are you even listening or am I just babbling to nothing?"
Kurt shook his thoughts away and nodded stiffly. "Yeah, I'm listening. The apartment sounds great..." He opened his notebook up to a blank page and started doodling. Study hall was no longer much more boring than his other classes anymore: he'd already finished all his exams and passed with flying colors. He didn't even know why he even showed up. Maybe for the same reason he was waiting until after graduation to carry out his plan.
Rachel sighed. "You don't seem excited. We're actually doing this, Kurt! We're going to New York!"
"Yeah..."