Laverne and Shirley's Nifty Halloween
"Laverne…Laverne…wake up!"
Laverne DeFazio opened her eyes and ran her fingers through her short red hair. She sat up in bed. "What is it, Shirl?"
She looked over at her room-mate , Shirley Feeney, a petite brunette, sitting on the other twin bed. She was filing her nails.
"Laverne, we have to come up with a really good Halloween costume this year…we want at least one of us to win the prize…"
"Is that all, Shirl'…you figure it out….I'm gettin' a few more winks." She lay back down in bed and put the covers over her head.
"Listen, Laverne…do you want Big Rosie or Terri Buttefuco to win first prize again…every year it's like that…where is your pride?"
Big Rosie Greenbaum and Terri Buttefuco were high school rivals of Laverne and Shirley and were always trying to get the better of the girls in contests, dates, you-name-it. It was a matter of pride for Laverne, especially, to top Big Rosie, whose favorite nickname for Laverne was "Bimbo."
"Laverne…or should I just call you Bimbo?" said Shirley in a mocking voice. She pulled the covers off her friend with a sudden jerk.
"Shirl!" said Laverne. She sat up again. "Yeah, I know you're right. We can't let Big Rosie do it again this year. So what's your big idea…it better be good!"
"It involves Carmine," said Shirley. Carmine Ragusa was Shirley's high-school romance and still dated her frequently. He could almost always be counted on to help the girls when they got themselves in a jam, which was often.
"Oh, so you gotta date and what have I got…nothin'!"
"Laverne, we'll find you a date, don't worry. I'll ask Carmine to find one of his dreamy friends for you…"
"Dreamy?" said Laverne. "Okay, but I want a picture first…I ain't goin' out on no blind date. Last time Carmine fixed me up - well that guy was a nightmare, not a dream… you know what he looked like…the giraffe with glasses and bad skin?"
Shirley giggled. "Yeah, he was pretty awful. I'll talk to Carmine."
"And I don't want to end up with Lenny or Squiggy either!" Laverne referred to their upstairs neighbors who roomed together. They were both pretty irritating goofs, rather dim-witted and while Lenny wasn't terribly bad-looking, his roommate Squiggy was greasy and obnoxious. Neither of them was nasty, just irritating.
The girls dressed as they talked. They both worked at the Shotz Brewery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Being as it was the mid-nineteen-fifties, the beer business and the many breweries in Milwaukee had earned it the reputation as Beer City. They both worked as bottle cappers, a good steady job. Lenny and Squiggy also worked at the brewery.
Walking to work, Shirley told her friend what her idea was. "Laverne, remember that silent movie marathon we saw a couple months ago, the one that featured all the old movie stars?"
"Yeah, that was fun. I hadn't seen none of them films before…some of them men was real dreamy."
"Well, remember how pretty the ladies dressed? My idea is for us both to go as flappers from the 1920's and our dates in matching male outfits."
"Shirl, that ain't spectacular enough to take first place over Big Rosie…she always comes up with something terrific. Remember when she came as a castle one year? She was walkin' around with little toy knights and dragons stickin' outa her head…"
"I don't know why she won…that was weird. But listen, Mrs. Babbish showed me some real 1920's flapper dresses that were hers and her sisters' when they were teens back in the 1920's. Laverne, they are really spectacular! Beads and all kinds of things…she saved her Dad's clothes too. They're all in great condition and she said we could borrow them…so, no need to buy or make anything!"
"Hmmm…you say they got lotsa beads?"
"Feathers, too, Laverne! And fancy silk top hats and vests and so on for the men…it's really snazzy! We'll look like…as they used to say…the cat's pajamas!"
"Okay…well let's go see Mrs. Babbish tonight."
Mrs. Edna Babbish, who owned the building where Laverne and Shirley rented their basement apartment, was often a friend and mentor to the girls in addition to being their landlady. The girls were quite impressed with the lovely clothes and each picked out an outfit. Mrs. Babbish regaled them with stories of her teen years and the parties she had gone to wearing some of the lovely clothes.
"If your dates fit into my father's clothes, they are welcome to borrow them too," said Edna. "Are you going with Carmine, Shirley?"
"Yes…well…I haven't asked him yet, but I know he'll say yes." said Shirley coyly.
Edna smiled. "What about you, Laverne?"
"Ain't asked nobody yet, but I gotta book fulla names, Mrs. Babbish!"
"Otherwise there's always Leonard and Andrew…" said Edna, referring to their nerdy neighbors Leonard "Lenny" Koznowski and Andrew "Squiggy" Squigman.
The girls both said "Eeeewwwww!" together. "Laverne will find someone wonderful, and it won't be Lenny or Squiggy…" said Shirley, in her always-look-on-the-bright-side voice.
"I think you're being too hard on the boys," said Edna.
"No, we ain't, Mrs. Babbish!" said Laverne. "Thanks for the stuff…if we ain't the hit of the party in these duds, I don't know who will be…"
They picked up their dresses and went downstairs after thanking Edna again and saying goodnight.
"Yes, I do know who it'll be," said Laverne, contradicting herself as soon as the door closed. "It'll be be Big Rosie and Terri Buttafuco!"
The day of the party came up soon and Laverne still didn't have a date. All the good-looking guys were already going with someone else. Then Carmine called.
"Shirley," he said, in a barely recognizeable voice. "I'm going to have to bow out of the party tonight…"
"What? You can't!"
"I know I'm putting you in a bad spot, but I have such a bad cold and laryngitis, I can hardly talk…"
"Yes, I hear how bad you sound…"
"Angel Face, I wouldn't do that to you … ever…if I wasn't so sick…"
"It's okay, Carmine. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye, sweetie." Shirley hung up the phone.
"Well, Laverne, looks like neither of us has a date." She sat down on the sofa dejectedly. Just then the door burst open…in walked Lenny and Squiggy in their costumes. Lenny was dressed as a giant bottle of dishwashing detergent with the label "Joy" on the bottle. Squiggy was another giant bottle, but his was furniture polish with a huge sign reading, "Pride."
"Hullo!" said Squiggy cheerfully as he stood to the right of Lenny. "We're your Pride and Joy! Get it, pride and joy…."
"Lordy," said Laverne.
"It's very creative," said Shirley.
"So who are you?" asked Lenny. The girls were dressed in their flapper costumes, Shirley's was red and had a myriad of long beaded trim that made a pleasant sound when she walked. She had period high heels and a beaded headband with white feathers. It looked lovely with her short black hair, dark eyes and dramatic red lipstick. Laverne wore a similar gown in pale green with lavender. Her headband sported light purple feathers.
"We're flappers…" said Shirley.
"Oh is that because you flap your mouths all the time?" said Squiggy, as he and Lenny broke up laughing.
"Shut up and get outa here!" said Laverne as she threw a pillow at the two. They backed out the door, then Lenny poked his head through again and said, "A little bird told me that a couple of girls named Laverne and Shirley don't have no dates to the party tonight! Can we be of service?"
Squiggy pushed the door wider and poked his head in too. "We'd love to be your dates…it would be our pride and joy!" They both slapped each other and broke up laughing again.
Shirley went to the door. "No offence, but no thanks, boys, we appreciate the offer…"
Laverne shut the door. "Shirl, we don't wanna go with them…and we don't appreciate their offer!"
"Sssh…don't be rude!" said Shirley. The girls sat on the couch dejectedly.
"So, what are we gonna do, Shirl? All dressed up and no place to go…"
"Well, we don't need dates to have a good time." said Shirley.
"Yeah we do," said Laverne.
"Okay, you're right. Well, maybe we can find some nice guys at the party."
"Oh, and risk being laughed at by Big Rosie? I don't think so…"
"Come on, Laverne. We went to all the trouble of getting these nice costumes and getting dressed up; I'm not going to let it go to waste." She pulled her friend by the arm toward the door.
"Okay, Shirl, but it's your fault if Rosie calls me a bimbo!"
The year was 1920. A masquerade party was going on in a large mansion on Milwaukee's lake front. It was the day before Halloween and the party included all of the rich and famous people of the area. The costumes were fabulous and lavish, including kings and queens, knights and ladies, Roman emperors and prestigious people of all eras. The food was sumptuous and the music was classical and provided by a prominent chamber orchestra.
A small man walked by the house with its music easily heard and its lights bright and gay. Laughter could be heard over the music. The man was very hungry, not having eaten much in the last few days and nothing at all since morning. His clothes were tattered and patched, but clean. He was cold too. The mid-west autumn was in its waning phase and a raw wet wind was blowing. He wore a cutaway suit jacket, hat and vest, but no outer coat.
The little man wondered if he could get out of the wind and rain here. Perhaps no one would notice if he slipped in the side door. He tried the door, but it was locked. He went around to the back and that door was locked too. Then he spotted the wood covering to the cellar steps. He tried it. No one had locked that. He went down the cellar steps and up another flight and came up in the kitchen. Two maids looked at him curiously, but didn't say a word. After all it was a masquerade party. He looked like one of the guests dressed as a tramp.
After they left, he looked at all the sumptuous food and helped himself to a plateful. He went into the ballroom where the other guests were dancing and eating and drinking. He sat down and started in on his plate. No one noticed him or talked to him, which was all right. He didn't want to be noticed. He grabbed a fancy cocktail off a tray that a waiter was carrying and sipped at it.
He was enjoying the music and the food and the warmth of the house, when a doorman came up to him. "I don't recall seeing you come in, Sir. May I have your invitation?"
"I gave it t' someone at th' door," lied the tramp.
"I was the only one at the door, taking invitations, Sir. I believe you crashed this party."
The tramp had finished his plate of food and his drink, so he didn't feel too badly about being thrown out.
"I'll go quietly," he said softly.
The doorman led him to the door and pushed him out, hard, so hard he fell down the steps. He got up and went around the side of the mansion again to the basement steps. The wind had grown stronger and colder. The tramp could feel tiny bits of ice hit his face. He looked to the east where the lake was just barely visible, cold and uninviting. He went down the steps to the basement to find a place to sleep. There was a wine cellar and a place where canned goods were kept on shelves. He thought about taking something when he heard footsteps from the other end of the cellar. He backed up and found the steps to the kitchen that he had taken before.
He snuck up the steps again. There was no one in the kitchen at the moment and he took another plate of food. He heard voices and footsteps again. He backed into the pantry and hid behind the door. The maids were just in the kitchen momentarily, but he ate fast and finished off the plate of food. He came out of the kitchen warily, and went down a long corridor. He found a small empty room and closed the door. It was dark, but light from the outside filtered in through the lace-curtained windows. A settee was draped with a fancy shawl and he lay down and pulled the shawl over him. The room was dark and he fell asleep.
"Laverne, where did you say that party was going to be?"
"Just over by the lakefront…here's the address. We can walk there easy."
The girls walked the few blocks to the address and found a large mansion.
"Shirl, it looks deserted. Nobody is here yet."
"Well, maybe it's supposed to look like a haunted house. Let's go in. It's the right address."
The girls walked up the steps of the mansion. A cold east wind was blowing in from the lake. They pulled their wraps closer about them and went up to the door. Shirley knocked. There was no answer.
"Boy, are they playin' this one good," said Laverne. "Real authentic haunted house…" She pushed the front door. It was open. It creeked eerily. The inside of the house was dark.
"Put on the lights, Laverne."
"I dunno where they are …too dark to see…"
"Here's my flashlight, Laverne. Aren't you glad I come prepared for any emergency?"
"Yeah, Shirl, I know…ya got the kitchen sink in there."
Laverne found several light switches but none of them worked.
"This is gonna be some dumb party if there ain't no lights!"
"Maybe we're the first to come, Laverne…let's look for somebody else. Maybe they're somewhere making the food…or maybe there's something spooky lined up…after all it's a haunted house…"
"Who said it's a haunted house, Shirl? I thought it was a mansion we was gonna have a party in…"
"Don't take me so literally, Laverne." They went down a small corridor and opened all the doors.
"Shirl, there's sure a lotta cobwebs here, it's dusty too." She sneezed.
Then they opened one door and in the lights which came through the windows, they could see a bit better. "Laverne, where's my flashlight. Maybe we can wait in here for everybody else. We can see the street from here."
Laverne returned the flashlight to her friend. Shirley shone the light around the room, then screamed. The light picked out the form of a person laying on a an old-fashioned settee. She dropped the flashlight and it went out. They both screamed again and tried to find the door, but instead bumped into each other and both fell to the floor.
"Who's there?" came a man's voice from the settee. They saw the figure sit up. Shirley picked up the flashlight again and tried it. It went on. She shone it on the figure on the settee. A small man was sitting there, looking a little confused. He put his arm over his face to shield it from the flashlight shining directly in his face. "I'll leave again if y' wan' me to," he said.
"No wait, don't leave," said Shirley. "Who are you? We're Laverne and Shirley…"
The man smiled. "Me name's Charlie. I ain't s'posed t' be 'ere…"
"You don't live here?" asked Laverne.
He laughed. "No, I couldn't afford no fancy place like thi'."
"Oh, we couldn't either. We were invited to a party, but nobody else is here yet," said Shirley.
"Party?" said Charlie. "I was at a party jus' a few minutes ago, 'fore I fell asleep. Where'd all them people go?"
"Laverne, let me see that address again," said Shirley. She checked the note then ran outside to see what address was on the house. "Laverne, it's the right address, but the wrong day. How could we be wrong about the day? It says Oct. 31 on the invitation. Today is only Oct. 30."
"No, it ain't, Shirl…it's the 31st."
Shirley turned to the little tramp. "Mister, what's the date today?"
"October 30, far as I know…an' y' don' 'ave t' call me mister, jus' Charlie's fine."
"I guess we better go back home," said Shirley. "At least we'll have another day to get dates. Charlie, can we call you a cab? Do you live around here?"
"No…don't call no cab…ain't no phone about 'ere anyway…"
"How are you going to get home? Where do you live?"
"Maybe I jus' stay 'ere til th' morning', then I c'n leave…"
"I don't think he's gotta home, Shirl, I think he's a bum…" whispered Laverne, in a stage whisper.
"I ain't no bum, ladies,I work f' me livin'. Bu' I'm outa work righ' now. B'tween jobs…"
Shirley came closer to the man. Her motherly instinct kicked in. "Oh, you don't have a place to go…why don't you come home with us…you can sleep on the couch…"
"Shirl, we don't know him…" Shirley ignored Laverne's plea.
"Come on, come with us." She pulled him up by the arm. "We have to walk, but we're just a few blocks away."
Shirley turned to Laverne. "Laverne, it's really cold out there and he doesn't have a coat…"
"Well, this will do…" Laverne pulled the shawl off the couch. "You don't mind putting this on, do you?"
"Laverne! That probably belongs to someone in the house! We can't take it…."
"Shirl, you want him to freeze? We can return it later."
The little tramp put the fringed shawl over his shoulders and put a derby on his head that the girls hadn't seen before. He picked up his bamboo cane and they were all set to leave.
A sleety snow was just beginning to fall. The three walked the few blocks back to the girls' basement flat and were very glad to get inside in the warmth.
"Charlie, I hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch. We don't have a guest bedroom, you know," said Shirley.
He smiled. "Don't mind a' all, ladies…y' very kind." He tipped his hat to the girls then took it off and laid it on the coffee table. He sat on the couch and took off his shoes, which were very large and coming apart in the front. He laid the fringed shawl over the back of the couch.
Laverne and Shirley took a good look at their guest while he was meticulously setting his few possessions on the coffee table. He seemed to be only perhaps five years older than the girls were (the girls were in their early twenties.) He had curly black hair and a black square moustache. His large eyes were deep blue and very expressive. His clothes, seemingly formal, were old fashioned and very shabby, even down to some patches.
Charlie took out a small clothes brush and removed his coat, brushing it carefully. Then he inspected it for damage. He found a few holes.
Shirley came over and sat next to him. "Can I sew that for you, Charlie?" She batted her eyes a bit. She thought he was cute.
He grinned. He had a very winning smile. "Yeah, that'd be real nice o' y', Shirley." She ran to get her sewing kit.
Of course, Laverne didn't want to be left out of trying to impress their houseguest. She sat down in the overstuffed chair at the end of the sofa. "So, Charlie, that's a pretty nifty Halloween costume you got there…what era is that…1890's?"
He looked at her oddly. "No, them's me own clothes…"
"No, I mean, your collar and tie look…well…like from a by-gone era." He still looked puzzled. His 1920's style tie and stand-up collar were completely in style… Laverne noticed his puzzled look. "Well, they look real nice on you…" She tried to change the subject. "Can I get you something? Did you have supper? Shirl and I were going to eat at the party tonight…but there wasn't a party, so we didn't eat supper…"
"Well, I jus' ate dinner at me party…two plates o' food…bu' strangely, I'm a bi' 'ungry again…"
"Break out the frozen food, Laverne…and open that bottle of wine we were saving for a special occasion…"
Shirley looked at Laverne, who looked pained. "Laverne, this is a special occasion…we have a guest…" then she mouthed "a male guest!"
While Laverne warmed up some soup and left-overs, Shirley patched Charlie's jacket and even cleaned his shoes and glued the soles onto the uppers where they were coming apart.
While the three were eating dinner, Charlie said, "Y' ladies 'ave been so nice t' me…is there anythin' I c'n do t' repay y'?"
"No…" said Shirley. "We enjoy doing nice things for people. We don't need repayment…"
"Wait…there is something you can do for us, Charlie!" interrupted Laverne.
"Wha's tha'?"
"Well, the Halloween party is comin' up tomorra, the one we thought was tonight…and neither of us have dates…"
Charlie smiled brightly. "So I get t' take two pretty ladies to th' party?"
"We were just thinkin' of you takin' one of us…"
"Two ain't bad, ladies!" said the tramp. "An' I couldn't leave one o' y' at 'ome wi' out no date!" Charlie pulled both the girls from their seats and the three danced around the apartment, laughing. He kissed them both playfully. After the dishes were washed and put away, Shirley found a pillow and a blanket for Charlie. He plumped up the pillow and spread out the blanket after taking off his jacket, vest, collar and tie and opening the first few buttons on his shirt. He removed his shoes and socks, but kept his shirt and trousers on modestly. He was wearing trousers that were much too large for him; they were held up by suspenders.
"Hey, Charlie," said Laverne, "How many guys can you get in your trousers…you know, like how many college kids can fit in a Volkswagen?" She started laughing, then stopped when Shirley elbowed her.
Charlie looked blank. "Wha's a fokes-vag'n?"
"It's a car, Charlie," said Shirley. "Laverne is just making stupid jokes…We'll see you in the morning. Time to turn in…"
"Wait, ladies…" said the tramp. "Wha's tha' thin' over there…" He was pointing to the television.
"The TV, Charlie…what did you think it was?" said Laverne.
"TV?" he said blankly.
"You wanna watch it before you go to sleep?"
"I dunno…"
Laverne turned on the TV and when it warmed up and the picture came on, the tramp looked at the screen as if he had never seen television before. "It's like y' 'ave movin' pitchers in y' 'ome!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah, Charlie. I'll leave it on for you…" said Laverne.
"Good night!" said Shirley and they went into the bedroom.
"Shirl, Charlie acts like he ain't seen TV before."
"Maybe his family is too poor to afford it…"
"Maybe so…"
When the girls got up the next morning, Charlie was sleeping on the couch and the TV was still on…the test pattern was showing and making a high pitched noise. Shirley turned off the set.
Then the phone rang. Laverne answered it. The tramp sat up with the sudden sound. He rubbed his eyes.
"It's fer you, Shirl," said Laverne…. "Carmine…"
Shirley grabbed the phone. "Oh, Carmine…are you feeling any better? "What? You want to come down here and have me give you a shoulder rub? Uhhh…bad time, Carmine. Why? Well, we, uh, have a house guest. Um…she'll be leaving soon… But…uh…she isn't dressed yet…you're coming down later then…when? Fifteen minutes?…okay….see you then…"
Shirley hung up the phone and looked guilty. "Charlie, my boyfriend Carmine's going to kill me if he thinks we had a man staying here last night…what are we going to do with you, Charlie???"
Charlie didn't say anything, just gathered up his clothes. "Oh, we don't want you to leave…I think if you just hide for a short time, we can get rid of Carmine."
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. "Shirley, Laverne, open the door…"
"Yikes, Shirl, he's here sooner than we thought," whispered Laverne. Quick, get in the bathroom, Charlie!"
The tramp, his clothes and shoes in hand, ran into the bathroom and shut the door quickly. Shirley opened the front door and let Carmine in.
Shirley's boyfriend was excited. "Angel Face, guess what…my laryngitis is all gone!"
"Great!" said Shirley. "But you could have told me that on the phone."
"True, but I've been asked to sing at the party tonight, isn't that great?" Carmine, who was a part time boxer and owned a dance studio, had been trying to break into show business for some time. He jumped at every chance to entertain and he was an excellent singer and dancer.
He whirled Shirley around in the living room. When they stopped, he asked, "So where's your friend that was staying over?"
"She's still changing', Carmine. Takes us beautiful gals a long time to get that way, you know," said Laverne.
Just then, Charlie stepped out of the bathroom. However, he didn't look like himself. He had put on Shirley's red flapper dress and heels and her headband with feathers. To cover up the moustache, he had tied a red scarf around his face, just under his nose, and he walked out in a coy manner as if he had worn heels all his life. Laverne looked at Shirley and they both giggled.
"Well, what's your friend's name, girls?"
Charlie spoke up. "It's Charlotte," he said in a falsetto voice.
"Well, I am very pleased to meet you, Charlotte," said Carmine. "I'm Carmine Ragusa. Uh…what's with the scarf, Charlotte?"
"She's very shy around men. She's from another…uh…country," fibbed Shirley.
"What country?"
"Somewhere in India or the Middle East or somethin' like that," said Laverne.
"Well, perhaps, she would get a bit less shy if I got to know her better." Charlie giggled coyly. Carmine took Charlie's hands in his. "Could I have this dance?" Charlie nodded and danced with Carmine.
"Shirl, now we got another problem."
"What's that Laverne?"
"Now Charlie has a date and we still don't have none."
Carmine finally left, after Charlie, instead of Shirley gave him the shoulder rub. Charlie pulled off the scarf from his face. "Thought 'e'd never leave!"
He looked at the girls. He had looked pretty convincing in the dress, for he was small boned and very thin and not very tall. His hands and feet were small like a woman's. But the moustache was incongruous with the fancy dress and heels and Laverne and Shirley started to laugh until tears came to their eyes. The tramp realized how funny he looked and he laughed too.
"So Charlie, I guess we solved the date problem. If Carmine is feeling better, as I know he is, he will escort me to the party. And you can be Laverne's date."
"That'd be jus' fine, Shirley, although I was lookin' forward t' takin' two ladies…" He grinned.
"Let's hope nothin' happens to upset the apple cart. Don't nobody get sick!"said Laverne.
Shirley called Carmine again to tell him about the clothes Mrs. Babbish had offered to loan him for the party and told him to go try them on. He promised he would.
Later, Shirley and Laverne took Charlie to Mrs. Babbish's apartment to try on clothes too. He was just coming out of her bedroom with his top hat and tails when Carmine entered the apartment.
"That your date, Laverne?"
"Yeah, it's Charlie…Charlie, meet Carmine…" she said, then whispered to Shirley, "as if they hadn't met before…." They both giggled.
"Good to meet you, Charlie." Carmine shook his hand. You look familiar. Have we met before?"
"Don't think so…" said Charlie, with a wink to the girls.
Carmine put his 1920's garb on and the girls were impressed at how wonderful he looked, too.
That evening, things were going much better than the evening before. The four young people were dressed in their 1920's duds and Carmine drove them to the party in his car. It was a lot warmer than walking had been the night before.
Carmine noticed that Charlie tipped his hat to everyone they met and was extremely polite. He acted as if he came straight out of the 1920's. Carmine got into the role too and soon he was feeling the part of a fine gentleman from a different era.
The house was lit up tonight, and there was classical music to be heard when they approached the front door. There was a doorman to take their invitations and their wraps. Laverne and Shirley were quite impressed with the décor; it was so reminiscent of the past.
"They musta done some big cleanin' here last night after we left, ain't no dust left anywhere!" said Laverne.
"And they fixed the electricity, too!"
"Gas lights," whispered Charlie, pointing to the jets and flames visible in the lighting.
"Wow! They really went all out!" said Laverne. "And just for a party!"
After eating very elegant food, and listening to the classical music, the mood changed.
A slim young man with short brown hair sat down to play the piano when the chamber orchestra finished their set. He had a long sad face with prominent large eyes. He played beautifully and Charlie excused himself to go over to speak to him. He came back and whispered to Carmine, who had been disappointed that there wasn't a rock n' roll band to sing with. He had wondered where the promised band could be. Carmine nodded to Charlie. Charlie picked up a violin that was sitting on the piano and he and the pianist began to play. Carmine sang the strains of a lovely 1920's ballad. Then they went into some old popular songs and ragtime. The girls were fascinated at how everything was falling together to make a fantastic party.
Then Shirley noticed something. "Laverne, this doesn't look like no masquerade party. It's more like a theme party…1920's. Everyone is wearing those same kind of clothes…but no costumes. We thought we were going in costume, but we fit the theme anyway, thank goodness."
"Shirl, there's somethin' strange here I noticed too…where's Big Rosie and Terri? Where's Ritchie and his buddies; where's the Fonz? I even thought Lenny and Squiggy would come with their weird costumes…you know, they was dressed up last night…I wonder if we're at the right party…"
"Yes, this is confusing, Laverne. Let me talk to the doorman." Shirley went to the doorman and said, "Could I just have one of those invitations for a souvenir?" He nodded and gave her one.
"Laverne, it's the right address and the right date, except…it says October 31, 1920...wow…they even printed the invitations as if it were back then."
"Wonder who organized this thing, Shirl, we should get them when we have our next party at Arnold's." Arnold's was a hamburger joint/hangout for the young people and they often had parties with local kids providing the music.
"Charlie is so good on the violin; he's really talented. Carmine sounds great tonight too. And the guy on piano, he looks so familiar. I wonder where I've seen him before?"
The man at the piano played some dance numbers and Charlie and Carmine danced with the girls. Laverne was impressed with Charlie's dancing, she was used to dates that stepped all over her feet. Charlie was graceful and he knew every dance step. When they stopped dancing, Charlie put his arm around Laverne romantically. When the lights dimmed, Charlie kissed her gently too. Laverne was impressed by his gentlemanliness and was glad Carmine was feeling better so she had Charlie all to herself tonight.
The following day was Saturday. It was early November, but as is wont to do in lakefront cities, the weather had changed suddenly and it was sunny and almost warm for November. Laverne and Shirley awoke early and peeked in on their houseguest. He was still sleeping on the couch, even after the girls had started breakfast. Laverne woke him up and he opened his eyes, smiled and blew her a kiss.
Shirley was a little jealous because she didn't have Carmine here to kiss and besides, he wasn't half as romantic as Charlie. Carmine could learn a bit from Charlie. Charlie got up and put on the rest of his clothes.
"I jus' noticed, ladies, I ain't go' me pocket watch on me. I musta lef' it at th' 'ouse where we was las' nigh'…"
"Well, we can walk over there and see if it's there, Charlie. Surely someone must have found it…" said Shirley.
The three trekked over to the old mansion again. Charlie knocked at the door and it was opened by the pianist from the night before, the man with the large, sad eyes. Charlie told him why they were at the mansion.
"Come in, come in," he said with a broad Midwestern accent. His voice was friendly but he didn't crack a smile. "Charlie, I found your watch on the floor under the piano. It's not broken; I checked. Running fine."
"Thank y' Elmer…Ladies, this is Elmer, me ol' friend…'e plys a mean piano, bu' 'is job is photographin'…if y' ever need a tin type or a photo, Elmer's the chap t' see. Elmer, these are me two new friends, Laverne an' Shirley."
"Pleased to meet you ladies." He was wearing a flat porkpie hat which he tipped to both the girls.
"Y' live 'ere, Elmer?" asked Charlie.
"No, just staying on in the guest room doing a major photography project for the family. Was just on my way out. Can I drop you anywhere?"
The photographer dropped Charlie and the girls off in front of their apartment building and declined the offer to come in for coffee. As he drove off, Shirley asked Charlie, "What was that car he had…a classic for sure…"
"Tha' was a 1920 Austin Tourin' Car, Shirley; 'e's mighty proud o' tha' ve'icle."
"He musta paid a fortune for that car…looks brand new," commented Laverne.
"'E tole me 'e bought it new…'e keeps it up good, an' it ain't very old…"
Shirley laughed. "You sound like you're stuck in the 1920's, Charlie!" He gave her an odd look.
"I don' feel righ' 'bout stayin' with y'selves 'less I pay f' me room n' board…I c'n look f' a job nex' week, bu' c'n I do somethin' fer y' t' 'elp out?"
"Well, Charlie, you can wash dishes if you want or sweep the floor a little. But you don't have to do anything to stay here…we don't mind." said Shirley.
"No, we don't mind a bit," said Laverne, grinning. Shirley elbowed her.
"I insis' on 'elpin'," said Charlie. He picked up the broom and started sweeping.
"We have to go shopping, Charlie, for groceries…we'll see ya later," said Laverne.
"Why do we both have to go, Laverne? I can stay here and help with the chores…" said Shirley.
Laverne grabbed her friend by the arm. "Yer comin' because I need help carryin' stuff!" She gave Shirley a look that said there was more to it than that. They left the apartment.
When they came back two hours later, the apartment looked sparkling. The floor was swept, everything was dusted, there was fresh fruit in a bowl on the table and there was even a vase of flowers with a note that said, To Lavern an Sherley, fer yer sweet ospitalty to me. Yers, Charlie.
"Wonder where he got the money for the flowers, Laverne?" asked Shirley.
"Dunno, Shirl, but ain't he sweet?"
"Yes…but where is he?"
Just then there was a knock on the door. In walked Lenny and Squiggy. "Hullo," said Squiggy in his geeky voice.
"What are you two doin' here?" demanded Laverne.
"We know where your boyfriend is!" said Lenny in a teasing voice.
"Where?" the girls said together.
"Oh! They're not denyin' it!" said Lenny, giggling.
"We saw him walkin' that-a-way!" said Squiggy, pointing east. The girls both rushed for the door. "Hey, what's yer hurry?" said Lenny, as both the boys stood in front of the door with their arms outstretched. "Now that he's gone, maybe you'll have time for your 'pride and joy'???" Both Lenny and Squiggy raised their eyebrows up and down in a look they thought made them look flirtatious.
"What's with the eyebrows, fellas?" said Laverne.
"Let us out of here, boys; we have to find Charlie!"
"Why?" asked Lenny.
"He left suddenly…something must be wrong…" said Shirley.
"Hey, wait a minute,"said Squiggy. "…why weren't you two at the party last night? You missed a good one…Big Rosie took the prize again!"
Shirley and Laverne ducked under the boys' arms and out the door. Lenny looked at Squiggy and they both shrugged.
The day was still nice for November. The girls ran in the direction of the house where the party had been held, toward the east, near the lake. They rounded a corner and saw Charlie walking with his distinctively odd gait several blocks in front of them. They ran as fast as possible and finally caught up with him.
"Charlie, where are you going? Aren't you staying with us anymore?" asked Shirley.
He stopped walking and smiled sadly. "Can't…I got'a go back 'ome."
"What are you talking about, Charlie? I thought you were going to try to get a job here…there are some openings at the brewery…"
"I thank y' f' yer kindness, ladies, bu' I don' belong 'ere…" He pulled out a thick rolled paper that he had stuck in his trousers. "Thi' migh' explain it…" He handed the paper to Shirley and then resumed his trek to the east. "Them lads from upstairs give it to me…"
"But where are ya goin'?" asked Laverne."
"Y' c'n come wi' me fer a bi', come on…" He stuck his bamboo cane in his breast pocket and put his arms around the girls, one on each side. Shirley took a look at what he had given her. It was a 1956 calendar with all the months ripped off except November and December. She looked puzzled and rolled it up again and put it under her arm.
They reached the house where the party had been held several nights ago. Charlie opened the door and walked in. In the light of day, they could see there was dust everywhere. A few cobwebs festooned the ceilings. Furniture was scarce. Charlie led them to the room where they had first found him. He sat down on the settee. "Come 'ere, ladies, si' next t' me…" The girls sat on either side of the tramp.
"Now close y' eyes tigh'ly," said Charlie. The girls did and when they opened them, they saw that the lights were on again and there was 1920's music playing. Strangely, they were dressed exactly as they had been the night of the party. Charlie took each one on an arm and led them out to the ballroom. As before, Elmer was playing the piano and Charlie picked up the violin and played. Then the chamber orchestra came on again and Charlie with Laverne and Elmer with Shirley began to dance.
They danced for what seemed hours. Then Charlie and Elmer kissed their respective girls and led them into the same little room off of the ballroom. Charlie told the girls to sit on the settee and close their eyes. The girls did and when they opened them a few minutes (or hours?) later, everything was dark and dingy again. Charlie and Elmer had disappeared, as had the chamber orchestra, the guests and even the piano and violin. All that was left was the cobwebs and dusty furniture.
"Where did they go?" asked Shirley.
"I dunno, …" said Laverne.
The girls searched the house a bit and were satisfied that no one remained in the house. They were confused and saddened. By the time they finally left the old mansion, it was already dark. They walked the few blocks home slowly and in silence.
"It's odd," said Shirley.
"What?"
"Remember what Squiggy said about Big Rosie winning the costume contest? She wasn't even at the party. And I don't remember a contest…"
"There's somethin' strange goin' on, Shirl."
Uncharacteristically, Laverne and Shirley didn't say much to each other that night other than 'goodnight, see ya in the morning.' They both had an odd feeling inside. They went to sleep and awoke in the morning with the same odd feeling.
"Laverne…"
"What is it, Shirl?"
"I have to go back to that house again this morning. It seems like a weird dream…and I would think it were, except that Charlie isn't here."
"Yeah, I feel that way too…let's do it…"
The girls dressed, then walked the few blocks back to the lakefront mansion they had left the night before. They reached the street and started to walk south, when Shirley said, "Wait, it wasn't that way…I think it's to the north."
"No, it ain't, Shirl…we found it so easy last night…"
"Well, Charlie was with us…"
"Yeah. Hey Shirl, where's that invitation we had from the party, that has the address."
"Oh, yes, I still think it's in my coat pocket. Yes, here it is…it says …" she showed Laverne the address on the invitation.
"Hey, gimme that," said Laverne, pulling the invitation from Shirley's hand. "Okay, that's the house there, it ain't that" (she pointed), "and it ain't that," (she pointed again in the other direction)… "Shirl, it's the empty lot…look at the number again!"
Shirley gasped when she realized the house was no longer there. "What in the world…." The girls, still unbelieving, walked over to the empty lot. There was a lawn on the lot where the house had been. There were weeds growing in places here and there. Then Shirley saw something shiny.
"What's this?" she said. She picked up a man's worn gold pocket watch. "This looks like Charlie's, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, said Laverne. "It does…wonder how we can get it back to him? He sure has a lot of trouble holding on to it…"
Shirley put the watch in her pocket. The girls walked back to their basement apartment, feeling strangely emptied of emotion.
"Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to do a little inestigating," said Shirley. "We'll find out what happened to that house!"
The following day, after work, Laverne and Shirley went to the historical society to ask about the house that was on the empty lot. They found out that the house had been built in the 1860's and was owned by a wealthy family. They had held many parties in the house, especially during the roaring '20's. Then in 1930, the family had moved out and it stood empty until 1938 when a terrible fire had broken out and the house had burned to the ground. Luckily no one had been there at the time, but the beautiful mansion had not been rebuilt and the lot had been empty since that time.
"Laverne…why did we see that house? How could we have been in it? Did you see the photos they had of it and the interior rooms? It was just as we saw it!"
"I dunno, Shirl….I been lookin' at Charlie's watch. It ain't tickin'…. so I opened the back and found there was a bit of paper somebody put in there. I took it out and the watch runs now!" She smiled. "Now all we have to do is figure out where Charlie is."
"Laverne, where's that piece of paper that was in the watch?"
"I dunno…I threw it away…"
"Where did you throw it?" The girls looked in all the wastebaskets and trash. Finally they found the bit of paper and Shirley said, "Just as I thought…there's a message."
"What is it?"
"It says…oh I can hardly read it…it's so small and all misspelled…I think Charlie must have written it…it says…Sorry I ad to leeve so abruply. Jus found out I was in th rong plyse. Saw th calendr…1956. Scared me alf to death. Don't want to leeve, an I love yer both. I don belong ere. But I will see you again. Love an kisses, Charlie.
"Shirl, ya know what that means?"
"Yes, we really were back in the 1920's…no wonder Charlie seemed like he belonged there…"
"It was fun while it lasted…"
Just then, Lenny and Squiggy opened the door. "Hullo," said Squiggy. "What's new?" said Lenny. The girls rolled their eyes.
Two days later, Laverne and Shirley were still talking about their strange adventure with their visitor from the past. They were in a small café waiting to order their dinner. The café was quiet and they were sitting in a booth across from each other.
"I still miss him, Shirl. In the short time he was with us, I got to like him a lot. Wish I woulda had more time…he's real dreamy and romantic…"
"Yes. He really is…was?" said Shirley. "I keep thinking, Laverne, why did he leave us his watch? I wish we could get it back to him…he probably needs it." She pulled the watch out of her pocket and touched its face as if it would make Charlie come back.
"I dunno why he left it here…"
"Listen, Laverne. I think that, since he was your date, why don't we get you a real pretty gold chain and you can wear it around your neck….maybe you'll let me wear it too once in a while…"
"Course, Shirl…yer my best friend…Charlie was both of our friend too…"
Just then the waiter came over to take their order. He was an older man, perhaps in his late sixties, with curly salt and pepper hair, a little more on the salt side. He had a small darkish mustache and his eyes were large and blue, the first thing the girls noticed.
The waiter smiled. "Are y' ready t' order, ladies?" he said, pen and pad in hand.
"Okay," said Laverne, "…I'll have the sliced turkey plate with mashed potatoes and peas. And can I have a side order of applesauce? And a ginger ale…" The waiter nodded, wrote on the pad, then looked at Shirley.
"I'd like the roast beef with succotash and French fried potatoes. And a cherry cola, please." She looked at the waiter curiously as he took their menus and went to put the order in.
"Who does he remind me of, Laverne? I just can't put my finger on it…he sounds familiar too…"
"I dunno. Maybe he's somebody's father, somebody we knew from school…"
"That must be it." The waiter brought their meals and the girls ate and talked about all kinds of things. Then the waiter came back and asked if they wanted anything else.
"Nothin' else…I'm stuffed," said Laverne. He turned to Shirley.
"No, thank you."
The waiter's eye fell upon the watch still sitting on the table between the two girls. "Didja read th' note inside the watch?"
"Yeah, we did…" said Laverne, then she looked up sharply at the waiter, in surprise. "How did you know about that?"
"Came back t' pick up th' watch…" He held out his hand. Shirley placed the watch in it.
"You must be Charlie's father…he looks just like you!" said Shirley. "And you talk like him, too!"
"Guess again, ladies," said the waiter. He took off his apron and placed it on the table in the next booth where he had a hat, coat and cane ready to be picked up. He put the derby on his head and tipped it to them, smiling, before walking out of the café.
The girls looked at each other, grabbed their coats and ran over to the cashier to pay the bill. "Oh, the bill's been paid, ladies," she said. "And this was left here for you…the cashier handed each one a long stemmed rose with a note reading, Love, Charlie.
The End