Please review if you enjoy. It means much to me to have feedback. Most of this work will be very rough, but do not hold back.

that can be spoken is not the eternal
that can be named is not the eternal
nameless
is the origin of heaven and earth
named is the mother
of myriad things
without desire,
one observes its essence
with desire,
one observes its manifestations
two emerge together
but differ in name
unity
is said to be the mystery
the door to all wonders

-Unknown

The back of my hand is raw and red. Throbbing. Numb. I bring it up to my face and press my fingers against the bronzed flesh, plucking a sharp tendril of wood. There's a brief sting as it comes loose. A hiss of pain, I think my own voice. It disturbs the silence, the dumb roll of my heart and the sliding of sweat across my skin.

I think I'm breathing, wincing as I clench my fists. Before me is a battered log. It is twisted in an angry way, a sizable patch of it - about the size of my hand - denting the rotten carapace. I lift up my heavy foot and smash the log, knocking it over, feeling it give way, cleaving in two messy chunks, sinking into the damp grass.

I stare at the ruined log, gazing into my toes. My white sandal is tattered and I can feel my shin pounding. How many times did I strike that log in the last month? All to prepare. To deaden myself. That is what the training was for. So I could forget pain. So I could overcome it. So I could succeed.

I kick it, the top half tumbling loosely onto its back, exposing a few insects that had been dwelling inside. I grimace and look away, turning my gaze toward the trees, finding my chest tight. I suck in a sharp breath and hold back tears. Why did I even think I could do it?

I can't even blame them. It isn't anybody's fault but mine. I fucked around and thought my minimal effort would be enough. That somehow, I'd see it through. It would work out in the end. Guuzen - couldn't I live by that? I stare blindly at the wall of trees, the abyss of shadow mingling with the sinking sun, averting my eyes as the glare rapidly sets. I turn around, shuffling my feet against the dirt and tugging on my shredded orange pants.

"I watched you today." A voice says, my eyes stretching as something soft scrapes against the back of my neck, my spine contorting.

Horrible icy spines pierce my flesh. I forget everything I've ever learned. I become like a stone, unable to breathe. Unable to think. Cold flesh against my numb neck - two fingers - they pinch me. I gasp, stumbling forward, whilring around on my heel, reaching for my back pocket - realizing that my only weapon has been removed from me. Not that it would have mattered, as my vision focuses, I see her.

She stands with a teasing hand on her hip, my rusty dull kunai under her pallid palm.

She has long black hair, long bangs framing a small, cheeky face. The back is done-up into a silky bun, clamped tight with a pin. Wide brown eyes set between a long narrow nose and thin pink lips. A long neck extends downward, a pair of nude shoulders sloping slenderly to thin, firm arms. She wears a loose black top, a dark mesh underneath. Her collar is exposed, fragile bones popping up from above the subtle curve of her chest. Below black pants cinch, tightly gripping her muscular thighs and blade-like shins, a brown sash tied around her waist. White tabi cover her small feet, bulbous toes poking from her flat, open sandals.

"It was interesting." She murmurs, lifting her hand up and casting it down, depositing my kunai deep inside the earth. Exactly halfway between us. Almost within reach if I were to lunge forward.

"You failed." Her pale pink lips quirk slightly and she tilts her head, "I did not expect that."

"I did." I mumble, remembering to breathe somehow, my body rigid and locked-up, my eyes floating up, "I did." I say it raggedly, "What do you care about it?"

"You are upset." She says, "There is no need to be. Failure... is success. In its own way. If you wait enough... to realize."

I stare harshly into those eyes, unsure what they are. They are like a bear's fine coat. Like the mane of a mangy, mottled crow. Pure like fresh, filthy mud. Maybe... chocolate ice cream?

"If you're... you've been sent to kill me." I giggle and feel everything leave me in a rush. My heart like a symphony in my bones. I laugh, unable to hold back a dry grin, "Then go ahead." My hands slide down my sides tugging at the orange vest around my chest, "Go ahead. I understand why you have to. I have no hard feelings. I know." I laugh again, my stomach tightening, wave rising in my belly. I'm sick. But it's a sickness of relief. That it might be finally over.

"You know?" The girl firms her lips into a frown, lower lip sagging as she takes a step forward, "You know what?"

"Oh, I know everything." I jerk back, pointing at her, my arm shaking, "I know why I was left alive. Why you didn't just kill me when I was a kid. And why I was sent to the academy. And why everyone hates me... but doesn't tell me why."

She huffs, "Well, I'm not sure what you think you know, but I don't know a thing about that. Nor am I here to kill you."

She brings her hands up and pushes her dark bangs behind her pale ears, smiling slightly wider, giving me a glimpse of the tips of her pearly teeth, "You may call me Haku. I was sent here... or came rather, to aid you."

"Huh?" I laugh, "'Aid' me? What's that supposed to mean? Are you sure you got your orders right? I'm pretty sure I was to be executed, the moment I didn't pass. I mean, what good am I otherwise? I'm just a liability right?" I shiver, the sick feeling creeping deeper into my chest. Swirling like a whirlpool, sucking away all rationale.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Naruto." She keeps smiling, it slowly fading into a slight smirk, "Perhaps you'd like to tell me about it?"

She presses forward, I meet her evenly with steps back, my feet sliding against the grass, the blades tickling me through my thin pants, bringing my hands up in front of my face, palms open, "I'm sorry... Haku, but I don't exactly think that's something I should be telling an... enemy."

That smirk deflates, I jump back when she stomps her foot, "Enemy? Well, if you think I'm your enemy-" she huffs, cheeks puffing and burning a buzzing scarlet, "- then you should know the first rule about being a ninja. Keep your enemies close." In a movement I can't even perceive - let alone react to - she darts forward, hands penetrating my guard, fingers coiling around my jacket and lifting me off the ground with incredible speed and strength, "If I wanted to kill you now, I would." She whispers sharply, my her feral gaze commanding my attention, "If I wanted to know your secrets, I would." She grips tighter as she releases me, gently settling me on the ground, "I'm not here to kill you. And... I don't understand why you would think that. I am here to aid you. That... is all I can say."

My heart is in my fingertips when I reach for her hands and pry them off my chest, taking a half step back, "F-fine. So you're not here to kill me. What do you want?"

There is silence.

And then a soft growl. It's wrenching in her throat. But she quiets. "I am... here to aid you. I think... you'll understand in time what that means. But for now... all it means... is that if you wish to continue your training... as a ninja... I can assist with that." Her voice becomes raspy until she coughs for a few brief moments, "Sorry, would you happen to have some water? Or some tea?" she attempts to stifle a giggle as I stare at her, an awkward grin on her face as time hangs, crickets chirping. My eyes averting toward the lumpy earth.

"Fine. Whatever."

I turn around, the surrounding trees whirling like a kalediscope of green and emerald - and I stumble toward a pair of heart-shaped bushes, pulling free a napsack with a small container of food and water. I turn and curl my fingers toward the strange girl, inviting her closer, "We can sit down over 'ere." There's a small wooden table and chairs in a small grassy grove beside some twisted, mangled, dried up trees.

I shakily pull out two ceramic cups and pour ice cold water into both. I grab the handle on mine and drag it towards my barren lips, swallowing with a sigh.

She shares my drink, sipping quietly from a white, black spotted cup. The soft porcelain bleeding against her skin. I say nothing for what seems like a long time, just idly staring at her, with nothing to say but she seems like she understands. At least until her foot rams itself into my shin.

"Y-yiiiao! W-what the hell?"

She smiles playfully, "You're acting oddly comfortable with someone who you thought was going to kill you."

"Yeah. Well. So what? If you had. I wouldn't have cared."

"Of course not, you'd be dead then."

"That's not the point."

"Of course not. But it's true."

"...whatever."

She sets the cup down and drums her perfectly white fingernails against the shabby, beaten table, "You know, you're more boring than you seem. Not only did you fail today, but it seems like you've given up."

"H-haha!" I lean back, that sick wind in my chest again, "Of course I've given up. There's only so much you can try- and I've tried. Well, maybe not as hard as I could have in the past- but in the last month... I mean... I did. I thought it would be enough. And... and it obviously wasn't. So it's over right? What's the point? I can't be a ninja. I might as well give up!" I realize my voice is so loud, it boucning everywhere, echoing off the trees, reverberating embarassingly around the quiet girl. I deafen myself, "As it is... I'd be like the oldest recruit. I probably wouldn't last a day after graduation. They'd probably even... just give me a stupid desk job or something."

"Many would enjoy the comfort of a stupid desk job."

"Not me."

"Not you." She nods solemnly, placing her hands together and nodding again.

"If you're here to train me... then you're wasting your time... why don't you go speak to... Uchiha or Haruno? Even... that Hyuuga girl has more potential than me..."

"That's not what I've been told." She says softly, finishing her drink. I pour her some more, emptying the vanilla thermos, the sky turning a murky orange, rapidly fading into a brown abyss, strange shadows playing upon the table. I swear, I can see the eyes of a fox, a sinister grin, twinkling at me.

"But... if you have truly given up." She mumbles, "I suppose I will have to inform my master. He will be disappointed, but he may understand..." she sighs, shoulders slumping, the straps of her top sliding off her. She blushes slightly and adjusts the foamy fabric against her skin, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.

She waits a while in silence. Expecting me to say something. To refute her. To tell her I.. or she- or something is right or wrong. But I don't say anything. I just stare at her, feeling my heart grow calm, my words hanging stiffly in the air. I won't take my words back no matter how much they may sting her... or myself.

"I should at least deliver something to you. Provided you can promise to keep a secret... I am technically not supposed to be here in Konoha." She smiles, though not with much enthusiasm. I notice the color has drained from her cheeks, her eyes curiously studying me, "Even if you are to refuse the training I am offering you... please accept this. And tell no one where you obtained it." Her hands lift up from the table, placing a single scroll and unrolling it.

The paper is rotten, the edges black and crumbling. A single symbol is written in the middle, a circle concentric with it. Faintly, I can make out other words on the page, though they are deeply faded and smudged.

It reads: Wind.

"What is it?"

"You will need to protect yourself from harm, even if you should refuse training. Men will hunt you. Not because they detest you, but because they desire you for their own ends. I am surprised... that you are relatively unharmed here. But it will not be long until you become their prey."

She lunges forward across the table, knocking over her cup, clasping my hands. Her thumbs are so soft as they rub against mine, her glassy eyes pleading, "You must not die. Even if you... don't care about your own life... your death will bring ruin not just to this place... but many others. A destruction... no one will ever recover from. One that even... my master cannot stop."

I push her hands away and reach underneath, taking the scroll of paper, carefully rolling it back up, "Fine. I will take it. But... only because you've asked me to. It's..." I can't help but sigh, "- but - why should I care? If I die... and it does ruin someone else's life... that's not my problem." I grin, "Like you said, I'll be dead. And they probably deserve whatever fortune they bring onto themselves- it's not like- it's not like they deserve anything from me."

She looks away, "Perhaps you are not as unharmed as I thought." She grumbles, standing, "Thank you for your time Naruto. I can't give you reasons to act as you do. Your choice is not something I will force. But please... hold onto that. It is a special seal that will warn you of the men that hunt you, when they draw close."

She starts to walk away.

"Wait- that's it? It's just going to warn me? That's... not exactly very helpful."

The sky is turning black now as I stand up, following her as her pace increases, the shadows of the trees growing longer as they merge completely into darkness.

"It could do more. Much more. But without training... it is all I can give you. It might be enough... I hope." My feet are so heavy, it's hard to keep up with her. The wind rushes past my hollow body. Her hair moves like a graceful bird in flight, swaying with the cool breeze.

"Good luck Naruto. I am sorry that it had to turn out this way."

Before I can say anymore, she is gone. A crackling flash is all I hear as she disappears into the trees, leaving me stranded in a forgotten, gangly thicket. I can feel my skin pounding where bushes reached out and scraped my forearms, leaving angry red marks. I press on them and turn around, feeling blindly in the darkness, shuffling out into the clearing, my heart becoming dead as I try to understand... what just happened.

I roll out of bed, immediately wondering why no one has come to talk with me since I failed. The apartment is a mess. My dirty clothes line the floor, my feet pushing them out of the way as I shamble toward the bathroom. A lone bookshelf sits crumpled in the corner, a collapsed desk by the foot of my bed. I've never had much use for them. I used to just stack books and clothes ontop of them, at least until they gave way underneath the weight.

The walls are a dim beige, familiar shadows staring back at me. Light bursts from the seems of the shades of the two windows inside the cramped room. When I reach out and open the bathroom door, I push my thoughts away and duck into the icy cold water of the showerhead, gritting and clenching. It took forever to fall asleep last night. It will be impossible to rid myself of these thoughts. To forget about that strange girl and the note I left on the kitchen table.

I don't regret telling her the truth.

But I can't help but wonder what I plan to do today. Will I just... sit around and do nothing? Before, I'd warm up... then go train... then eat something... then train some more... then... sometimes I would see a movie or something but...

I open my eyes and stare at the grimey grey tile wall. My hands find their way through my thick tangled hair as it clings to my face.

The shower ends and I slink quietly back to my room, dripping water everywhere. I find some clothes - orange track pants and a black tank top. They clutch my wet flesh. I sculpt my hair blindly with my hands, pushing hairs from my face, annoyed. I should probably cut my hair. I'd rather not get stares again though... so it can wait a few more days at least.

It's like my body is moving on its own. There's nothing I want to do, but I'm walking toward the kitchen in my slimy bare feet. I make myself some old tea and a bowl of oatmeal, burning my lips raw with both. My eyes drift toward the kitchen window and I stare out at a brick wall.

Well... I can't sit here forever, right?

I... I did say she could just kill me. But she didn't. And I'm still here. Right? Or am I dead and I just haven't realized it yet?

The door opens and I stumble down the spiraling staircase.

I leave my apartment through the large metal door. It feels extra heavy today and I grunt, pushing against it, entering the outside world. The sky is bright, clouds lofty and white, smothering the blue abyss above, light filtering through. The air is wet and muggy, the street damp. I look around, noticing a throng of guys huddling by a tall wooden fence. They glance toward me and I turn around swiftly, going north, tall patchwork bulidings on my left, cracked sidewalk underneath my feet.

I reach into my pocket and realize that I've left the scroll on the dining room table. Flipped over. I didn't want to study it. My stomach twists naggingly. It's hard to push away.

"Well, whatever." I clutch my side as I pull something, walking funny as the soles of my feet cramp up. My gait is fast so I stumble, but keep going. Why am I moving so quickly? I hardly have any money on me. I don't have a job. I don't have anything to do. What would be the point in continuing to train? It's not like that's... that's all I can do? Mindlessly beating wooden blocks? Like they'll give me anything if I destroy them over and over again.

I clench my fists and stop dead, eyes bulging, breath caught, stolen - it is hot. Burning hot. All I can see is rage. Two grinning girls. Pristine blonde and pink hair. Like two smiling twins. They grin sooo wide. It's maddening. It's absolutely maddening.

"How... how did they ever pass?" I don't understand really. Neither... I never saw them train like me. Sure... sure they studied a little. And they got good grades but... but... they weren't... I could beat them. Even if they were... skilled. They... I mean I was lazy but- I but I care. They don't. They... just care about Sasuke. Not about... anything at all about what they're learning.

My teeth dig into my cheek. I look away as they cross the street in the distance. Dressed the same as always, Yamanaka's hips swaying in her tight skirt, Haruno's dress breathing with the light breeze. Their backsides grow farther from me. And I follow.

I... I could have passed.

I realize it now. I could have said yes. I could have agreed to what it wanted. He would have shown me. It's just as he said. He was power. If I desired it, I could have it.

They have it. They have... the power. But I... refused. Why did I do that? Because... I wanted to do it on my own? Because I didn't need its power?

Maybe I'm afraid that...

I try to push my thoughts away again, but I can't this time. I can't deny it. I'm afraid of... myself. I know that if I did what it wanted... I couldn't control it. Power without control... it's just... selfdestructive. You cannot be strong. You... can only be weak. Just weak enough to control yourself. If you try to go past that...

Those girls... they won't make it. I can feel it in my gut, watching them. I tail - stalking as best I can. I shuffle against the park bushes, crouch behind a wooden bench, plant myself behind trash cans, getting looks from people on the other side of the street as they continue to walk and giggle. Those two don't notice me. Really? Am I... really tailing two graduates? I'm sure... I'd notice if I were being followed. I'm pretty sure. At least, I'd notice me.

I follow them for over a mile, blending with other passerby, or just hiding behind telephone poles and trashcans, keeping a fair distance. At first, I wonder why I'm doing this. Wonder why I'm just following them. I don't need to know where they're going or what they're planning to do.

But... I keep following. Remembering all the things they've said to me. Their gross stares.

They stop in a training area. Unsurprisingly, I recognize Sasuke in the distance. He is leaning against a tree, chin tucked into his neck, shivering as the two girls greet him so enthusisastically I can hear their cries distinctly against a sharply swirling gust, golden flecks of dropped leaves whirling beneath my feet.

The trees are topped with golden leaves, bark a rich brown, grass wet but lush and wild. I slowly make my way toward the park, the sidewalk fading into a dirt passage, and I press myself against a tree, the three fading from view briefly, as I try to quietly maneuver. It's tough. I look down at my feet, careful not to step on anything brittle, not to brush against dry or dying timber.

Their voices emerge from the birdsong in the bare forest.

"Who do you think our instructor will be Sasuke?"

"What do you think we're going to learn?"

He grumbles.

I find a low sloping, spiraling tree and scale to the top swiftly, resting in the trunk with my hands coiling tight around the bark. Breathing softly as I peer through the leafy blinds. My body becomes rigid like the tree. I grow stiff and comfortable, lying there in the cool shade, breeze blowing against my face, tickling me through my thin clothes. I watch silently as the two girls try to flirt with Sasuke. They eventually give up and huddle together, stifling yawns as they complain about a late teacher.

"Oh, Sasuke. Did you hear about Naruto?"

He glances toward Haruno.

"He failed. So what?"

"Oh, so you did know." She grumbles.

"It was to be expected." He says softly, turning his gaze away, shutting his eyes.

I'm surprised he doesn't look right up at me with the way I stare at him several dozen meters away.

Can he not feel the fire churning in my belly? The hairs that rise on my skin? The way my thighs grip and shudder, seizing all at once like a beast ready to pounce. Fly down and tackle that... fucking jerk. Make him regret for saying that about me. With all his family power to help him succeed. What did he know about strength when it was given to him unquestioned. Can he even begin to understand what it means to try?

Of course he can't. There's just no way.

And he can't tell how much I hate him. How much I want to be and not be him all at the same time.

Finally, before I can shout at the top of my lungs and fly at him like terrific tiger- a man lazily strolls onto the field.

"Hello. Sorry I am late." I glance toward the man.

He is of average height, with a slight build. Lean shoulders and narrow hips. He wears dark blue, his hair dyed white. Thin rimmed tall glasses cover his face. He adjusts them, "I'm Kabuto. I believe you are Team 7?"

The three nod, Sasuke rising, the girls quickly stumbling to their feet and bowing respectfully.

"Excellent. I have heard much about you."

He smiles wide, "It's good to see you are all here on time. You seem very enthusiastic and ready to begin. Would you like to introduce yourselves to me first? After that, I have a short test to give you, and then a list of basic supplies I'd like to you to gather for tomorrow's training. Oh, and I suppose I can answer any questions you might have first- provided you introduce yourself." He chortles, standing straight and rigid, placing both his darkly gloved hands behind his back.

Silence. The birds shuffle in my tree. I glance up at them, admiring the feathers, surprised they did not scramble away when I climbed up.

"U-Umm- I'll go first." Yamanaka says, "My name is I-Yamanaka Ino and- I-" she hesitates, glancing toward Sasuke, "I am looking forward to your training, Kabuto-sensei."

Kabuto smiles and nods, "Very good. Any questions?"

"Not really... just... is what I'm wearing okay?" she looks down at herself.

Kabuto aims his eyes, exploring her body quietly, "It seems alright for now." His pale lips curl, "I take it you are concerned your tastes may clash with utility? That is something to be concerned of, though it is hardly something we will worry about. You will not be fielding any missions that would require careful clothing choice... for now."

"Ah, I.. I see, thanks, bu-" She smiles.

"Hold on-" Sasuke grunts, "What do you mean we won't be "fielding any missions"?"

Kabuto laughs, "Perhaps you would like to introduce yourself first?"

"You know who I a-" before Sasuke can even finish his statement, Kabuto stands before him, a scalpel placed against his throat. Sasuke stares upward in shock, fingers spread wide, the two girls looking on in shock.

"Please introduce yourself, Sasuke-kun." He whispers.

I stare, watching the way Kabuto drags the dull edge of the scalpel against Sasuke's flesh. He finally caves.

"I'm Sasuke." He whispers hoarsely.

Very slowly, Kabuto backs away, the scalpel seeming to vanish from his very grasp, hands slowly folding behind his back.

He turns his head toward Sakura, who jumps, "I-I-I'm Haruno Sakura! An-and- I-I- I'm just as excited as Ino." She stammers with wide green eyes, her breasts shifting as she breathes batedly.

"Very good." Kabuto murmurs, "I am Kabuto. Your new sensei. We will learn much together, I think." His curled lips spread wide, eyes pointed at Sasuke, "Introductions are very important Sasuke-san. It is always important to learn another person's name. Even if you already know it, you should ask them to introduce themselves. Who knows? Perhaps it will buy you more time. Or clue you in to whether they are telling the truth about something else."

Sasuke says with a ragged, husky rasp, "I... see."

"No, I don't think you do quite yet. But that is fine. You still have much to train for."

Those pallid lanky arms reach up and push at his thick hair, lips tense as he holds back a snear. "Very well... sensei."

Kabuto smiles, "Oh it is tempting to train you right now Sasuke-san, but I must be elsewhere soon." He sighs, panning his head about. "Tomorrow we will begin with some basic biology. I ask that each of you bring a live... or dead animal with you tomorrow. Nothing from any market, mind you. A squirrel or bird will suffice, but feel free to be... creative." He clears his throat, "Bring any weapons you are proficient in as well, we will be doing basic weapon training afterward." He adds, "If any of your are "squeamish"... do bring something to take care of that as well. If you faint once this week, I will have your promotion revoked." He clears his throat, watching two pairs of wide eyes play trepid tremors, "If there are no questions for me, then I will see you tomorrow."

He turns around and walks away, leaving the range of my eyes. I pan my gaze back at those familiar faces, watching as the silent bastard drags himself to his feet, dusting himself off, peeling chips of wood from his back. He turns and stomps off, the other two girls standing mutely, sharing a glance. "I... I heard that some sensei would be like this... but..." her voice cracks and her shoulders come apart. I can tell she's holding back a tear, "I'm not so sure I can handle this Ino..."

"Toughen up." Ino says quietly, "You have to try. And... we'll do fine. We'll get used to it. We have to. Just think about it... it's worth it."

"I guess so." She watches as Ino leaves.

I lie there in the cool dry shade of the tree, my eyes peering into Sakura's scalp as she idles quietly by herself. My heart slows to a crawl. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the breeze.

When I open my eyes, Sakura is gone.

I slowly sit up in the tree, my back throbbing and clenching. I hold back a yelp as bones snap and pop. "N-not that comfortable." I choose to laugh slightly, dwelling on Sakura's strange teacher. "Glad I won't have to deal with that guy ever. He's creepy as fuck."

I look up into the tree, smiling at it, and then slide down. I'm not too surprised to feel the cool air against my skin, or the sky as I look up. The clouds have disintigrated. Orange bleeds from the slithering sun as it sinks.

I stand there, doing nothing. Or something other than it. I'm not sure. I can feel my heart pounding. I can still see Sakura, standing there. With a pleasant smile on her face.

When I did stop feeling from that smile? It used to fill me with sighs. Now only size. An unimaginable size. Growing ever larger in my heart, which sinks into the tumlutuous ocean of my stomach. My fingers twitch. I lift my hands up and crack each of my knuckles, feeling nothing. Realizing finally - I don't care. Her words did not hurt. And... Sasuke's. They were just words too. Empty. Words can't harm me anymore. Not when... I shouldn't expect them to... say anything else.

I shake my head, feeling a little dizzy and light. I'm starving. Absolutely starving. Where has the time gone? Did I really... I did. I don't understand why I did that. Why should I care? I'm not a ninja. I'll never be one. Not... not like Kabuto, their sensei. Or Sasuke. I'll certainly never be the kind of person Sakura wants. What everyone wants from me - I can't be it.

I don't care. A smile graces my lips, finally.

I will be... and not be a ninja. I giggle. It sounds silly. Backwards. But it satisfies me. I can keep being upset, while still being resolved. It's perfect really.

I slink forward, tumbling awkwardly through the tall licking blades of grass. My body feels so heavy, but I'm so light, I'm wobbling all over the place like a drunk. I stifle a giggle and flex my muscles, feeling strength clench throughout my body. My stomach growls. I look up and watch the sky as it turns darker, the perfect temperate air turning cooler and cooler.

I walk down the trodden path, not dallying as hunger encourages me to move faster. I haven't gone to Ichiraku's in a while, mostly to avoid the many people I know that frequent there. I'd rather be forgotten. Retreat into the abyss. Forget about the memories there that gurgle to the surface, phantom shame gnawing at me as I remember - as I realize what a fool I am.

So I slide, slip and slouch toward a run down ramen stand in the backalley of a worn-down market. The sky is black, but burning paper laterns light the way, luminous scarlet standing out against the night. My nostrils flare as I smell grease and salt, sliding into a wobbly stool, steamy air filling my nostrils as a patient man takes my order, my shaky fingers peeling money from my pocket and passing it to him.

I turn and glance as a stranger sits beside me. She is young, thin and tan, with brown hair done in buns. A lean face and a slender, rounded nose, with gossy pink lips. She is dressed very casually, a grey tank top over her torso. It clings to her vibrant, bronzed flesh, pink bra straps exposed as the flimsy straps of her top shift with the subtle movements of her body. Below are a pair of tight worn jeans, freying holes in the knees. Her small feet peek out below, in rough leather sandals, toenails unblemished and unpainted.

She meets my lingering gaze. Her eyes are brown and wide.

I offer a mumbling apology, unsure of what to say as a man drops a bowl hurriedly in front of me.

She offers a slight smile, "No worries." She passes the tall messy man some money and orders Miso Ramen. "Long time no see?" she adds with a teasing smile.

My heart clenches in panic. Do I know this person? "No uhh... sorry, I don't think we've ever met before...?"

"Pretty sure we haven't. I was just teasing." She giggles.

I feel my lips perking into a slight smile, unable to hold back a slight laugh, "...long time no see to you as well."

She winks, turning sideways as I sit quietly and attend to my ramen. It... doesn't come quickly to me. I slurp and sip languidly, feeling hot splashes against my cheeks. My mind is empty once more and I am calm. I cannot even recall what I was doing moments earlier.

"I'm Tenten." She says simply, crossing one leg over the other, glancing toward the man as he fishes her a large bowl of soup, planting it more delicately in front of her with a smile.

"Thank you." She tells him, still glancing at me after briefly inspecting her soup.

I realize she is expecting a reply, after I make a second swallow.

"Sorry. Call me Naruto." I meet her in the eyes, unabashed. I used to look away at others and never meet their gazes. But then I realized I was being silly. Now, I stare unblinkingly at everyone. Sometimes, it unnerves them, making me grin.

I do the same with her, but she just seems to smile wider.

"Naruto huh?" she raises a brow, eyes flickering down briefly, where she notices a kunai holster strapped to my orange track pants, "You're a ninja?"

I say without hesitation, "Yes."

Not because she is pretty - I say it because I am not lying. I am... I am a ninja. In my heart. There is nothing else I can be. Nothing else I can ever hope of doing. Maybe... I will never be one of Konoha's ninja, but I will be one. In my own way. Somehow. I lean back, something erupting. Hope? I hope not. Hope always makes me afraid. I'd rather not feel anything anymore.

"It is so hard... relying only on yourself." I don't know where the words come, but it's like a weight has left me, the words transcending with it. My cheeks sting and I shrink away, unable to escape the strange girl's inevitible judgment. I cast my eyes downward, but am met only with silence for a moment. I look up.

She is smiling awkwardly, seeming lost for words for a moment, before nodding, "R-right, well- not really. No one's really alone." She clarifies, turning and sipping some of her soup after blowing on it, free hand reaching for her napkin and cleaning her lips.

I bring scalding hot liquid to mine, thinking she won't say more, but she stops eating after a hot huff, steam escaping through her nostrils and whirling into the dark cold air, "Maybe I don't really believe that myself." She giggles, "I mean, my mother..." her laughter is forced, "...works very hard. And sometimes I wonder if I'm worth it. I'm a good for nothing, you know?" she turns toward me again, "It's... a good thing you're a ninja. I... I wanted to be one when I was growing up. I was even in the academy for a year, before they kicked me out." She slumps, "And now I'm sixteen and- well, you know? I'm just helping Mom with the shop, but... is that all I'll ever be? Mom... doesn't go out. And it seems like she doesn't talk to anyone anymore. I wonder sometimes if I'll become like that."

She glances briefly at me, then attends to her meal, throat bobbing as she brings the bowl to her lips and swallows mouthfulls of broth, stopping to choke for a moment, coughing briefly and setting the dingy porcelain down.

I... am spellbound. Surprised by her honest response. Did she mean to say all that? I wipe sweat from my face, feeling my eyes sting... from the salt.

"Your mother sounds strong." I wonder why I say that. I feel... like I want to comfort her. I watch those muscles tense along her face, recalling my training. Reading emotions was something we were taught in class, but in that moment, I cannot recall how to tell misery from euphoria, her brown eyes scrunched, body slumped forward, arms around over her chest. Her breathing slow, breasts shifting as she sucks in sharply, breathing out slow.

Seeing her makes the pain return. I try to swallow more soup, to fill my mouth with molten heat. But it is only lukewarm now on my numb lips. I can't drown it out. I feel a distinct pang in my fingers. I curl my toes and shake my head. Am I the only one to feel things this way? The extremes of apathy? And now, so suddenly, a stranger makes me pause to choke down a breath.

"She is." Tenten replies, offering a shy twirl of her lips, "...or she was. I don't know. Maybe both."

"Why did you want to be a shinobi?" I ask her, breath cracking as my throat throbs against the scalding it has taken.

"Huh? Oh, well... I guess it was just a chlidish fantasy." She smirks, "They dropped me when the academy academic revision laws were passed. You know. I didn't have a bloodline or any noteworthy skills, and my mother just couldn't afford to send me without some kind of compensation." She sighs, "-but... I guess I'll find a way doing something."

Maybe it's the strength of her voice that moves me. She is only a year older than me, and although there is uncertainty in her wavering, melodious voice - I can feel a mountain behind her words. It's funny. I know we haven't met, but she seems familiar. Perhaps I am just jealous, wishing my voice could sound like hers.

Immediately, Haku stands before me. Her wispy, moon-like features against the dark sky. I can feel her gentle flesh. And her words, offering me training. Sourness recedes like a slow tide into my blood. I grasp a handful of my side and clench it painfully, trying to push the pain away with more. Gripping tigher. Tighter. Until I take another deep breath and open my eyes, turning and facing her, noticing an oddly concerned look on her features.

"...I can teach you." I tell her, no amount of firmness in my voice. Do I really want to do this? What could I even offer her? My taijutsu is... awful. My ninjutsu is... awful. And I know nothing else... I don't know history. Or philosophy. Or math. There is absolutely nothing I can teach her.

She blinks, "O-oh well, I didn't mean to... I mean- as I said, it was... a chlidish notion. A-and besides, I'm far too old for that." She waves her hand at me, "Besides, isn't that illegal? I'm a civillian."

"It might be illegal." I murmur, "...but you don't look like an old woman to me." I smile, though, the smile has no meaning for me. I'm not feeling anything. Just a void again. Why did I offer? Why should I insist? She clearly does not want my help, even if I could offer it to her.

She laughs, cheeks flushing slightly, "What do I look like to you?" she laughs nervously.

"You look strong." I say dumbly, my voice rasp. I swallow and finish my soup, pushing it away from me, that sour feeling creeping back. What do I know about strength? I am weak. How could I begin to grasp the difference between weak from strong? "Though... you could probably not become an official shinobi for Konoha, if I taught you... anything." For many reasons of course, "It would... probably not be very useful."

There is a momentous pause. Tenten's face droops and she looks away. My nervous knees begin to push up and I begin to feel that I should go, before the awkward moment hangs further and creates more pangs in my joints.

"Well... that's not entirely true." She says finally, "If nothing else... you could teach me what you're legally allowed to... for self defense." She murmurs, "See, I... I do have a slight problem- my mother too- see, there is this... obnoxious group of- assholes really. They like to harass the shop, and sometimes they well... try to get me to go with them when I'm walking back from running errands." She smirks, "It would be nice... I mean I'd love to feel like I could take them, if they were to try something brutish."

I listen to her story, pain ebbing. I become slightly more comfortable and nod as she speaks.

When she finishes, my lips move on their own once more, and I cringe, wondering how I am able to live like this. How I can speak so honestly with her. Why I cannot be quiet. Like a stiff scarecrow, entertaining her with a smile. As I have others. Pretending like I care. Wondering why I should care. I shouldn't. I don't. Her problems aren't mine. I don't need more problems. I can scarcely help myself. It's so hard helping yourself. To help another? It's just another burden.

"Why should I help you?" Those words are so horrible that I cannot understand why they were so easy to say to Haku. And when she flinches slightly away, looking confused and unbalanced I straighten my spine and clench my side, "S-sorry, what I mean is- how can I help you? I- I can definitely- I could teach you some basic things to help protect yourself. Things... that would be effective against normal thugs." I swallow, sweat gathering on my skin as I try to wheel out a plan. What can I learn to teach her, before it's time to teach her? Can I fake this? Do I even want to? I... want to try and help her, at least so the sour acid will drain from my throbbing eyes. At least until she loses interest in me. And realizes what I am.

"O-oh well, that would be nice." She says calmly, recovering with a smile, "I... I wouldn't mind trying out a lesson with you, if... if it's really no trouble."

"It's not."

She straightens and pushes her empty bowl from her, standing with jolt of energy, stretching her long jean-clad legs and grinning from ear to ear, "So... tomorrow?"

"I... I can do tomorrow." I say slouched from the chair.

"Then... how about-"

"I am free... for all of tomorrow." I declare.

"Two. Two in the afternoon?"

I nod, feeling my chest tighten, cheeks stinging, "That sounds fine. Though ah- where shall we meet?" My mouth is hot and numb, my tongue coiling around itself as I watch her dig her teeth into her lower lip and hum to herself.

"Well... how much space will we need?"

"I think... a small room will suffice. Though anything larger will do. It might be a good idea to do this in private though, as I'm... not sure what I shouldn't be teaching you." I laugh a little.

She nods, "Tomorrow then, where I live. It's um- the second floor of a shop. My Mom's to be exact. I can give you the address." She turns and snatches the dirty napkin from beside her bowl, before the soup-man can extract it from the counter with a grimace. She also grabs a pen from the counter, scrawling her adress messily on the soft tissue.

She presses the dirtied thing into my hands and smiles, "It was nice meeting you Naruto. I'm looking forward to seeing if... well you can teach me anything tomorrow." She giggles, "I guess... if that's... umm everything-"

"I think I have enough Tenten. It... was nice meeting you as well." I feel something other than nothing when I say those words, but I'm not sure what it means. My body clenches like it's a clamshell. All the power I felt in the fields just breaths ago, has vanished.

She waves and strides off, disappearing into the slow-churning crowds among the flickering red lanterns. I stand and leave the booth, my hands trembling. I too disappear into the night, wandering for many hours, before returning home. My thoughts empty. My mind numb. My body aching. I lie back onto my bed with wide eyes.

And see a visage on the wall. Two unholy eyes and a creeping, fanged grin.