Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
Owen is propped up on his elbow, looking at Amelia. He's watching her sleep, extremely soundly at that. He woke a couple of minutes ago and couldn't think of anything better to do. Especially without disturbing her. And that is one thing that you never do to Amelia Shepherd- disturb her sleep. He knows better. After about 10 minutes of him just watching her sleep, she jostles a little bit, then stills. Just when he thinks she's back asleep, she moves again and does her little waking up groan noise. He grins at her and she opens her eyes to find a handsome man watching her. How nice. Or weird… Kidding.
After a couple more groans, she finally gets out of the bed, along with Owen. They head downstairs to get some coffee before really getting ready for the work day ahead of them. Downstairs, Amelia once again faces way too many reminders of her dead brother. Even though Meredith moved out, some things were left behind. There's some pictures on the mantle of Mer, Derek, and the kids, there's an old baby walker in the corner of the living room, and the kid's rooms are still decorated and furnished. Amelia bought this house from Meredith on a whim, not wanting it to go to some random person who may have trashed the place. She also because her brother built it. Owen still has the trailer, but he basically lives with Amelia in the dream house, even though he hasn't officially moved in. He never sleeps at the trailer anymore. Unless Amelia's on call.
He starts the coffee while Amelia is still dragging down the stairs. When she enters the kitchen, he kisses her on the cheek. "That's a nice way to wake up," she smiles. The coffee is done after a few minutes and he pours them both a cup full. They go outside on the porch to drink their coffee, like they do every morning. Sitting at the table, Owen looks around, taking in his surroundings. He sits his coffee cup down and clears his throat. "So, I need to tell you something." He says, unconfidently. Amelia cocks her head and raises an eyebrow in question. "You know I've been thinking about it for a while, but I'm going to deploy," At Owen's words, Amelia immediately closes her eyes and lowers her head. "I'm going to the office today to sign papers." Owen looks at Amelia for a response. "Okay," Is all she can say.
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And times forever frozen still
"Amelia," Owen calls down the hallway. She's wheeling a patient in a bed to the elevator. "Can't talk, Owen," They lock eyes for a moment but it's soon broken by the elevator doors squeezing shut. He sighs and walks back to the ER, knowing she's upset, but knowing that he can't do much about it right now.
After her surgery, their shift is over, so Amelia finds Owen. She approaches him and says, "I have to babysit. You can stay at the trailer, you probably don't want to deal with the kids tonight." She looks over a few of her charts, making sure everything is finished up. "No, I'll help. I want to." Owen says, but Amelia doesn't reply, she just nods.
Owen is sitting on the couch slightly bouncing Ellis on his leg while Amelia chases Bailey down, trying to get him in his pajamas. He's been unusually calm tonight, but now he's hyper, at bedtime of course. Amelia pauses and runs her hand through her hair and sighs before taking off again. "I can do it," Owen offers. "No, I got it." She's been short with him all night. Amelia finally weasels Bailey into his Spiderman PJ's and gets him, and Zola, to sleep, and only half an hour later than usual. "Good job," Owen says and pats the seat on the couch beside him. She ignores and walks into the kitchen, getting herself a glass of water. Owen sits a sleeping Ellie down in her swing and approaches Amelia.
"Amelia, what's wrong?" He puts a hand on the counter and waits for a response. She lowers her head and searches her brain for what to say. He moves closer to her, being careful, however, not to get too close. "Please, tell me." Owen was genuinely concerned, so she opened up. "I'm just worried. About you, about us. Once you leave, Owen, what are we going to do?" Her voice gets a little shaky, but they both know she won't cry. "Amelia, we're still going to be… us. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters. Don't worry." Owen puts his hand on her arm comfortingly. "But… what if you don't make it back?" His expression drops in concern. "I'll be fine. I'll be extra careful knowing that I have something to come home to." That got a smile out of her, finally.
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home
"Owen?" Amelia speaks up out of the silence. "Hmm?" He said. "Why do you want to go so bad?" They were sitting on the couch facing each other, with his right hand placed on her left one and his thumb rubbing comforting circles on her palm. "I feel like it's what I have to do. I served once and now, with all the catastrophe going on over there, I just have to go help. It's my calling, you know?" She nodded.
"I want to give you something." She jumps up off the couch and heads up the stairs. Owen waits. She returns and takes her seat on the couch again. She holds out a wallet size picture of her. Owen took it one night when they were sitting outside on the porch. He caught her mid-laugh and it's a really great picture of her.
Owen takes the picture from her. "What's this for?" Owen asks. "For you to keep in your pocket. For good luck or to remember me or just… anything. But take it. Maybe it'll help you not feel alone out there." Owen smiles at her response. He clutches the picture tighter in his fingers and smiles. "I'll hold it close." Owen leans in and captures Amelia's lips in a sweet soft kiss.
"I love you," he whispers as their lips part. "Me, too," She replies. He tucks the picture in his back pocket, making a mental note to get it in his uniform pocket when he leaves. This will actually help him a lot. He can look at it every night and think about her. It'll give some happiness in a place that's… extremely far from happy. He smiles at the thought.
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die
Owen wanted to take Amelia out somewhere, but after an extremely long day for her, he figured she would love nothing more than a movie and take out. She had an emergency 7 hour surgery, after a guy flipped a jet ski and was caught underneath it, almost tearing his skull to shreds. I was in the OR as well, working on his internal injuries, and Amelia had a hard time with it. Anyone would have, it as rough.
She meets him at the trailer not long after he arrives. He had picked up Chinese takeout and was waiting for her. She walks in the trailer. Owen hadn't heard her pull up. "Sorry, I didn't hear you," He says. "Eh, it's okay." She throws her purse and jacket down on a small chair in the corner. Although Derek's house is much bigger, they like to have movie nights at the trailer. That's how they started them and they weren't going to change the tradition.
Amelia plopped down on the couch. "So, what movie do you want to watch?" She asks. "You pick," Owen says, walking over to his entertainment center, pulling out a few of her favorites, and holding them up. "Hmmm… how bout 'The Great Gatsby'?" Amelia says, pointing to her all-time favorite movie. "Should've known you'd picked that one." Owen popped the movie in, grabbed the take out from the counter, and they got situated on the couch. They ate while watching the movie. Amelia was zoned in on every little thing happening so much so that when Owen spoke, she didn't reply. "This is nice," Owen said with no response. Amelia heard something, but didn't know what he said. "Huh?" She said not taking her eyes off the screen.
"I said this is nice," She looked at him. "This is nice, just us with some take out and a movie... simple but nice." She smiled at him. He returned the favor. She leaned over and planted a quick peck on the cheek. She quickly turned her attention back to the movie. Owen quietly laughed, loving how into the movie she was.
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time's forever frozen still
"Male, John Doe, about 30. GSW to the abdomen and leg, possible spinal injury. Stats are stable, but low. Get him to a room!" April Kepner rattled off the incoming guy's stats as they entered the ER. Owen rushed to the trauma room after her, ready to assist with what may be his last patient before he leaves.
John Doe's wounds required surgery with Dr. Bailey & Dr. Hunt working on his abdomen and Dr. Kepner & Dr. Torres working to repair the muscle wound in his leg. Amelia was called in for a consult, but after a quick observation determined he had only a slight fracture in a vertebrae that would easily heal with just a little pain. She ran off to go work on another patient who was a trauma case as well.
It had been a busy day in trauma and as Owen's shift ended, he made his rounds to say his goodbyes. "Good luck, Dr. Hunt. We're proud of ya." Webber made a calm, inspiring remark, as always. "Wish I could go too, but good luck out there. The trauma department will miss you tremendously, Chief." April gave him a hug. Amelia watched him from the nurse's station as she pretended to look through her charts of her post ops. Finally he got to Meredith. She gave him a long, tight hug. He kissed her on the head as they pulled away. He was extremely supportive of Meredith and they have a good relationship. He's helped her out a lot since Derek died. "See you soon, Owen. We'll miss you." Meredith headed home to her kids.
Watching Owen say his goodbyes made Amelia extremely sad. She wasn't ready to say goodbye, even though she didn't have to until tomorrow. She was going to miss him more than she's imagined. Tonight will be their last night together and she's going to savor every moment. It's all she'll get for the next three or so months. She looks back down at her charts as Owen approaches. She knew he would recognize the sad look on her face.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked. Yup. She knew it. "Nothing, I just… It's sad. Seeing you say goodbye. I'm not ready." He gave her a compassionate look and tilted his head. "We still have one more night together," He said, then stepped closer. "Better make it a good one," He whispered in her ear.
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Again, Owen and Amelia were spending a night together staying in, just at Amelia's this time. She cooked a great dinner and while they ate, he complimented her cooking skills. She tried to savor every moment of the night, knowing they wouldn't have another for a long time. They finish dinner and wash the dishes together, with Owen washing and Amelia drying. Then they decided to sit outside on the porch for a while, something they both enjoyed and did a lot. Owen grabbed a bottle of lime sparkling water out of the fridge, "Will this do?" Amelia threw her head back and laughed, thinking back to when she showed up at his trailer and gave him a bottle of… water.
They sat down on the bench built into the side of the deck and Owen wrapped his arm around Amelia, pulling her close. It was a little chilly out and being close warmed them up. She sighed, closing her eyes and laying her head down on his shoulder, loving this. "I'm gonna miss you so damn much," Owen said. "I'm going to miss you more… I don't know what I'm going to do every night without you here." Amelia said sadly. "I know what you're going to do." She looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question. "You're going to work, a lot. Take on cases you wouldn't before." She nodded and they laughed. That's exactly what she was planning on, and she already has a big surgery planned for two days later. A guy with a supposedly inoperable spinal tumor.
"Promise me you won't overdo it. You don't need to take on another surgery like Herman's." Owen worried so much about her during that surgery. "I won't, but I'm coming sort of close." He sighed, knowing you can't tell Amelia what to do. "But I want you to promise me something else," Amelia says. "What?" Owen asks. "Promise me that you'll be careful. Extremely careful. I can't lose anyone else." Amelia lifts her head and looks at him when she asks. "I promise," He says, pulling her close again.
And if you hurt me
That's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
"Okay, my gate is gate 2B. And it departs in…" He searches his ticket. "10 minutes." He says looking at Amelia. She rubs her hand up and down his arm. "Well, guess this is it." He steps towards her and wraps his arms around her, engulfing her in a hug. She immediately winds her arms around his neck and runs her fingers through his hair. Neither of them want to let go. He breathes in the scent of her. She smells like vanilla with a hint of coconut. He vows to remember that. He pulls away and she groans. "I gotta go, Meels," He says.
"Okay," She says. He pulled her in again, this time burying his face in her hair and clutching her really tight. They pulled away and he kissed, softly, but the kiss had a hint of longing to it. It would be the last for a while. He deepened the kiss and after a couple of seconds, she broke it. "Okay, go." She said. "I love you, I'll see you soon. Oh and thanks for an amazing last night." He winked then pulled her into him and kissed her on the forehead. "Love you. See you soon." She put her hand on his arm and dropped it as he walked off. She crossed her arms and watched him walk away.
You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
Just as she had turned around to leave, she heard him running towards her. "Wait, Amelia. Wait." He said, breathing heavily. She turned around and looked at him confusingly. "Here, take this." He held out a wallet sized picture of the two of them. "You gave me one, so here's yours. Keep it in your scrub pocket or wherever. Maybe you won't feel so alone, either." She smiled and took the picture. She held it in her palm and pressed it to her chest, right over her heart. "Okay, thank you Owen. Go." She urged him to go, so he wouldn't mess around and miss his flight. He walked off and then started into a jog.
He turned around for a sec, running backwards, and said loudly, for Amelia and everyone to hear, "I love you!" Heads turned and stared at the spectacle he created. She laughed and shouted back, "You too!" When he rounded a corner and left her sight, she turned around and left. She smiled as she walked because although he was leaving for a while, this time he was leaving her on a good note. And she knew he would return.
And if you hurt me
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Amelia walked through the cafeteria line, picking up a salad, a pack of Italian dressing, and a bottle of water. "Eating healthy today, huh?" Callie appeared behind Amelia, walking over to their usual table. The two of them sat down and prepared their food. "Yeah, I've got a big surgery later, so I've got to feel good." She tore open the dressing packet and spread it over her grilled chicken salad. "Is it the spinal tumor surgery?" Callie asks, remembering seeing it on the board. "Yep. Gonna be a tough one. I'm guessing about 10 hours, if not more." Amelia forked some salad into her mouth as Callie spooned mac n' cheese into her own.
"Well, good luck. How've you been? You know with Hunt gone." Callie asked, wanting to know if Amelia was okay. "I'm great, actually. I've just dove head first into my work and I've got some really crazy surgerees planned, so I'm good." Callie nodded at her response. "Well, it's seems you're doing extremely good without Owen…" She trailed off, interested to know if it's true. "Callie, I didn't mean it like that. We had a nice goodbye. We ended on a good note and I feel good about it. He's going to be safe and he's going to make a difference. Knowing that is getting me through it." Amelia grinned and forked more salad into her mouth. "I'm happy for you guys." Callie said. The two ate in silence after that, until Meredith joined them. She was complaining about a patient who didn't take her advice and ended up with a huge ulcer.
Amelia's pager went off, signaling a huge pileup in the ER and one patient requiring immediate neuro consultation. She was informed it was bad, so she jumped up and threw her salad bowl away and took off towards the ER. When she was running down an empty hallway, she stopped and took a deep breath. She reached into her scrub's breast pocket and pulled out the picture of her and Owen. She took a long glance and placed a kiss onto her hand then put her hand on the picture. She shoved the picture back inside her pocket as she ran off to see what was waiting for her. But she would get through it, using the strength she gained from seeing Owen's face. And knowing that if he were here, he would be cheering her on.
When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
"Wait for me to come home."
'Dear Amelia,' Owen drug the pen across the paper.
'I miss you. A lot. And we only have another two months, so wait for me.' Owen let the words flow out of him as his pen followed his mind and his heart over the lines of the paper.
'I'm doing well here. I'm making a difference, a visible one. Seeing the faces of those who we help makes the loneliness fade, as does the picture of you. I hope you're doing well. I hope you aren't overworking yourself, but I know you probably slightly are, so remember to take care of yourself. You have good people to watch over you though. I want to share with you something that happened here the other day. I was walking through the street of a neighborhood that is bad off because of the violence going on, and a little girl was sitting on the side of the road, she was probably about 6 years old. She was picking at the little grass still growing there and her clothes were torn pretty badly. She was dirty, too. I walked over to her and I asked her what she was doing all alone. She told me her mom and dad were 'taken' and she had nowhere to go. So I picked her up and took her to the orphanage there. She was a talkative little thing. She asked me my name and where I lived. I told her I lived in Seattle, but was here visiting. She asked me if my family was here visiting too. I told her no and pulled your picture from my pocket and showed it to her. She really studied it before saying, "She's beautiful." She asked about you, so I told her you were my girlfriend and you were a doctor and you helped people, just like me. She held the picture up against her chest, like she was hugging it. So, I gave it to her. I know you wanted me to have it to stay safe, but she needed it more than me. I hope that's okay. I'm safe here. I miss you, Amelia. I love you. See you soon.'
'Love, Owen.'
He folded it, sealed it in an envelope, and sent it off to her.
When Amelia read the letter, she couldn't help but crack a huge smile. Gosh, she loved that man. He was loving, caring, and so compassionate. And it showed through in every word he spoke and every move he made. 'I'm so damn lucky,' she thought.