There's a moment, right before your death, that everything you could have had flashes in your mind.
It's not like in the movies. Your life doesn't flash before your eyes. No, it's so much crueler than that. It is all the 'could have been's' and the what if's' that you see. The missed opportunities and every regret you have ever had. It's a flash of big brown eyes, pleading with you to finally be honest.
At least that's what it was to Quinn. She saw every missed opportunity in that damned bathroom that her and Rachel seemed to always have a moment in. She heard every song that she could have dedicated to the singer in the choir room that became her home. She regretted every hurtful word directed at the girl she loved, the one person who signified everything she could never have.
She felt every tear shed by those she hurt. Every tear spilled equalled every drop of blood that was dripping off of her wrist, it dangled at a precarious angle as she hung upside down in her red beetle. So much red.
Her cheerio uniform had somehow managed to fling itself onto the road, taunting her. It laid there in perfect condition. The black as crisp as the night sky. The white as pristine as the clouds above. And the red as rich as the blood spilling out of her.
Somehow, even through the horrible crash, her stereo was still playing. She could hear it blasting over the honking cars and the frantic yells of people trying to reach her. It was playing an 80's song. And all Quinn could think of was that night Rachel hosted a party and she had gotten drunk. They played spin the bottle and it was the first moment Quinn really knew she had feelings for Rachel.
Consciously knew, anyway.
Because in that moment she had wanted the bottle to land on her. Instead Blaine, the lucky bastard, had won a kiss from Rachel. They got up on the stage and sang that ridiculous song. And Quinn was captivated.
Don't you want me baby?
I think I always have.
The song began to fade out, dying with the battery in her car. There was static and then a pop. And suddenly all she could hear was chaos.
She tried to concentrate. Tried to remember the sound of Rachel's voice. Hoping it would act as a sort of an anchor, keeping her tethered to earth. Rachel had always been that for her. She kept her grounded. She was always guiding her to do the right thing.
How could she not remember? There was no other voice that compared. If Quinn had already forgotten the sound of Rachel's voice what's stopping Rachel from forgetting hers?
She wondered how much longer she had, if the size of the puddle of blood was any indication, she didn't have much left.
She wondered if they would mourn her loss.
Surely many would cheer to hear of the demise of the evil Ice Queen. She could understand that.
Would Puck mourn her? They had a child together, wasn't that enough to form a familial bond?
Would Santana? The one person who truly understood her. More than anyone would ever know.
And what about Brittany? The girl always seemed to have her head in the clouds. Would this be enough to bring her down?
Mercedes? They had once lived under the same roof. They were close at one point. Would it matter if Quinn suddenly didn't exist?
And what about Finn? Someone who she really thought she truly loved. Would he care if Quinn died? Or had she managed to break that relationship beyond repair?
And what about Sam? He had almost wanted to marry her at one point. Surely that would be enough to miss her if she no longer lived.
And Tina? Would she even notice if Quinn was gone? They had hardly ever spoken, but Quinn considered the girl her friend.
Mike? They had once been popular together. And both suffered the consequences of joining Glee club. Would he care?
What about Kurt? They never seemed to see eye to eye, but when it came down to it, they had always been their for each other. Would he attend her funeral?
And Blaine? Quinn had spoken to him on a couple occasions one on one, but mostly only interacted with him when Kurt was there. She should have probably made more of an effort. Would he make one?
Would Artie care? A boy who was always so optimistic, despite everything he had been through. Would this be another event he would consider hard in his life?
Rachel. The one person she had caused the most pain to. She had gone out of her way to make the girls life miserable. Yet Rachel had always said that she didn't hate her. Why was that? She deserved to be hated. Would Rachel rejoice at the news? Would she be indifferent? Maybe she would be sad at the loss of a fellow Glee clubber. Or was it more than that? Would Rachel really mourn the girl? Would she throw herself over Quinn's coffin in complete and utter despair?
Quinn had been too busy picturing her funeral to notice the sound of the sirens approaching. Would they make it to her in time?
She hadn't made it in time. She was supposed to be at a wedding. Doing the first selfless thing ever in her life. She was supposed to be watching the love of her life get married. She had even managed to fuck that up.
Would Santana tell Rachel about her feelings? They had promised to keep each other secrets all the way to the grave.
They never specified whose grave.
She let her eyes droop close, tired of watching the puddle of her blood grown in size. Through her close lids she could see the flashes of red and blue. They were here to save her.
Did she deserve to be saved?
All her life she had been considered a disappointment. She wasn't as pretty as Frannie. She wasn't the woman her Daddy wanted her to grow up to be. Her mother would be devastated if she found out that not only had she been a pregnant teen, but now in love with a girl. A jewish girl to boot.
Maybe Mr. Schue could create an assignment about disappointment. Too bad Quinn wouldn't be there to participate. She would hit it out of the park.
She started to think of her last words. Not the ones she had stupidly texted while driving.
On my way
though those could be perceived and broken down to a philosophical level. On her way where? Did she ever reach her destination? Or was it a state of mind? Was she on her way to becoming the person she was meant to be?
No, those were not the last words she was thinking of. Her last words had been to her best friend. Santana had called when she was at her house, picking up the pink bridesmaid dress.
You sure about this Q?
Her best friend had questioned in a worried tone.
Of course not, but its her. It's Rachel. I have to.
Because when it came to Rachel Berry she never had a choice.
Rachel Berry wasn't a choice. She was an inevitability.
I'll save you a seat. Britt's thinks you should Taylor Swift the shit out of this wedding. Normally I wouldn't use Taylor Swift as a point of reference when making a decision, but she's right.
Santana always knew what to say to get a laugh out of Quinn, even though she had been keeping her tears at bay the whole time.
She wants this, S. Who am I to stop her?
Quinn had answered, ripping the plastic off the hanger to get to the dress.
At this point, you're the only who can.
Santana had way too much faith in her.
She made her choice.
Quinn had struggled to put on the dress that Rachel had chosen out.
You never gave her a second option.
Santana was understandably upset.
I was never an option.
Santana had hung up the phone angrily after that. Those were their last words to each other. Those were Quinn's last words ever.
I was never an option.
Inspirational right? Quinn never had faith in herself. And her final words proved that.
She was dying and all she could think of was how untrue those words were. She knew she was. She thought back on every missed opportunity. All the words left unsaid between the girls. She thought back on every moment they shared. In front of a piano, in the bathroom, in a school hallway, in the principles office, in the choir room, on stage. Every time she had a chance to say something. Every time it looked like Rachel was contemplating something as well. Every time Quinn was left with words on her tongue.
And maybe for a second, before the darkness consumed her, she allowed herself to believe that she was an option.
Just something that was stuck in my head. Don't worry I will still be working on HPOE.
This will be 3 chapters long, possibly 4. Hope you liked it.
-A