A/N 1: I'm not even going to say that this is my final story in this series. Instead, I'll just say that this is the continuance. This picks up where 'Forgive Us Our Trespasses' left off and is a crossover with L&O:SVU.
Pairings: B/A…Turbulent times, people, so fasten your seatbelts.
Rating: T (M for selected chapters)
Warnings: The usual: bad language, violence, adult situations, murder, sensitive subject matter including child sexual abuse (hence SVU involvement), alcohol consumption, drug references (prescription and illegal), references to suicide, and adults consenting to doing what I tell them to do. Any other specific warnings I will try and remember to post for those chapters.
Disclaimer(s): I own the characters I've created. Dick Wolf owns what's his.
Summary: "When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul." - William Shakespeare.
(The end of this chapter is rated M.)
Major Case Squad
One Police Plaza, Manhattan
He felt the spark of anger ignite early that morning as he arrived at One Police Plaza. With him he carried the same box he had left Staten Island with, which he never unpacked. It had been sitting in his study, shoved under his desk. In it were supplies, files filled with notes on all the cases he'd worked while on the island, a few of his books, and his binder.
He could feel the glares on his back as Kathy handed him his ID badge at the front desk. Then when he went to the elevators, he realized that no one was allowing him on. One detective even blocked him as he hit the button to shut the doors, telling him that the elevator was full. There had only been five other people on it.
The tight clench in his chest wasn't an unfamiliar feeling; he'd felt the pain of isolation before but never to this extent. Everyone seemed to be making a point to exclude him. Abandoning the elevators, he pulled open the stairwell door and took the stairs. He got halfway up, stopped and leaned against the wall as he felt the gnawing pain erupt in his gut. His hands quivered as he reached for the ibuprofen in his pocket; he took one, swallowing it dry, before continuing to the eleventh floor.
He had just turned the corner, heading toward the Major Case Squad room when a detective, Andrews, spotted him as he went to walk by. Andrews reached out as he passed and hit his box, sending it tumbling to the floor.
Bobby stared down at the scattered papers, books, and his binder and felt his fists clench. Turning around, he stormed after the detective. "Andrews!"
Andrews stopped and turned to face him with a smug smile on his face. "What'd you want, Goren?"
He shoved Andrews hard in the chest as he stepped up to him. "What the hell's your problem?"
Several other detectives and civilian employees stopped walking as they watched to see what would happen.
Andrews, with barely controlled anger, stepped back up to him, saying, "You're my problem. You're this entire department's problem. Why don't you leave us good cops alone by doing us all a favor and go crawl back into your little rat hole on Staten Island."
Bobby glared at the detective as he turned and continued down the hallway. Swallowing hard, he glanced around the hall at the people standing around and then into the squad room. When it was obvious that no one was going to help or have his back, he knelt down to pick up his overturned box.
And so went his day.
He had been welcomed back by Captain Deakins once he entered the squad room, however, no one else even acknowledged his presence. Since he was no longer Alex's partner, he no longer had the desk across from her. It hurt to see it empty and knowing that he would never have that desk again. Then when Deakins showed him to the desk, the one that wobbled and was blocked from the rest of the squad room by a pillar, he had to take a deep breath and count to five before he could even sit down.
Deakins gave him copies of the reports and files from the case Alex and Mike were working on and he got right down to business. After a few minutes of dealing with the tilted desk, he took out his knife and cut a square piece out of the box and put it under the shortened leg, fixing the tilt. That turned out to be the most productive thing he did all day.
Alex and Mike were gone nearly the entire day; he had called during lunch and found that they had leads that they were running down. When he returned to his desk after two in the afternoon, he couldn't concentrate from the constant pain that wouldn't go away. He'd taken another ibuprofen with his pastrami on rye, but the medication wasn't strong enough. At one point he ended up in the interview room, trying to map out his thoughts on the white board only to find himself staring at it with nothing to show for a day's worth of profiling.
He got lucky because a little after four, Mike walked in pushing along side him a man in handcuffs. Bobby watched as he took him into the holding cell, locking him in before coming out just in time to meet Alex at the door. Mike handed her the cuffs and then they proceeded his way, to the captain's office.
As they passed, Mike gave him a pat on the shoulder as Alex grinned, but not before she teased him about the desk. Bobby turned in his chair watched as they briefed Deakins on the case. A few minutes later they walked out, heading to their desks as Deakins stepped up to him.
"Well, they got the guy. That profile might help with the prosecution, but he confessed, gave everything up. You can either stay and finish it or get going; it'll be five soon enough anyway."
Bobby stared down at the files in front of him and gave a nod before gathering everything up. Once all the folders were in order, he opened his bottom drawer, looked down, and froze. He slammed the drawer shut, buried his head in his quivering hands, and cursed.
"Everything okay?"
He nearly jumped at the sound of her voice. Bobby dropped his hands as he leaned back in the chair. He was fighting the urge to snap, or to find out who was responsible and beat their head in. Alex leaned against his desk as he quickly glanced around the bullpen. Some detectives glanced their way but most continued to ignore them; Mike was on the phone at the desk that had once belonged to Detective Bishop.
"Bobby?"
"Uh, yeah…everything's fine, Eames."
"I guess I'm going to have to get used to that again. You calling me 'Eames' at work," Alex said with a smile. "So, Logan wants to go out and celebrate your return and the solving of our first case together. What'd you say? One celebratory toast for the three of us then we'll head home."
He really didn't want to; his gut was on fire, his head was pounding, and he had the worst day ever. And to top it all off, there was a dead rat in the bottom drawer of his desk.
"I know we promised to talk tonight, so if you want to go straight home instead, I'll let Logan know."
He forgot about their plans to talk. They were going to make dinner, drink some wine, do some serious talking about what was going on with them, and him. After today, however, he wasn't in the mood. Ah, screw it, he needed a drink. "No, uh, it's okay. I've got something I've got to do first, uh…before we leave, so, uh…let me know when you're ready."
Alex smiled down at him as she got up and went back to her desk.
Bobby watched her walk away and felt his stomach drop. Shifting his eyes away, he stared at the pillar in front of him and closed his eyes. His thoughts about quitting MCS rushed back so hard it felt that he'd been punched in chest.
Everything had changed. He had thought that in order in get everything back to normal, back to the way it was, that he had to get back to Major Case. The once safe, even comforting, squad room had become something foreign and unsafe. It was filled with the same people, the same faces he'd always seen day-in and day-out for four years, but now the comfort of the familiarity was gone. These people, his colleagues, no longer wanted him there. He was no longer accepted as one of their own. They no longer trusted him.
Taking a breath, he pulled out a latex glove, flipped the lid off the now empty box under his desk, and opened the drawer. Putting the open end of the box up to the edge of the drawer, he quickly tossed the dead rodent in it then placed the lid back on top as he kicked the drawer shut. He threw the glove in the trash and after he put the files away, grabbed his binder, coat, and the box before leaving the squad room through the back hallway to avoid having to walk by Alex and Mike.
Once out back behind One Police Plaza, he tossed the box into the dumpster but stayed outside as he pulled his pack of cigarettes out from his pocket and lit one. Sitting on the cold concrete steps that led up to the door, he thought about what he was going to do. He could tough it out and stick with MCS or he could put in a transfer. He really didn't want to quit the NYPD altogether. He loved his job.
He felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. Alex sent him a text telling him to get back up to Major Case, something's come up. They had a new case already.
Bobby finished his second cigarette as wrote her back, telling her he was on his way. He took an empty elevator to the eleventh floor and hurried down the hall. Alex's desk was empty, and so was Mike's, but he didn't have to search far for them once he looked toward Deakin's office.
He tapped on the door before walking in. Once inside, he shut the door and walked over to the table against the wall seeing how both chairs were taken. He sat on the edge of the table and waited for the briefing.
Deakins was on the phone, looking grief stricken. "I understand how delicate this is, Chief. That's why I'm putting my best detectives on it…" he glanced over at him and said into the phone, "Yes…I'll tell him. Yeah…" He checked his watch and cursed under his breath. "What channel?" he asked as he opened a drawer in his desk, taking out the remote. "I will, Ch-" he pulled the phone away and glanced at it before hanging up.
Bobby turned his attention to the television that was in the corner of the office as it was turned on.
A news anchor was reporting live outside of the courthouse across the street. "…have yet to receive confirmation from the NYPD, but early reports indicate that ADA Alec Gardner, a twelve year veteran of the New York district court, is missing."
"How'd they get this already when we're just now finding out?" Logan asked as Deakins lowered the volume on the TV.
Bobby sat still as he continued to watch the screen as he said, "ADA Gardner, his fiancée is Natalie Vandenberg…Her brother is Kurt Vandenberg." When they all looked at him, he explained, "He owns WQNY and half of the corporate media in New York."
"Oh, those Vandenberg's," Logan said with a roll of his eyes.
"Do you want us to treat this as a disappearance?" Alex asked as she turned to Deakins. "He could just be off in the Hamptons with a mistress."
Deakins smirked a little but explained, "ADA Gardner was due to present to the Grand Jury this afternoon, it was the final slot on the docket, he never showed."
"For what case?" Bobby asked as his fingers twitched to be writing something down, but as it were, his binder was on his desk.
"He was looking to indict Guy Patterson."
They all went silent as they turned to one another. Bobby saw a clouded dark look fill Logan's eyes that had him curious, and concerned, before he glanced to Alex. She was obviously upset; no one liked to see anyone skate on child abuse cases, but especially when it involved sexual abuse.
Logan was the first to speak, and when he did, his voice was thick with distain, "The Catholic high school coach?"
That didn't need to be confirmed, they all knew who Guy Patterson was. He'd been the major news story for the past three months after five students came forward claiming that they had been abused by the coach.
Deakins gave a brief nod as he told them, "I want this report confirmed and a search conducted as quickly as possible. If Gardner is alive, find him."
"And if he isn't?"
Deakins looked at Logan and said, "Then he isn't and we have a body to find. Goren," he sighed as he turned to him. "I'm clearing you for limited field work on this, but you still can't have your weapon. So wherever you go make sure you have one of the detectives present or a uniform. Now, get to work."
"You're clearing us for overtime on this, seeing how quitting time's in less than two hours?" Logan asked as he opened the door.
Deakins glanced to the clock on the wall and sighed, "As of now, do what you can to confirm a missing persons then call it a day."
Bobby pushed off the table and went to follow them out before something occurred to him, "Sir, uh…The Patterson case was SVU's, will they be brought in on this investigation?"
"As of now, only as sources of contact."
Bobby nodded, saying ,"Okay, thanks," before walking the very short distance to his desk. He tucked his binder under his arm and then followed the others out of the squad room.
"I'm driving," Alex announced once they were on the elevator heading down to the lower level. "And I don't want another argument about it…Logan."
Bobby just smirked as he looked at Mike who sighed heavily in defeat. Leaning over to him, he said softly, "Get used to it."
"Used to what?"
"Eames getting her way."
Alex glared back at him and he just chuckled. Then she said, "I guess that only implies to our working relationship."
His smile dropped as he glared right back at her.
Mike looked between the two of them and cleared his throat. "Is it filled with unresolved tension in here, or is it just you two."
Alex shook her head and turned back to staring at the doors until they opened.
"Nice, Logan," she snapped once the doors opened. "Very subtle."
"That's me…subtle," he snarked right back as he followed her out.
Bobby stared after the two of them, almost forgetting to get off until the doors started to shut on him. Reaching out, he stopped them in time as he stepped into the parking garage and headed to the office where Alex checked out a department issue SUV.
Coming out of the office with the keys, she told him, "I was thinking it'll be best if we split up seeing how we have less than two hours to establish exactly what this case is."
Bobby nodded as he glanced between her and Mike, knowing that he was going to end up the odd man out. "Yeah, okay…So, I'll take his office while you two check out his apartment."
"If that's okay?" Alex asked, making it sound like she was actually concerned that he would be objective to his own idea.
Bobby just nodded as he stepped away. "I'll walk over."
"It's not far, we'll give you a lift."
"Are we still getting that drink later?" Bobby asked, looking right at Logan.
Mike raised his eyes with the sudden attention. "Uh…sure," he answered slowly as he looked to Alex.
Bobby caught her look and the nod she gave. "Let me know where and I'll meet you. We'll, uh…discuss our findings then," he said as he turned away and headed for the elevator so he could exit through the lobby.
En-route to ADA Alec Gardner's Apartment
Upper West Side, Manhattan
"So, what's going on between you two?"
"Logan-"
"C'mon, Eames, you can't fool me. I've seen that look plenty of times." When she still didn't answer, he asked, "You miss working with him?"
She sighed heavily and glanced over at him. "Yes, but I don't just miss working with him, I miss him. Ever since the shooting he's been drifting further away from me and I have no idea how to bring him back."
"I suspected as much." Logan was quiet for a moment and she thought that it was the end of his inquiry, and then he said, "From the short time I've worked with him, I've noticed he doesn't play well with others. I can only imagine what you're going through being in a relationship with a guy like that."
Alex changed lanes and took a quick right onto a one way. "Yeah, well, I don't know why anyone would expect him to be the opposite way in his personal life, because he's not. What he is on the job is the same way he is at home."
"Are you bitter?"
Glancing at him, she said, "I'm not bitter."
"You sound bitter."
"Well, I'm not," she fired right back, again. Then said, "I'm frustrated and confused and the last person I want to be talking to about it is you."
He smirked a little as he went back to looking out the window. "You're bitter."
"Logan-"
"I saw it the other day at the courthouse."
Alex sighed as she stopped at a light. While she stared ahead, watching the light, she reluctantly said, "Okay, I'm bitter and maybe even a little jealous."
Logan was confused as he pointed to himself, saying, "Of me?"
"He laughs with you. Talks to you."
"Because I'm not asking him about his feelings or what he's thinking. You want to get him to talk to you-"
"Yes, Mike, I do," she said a little too sternly as she stepped on the gas. "Why don't you tell me how I should be talking to my boyfriend?"
He just stared at her for a moment and she could tell he was either trying not to take offense, or to keep himself from smiling. "I'll shut-up if you want me too."
Breathing out, she shook her head. "Sorry."
"I'm not trying to annoy you."
"Too late for that."
They were both quiet as she maneuvered through a construction zone. It was taking forever it seemed like to get uptown. A moving van suddenly appeared out from behind a cement brick wall and she had to slam on the brake. "Shit!" she exclaimed as the van kept rolling backwards.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she had a flash of the night she'd been the crash. The broken glass, the deafening sound of metal hitting metal, and feeling her arm break before she passed out. When she saw images of blood and Copeland laying motionless beside her, she snapped out of it.
"…Eames, are you-"
She rolled down the window and stuck her head out, yelling at the driver of the moving van. "Move the van!" The driver just looked at her but didn't attempt to move. Pulling out her shield, she held it out and yelled, "I said move it!"
As soon as the driver saw the badge, he quickly changed directions and pulled back into the alley it had been exiting.
"Wow."
Alex looked over at Logan and saw the smirk on his face. "What?"
He raised his hands in mock surrender. "Nothing," he said but he was still smiling. Then chuckling, he said, "You're a total badass."
Not saying anything to that, she continued toward their destination thinking that the subject was dropped. Alex reached for the radio when she heard Logan ask another question.
"How long have you two been together?"
Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance before realizing something and had to ask, "Bobby never told you?"
Logan shrugged, saying, "It's not like we're good friends, Eames. We're partners, nothing more. Besides, if he had told me anything while we were drinking, chances are I don't remember."
Stopping at another red light, she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as she wrestled with the thought of telling Mike Logan more than she already had. Finally, she said, "Two years in March."
"That's a long time. I take it the excitement period's been over for a while then, huh?"
Alex huffed out a laugh and shook her head, "Ours lasted the first nine, ten months we were together before I realized just how impossible he was."
"I'm shocked it lasted that long."
"I think it only did because not long after we got together I became a surrogate for my sister. Even though we were together, the first nine months was like, I don't know, friends with benefits."
"Really?" he asked, suddenly interested.
"I know, it sounds bad-"
"Who said anything about it being bad," he teased, causing her to laugh a little.
"Okay, it wasn't bad. It was actually pretty good, but that was the way it had to be at first. I was pregnant and so busy after work between doctor appointments and spending as much time with my sister and her husband as I possibly could without actually moving in with them. I hardly spent any time with Bobby when we weren't working. And when I did have time for him, he only stayed with me for a few hours. Long enough to cook me dinner or take me out and then, well…you know. The further along I got, the more distant we became. Then when I went on maturity leave, that was when he did a complete one-eighty on me. He started calling me all the time, staying the night at my place instead of going home right after. Hell, he even started cooking me breakfast."
"And then after you got through all that-"
"Got through all that?"
"Hey, I'm a guy, alright. What else am I supposed to say? Anyway, once you were back to work and…um…"
"Fully committed to our relationship?"
"That's when…what? You realized what he was really like?"
"I guess you can put it that way," she said as she slowed for a left turn onto a one-way. "At first, he was excited just to have me back as his partner and that rubbed off on our after-work activities. Then once the initial excitement wore off, the tougher our relationship got and the more we argued. It wasn't long after that before I was kidnapped and all hell broke loose."
"And then you two broke up. Huh, if you hadn't had done that baby thing, you think you and Goren would've lasted that long?"
"Honestly, I don't know. But we're back together now and we're trying to work it out. That's all that matters." She eased up in front of the apartment building that was already surrounded by police cursers and news vans. Alex hadn't realized until that moment that she had needed that; she had needed to vent and talk about it. Suddenly feeling grateful for the ear Logan had given her, turned to him. Shaking her head, Alex couldn't believe what she was about to say; smiling, she told him, "Thanks, Logan."
Logan just smiled right back as he opened the door to get out. "Anytime tempy."
Alex went to open the door when she stopped and looked back at him. "Tempy?"
"What would you prefer?"
"I don't know, how about 'partner'?"
"Okay, but once Goren's back on full duty, we're going to have to break it off. Unless you want to sneak around behind his back and work cases with me."
Alex laughed as she got out and shut the door.
Heading toward the high-class apartment building, she heard Logan say, "I like working with you. I've missed working with someone with the same sense of humor as me."
"Goren has a sense of humor."
"Ha, only when he's not over thinking the punch line," he said as he reached out to get the door for her.
Office of ADA Alec Gardner
One Hogan Plaza,, Manhattan
Bobby found the office on the fifth floor and didn't bother knocking as he walked into the reception area of the office. Behind the desk sat Ileana Peltier, Gardner's secretary. The days where secretaries were sixty year old, grey-haired women were over. Ileana Peltier had long blond hair, full lips, bright blue eyes and dressed casually yet seductively in a short skirt that didn't make it to her knees and a neckline that plunged down, and down.
Shaking his head, he quickly glanced around the inner office and took in the set of chairs, the couch against the wall by the door, a table on the far wall with a pitcher of water and glasses, and a solitary plant in the corner by her desk. "Uh, Misses-"
"Miss, I'm not married," she said with an aura of irritation as she sat down in her chair. "And you are?"
Bobby didn't know why she was suddenly on edge, but he had to get her to drop her guard if he was going to get anything out of her. "Oh, uh…I'm Detective Robert Goren, Major Case. I'm investigating Mr. Gardner's disappearance."
She eyed his badge and then said frantically, "They've only got one detective looking for Alec? He's an Assistant District Attorney for-"
"I know who he is, ma'am," he said as he eased forward, hand out in a defensive mood as he tried to calm her sudden outburst. "Could you-"
She huffed out a breath of air as she settled herself by crossing her legs, rather slowly he noticed, and leaned back in the chair. The way she was sitting, straight with her shoulders back, was causing her chest to push out. "How can I help you, detective?"
He had no idea if she was aware of what she was doing, but he never met a woman who didn't. God, how he wished Alex was there; that way he could walk around while asking questions instead of having to sit and be all uncomfortable. He hoped she wouldn't think he was checking her out as he looked her over. Or that he was flirting while he leaned in close to ask questions. Alex seemed to help even the playing field in these situations. "Miss Peltier-"
"You can sit," she said as she gestured to the chair in front of her.
"I prefer to stand, but, uh…thanks." Bobby took in her well manicured hands, polished fingernails-red-and the diamond earrings and necklace. They looked to be expensive and real. A grand easily went into her jewelry, and about half that for her outfit. He wondered if they were gifts from the ADA as he started again, "Miss Peltier-"
"Please, call me Ileana."
Bobby wondered if he was ever going to get a damn question in as he gave her a fake smile and said, yet again but this time using her first name, "Ileana." Then, instead of asking what he wanted, decided to put her off guard since she'd been doing it to him. "Are you French?"
Like he expected, she paused in whatever she was about to say and gapped slightly. Recovering, she said sweetly, almost seductively, "Why, yes, I am."
"Yeah, it's that I noticed with the name…It's lovely."
She smiled at the flattery and he saw her guard slipping. "Thank you, that's nice of you to say." They looked at one another for a moment before she stood up, and went to the table and poured a glass of water. "Would you like some water, detective?"
"It's Robert, and thank you." If she was going to go with the informal, then so would he. Besides, she had called ADA Gardner by his first name; maybe she was more comfortable being on a first name basis with people…Or men particularly.
It seemed to work because as she handed him the glass, he saw her shoulders slump. "Robert, I'm apologize," she apologized as she stood a little too close.
If Alex were there, she would have cleared her throat or asked a question by now to further put the woman off guard. Without her there, he was left to his own devices.
"We're all on edge with Alec's disappearance," she was saying as he took a sip. She held her water glass her right hand and moving it in close to her chest, to the open area of her blouse. A drop of condensation dripped from the glass onto her skin as she continued, "And what this means for the Patterson case. Alec was the only one really pushing for the indictment." She sighed heavily as she rubbed at her temple. "Please, sit and I'll answer whatever I can."
Bobby took another sip of the water as he did what she suggested now that she wasn't trying to get him either out of the office, but she could be trying to get him into her pants. He still didn't know if it's tactic or if he was putting too much stock in her movements. She could have actually just been crossing her legs normally but with the really short shirk, had to adjust herself slowly. It wasn't like he knew what it was like to wear something like that. Alex would know if it was normal or not…And the thing with the water; that was unpredictable and her movements could have been subconscious, an innate reaction.
Ileana sat back down and he tried not to notice how she put her legs this time but couldn't help it. He saw that she did it the same way, crossed them in a slow smooth movement, and nearly smirked at himself for actually looking. He hoped she didn't notice, or if she did that she didn't get the wrong idea.
Taking another sip of the water, he put it on the desk and flipped his binder. As he glanced up at her while taking out his mechanical pencil, he saw her slight blush and the look in her eye. Fuck, she saw and now she thought he was interested. He almost, instinctively, looked to his right where the other chair sat empty but caught himself. Alex wasn't there and she never would be ever again.
Clearing his throat, he turned to a blank page, dated it at the top, and then asked, "Let's just start from the beginning."
"The beginning?" she asked confused.
Bobby saw her look and rephrased, realizing that the 'beginning' for her was probably when Gardner hired her. "Uh, tell me about what happened yesterday, what his regular routine is for his work days…and we'll go from there?"
"Oh, okay," she breathed out a little as she adjusted her blouse, causing him to swallow hard.
Crossing his left leg over his right, he adjusted his binder on top of his leg and shifted in the chair. It was going to be a long interview.
Charley's Pub
Lower East Side, Manhattan
They arranged to meet up in a pub close to Mike's apartment two hours later. He was the first to arrive and he chose an empty booth that was near the back but away from the wall because he didn't want to feel entrapped with only one way out, which would've been over Alex's body. This way, with each side open, he could get in and out without having to move her. Bobby ordered his second drink when Alex and Mike finally arrived forty-five minutes later.
Alex asked him how it gone at the office and he only shrugged in return as he took a sip of the scotch. He didn't learn much of anything at the office except that ADA Gardner never arrived to work that morning. Ileana had tried calling him all day to no avail. She figured he was busy getting ready for the Grand Jury or had bad reception. It wasn't until he never showed for the hearing that someone thought it was necessary to call the police and report him missing.
"So, to my first solve as a Major Case detective and to Bobby's first day back where he belongs," Mike said as he raised his glass.
Bobby barely smiled as he raised his part way to theirs before taking a bigger gulp.
"Have a bad day?" Alex asked from beside him.
Shaking his head, he told her, "Just a long one." He didn't know how to tell her what he'd been thinking. He didn't want to tell her about his bad day at work; quite frankly, he didn't think it was anyone's business but his own.
Alex was doing okay within the department, and now that she was working with Mike, hopefully the other detectives would get off her back. Maybe…He didn't know if they would or not, but he was hoping Logan could help her regain her status within the squad. Mike was a good guy, a good partner, and despite his rep for having a temper, he was well-liked.
Even though Mike had helped with the Internal Affairs operation, his participation had been limited. Most cops were quick to forgive Mike because he hadn't been the one to turn traitor on the Staten Island cops. Mike mostly acted as his backup; he hadn't been the one to gather evidence or be the one to testify at the Grand Jury. All Mike did was remain his loyal partner, and no one could fault him on that.
Besides, no one wanted to turn their back on Mike because he had always been one of the boys. He'd been a cop longer; he'd been through his share of IA investigations and had always remained loyal to his brothers in blue.
He felt Alex move away from him and looked up. She grabbed her purse as she headed toward the restrooms.
"Women can never go to the john without their purse."
"She probably thinks you'll snoop through it while she's gone."
"Like I care what she carries around in that thing. Besides, I've searched plenty of women's purses to know that most are filled with makeup, gum, and a shit load of change on the bottom. And do you know why they carry all that change in it? To make it hurt when they smack you with it."
Bobby chuckled as he took a sip of the scotch and gave a nod. "In one woman's purse I searched, I found a gun, multiple bags of cocaine, a vibrator, and a book called A Woman's Guide to Dating Men."
Mike gave him an incredulous, yet intrigued look. "Really?"
"It was while I was working narcotics. Freaked me out a little; I had to look in my girlfriend's purse at the time just to make sure not all women did that. I really didn't mind the vibrator or the gun, but the self-help book made me nervous."
Mike started laughing as he asked, "Ever find an extra change of erotic underwear."
He had to think about that but eventually shook his head. "Erotic, no."
"I have. Get this, a bra that was missing a few certain select spots on each, and, crotch-less panties."
Bobby thought about that for a moment before shaking his head. "Stripper or call-girl?"
"Elementary school teacher."
"Huh," he said as he leaned back in the booth and took a sip of the scotch.
Mike took a big gulp of the beer before telling him, "She taught second grade; all the kids loved her. Had a kid of her own…single mother. Real nice lady."
"Get her number while you were at it?"
Mike blushed but didn't answer. Instead, he asked, "No one messed with you today at work, did they?"
Bobby shook his head as he downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. As the waitress passed by their table, he gestured for another.
"What's that for you, round two? Why don't you slow down?"
"Why don't you mind your own business," he snapped back as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and tapped one out.
"There's no smoking in here."
Bobby glared at Mike but he put the cigarette back in the pack but placed it in front of him on the table. "Happy?"
"No. Who stuck their stick up your ass?"
"If you don't stop asking, I'm going to stick something up yours…and it won't be a stick."
That got a laugh from Mike, and a smirk from him. "Now that I've got the old Bobby back again for a brief moment, mind answering me something without the attitude?"
He gave a shrug as he accepted the new glass of scotch from the waitress.
"You doing anything for Valentine's Day?"
Bobby stared at Mike for a long moment before telling him, "I meant my foot when I said I'll stick something else up your ass, Mike."
Mike nearly choked on his beer. Coughing down the beer in his throat, he said, "Asshole…you did that purpose." He wiped his mouth and chin on the sleeve of his shirt as he continued to cough.
He chuckled as he took a sip of the scotch before saying, "You were the one asking me out."
"I wasn't-" Mike stopped himself as he kept chuckling. "All I want to know is if I should expect Eames to be unusually pissed off that day or not."
At the mention of Alex's name, he glanced back toward the hallway that lead to the restrooms. "I haven't planned anything yet."
"You don't know what you're getting her?"
Shrugging, he told him, "A waffle maker."
It was Mike's turn to stare at him like he'd lost his mind. "Please tell me you're kidding. Even I know that's a horrible gift."
Bobby leaned on the table as he said, "You know what I got her last year on Valentine's Day?" When Mike shook his head, he told him, "A cappuccino machine."
"She's right, you're an idiot."
He held up his hand as he finished telling him, "The necklace I got for her, that was shipped from Ireland, arrived a day late. So, this year, I'm not giving her the special, romantic gift or doing, uh…whatever it is I plan on doing, until the next day."
Mike had a weird smirk on his face as he teased him, "Aww, how sweet, you're making it into a tradition."
Bobby would have denied it but he knew Mike was right. Plus, if he decided to take her out to dinner, restaurants wouldn't be reserved to the max on the 15th. "Anyway, it's either that or, uh…now I'm thinking that erotic underwear isn't such a bad idea."
Mike gave him a stern look, saying, "That's the last thing I want to be thinking about while working with her."
"You better not be thinking about her in any way, other than either shooting someone to save her life or taking a bullet to do the same."
Mike held up his hands. "Easy, I was only joking. Damn, Eames was right, you don't have a sense of humor." They were quiet for a moment before he said, "I got it. You'll be together two years next month, right? Get her a ring."
"How'd you know how long we've been together?"
Mike froze for a long moment then looked off over his shoulder. Gesturing with his bottle, he answered, "She told me."
Bobby turned and saw Alex approaching them. Scooting over a little, he gave her room to sit down.
She looked from him to Mike and then back to him before asking, "What'd I miss?"
"Oh, just your boyfriend cocking an attitude and drowning himself in scotch."
Bobby glanced over at Mike as he confronted her, "You talked to Logan about us."
Alex sat down next to him and her eyes immediately went to the pack of cigarettes on the table. Looking from the pack of smokes to his eyes, she frowned her frown of disappointment in him yet again as she said, "So what if I did, and you told me you quit smoking."
"I'm said I'm trying and don't change the subject. What're you-"
"And you're already done with your second drink? You got that when I left for the bathroom. I wasn't gone more than five minutes."
"Damn it, Alex," he snapped as his hand smacked the table so hard it caused Mike's empty beer bottle to tip over. "Will you just-" he caught himself as he saw the flash of fear in her eyes. He hit the table again as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes and shot up out of the booth and headed for the back door. "I need some air."
He charged toward the hallway as he heard Mike's voice calling after him. He ignored the calling of his name as he pushed the door open. As soon as the cold air hit him, it was like he'd been awaken with a bucket of cold water. He stood standing in the back alley breathing in the cold air and wondering what in the hell just happened. Losing it like that, especially with Alex and in public, was inexcusable.
Bobby shook his head as he felt the guilt, and then the anger at that guilt, creep into his chest. Not being able to control his temper and not being able to protect Alex from it was driving him crazy. Then to top it all off, he was getting jealous. He pulled out the cigarette he wanted to smoke in the bar and lit it.
The alcohol was making his head buzz and setting heavily into his muscles. He wanted to go home, go to bed, and figure out what he was going to do about everything. Hearing the door open, he breathed out the smoke and turned to see who it was. Alex handed him his overcoat and he tentatively took it, muttering a soft, "Thanks."
"You've got some nerve," she scolded him.
"Why are you talking to Mike about us?" he confronted her again without being able to stop himself.
"Because he cares to actually talk to me and he listens."
"Yeah, I bet he does," he said as he slipped on the coat.
Alex glared up at him asking, "What's that supposed to mean? Since when don't you trust Logan?"
"Who ever said I did? Yeah, we work together, we're partners, and yes, he saved my life, but I also know what kind of guy he is. Shit, Alex, I bet he really enjoyed hearing about our fucked up relationship. Has he offered himself up as a concerned friend yet?"
Alex had that look, the one that told him he was in serious trouble, as she shook her head. "Even if he did, do you not trust me to keep it strictly platonic," she snapped at him as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Until you come back, he's my partner."
He stared down at her as he took in a deep breath before dropping his eyes to the small space of ground between them. Nodding, he took a drag off the smoke before telling her, "And so was I."
"You actually think…I swear, Bobby, I'm this close," she said in frustration as she looked away to restrain from saying, or doing, something to him.
Sometimes he wished she would. He was getting tired of empty threats, they were becoming predicable and tedious. There were times now when he completely missed them because there was never any follow through.
Alex could threaten all she wanted, he knew now that her bark was bigger than her bite. She didn't lack the nerve to kick some other guys ass, but she would never kick his. She didn't think she had to. If she ever did kick his ass, it would probably constitute as domestic violence…
"You know what, never mind," she said, breaking through his dark thoughts. "Let's go in and get this over with so we can go home. I'm done with it, Bobby, just…" she couldn't even finish what she was saying as she groaned in frustration and opened the door. "I'm done."
That was all she said until they were in the car. Mike had done all the talking with Alex only giving a nod to confirm the facts. They learned that there had been no foul play before the ADA went missing, and from all accounts, he had disappeared at some point after nine the night before. Other than that, they didn't have much to go on and the GPS on Gardner's cell phone had been disabled. Less than ten minutes after their argument in the alley, they were in Alex's car on the way home.
Bobby stared out the passenger window as she drove them away from the bar and out of Manhattan. Taking a cigarette out, he lit it as he thought about the fight they had earlier.
"Will you please put that out?"
He ignored her as he cracked the window to ventilate the smoke.
"Bobby-"
"I'm not putting it out," he answered as he put the cigarette between his lips and took a long drag off it. Blowing the smoke out, he closed his eyes and leaned against the window as he rubbed at his pounding head.
"You know I don't like you smoking in my car."
"Then stop and let me out."
He heard her take a deep breath and sigh but she didn't respond. He knew he'd screwed up in a big way tonight. What else was new? He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't keep her happy because he didn't know how to stop being himself.
He didn't know how to open up to her. He didn't know how to stop himself from getting angry when that was what he felt. He didn't know how to continue doing this. He had never been good at relationships and this was the longest one he'd ever been in and it was falling apart. They were both just too stubborn to let each other go. He knew she still loved him, and he loved her, but it wasn't enough to keep this going forever. Not when he kept pushing her away, but it was how he felt. He felt that she could never love him as much as he loved her. And that in order to protect himself he had to keep her at a distance.
Despite all the times she told him that she loved him, he knew one day he would find out that it was all a lie.
Taking a long drag off the smoke, he stared at it before opening the window and flicking it out. "Sorry." He breathed out as he leaned back in the seat and rubbed at his scar through his shirt.
"Are you okay?"
Bobby shook his head as he sighed heavily.
"We're supposed to be-"
"I don't want to talk right now."
She didn't ask again. Hell, she didn't even yell at him.
Bobby & Alex's Apartment
Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Once in the apartment, he went straight to the bedroom and started to undress. He got as far as emptying his pockets and unbuttoning his dress shirt before sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He heard Alex walk in and dropped his hands so he could watch her through the mirror on the back of the dresser. The mirror was hers, the dresser was his, and he was certain that soon it would no longer be there. Alex changed out of her work clothes into a pair of cotton pajama pants and a tank top, no socks, and then headed to the bathroom.
Bobby stared into the mirror as he heard the water turn on then the shower. Rubbing at his jaw, his chin, he debated about shaving but it was short lived. He didn't feel like making the effort. He slowly toed off his shoes, slipped his dress shirt off his shoulders and tossed it toward the closet. Reaching down, he unbuckled his belt and pulled the zipper on his pants down before stopping.
Lying back on the bed, he stared up at the ceiling as his thoughts bombarded his head. Part of his requirements to return to work had been mandatory post-trauma counseling to get over being shot. They also made him attend Anger Management twice a week for the first month of his recovery. Letting out a deep sigh, he realized that it obviously hadn't work. In fact, he thought the classes made everything worse. The fuse on his temper seemed shortened, less in his control, and he wondered if he should let Deakins know.
Then he thought it didn't matter. If he continued to think he was done with Major Case then there was no point to tell the captain. Running his fingers over the scar tissue above his left hip, he trembled against the immense pain that continued to gnaw away in his gut. Groaning, he rolled onto his side and pulled his legs up to his chest, buried his face in the bedding, and clenched his eyes shut. He took in deep breaths until his heart stopped pounding, as his body calmed.
A few minutes later, as he laid on the bed with his eyes closed, he heard the bathroom door open and then felt her come into the room. Rolling onto his back, he turned his head and saw she was dressed in the clothes she'd taken with her to the bathroom. Her hair was wrapped up in a purple towel, one of hers, and her face was cleared of the makeup she'd been wearing all day. The bed dipped as she sat down and then reached for the bottom drawer of her nightstand. She took out a bottle of lotion, poured some on her hand and then she threw her legs up on the bed as she leaned against the headboard.
She peered down at him while she rubbed the lotion in both hands and then started massaging it over her arms. "What?"
"Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?"
Alex sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "You've got impeccable timing there, Goren."
"I'm serious. Alex," he said as he rolled over on his left side, resting right up against her legs, and looked up at her. "I know I've been…uh…"
"Acting like an ass."
Smiling a little despite the twist it gave his heart because he knew it to be true, he said softly, sadly, "Yeah, that." Reaching out, he took hold of her right leg and started rubbing at her ankle, tracing the bone under the skin. "These, uh…therapy sessions…" he said in a near whisper, "they aren't working, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking my frustration out on you. I haven't been thinking clearly…You deserve better, and I-I, uh…I just wanted to tell you that I still think you're wonderful" He slid his hand further up her leg, along her calf. "Beautiful," he said as he caressed along her thigh.
At hearing her sharp intake of breath, Bobby looked up and saw her eyes shut as she took in a deep breath. When she opened her eyes to look at him, he leaned down and kissed at the exposed skin from where her tank top had rode up.
"I don't understand."
Bobby dipped his tongue into her naval he felt her hands play over the back of his neck. He licked up her skin then placed a soft kiss on her stomach before asking, "Understand what?"
"How one day you can go from not wanting me to touch you to…to this," her voice hitched on that last word as his hand slid further up her leg.
When his fingers touched her skin, skin and no underwear, he groaned into her stomach as he felt himself stiffen harder. Once he was able to think again, he teased at her opening as he told her, "Like I said…I haven't been thinking clearly lately. Hey, Alex?"
She glared down at him as she tried to get him to stop teasing her and hurry things along by grounding herself into his hand. "What?"
He saw the irritation mixed with her growing passion and chuckled. "Would you ever wear crotch-less underwear?"
Alex was quiet for a long moment as she just stared at him. Then she asked, "Is not wearing any at all suddenly not good enough?"
He started laughing at the heated look on her face. "I greatly prefer the nothing at all…uh, hang on," he said as he slid his hand back down her leg and then took off his pants. It was starting to get very uncomfortable with clothes on. "But, you know," he kept saying, "I mean like as something…different. You don't own anything erotic or…uh, remotely racy. And that black teddy doesn't count. " He moved up the bed so he was laying next to her and then leaned down to kiss her mouth.
Alex wrapped her arms around his shoulders, moaning into his mouth, as he slid his hand back to her center and then pushed two fingers inside.
When he moved his mouth away from hers to kiss over her neck, she asked while she taking the towel off from around her head, "Is this about Valentine's Day?"
"And if it were?" he said between tasting her skin as his hand worked to slowly bring her off.
Her voice was thick with lust as she said between pants, "Then I would say…if you want to get me something to…God, Bobby, that feels so good."
"To what?"
"What?" she asked in a near squeak that caused him to laugh.
"You said if I want to get you something-"
"Oh, right. If you want to get something to spice up our sex life, that's fine, but it better not be the only thing," she got out in a rush before moving faster against his hand.
Bobby stopped talking, and thinking, as he pumped his hand faster to match her frantic pace. At feeling her fingers touch him through his boxers, he let out a deep groan and jerked his hips forward. Then her fingers moved the fabric aside and the moment he felt her fingers wrap around him, he gasped a little from how cold they were but mostly to how good it felt.
His other hand, his left, rubbed at her breast through the tank top until Alex had enough of that and pulled the damn thing off. As he captured a nipple in his mouth, she gave a cry as her body tensed then convulsed under him and around his fingers as she came. Through her rapid body jerking and moan, she continued to stroke him faster and tighter. Needing to come inside her, he stopped her movements as he released her breast from his mouth.
As she got her breathing under control, he kicked off his boxers and removed her pajama bottoms, tossing them both on the floor. Settling himself between her legs, he used his knees to spread them apart as he entered her in one swift motion.
TBC…