A man was fast asleep at his messy desk, no doubt exhausted from browsing the dankest of memes on the internet the night before. Even though it was apparently 1999 or something and memes didn't even exist. But he doesn't even follow the rules of time anyway so that doesn't matter (but you're not supposed to know that yet so I hope you like spoilers). Just then he heard a crash at his window that caused him to wake up abruptly.
"UhwUH PHONE CALL?" he asked groggily as he looked over at the window. To his dismay he saw a very flat, very dead pigeon that had somehow smacked his window so hard that it had turned into a pigeon pancake. In fact, he could see that the glass had shattered around where it had landed. Could it be that the government was attempting to get ahold of his illegal floppy disk industry through the use of super-speed pigeons? Probably not. It was only now that he turned back to his computer, where he noticed the screen had turned black and a cryptic message had appeared.
Wake up, Eon.
The man rubbed his eyes. "What?" he asked himself in confusion. He had no idea what was going on, of course, but more prevalent in his mind was the thought, "they spelled my name wrong."
The messages continued.
*noe
*oen
Holy shut I can't work this keyboard today
*siht
You know what nvm I'm restarting
Wake up, Eno
CHEESE AND RICE
Neo stared at the messages in a state of total confusion, but also amusement. Three letters. They knew which ones too. He continued to watch the screen, perplexed.
You're probably awake by now anyway so whatever, One
OH SHOOT ME WITH A SIDE OF SPAGHETTI I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT YET
But anyway
The Matrix has you.
Follow the White Rabbit.
This was all supposed to sound a lot more mysterious I swear
They don't have coffee where I am. I'm so sorry. It's too early for this.
Knock knock, Harambe.
I think someone made the computer autocorrect Harambe to Harambe whenever I type Harambe
And just like that the mysterious program ended as quickly as it had begun. Neo shook his head. How behind were these people on memes? The Harambe meme had died just as quickly as the gorilla itself. Which of course he knew nothing about because it was 1999 and he totally wasn't actually like two hundred years in the future or anything, right? Ha.
Before he could properly express his feelings, he heard a knock at the door. The messages HAD mentioned something about knocking. He cautiously went to the door, expecting some intimidating stalker or something of the sort. Instead, he found a white rabbit. Like, an actual white rabbit. Like, straight up fluffy bunny shiz right there. Then, it suddenly struck him.
"Follow the white rabbit."
And so he did. He followed it out of his apartment and onto the streets, where it weaved in and out of people as Neo tried to catch up. Eventually, it stopped just outside the city. Here, there were countless other white rabbits. It seemed that the albino bunny population had skyrocketed in recent years due to the toxins seeping into the water supply from the factories that were dispersed throughout the city. And so, from that day forth, Neo became the most noteworthy rabbits' rights activist in the entire world. He singlehandedly managed to reduce the toxin which was causing so many albino rabbits to be born, and was rewarded a Nobel Prize for his efforts. And them's the facts.