Spoilers
Disclaimer - I own absolutely nothing of Doctor Who. It's all BBC (I think) and currently Steven Moffat's brilliance.
Pairing - Eleven/River
Spoilers - Angels Take Manhattan ( ), Silence of the Library ( ), Waters of Mars
Rating - T
Summary - The Doctor rails at the effects of knowing the future. History can be rewritten.
A/N - I wrote this at 1:30 in the morning. If it's entirely incoherent, let me know.
The first wave of grief over losing his Ponds had crashed over and finally ebbed from the Doctor. From them. River being there, still with him, eased the ache in his hearts. He hoped he provided the same solace for her.
Gently, he brought her wrist to his mouth for a light kiss. "I've finally figured out why you don't tell any spoilers. They hurt."
"They do," she agreed. "But the wrist doesn't. Not anymore."
"I'd never leave you to hurt. Not if I can heal the hurt. You do know that?" He searched her face hoping he'd find that knowledge there. Relief spread through him when he found it.
"I've known all along how the spoilers can hurt, you know." He tried to offer understanding - even as he kept her own future locked away inside him. "I've railed against them - changed the future. Or tried to at any rate." The Doctor smiled sadly thinking of Adelaide Brooke. "Did I tell you how badly I messed up on Mars?"
River shook her head. "You haven't."
"It probably started - the idea inside of me - with Donna. We'd gone to Pompeii the day before Vesuvius erupted and she insisted - demanded - I save a family living there." The Doctor smiled wistfully. "She saved me - who I am - in so many ways."
River tucked herself closer to him. "I wish I could have met her. She sounds remarkable to make you do anything - stubborn as you are."
He sucked in a breath. 'Spoilers' he reminded himself. She musn't know. "At any rate, I was just traveling. Really. Knocking about even, when I happened upon the first Mars mission and Adelaide Brooke. She's another you'd have liked." His eyes filled. "I got clever and for a while, I believed myself above the Laws of Time."
He met River's eyes and his begged for understanding - for forgiveness for what he'd done and what he must try to do. "In the original time line, she and the entire crew died on Mars. Her granddaughter was inspired to go out to the stars because of her. But like I said, I got clever. I saved her and two of her crew."
He swallowed the lump of emotion clogging his throat. "She killed herself." He laid the awful fact out bare. "I'm still not entirely sure why. But she said I had no right deciding who is and isn't important."
"My love," River spoke finally. "You've never seen people as unimportant. That is one of the amazing things about you." River could feel his double heartbeat against her.
"Then you understand why I sometimes have to rail against those spoilers? Why I have to try and rewrite history? While I've yet to meet anyone ordinary, there are people that I love more than the rest." The Doctor silently apologized for not being able to save her parents - though he tried. He silently apologized for what he'd spend the rest of his regenerations trying to do - figure out a way for River to survive the Library or at the very least come out from the Library computer.
"There are some things, even the Laws of Time cannot expect me to live with," he said just a bit fiercely.
River didn't entirely understand his sudden mood. He was no longer morose as he'd been a while ago, but filled with an almost frightening zeal. "We'll tempt fate together in the morning, dear. For now, sleep. Tomorrow holds it's own problems."
A/N 2 - I'll add another chapter if/when I figure out a way for River to survive the Library - unless Moffat does before I do.
A/N 3 - Reviews are like pumpkin spice ice cream. Wonderful!