A little comfort at night

Sam looked at him one more time, then grabbed Michael and dragged him with himself in the cage. "Nooo! Sammy..."Dean's voice failed him. The hole in the ground closed, with his brother inside.

A single tear fled his eye and made its way down his cheek. Soon more tears followed, but he didn't care. He fell to the ground sobbing and coursing.

He was gone, Sammy was gone. He had failed. He had failed his one mission, to protect his little brother. A lump formed in his throat, which made swallowing painful, yet he did not notice it.

Dean didn't know how long he sat there and he glanced up after a while.

He was alone in the graveyard and he knew something off about that fact, but he welcomed it now that he was a mess on the ground. The air seemed to be pressed out of his lungs and every part of his body ached from exhaustion.

"Dean" Did someone just say his name? He looked around with his red, swollen eyes, but couldn't see anyone. "Dean!" The voice was familiar.

Dean's eyes shot open and he recognized someone standing next to his bed, one hand on his shoulder. He reached for the demon knife under his pillow and held it in front of him, trying to sit up and get into a better position to defend himself and the hand fell from his shoulder, but he then identified the person standing in the slightly lightened room.

"Cas?" his voice was raspier that he thought and only now did he notice the dry tears on his face. He put down the knife on the drawer next to the bed and backed away from the wall.

"You were having a nightmare and I thought I should intervene." Cas looked at him with an almost blank expression.

"Are you alright now?"The angel stood next to the bed in his usual trench coat.

No, everything inside him screamed.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry." He looked down and shifted a bit to make himself more comfortable.

"When did you last truly sleep?", Dean heard a hint of worry and apparently Cas had understood the idea of lying and knew how to identify a lie. Great, Dean thought.

"I don't know", Dean was just to tired to lie to himself or anyone else anymore.

"I think about two weeks.", he added. Cas glared at him, but he did so with this knowing look, so he did put the pieces together.

"That was when Lucifer and Michael fell into the cage." Dean sighed and nodded "Yes", he looked to the side, somewhat embarrassed of his emotions.

"You know, Cas, I'm fine now. You can go, if you don't want to stay and watch me sleep." He looked up to the angel, who was still standing next to the bed and hadn't made any attempt to leave. The last part was meant to come out sarcastic, but somehow didn't.

"You are not fine, Dean. And you are still crying." Cas pointed out and sat down on the bed, next to Dean. And then he put one arm around him and pulled him closer. Dean almost pulled away, almost. One because it was surprising and second because it was weird to be this intimate with another man, but it just felt to good to have something to hold on to.

So he decided to put his pride beside and enjoy the comfort Cas tried to offer. Dean lowered his head and buried his face in the angels shoulder, letting his tears flow free. Cas even patted Dean's back with his free hand.

"There is no shame in missing your brother, Dean. I know what it feels like." Dean didn't reply.

They stayed like this for a while, neither had the intention of ending the hug. And then the wall Dean had build up inside of him broke down, everything he held back came flooding out.

"i just... I can't do this. I miss him so bad. … I pretend to be okay, I even fool myself, but I'm broken, Cas." Dean lifted his head and his green eyes were full of grief and hopelessness. New tears now streamed from Dean's eyes, "Sammy would not want me to give up, but it's to much. Why does it have to be me?"

Castiel could feel something changing inside of him and it confused him, as he felt something like a stabbing pain.

So Cas just continued holding Dean close. The angel didn't know what to say so he just held him more tightly.

It felt like Cas had been holding him for eternity and Dean knew he had to let him go eventually. Slowly he raised his body up, as he was leaning against Cas and the angel understood the movement and took his arms away, that now they were sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed.

"Would you like to stay a bit?" clearly it took a lot of courage for Dean to ask this, he didn't look Cas in the eyes, but around the room and Cas responded immediately "Yes. I will, if you want."

Dean nodded and raised his head to look at the angel. He smiled, one tear still on its way down his cheek and then turned around and lay down again, his face towards the other, but eyes closed.

After a few minutes his breathing was steady and as he opened his eyes and pushed himself up on one elbow and spoke his voice was calm and steady as well,

"How did you know how to do that?" His curiosity finally came through. Cas shrugged, Wait, he shrugged?!, "I learned that from the woman with the big glasses." "You didn't watch porn again, did you?" A spark of amusement entered Deans eyes at the thought. "It was there." Now a grin showed on the Winchesters face, he even rolled his eyes and Cas' felt a happiness inside him.

"You should try to sleep now." The angel lay a hand on Dean's shoulder and gently pressed him down again, to which the human didn't resist. Dean made himself a bit more comfortable and closed his eyes again, but the silence only lasted for some time.

"Uhm Cas? I don't think I can sleep when your watching me like that." He didn't even need to open his eyes, to know Cas was staring at him. "I don't think it is wise to leave you alone right now.", was the monotone reply. Then it was silent for a bit, until the bed was pushed down on Dean's right and something heavy climbed unto it. He felt the familiar trench coat ruffle against his legs and an arm press in his side.

Dean spun around and his eyes opened in surprise, when indeed Cas was lying next to him, very close to him. "Cas? What are you doing in my bed?" The angel faced him and now there were only inches between their faces, something Dean noticed immediately.

"If you do not want me to stay, I will leave." Cas offered, but Dean felt a tug in his gut at the thought. Trying not to be to eager or embarrassed he quickly replied "No, it's... alright I guess." The thought of someone being there made him feel more secure.

Dean turned around to the other side so that his back was now facing Cas and finally drifted into sleep with a smile on his lips.