A 17 year old boy's mother was murdered. It wasn't because of a robbery, it wasn't because of their money, and every single lead they had was a dead end. The boy was ruled out as a suspect; his alibi checked out, and when they saw the pain in the kid's eyes… Nobody could be such a good actor. James was witty, charming… lonely; Castle saw a lot of himself in the kid. The boy had no one except for his mother. Castle wondered how his life would be if the exact same thing had happened to him as a teen. He didn't want to, but he couldn't stop thinking, making up so many scenarios, so many 'what ifs'. The worst part was that the 'what ifs' usually ended up with him wondering what if what had happened in the cemetery had had another ending? What if he didn't have such bad timing? And he arrived to the same conclusion: asking himself what ifs wasn't going to help to close the case, especially not Beckett-related what ifs.

Kate was looking at him, he was frowning at the murder board, and sitting on her desk. Since Alexis had gone to college, Castle had been quiet. She had realized that after everything they went through the past year - the bomb, their fight, the hangar, Roy, the incident (as she liked to call what happened in the cemetery) - Castle had tried hard to not change their routine and still be the one that provided the laughs. But since Alexis had gone to Stanford two weeks ago, he had been quieter.

She approached him and offered him a cup of coffee. He declined and told her it would be better if he went home and slept on it and tried to be away from it all to see if they were missing something. She just nodded.

"Night, Castle."

"Night, Detective, and you should do the same, go home, get some sleep."

He went away, and it didn't go unnoticed that even when he was tired, worried and sort of lost in his own thoughts, he still thought of her well being. He was always there for her and she had stopped lying to herself months ago about how she felt about him, but between being scared of what was at risk, and their bad timing, their dance had been the same. Neither of them spoke about what they were truly thinking or feeling. For people that could communicate so well by just looking at each other, they were horrible at having 'real' conversations.

Castle was cooking pasta, listening to music and trying to enjoy the perks of living alone. Martha had moved out after her school started business. She had been living with him because she was bankrupt and, as she had put it when she broke the news, there was no point in intruding in her adult son's life any more. He should enjoy the single life, and so would she.

His doorbell rang and he was surprised to see Kate standing there with a paper bag.

"I thought after today you could use some ice cream. It helps me when a case gets rough."

"Tha-thank you," he stammered, surprise becoming the least of what her unexpected visit was causing him. "If Alexis was here she would tell me off for not inviting you over. Please, come in."

"Nah, Castle, it's all right. I just wanted to drop this off, so I made a little detour on my way home."

"Seriously, Kate. I was cooking and I used to cook for three so I've made more food than I should. I mean if you haven't eaten already, of course."

"Actually, I haven't."

He stepped away and beckoned for her to come in with a small bow, and she smiled at him.

"Something smells good."

"Pasta. Single people's food, they say."

"Who says?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but isn't it?"

"Might be, if you know how to cook, or if you like it. If not, takeout would be the real answer."

"Touché… Let me get that for you." As Kate was taking off her coat he grabbed the bag, taking the ice cream out and putting it in the fridge. When he looked at her he realized she was wearing different clothes, and noticed her hair was wet.

"Kate? You went home and then came here?"

"Not really. I have a second outfit in my locker at the precinct, and I took a shower there," he was looking at her curiously, "I wanted to leave the day behind; showers let me clear my head."

"Was the first thing I did when I arrived here." He stirred the sauce one last time and starting taking plates out of the cupboard, setting the table over the counter.

Castle was playing with his glass of wine. The conversation had worn off and they had finished eating their meal in silence. Kate was sure something else was bothering him besides the case. It was almost as though they had switched places; in that moment Castle was behaving like her, like her old self.

"Castle, something is bothering you."

"It's just… I can't get the sight of James out of my head."

"We'll get the guy that did that to his mother, Castle."

"I know." He sipped his glass of wine.

He didn't say anything else and Kate looked at him questioningly "there's something else besides the case." She offered him a small smile and he took a sip from his glass again.

His mind was a mess. He wanted to shut it down, and just enjoy the moment, the quiet dinner with Kate; but he simply couldn't. What if? If only I…? What would happen? So many questions and not a single answer because he didn't have the courage to finally say out loud three words that would completely change the rules of the game. He was afraid, not only of rejection, but of the consequences that would have. For someone that acted on his impulses most of the time, he had spent too much time overanalyzing this.

"It's quiet in here." She looked at him inquiringly, not exactly following why he was stating the obvious. "I mean, since Alexis went to college, it's been quiet, and I don't know, really." He opened his mouth a couple of times before breathing deeply. "When I was a teenager I was a dreamer, I thought that at my age…" he breathed again "I guess life makes you stand on your feet one way or the other… I miss the noises, and the laughs, and I just… I didn't think I would be alone in my forties with two failed marriages." She was looking at him waiting for him to go on. He sipped his glass again thinking usually it was the other way around, with him digging to know more about her. He realized he had cornered her a while back for not talking, for hiding, but he had done the same thing. He didn't share some aspects of his life, the ones that bothered him.

"When you're young you don't think your wife is going to run away with another man to pursue her dreams, not even thinking about the fact that you have a small kid, or that you will marry for a second time, and things are going to be so complicated, so much fighting, the deadlines, the pushing." He ran a hand through his hair, not really looking at her.

"I didn't know."

"I'm sounding like a bitter old man."

"I know." She smiled and threw a napkin at him, trying to distract herself from what she was feeling, to hide the goosebumps, and realizing there's even more to the Richard Castle she knows. The carefree spirit and the childish manners at times were his way of fighting the things that had happened to him.

Castle set the napkin down and picked up the plates, carrying them to the sink. He was looking for some bowls to serve the ice cream and had his back turned to her.

"So you want to get married again?" He turned back, startled by her question, and her face was difficult to read. Castle kept walking around his kitchen, taking out the ice cream from the fridge and setting it on the counter.

"I don't know, maybe. It's not that easy."

"Castle, at least a dozen girls would be in line to date you. Where's your ego, Ricky?" she asked playfully. She was trying to ease the seriousness of the conversation they had just had, like he had done for her a million times. It was her turn, but she wasn't ready for the implications of his half-answer.

"Not the one I want," he mumbled. An awkward silence followed the statement. He was hoping she hadn't heard him, she was hoping he would say something else. Castle kept fidgeting in the kitchen looking for a spoon to serve the dessert, cursing at himself for what he had said. He was too concentrated in his own thoughts and the simple task he was doing seemed a lot harder than it really was. The sound of dishes woke him up from the sort of trance he was in, and he turned around to see Beckett putting their glasses in the sink and watching him, standing incredibly close.

"And who is the one you want?"

He set the spoon he'd found and was holding on the counter and turned to look at her.

"Kate." It was almost a warning mixed with a plea, a silent 'don't play with me', and at the same it was the answer to her question.

She looked at him, blinking a few times, stepping a little closer, focusing on the first button of his shirt, looking anywhere except his eyes. She needed to hear the answer, she needed him to be honest. "Kate?" She looked at him, her eyes bright, inquiring. He looked at her with some uncertainty, exactly like all the times he had said 'I was thinking', tilting his head to his right side, trying to read in her what exactly she was expecting him to do other than answer the simple question she had asked.

He tried to talk but it was like he had lost his voice, and in that moment it hit her that she wasn't the only one risking her heart.

Beckett raised her left hand to his chest and with the right one played with the collar of his shirt. She looked at him, and tried to take a mental picture of the way he was looking at her hands and at her, because she needed to mock him later. He was trying to say something but as speechless as he was because of what she was doing and how the night was going, he decided to be bold.

Castle closed the gap between them and Beckett returned the kiss immediately. Her hands went to the back of his neck applying just a little pressure there, and his hands were clinging to her hips making her stand even closer to him. He lifted her shirt just a little, drawing circles on her back, while she nibbled his lower lip playfully. Her hands came back down to rest on his chest and both of them broke the kiss to come back up for air.

When Kate opened her eyes and saw him, he looked hesitant as to what to do next. She didn't waste another minute and kissed him again, sweetly at first. Grabbing his biceps and pushing herself closer she felt his heart beating faster, deepening the kiss her hands travelled to his back, while he took her face in his hands.

When they broke the kiss to breathe again, he hugged her, humming absentmindedly into her hair and she started giving him little kisses on the spot behind his ear and whispered, "Castle, the ice cream is melting." Amused, he backed away from their embrace and took a look at the dessert sitting on the counter.

He grabbed the container and putted it back in the freezer. Turning around, he saw Kate was near him again. "I wanted that."

He grinned mischievously and took her hand in his. He kissed her sweetly on the cheek, then her neck, pulling her nearer by the hip, kissed her lightly on the lips. "Later?" Kate lost every track of thought murmuring a yes on his lips, grabbing his face and kissing him again. This time when they broke apart, without moving an inch she kept kissing his jaw, and then his neck. He then took control again, changing places and pressing her against the wall, his hand travelling up and down her back until it came to rest on her hips, lifting her up while she wrapped her legs around his waist. It was too late to stop and when he put her down, her knees were weak and she missed the contact when he stepped away. Kate took his hand while trying to catch her breath, and he was doing the same thing debating into what to do next.

"Rick?"

"It's you. You're the one I want, you have been the one I want for a long time and there's a lot at risk here, Kate, but you and me, we can make this work. I want to make you happy, and this... sounds a lot sappier than it did in my head."

He was looking at her and at the same time taking occasional glances at the floor. Castle heard her trying and failing to suppress a giggle. "If what we were doing didn't convince you that I want this too then I don't know what would do it."

"I have an idea," he said, smirking. Kate looked at him teasingly and gave him a peck on his cheek, lingering and moving to his ear to whisper: "Show me."

Kate thought he was going to kiss her like moments ago when she saw his smirk, but instead he lifted her up as if she were a bride. The threats to make him stop were buried by her laughs and he finally put her down in front of his room.

His expression changed from playful to genuine, questioning the step they were going to make. Biting her lip with her eyes half closed as she started to unbutton his shirt, he started to step towards the bedroom, making her stumble on his bed. He took her shirt off, letting it fall on the floor as he slowly caressed her waist while placing her on the bed below him, never losing contact and staring into her eyes. He finally closed them when he felt her lips on his, completely losing himself in the moment.

N/A: First of all I have to thanks to my beta reader/editor, english is not my first language so I don't know what I'd do without her. Probably just imagine this things in my head. Second, this little kitchen scene was prompted by a conversation with one of my tumblr friends so Thanks B :)

This is my second Castle fic, I hope they're in character and that you've enjoyed it. It might have a second part, part of it it's already written down.

Reviews make a fanfic writer's day brighter, waaay brighter ;)