Hey, I know that I promised that I would update "Happiness Is A Road Travelled" next, but I can't get it started, so I thought that I would give you this short three chapter story to let you know that I am still writing and that I am going to update that very soon. Well, enough of me, and on with the story!
Disclaimer – All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Rating – T – Just to be safe
Summery – What happens if you just have to take a leap if faith, even if that leap takes you miles further than you think you can go? Reela. Set after Ray's accident.
The song lyrics in the chapter are by Linkin Park, and they are "Leave Out All The Rest"
This first chapter is about what Neela has done since Ray's accident and is set from her POV.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future - Lewis B. Smedes
"Thanks Haleh" Neela said with a smile as she made her way through the door to the lounge of Cook County General. It was three months after her accident and she had been back at work for a week, something that Neela was thankful for. She had been staying with Abby since the rally and even though she was a great friend and a shoulder to cry on when she was home, that didn't stop Neela thinking when she was on her own all day, the only other human contact being the presenters of morning television programmes or Joe, who Neela knew would have a lot of stories to tell if he could repeat some of the days that he and Neela had shared together.
The first few weeks had mainly consisted of Neela resting and focusing on getting herself better, so she didn't really have time to think about anything else. Or anyone else for that matter. But once she was strong enough that Abby was happy with letting her do a bit of light shopping or talking Joe to the park, that was when her mind had went on overdrive and she had sat thinking about the last time she had seen Ray and all of the things that they had said to each other and the things that she had wished she had said. Most days she would end up with Joe sitting on her lap as tears fell from her eyes and she would tell him about how she had messed up the one thing in her life that she had valued, Ray and her friendship with him.
The hardest thing that she had done since her accident in regards to Ray was telling Abby what had happened to him and that he had left after the rally. Abby had been ranting how inconsiderate Ray was how he wasn't answering his phone and was probably out drunk somewhere or else hooking up with some girl. That was when Neela had broke, tears running down her face.
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"I can't believe him, he won't even answer his phone, and after what he did at my wedding!" Abby was furious at the fact that she had just tried calling Ray for the sixteenth time and he still hadn't answered her call, letting it ring until it went to the answering machine, numerous messages telling him to get back there.
Neela clenched her fists at her sides as she tried to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks because even though Abby wasn't looking at her, she didn't think that she would deserve the comfort that she would no doubt bestow upon her, especially after what she had just done to Ray.
"Stop it Abby" Neela whispered meekly, although Abby didn't hear and continued to pace the room, saying with an angered expression,
"He acts like an ass fighting with Gates, claiming he cares about you but he can't even show up when you need him"
That had pushed Neela too far, for now she knew that Ray did more than cared for her, he had told her that he had fell in love with her, and thinking back to his hurt eyes and abused face as he uttered those words, Neela felt her resolve break as the tears slid down her cheeks and she shouted at Abby,
"Stop it! Stop saying that about him!" her already horse voice coming out even more so as she choked back a sob, looking up into Abby's shocked face.
Walking over to Neela, Abby sat in the chair beside the bed as she looked up at her friend and said,
"Why, don't you think he should be here, wouldn't you be there for him if something happened, waiting to see him as soon as he woke up and tell him that it was going to be alright?"
Neela turned her head, her eyes sad and tired. Her voice back at it's normal volume, Neela said,
"I wish I could have been"
"Could've been…what do you mean?" Abby asked with a confused expression masking her features.
Taking a deep breath, Neela fiddled subconsciously with the blanket that was covering her as he said in a quiet voice,
"There was an accident Abby…Ray got hurt, that's why he can't be here"
Abby felt worry and guilt consumer her at her previous words, and prayed that Ray was alright.
"What sort of accident, is he alright?" Abby asked as she looked at Neela, who was struggling with her own emotions.
"He was…after the wedding he…was hit by a truck" Neela stopped as she pulled in a breath, a few tears falling down her cheeks and onto her gown. "they had to-when I went to see him…both of his legs Abby" She looked at Abby with a gaze that was full of so much hurt and sorrow that Abby felt her own heart break for her friend, and moved so that she was sitting on the bed beside her.
"What happened…is he OK now?" Abby asked, hopeful that Ray was going to be just fine.
Shaking her head, more tears spilling as she did, Neela finally said,
"They had to amputate both of his legs Abby…and I wasn't even there for him, he was alone…and now he's gone", Neela choked out between sobs before breaking down.
Abby pulled Neela into a hug, her arms gently running up and down her back as tears fell from her own eyes. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, her heart breaking for Ray.
"It'll be OK sweetie, it'll be OK" Abby murmured to Neela as she cried.
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Neela was snapped from her thoughts as the lounged opened and another figure entered, that figure being none other than Abby. Turning around she smiled at her friend as she said,
"You off yet?"
Shaking her head, Abby flopped down onto the couch, a cup of coffee in her hand, and replied,
"No, a few more hours to go. But I'll see you later"
Neela nodded her head and said goodbye to Abby before leaving the ER and making her way to the EL station. She and Abby had decided that until she was working in the hospital for a few weeks, and recovered one hundred and ten percent for sure, that she would stay with Abby and Joe since Luka was gone.
Neela was finally home and was sitting in her room, having changed from her blue surgical scrubs to a pair of sweats and a grey sweatshirt. It was her favourite one because it smelt like Ray, a mixture of spice and mint, after it had gotten mixed in with his laundry one day and had stayed stuffed with his clothes for about a month. She hadn't washed it once since she had gotten it back, and regretted even more that she hadn't taken his t-shirt when he had offered it to her.
Lying back against the pillows, Neela remembered about the CD that Ray had given her on the night of the wedding, the one that she hadn't dared to listen to, afraid that once she heard his voice she would start crying and would never stop again. She had been so touched when he had given it to her, telling her that he had wrote a song for her, and in true Ray fashion, leaving her to find out which one it was herself. Opening her bedside drawer, she pulled out the case and walked over to the small stereo in her room and popped the CD in, hitting "play" before she changed her mind and put it away again.
Sitting on the bed again, her knees pulled up, Neela gazed at the cover that Ray had made, smiling a sad smile as she looked at the picture and read the words, "love Ray". Hearing the sound of the plastic disc as it spun around, Neela held her breath as a few notes played and suddenly Ray's voice was in her room again, in her mind, and closing her eyes, she pictured him beside her.
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
She didn't know if this was the song that Ray had meant, or if he had ever thought that such circumstances would lead her to listening to them with a heart wrenching pain in her chest at his words, but Neela didn't care as she tried to remember every detail about him that she could as she drunk in his words.
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Neela smiled as his words evoked memories of their times as "roomies' as Ray had dubbed them, came to mind, such as the first day she had moved in, Ray being dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a t-shirt, and even though she had found him so frustrating at that time, she still couldn't deny that he was sexy. Of course it wasn't long before memories of her leaving came to mind, making her lip quaver as she tried to hold back her tears.
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
The images of Zoë's father and Tony fighting with Ray overlapped in her mind no matter how hard she tried to push them back. His eyes, so sad and hurt when she had told him that she was moving out, so explanation given other than, "I think we both know why", and even then she had known that it wasn't enough but she couldn't bring herself to admit that she had fallen for him.
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
Wiping at tears, Neela looked over to her nightstand where a framed picture of her and Michael sat, the one that was taken from her wedding day. In front of it sat a picture of her and Ray that they had taken the last Christmas that they had shared an apartment. Ray had just got a new camera and decided that he wanted to try it out, even though neither of them where dressed. But still, Neela loved that picture because it showed how comfortable she had become with him and him with her that they could sit in their pyjamas, hair mussed up and eyes still tired, although the smile that shone on Ray's face made him appear as though he had been awake longer. His smile was one of the things that Neela loved most about him, and a sad one graced her own face as she memorized the picture in her head.
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
As the song finished, Neela wiped the tears from her eyes and walked over to the stereo, stopping the music. Walking out into the hall, she saw that Abby was just in.
"What's wrong honey?" Abby asked as she walked over to Neela, noticing the red rimmed eyes and the tear streaks on her face.
"I need to get him better Abby" Neela said as she walked over to the kitchen and sat at the table with a notepad in front of her and began to write things down.
"Neela, you need to get yourself better" Abby replied in a soft voice as she sat down in the chair opposite.
Stopping what she was doing, Neela looked over at Abby as she said,
"I am better Abby, he's not…I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most, he was always there for me…I'm nor going to lose him this time"
Placing her hand on top of Neela's, Abby gave her friend an understanding smile as he said,
"What do you need me to do?"
Looking up, Neela let out a nervous laugh as he said,
"Help me pack"
It was three in the afternoon the next day and Abby and Neela where standing in O'Hare's Airport. Looking at Neela, Abby smiled at her as she said, her voice slightly choked with emotion,
"Tell him we miss him and we're thinking of him"
Nodding her head, Neela smiled, still not believing that she was actually doing this, that she was going to Baton Rogue, she replied,
"I will…but I have something to tell him myself first"
As the announcement that her flight was boarding, Neela pulled Abby into a hug,
"Thanks for everything Abby"
Returning the hug, Abby laughed a little as she said,
"Don't thank me, just go and get your man"
Pulling back, Neela laughed and began to walk down the terminal, all the while thinking, I'm going to help him get through this, just like I promised.
A/N That was chapter one and I hope that you liked it! The next will be from Ray's POV and about what he has done since the accident. Please review and let me know what you think!