AN: OMG I'm so glad I am finally writing a Sonic fanfic. I love that blue dude man.
One fine day in wherever the fuck Sonic and his pals live...Speedsville? The blue blur of hog was zooming into frame just as another force was coming in at the other end. They ran into each other and Sonic bounced into a god damned tree. 4 billion coconuts fell onto his furry head. "Wow! I think I got a concussion," he proclaimed.
The other force that hit him was sprawled on the ground in a huge fat heap. It was...DR. EGGMAN (or if you watched the cocaine induced cartoon form the 90's) DR. ROBOTNICK. The Dr. shat up and yelled, "SONIC! I HAVE CAUGHT YOU AT LAST!" And then he laughed maniacally then to just cough up a whole roast chicken. Sonic looked with horror and said, "EGGMON YOU FAT FUCK, YOU WILL NEVER CATCH MY BLUE SEXY ASS!" And with that Sonic sped away. Eggman started to cry like a fuckin baby and cried, "you will rue the day you fatshamed me..." then he sped back to his fortress with his makeup running.
With the wind and bugs blowing in his mouth, Sonic decided to pay a good visit to his good friends Tails and Captain Kinuckles. He needed advice on how to get away from that pink slut Amy, which was who he was running from in the first place before Eggleg caused him to crash and die. He catapulted into Tails thus decapitating the poor fox with his faster than light feets.
"Aw fuck...well no huge loss there," he said. Captain Kinuckles was standing close by and looked sad for like 3 seconds and then started to talk B-ball with Sonic. Once their slam jam was done they laughed and Sonic brought up the Harley Quinn reject lookin for some advice. "Just ditch the bitch and get some of that sweet ass Bat action that your clone Shaderrrrrr is always tryin to fuck," Captain kinuckles responded.
"ARE YOU TELLING MY BELOVED SONIC TO CHEAT ON ME YOU FOUR PENIS ENCHILADA?" Amy zoomed in on top of a meteor landing on Captain Kinuckles vaporizing him. She began to yell obscenities at Sonic until something strange started to happen. The usual rings that were fucking everywhere started to turn into coins.
They both heard a "YAHOO" and "LETSA GOOOOOOOO" right behind them. The infamous Italian duo was here...for blood. "MAMA MIA! WE GONNA WIN THE OLYMPICS THIS TIME BEEEEEEETCH" Luigi was carrying the Olympic torch and threw it at the two hedgehogs. The fire spread fast because while everyone was being dumb and shit, Mario put gasoline on everything. As the fire rose the two plumbers smiled and Mario said, "We win this year...and now we will win every year"
Sonic will not be at the Tokyo Olympic games summer 2020.