Disclaimer: Don't own it…
Summary: After all, every flame dwindles at some point.
Warning: Angsty!
Breaking Points
"I can't." Her voice broke as she struggled to get the words out, but somehow, some way, though it seemed impossible, she managed. He avoided her eyes as he unconsciously distanced himself from her as if she was the plague. Without another word and looking as if someone has just kicked his puppy, he turned away from her, and consequently them, and left. She didn't need to be told that their chanced had just passed them by, but like everything else in her life, she let it. All she could do was hope and pray that one day they'd be okay again.
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I'm sorry. He read the message that lit up the screen of his iPhone. The two simple words somehow seemed to piece him together enough that he was able to get up from his bed, from the bottle of whiskey, take off the dirty sweat pants that he couldn't recall how long he had worn them, and take a much needed shower. But still, he couldn't summon the willpower to reply.
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"Castle," she paused for a moment after she breathed his name to carefully consider her choice of the following words, though, knowing her, he knew that she probably already rehearsed it a million times. "I know that you have probably already gotten all the messages that I've sent you. If you hadn't opened them, I don't blame you, but please at least read the first. If you've already deleted it, I wrote that I was sorry, even though that cannot begin to describe how regretful I am about that night." At first, it sounded like she was going to continue, but words never came. It used to be whenever someone hung up you heard a satisfying click, but now all you heard was empty air until you finally realize that the person is never coming back. He wasn't convinced at the beginning, and he strained to hear more of the voice that haunted his dreams (though his dreams couldn't grasp the beauty of a single syllable that came from her lips), but soon an automatic recording encouraged him to reach the decision. But still, he did not delete the message.
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I talked to Martha. She said that you haven't written in days. She doesn't even think you've touched your computer since that night. Don't do this because of me. Don't allow me to take that away from you. Please. He swallowed heavily at the text. How could he continue to write when all he could do was attempt to piece himself together for Alexis' sake? Though, from the circles beneath her eyes, and the hourly reassuring, questioning messages, he knew he was failing miserably.
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"Castle, I could really use your help on the case that we've received today." She was trying too hard to talk casually, he noted with a grimace. "I would tell you about it, but it's classified unless you decide that you're assisting." With that, she hung up. She was really good, he realized though he already knew that from first-hand experience. She knew exactly what to do to tempt him. And at one time, the temptation of a case and his thirst for knowledge would have. It was just sad that he had changed.
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Ryan wants you to be one of his groomsmen, though I'm sure he's already asked you. Please say yes, he looked so excited when he told me. It would crush him otherwise. He wanted to. He truly did. But she would be there. She would be in a dress that would make his pulse race and heart break all the more. Ryan was one of his best friends, and he wanted to be able to share that day of happiness with him. But he wasn't strong enough to face her yet.
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"Your apartment better be locked up better than Fort Knox, Castle, and you better be getting some full time bodyguards because I'm going to kill you. I cannot believe you are going to do this to him. What kind of person are you? I thought you were better than this. Maybe I did make the right decision saying no." It's a knife to the heart, and he knows that she did it purposely. She wants him to hurt. And she succeeded. Lifting the bottle of whiskey to his mouth, a thought entered his mind. Did she just imply that she thought that maybe did not make the right decision saying no?
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"Castle, I-about my earlier message, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said that, but I was, I am just angry that you could do such a thing to him. He loves you. I'm not the only one who's missing you around here, you know." This time, the apology doesn't really do a thing for the pain.
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Please reply, Castle. I miss you. I miss my best friend. His heart pinged, and he longed for the times when he would have said yes. He willed his feelings away, but they wouldn't go. It really was too bad he didn't think he needed more than to be just-friends with her. It would hurt less if they were nothing at all, and eventually, maybe she'd understand. In his books, everything would have been all right. He would have replied and said that they could. In the end, maybe they would have eventually gotten together. But in reality, there isn't even the slightest possibility that it will, and he was the type who needed that possibility.
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"I don't know why I'm calling you, Castle. I really don't." She sounded strange, nervous, which was something that she rarely, if ever, showed. Immediately, he became worried. "And I know that I shouldn't be telling you this. But I-I need to. Josh asked me to marry him." She paused, swallowing, and he literally felt his blood run cold. Then a moment later the automatic voice rang out clearly in his ear, asking him whether or not to delete the message. Once upon a time, he had attempted to reassure himself with the lie that maybe she was just too attached to her job to take a risk with an actual future ahead when her future was clouded by such instability with her job. But maybe, it was just him.
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Congratulations. He typed the single word, drunk into blissful oblivion. He had never been so thankful that Alexis was over at a friend's house or that Martha was on a date.
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I didn't say yes. Her reply was immediate and left him curious about everything.
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Or no. I didn't say anything. The second message came only seconds after the first. Of course not. Maybe he wasn't so wrong after all. But still, a voice rang out clearly from deep within him, she still could say yes. And that was enough to make him stay up for nights at a time, scared of the dreams that would come if he closed his eyes. And for months, that was the last thing he heard from her.
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…until that day. "Hey, Castle," nervously biting her lip, she showed up on his doorsteps three months to the day later. "I-I said no… I couldn't let myself marry a guy wh-when I was in love with another."
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It was the words that he had been dying to hear for almost a year now. It was too bad that they came at just the wrong time. Still, surprising even himself, he repeats the words that she had murmured to him all that time ago, "I can't."
After all, every flame dwindles at some point.
And after all, everyone has a breaking point. And his had passed along time ago. Maybe they weren't so perfect for each other after all.
Author's Note: So, this is to hold my faithful readers over until I pass the block that has kept me from updating any of my stories. Don't lose hope yet. If the block hasn't passed by next week, I think I'm just going to have to force myself to write something. I'm ready to get on with these stories as much as you are. And maybe this isn't the happily ever after ending like most of my stories, so I'm sorry. And maybe this isn't totally in character, but I just hope that you enjoyed it.
And will it be too much to ask for a review?