I don't own CSI.
Once again, an idea came to me that I had to write. I always loved the relationship between Brass and Warrick. And, since I wrote "Just Wanted To Talk," where Brass has a conversation at Warrick's grave about the events in "Fallen Angels" and "Strip Maul," I thought one set after the season 13 finale and season 14 première was in order. Then I wondered...what if Brass met a sort of kindred spirit there? Anyway, enough rambling! Please read and review!
Oh, and more Jackson stories are on the way! :)
Jim Brass never considered himself a spiritual man. But as he was standing at the gravesite of his colleague and friend, Warrick Brown, he had to wonder if his departed friend was watching over him. He wondered if he was watching his son grow and get to know Jim and all his CSI family. He wondered what Warrick would say if he could have met his ex-wife, Nancy. And he wondered what Warrick would say about Jim's daughter Ellie. With all that had happened - getting Morgan back, but losing the daughter he would give his life just to have one more chance with and losing the woman he loved - he wondered if Warrick had any words of solace.
Setting a small potted plant on the headstone, Jim sighed quietly. Every encounter Jim had with Ellie in Vegas, and even one in California, Warrick was there. Somehow, having his colleague there gave Jim a sense of balance - that no matter what happened with Ellie, his CSI family was there for him. Mourning Warrick and Nancy, Jim couldn't help but feel responsible even though he knew Ellie had all but severed ties with him and Warrick would probably say that he wasn't to blame for what happened to him.
Jim stood in silence, thinking about what Warrick would say to him now and wondering if he was sitting somewhere with Nancy, talking about missed chances and not blaming anyone. As a lone tear came to his eye, he was brought out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps. He turned and saw Tina Brewster, Warrick's ex-wife, smiling sympathetically and carrying a small bouquet of roses.
"Hello," Tina said softly.
Jim smiled sadly. The woman he saw almost a year ago in interrogation, so angry and uncaring, was replaced by a well-groomed woman who was recovering with the help of Jim, Nick, Sara, Greg, and all of Warrick's CSI family.
With a quiet sigh, Tina said, "I just was going to leave some flowers. His grandmother's birthday was tomorrow." She gestured to a headstone beside Warrick's. Jim nodded, thinking of the woman who raised the CSI he knew and respected.
Jim smiled sadly. "If you need me to go..."
"No!" Tina assured him. "Please, stay." She set the roses on the grave of Warrick's grandmother. Looking at the detective, Tina said, "Nick and Sara told me about your daughter and ex-wife. I am so sorry."
Jim's lower lip trembled and he looked up, trying not to cry. "Thank you. I-I wish I could say I was surprised, but..."
Tina nodded. "Sara said you had a strained relationship with her."
"That's an understatement," Jim said with a sad chuckle. "I don't know, maybe...maybe I was stupid to think that she'd stop hurting herself and clean up..." He looked away as he felt tears prickle his eyes.
Tina closed her eyes and thought of her own son - how Warrick had wanted to be a father and how, by her own grief and anger, she almost lost Eli. Looking at the man Warrick respected so much, Tina sighed. "From my own experience, shutting everyone out...not wanting help...only leads to pain."
Jim nodded as he looked at the woman who cleaned herself up and had become a good mother to her and Warrick's son. "You've done well. I know Warrick would be proud of you and Eli both."
Tina smiled sadly. "Thank you. Now that you and everyone from the lab are in our lives, Eli and I both have come alive. Eli's doing so well in school. I've gotten my recertification and I'm back to work." Looking at the grave of her ex-husband, Tina said, "I was lucky."
Jim nodded, allowing a tear to roll down his cheek. "Some people don't live long enough to take another chance." He looked down as another tear threatened to fall.
Tina walked over to Jim and put a supportive hand on his arm. "I don't know your daughter, but from what Nick and Sara told me, you did everything you could for her. And as hard as it is...you are not to blame."
The tears he was holding back fell and Jim began to sob. Tina put her arms around him, allowing him to break down and grieve. She found herself shedding tears as well, thinking of how her former husband always respected him even if they didn't agree at times. For several minutes, the two stood in the cemetery, hugging and crying, grieving over relationships that were lost and chances that would never be taken.
When they pulled away, Jim sighed raggedly. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be!" Tina assured him. "I know if Warrick were here, he'd tell the same thing. You were one of the best men he ever knew." Jim raised his eyes in surprise. "It's true," Tina continued. "Grissom was his surrogate father, but you...you were a great friend. No matter what happened on a case, he always respected and admired you. He once told me that you were one of the strongest people he knew."
Jim chuckled sadly, realizing his family in the lab and department was the only true family he'd ever known. Sighing, he said, "Thank you."
"You're welcome, and it's true."
Jim smiled sadly. "You know, when I'd have problems with Ellie, Warrick was there. He'd tell me that I was not to blame...as hard as that was for me to believe..."
Tina smiled sadly. "Too many people have lost...Eli doesn't have a father, I lost a husband, you lost your ex-wife and daughter..."
With a deep sigh, Jim said, "Maybe...maybe we should focus on what we have instead."
Tina nodded. "Eli's growing up, and he needs all his aunts and uncles...including you."
Jim smiled, still hurting from never getting another chance with his daughter but realizing that he had a chance to get to know Eli. "I told him that if he ever needed anything, day or night, he can call me."
"I know," Tina said with a soft smile. "And we have your number and everyone from the lab on speed dial."
Jim laughed softly, thankful he could be there for Eli. He smiled at the woman his dear friend had once loved. "Warrick would be proud of you both. I guess...I just needed to know what he'd say, you know?"
"Yeah," Tina said, patting Jim's arm. "He'd tell you that you're not to blame. Besides, enough blame has been thrown around...more than enough. Life has to go on."
Jim nodded and sighed, knowing Tina was right. "Yeah."
Smiling softly, Tina watched as Jim wiped the tears from his eyes. "She didn't give herself a chance...but you were there for her when no one else was. You shouldn't blame yourself."
Clearing his throat, Jim nodded. "Maybe someday I'll actually believe that."
"You should," Tina said. "Because you are a good man. You and Warrick's CSI family gave me a chance when I was at my lowest...you gave another chance to me and to Eli. No matter what, you are a good man."
A tear fell down Jim's cheek as he smiled sadly at the woman before him. "Thank you."
Tina smiled and looked down at her watch. "I've got to get home. Eli will be home from school soon."
Jim nodded, thinking of the boy that Warrick wanted to be a father to more than anything. "Tell him I said hi."
Tina thought for a moment. "Why don't you tell him yourself? I've got the day off, and I know he'd love to see you again."
Realizing he had a second chance with Eli and knowing that he really couldn't do anything more for Ellie - no matter how much he'd always wish he could - Jim smiled. "I'd like that." He glanced at Warrick's grave, thinking of how his friend was always there for him and imagining him and Nancy watching over them. He left for Tina's house, grieving over the loss of his daughter but thankful for another chance with Eli.
The End.