.
.
"He...wants to teach middle schoolers?"
The leaders of the world ducked and whispered among themselves, terrified.
"I do!" the monster said cheerfully, and the leaders of the world snapped to attention, watching as that yellow monster grinned and wiggled its tentacles in front of them. One of his tentacles dipped from behind his back and wrapped around a woman in a labcoat's waist, pulling her upwards. "I even kidnapped their teacher, too!"
"What?" the leaders of the world stared at the tentacle monster, shocked and dismayed, while one of the colonels covered his hand over the microphone and whispered, "That poor woman is so terrified she's laughing."
"Well of course she's laughing, how absurd is this? A yellow octopus is wearing a cap and gown and holding her hostage!"
"It kind of looks like she's hugging him..."
"No, idiot, she's afraid of falling! She's holding onto him for dear life!"
"Did...did his face just turn pink?"
"Everyone!" the octopus said, grinning wide and tentacles waving exultantly.
"Let's all get along for a fabulous year!"
xXx
.
In the rubble, Yukimura Aguri indeed was laughing. Not because she was afraid, like the generals thought, but because that ridiculous yellow octopus was from one of her graphic tees she had worn a few weeks ago.
"Well?" he said, and he slowly shrank back to normal sized, the yellow tentacles receding and that goofy globe-sized face morphing into his normal one. "What do you think?"
"It was a hit!" she said, and she hugged him. He smiled a real smile and hugged her back.
They walked along the ruins of the research lab, holding hands. Just a few hours ago, the God of Death was sure she was dead - he had not seen the only person who had seen him, and as she hugged him from behind a spear rocketed forward and sliced through the meat of her back. "I don't mind dying for you. That's how precious you are to me," she told him, and for the first time while they were speaking, he could not keep up his mask. His grief overwhelmed him. "Such lovely tentacles," she said, softly. "With these hands, I know you'll be a splendid teacher."
The blood from her wounds was sticky and warm.
"Shinigami-san," Aguri said, and she glanced down at her belly. "What exactly did you do to me?"
"Oh." He turned to glance back at her, tentacles picking up more supplies while leisurely dodging more bullets spraying toward them. "I used one of my tentacles to fuse your wound."
"Eh?" she said, and she poked at her belly. "They can do that?"
He smiled. "I got the idea from a manga," he said.
It made sense. He had absolute control over his tentacles. If he could slip thread-like tentacles through the airholes of his cell to gently cup her face, he could send tentacles at a microscopic level into her body and recruit cells to instantly heal her wound. "How interesting," Aguri said She poked her stomach, impressed. Behind them, soldiers ran in formation and surrounded them.
"Get the hostage!" the soldier said, and chucked a grenade. The Death God smiled benignly and tossed the grenade back, wrapping a tentacle around the hostage's waist as the grenade exploded and soldiers ran and ducked, rubble flying everywhere.
"AGURI." Yanagisawa staggered in front of them, seething. "You lying whore! All this time you were helping him!"
There was a bored look on the Death God's face. "Is it okay if I kill him?" he asked. Aguri shook her head.
"Let me handle it," she whispered, and the tentacles receded. Yanagisawa's nostrils flared as she walked toward him.
"You useless bitch!" Yanagisawa said. "I only agreed to marry you because I felt sorry for you! All you did was get in the way!"
"I'm leaving you," Aguri said. She took off her ring and handed it to him. "With all those times you hit me, I should have left you sooner."
He spat at her. The Death God's eyes widened.
"It's okay," she said to him. Carefully she straightened, demurely wiping the spittle from her face. She smiled. "Let's go home, Shinigami-san."
They held hands as they walked down the corridor, a throng of soldiers shooting at them, explosions going off and smoke filling the air.
xXx
.
The God of Death felt out of place in Aguri's apartment. Unlike the places he used to stay in - ratty motel rooms and run-down safe houses, which stank of sex and cigarettes, the places he holed up before carrying out his hits - her apartment was bright and cheerful. There were potted plants by the window and a goofy octopus figurine on the table. Curiously the God of Death leaned forward and tapped it with his finger. The toy octopus wiggled, swaying side-to-side.
"Hm. I think the armies are gone," Aguri said. She was looking out the window, were the soldiers had set up a barricade around her apartment complex. A ring of barbed wire and several tanks had pointed up a her building while a man on a bullhorn pleaded with the freaky octopus to free his hostage. "There's just a few soldiers keeping patrol."
The God of Death watched as she straightened, her back toward him and carefully closing the curtain. "There's food in the fridge, if you want," she said. "I also have a spare futon in the closet in my room. There's...there's also a shower," she said, and she reddened, not looking at him. "I'm going to take a shower too."
The God of Death blushed. Aguri avoided his eyes.
He sat perched on the edge of her couch, every cell in his assassin's body tensed and nervous. If she were a mark and he had a gun in his hand, it would be easier, but as such, this was the first time the God of Death sat on anybody's couch, waiting while the couch's owner took a shower.
It was his turn. He showered quickly, and when he stepped out of the bathroom he saw Aguri sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a large white shirt that hung around her hips. OPPAI, it said, and there was a sideways "3" like cartoon breasts, with little black dots on the front like nipples.
"I...I thought it would be sexy," she said, blushing, and he let out a startled laugh. Quietly he toweled his hair and sat on the bed next to her.
They kissed. He smiled against her mouth, and she gasped softly when his thumb grazed over the black dot of her shirt.
xXx
.
She liked cuddling him in his octopus form. He was easily twice the width and breadth of a normal human being then, and when she snuggled on top of him it was like burrowing into a pile of warm pillows. She sat beside him under the tree after the class, graded papers with him and even giggled at his pervy porno mags.
Her students, it seemed, were finally starting to notice.
"I think Yukimura-sensei likes Korosensei," Nagisa said. They watched as Korosensei bent over to let Yukimura-sensei scratch the side of his head, smiling as his eyes closed into two happy commas and he turned a cheerful pink. The students frowned and whispered amongst themselves.
"Huh. It's kind of like scratching a pet."
"I wonder if they have that kind of relationship?"
"Eh?!" Korosensei zipped behind them, freaking his students out as they whispered conspiratorially about him. "Are we gossiping about Yukimura-sensei and my relationship?"
"Uh!" The students smartened to attention. Nagisa raised his hand.
"Korosensei. Just what kind of relationship do you have?"
Korosensei's smiling head turned into a white ping pong ball with a dot for a mouth: "It is a romantic relationship of the adult variety."
"EH?!"
Yukimura-sensei giggled behind them.
("Stockholm Syndrome," Irina said darkly, as she and Karasuma watched. "It's clear he abducted her against her will."
"Somehow I doubt that," Karasuma said, and they watched as Korosensei swung Yukimura up with his tentacles, making her squeal delighted. "The students love him. It's no surprise their teacher would love him equally as well.")