Disclaimer - The Mentalist belongs to Bruno Heller and CBS. Not me. Obviously.
A/N - Okay, so I've never written anything like this before, but when I started to think about the new season, it just came to me and I had to get it down. It's basically how I see it all going down after Red John, though it's more a stream of consciousness from Lisbon's point of view than an actual story. It's short but I hope you like it.
Gone
The pull on my flesh was just too strong
Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs
Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie
'Cause when I open my body I breathe in a lie
I will not speak of your sins
There was a way out for him
The mirror shows not
Your values are all shot
But oh my heart was flawed, I knew my weakness
So hold my hand consign me not to darkness
'Broken Crown', by Mumford and Sons
Jane was gone.
And Lisbon didn't understand it. Because he'd always been there. In the back of her mind, even before she had known him well, his story seeping into her bones, shrouding her in sympathy and pity to the point that she had almost considered telling him that he couldn't work with them anymore, just to stop him from torturing himself, to give him some peace of mind.
But he would never find peace. And he would never stop torturing himself. Not now.
Because he was gone.
He'd left them. The one good thing in his life. The group of people who had done more to save him than the doctors at the mental hospital ever had. They were what had kept him going, she had kept him going, especially in those last months. In that dark time, when they'd known Red John was coming but couldn't see him. When they'd known the chapter was drawing to a close, a conclusion on the horizon, but without any idea what that conclusion would be.
They had saved him.
And he had deserted them. Red John was gone, and Jane had apparently decided that they were a package deal, because he had gone to. Gone without a word or whisper, without a hug or kiss. Gone, as easily as the wind picks up a leaf and carries it away.
Gone.
She growled, pushing forward the anger so that the tears didn't come. God, he was selfish. She had always known that revenge had been his primary objective, that avenging his family had always come first. She had known that. She had accepted it.
She hadn't realised, however, how much it would hurt. Physically hurt, as if a great boulder was pressing on her chest, pushing her closer to the earth. Because he'd left her behind as if she had never mattered to him at all.
But she had. She had mattered. When he'd said those words, spoken in desperation, they had not been lies. They had not been manipulation. They had been truth.
Love you.
They had mattered. She'd mattered to him.
And she loved him too. Lisbon knew a part of her always would. Despite his ability to be completely frustrating at times, Jane had wormed his way into her heart and she knew he would never leave there, not completely. As much as he had always pretended not to care what other people thought of him, she had seen him be kind and loving and generous to the point of sainthood. He was worth loving.
And because of that, though he had gone from her world, he would never be gone from her heart.
A part of her, though, hated him too. Hated all his lies, his schemes, his selfish manipulations. The way he would swan in and take over a case, the way he would breeze past them all and let his ego and immaturity take over instead of his demons. Jane had been, and always would be, the most complicated man she had ever met.
He was cruel, he was selfish, he was manipulative.
And he was kind.
And he was gone.
A/N - So how was it? Please take a moment to give me your thoughts, especially if you're as excited as I am about the new series. I'd love to hear how you think it might go, and your ideas for how the whole Red John saga is going to end! For now though, thank you for reading!