Ben was relieved to find Chewbacca in their usual spot. Uncle Chewie always seemed to know when he needed him. Ben climbed into his lap without a word. He still fit there, though the wookie no longer completely dwarfed him. "You're going to be taller than any of us soon," his mother had said just the other day. "I don't know where you get it from." She'd smiled, but there was an edge to her voice Ben was used to hearing. His mother did not like unexpected things. And there was very little about Ben, it seemed, that went as expected.
Chewbacca rubbed Ben's back. He'd wait until Ben was ready to talk, he'd listen and see why everything was so wrong.
"They're going to send me away."
I know, Chewbacca replied in a low wookie growl. We're going to miss you very much.
Ben resisted the urge to contest the "we." There was never any point in arguing that with Chewie. "I don't want to go."
You don't want to be a Jedi anymore?
He wasn't sure how to answer. He did, he really did, but it wasn't like when he was small and his mother and Uncle Luke would help him float pebbles around. There was an academy now. Ben was expected to help, to lead. Uncle Luke had said as much. But Ben couldn't do that. Ben didn't know anything. It was like the voice he heard in his dreams said, he'd never live up to everyone that came before him. He'd never be the Jedi they expected. And that was only half the problem.
He finally looked up at Chewbacca. "I don't think that's all of why they're sending me."
Ben had expected Chewie to lie and assure him that wasn't true, but instead he sighed and his eyes got sad. They have a lot of reasons to think it will be good for you.
"It won't be."
I think staying here would be worse.
The solution hit Ben all at once- it was brilliant, it was perfect. He jumped up from Uncle Chewie's lap. "Then let's run away. Just me and you, in a ship, having adventures like you used to!" The possibilities bubbled up inside him. He didn't have to be a hero. He could be Ben the pilot, or Ben the copilot, if Chewie wanted, traversing the galaxy and getting into to trouble and maybe, maybe, saving the occasional day, but never being expected to. "There are ships here we can take, we'll just-"
Ben. Chewbacca stood, his voice low and mournful. We can't do that. I can't abandon your father, and you can't abandon everyone.
"I can." His excitement dropped out and something darker and craggier and altogether venomous rose in its place. "I don't need them if they don't want me. And I don't need you." Ben would not cry. His hands shook but he wouldn't let himself cry. "I'll go alone, I don't care."
He turned to run, but Chewbacca caught him around his shoulders. You won't.
"Let go of me!" Ben kicked at the wookie to no effect. It inspired only pity in his eyes, not fear, and it hurt Ben worse than if he'd struck him with all his strength. Ben kicked harder, thrashed his whole body, but it did not make the feeling go away.
Chewbacca finally let go, but Ben knew that he'd tell his parents long before Ben could make it to a ship. He chose them, he'd always chose them. Ben had been stupid to think that it might be otherwise, that anyone could love him more than the galaxy's heroes.
He was alone. They would send him away to be sure he knew it.