Science states that we remember only what causes the most emotion, the biggest rush of adrenaline, the fight or flight response. I find myself to be very happy, no need to fight or fly (unless the situation calls for it). What I remember most is not the fault of fear, sorrow, or pain. I've been blessed to be happy all my life.
Who do I have to thank for that? Aria. Soon to be Aria Fitzgerald. She's been with me all my life and I hope to spend the rest of it with her, too. She's my best friend, my confidant, mine. Hopefully.
She just has to tell me yes.
When I'm around Aria, the whole world just seems to melt away and it's just us. It's been like that for a long time. The only memories I really like are with her. I remember when I first met her.
"Is this seat emmpy?" A much smaller, cuter version of myself asked. I couldn't pronounce my 't's, so I reckon that's why all the girls fancied me. The girl with the brightest eyes I had ever seen whipped her plaits around to look at me. I could picture myself swimming in them. Her eyes, I mean. Not her hair. She gave me a toothy grin and I could feel my own little heart flutter. I smiled right back.
"No, do you wanna sit with me? I'm painting," she replied, and that's when I noticed the line of pink over her eyebrow. I nodded and sat down next to her. "I'm Aria."
"Wes." And I sat down next to her as she shoved her hand into the green, splattering everything in a half-meter radius. "What exackly are you pain'ing?"
"I don't know yet." Aria shrugged. And soon, the canvas was covered in the nasty brown color you get when you mix all the colors together. Then we started painting on each other. It was innocent, just a pink spot here, a blue streak there. She thought pink polka-dots suited me.
This made our primary school teacher very mad. And our moms, too. At least, my mom. She had me bathe for hours before the paint left. I couldn't count how many times she had to wash my clothes.
But my favorite part was at the end of the school day, when we were seated to get picked up. Aria turned to me and looked at me for some time.
"You're the strangest person I've ever met," she said. And I said, "you, too." And we decided we'd know each other a long time.
After that, we were always split up from classes. We barely saw each other until the start of secondary school. I remember the first day. We were in year seven and from across the auditorium, I heard a shrill squeal of my name. I turned around and saw Aria, sans plaits. It wasn't cool to be friends with girls at that age, so I kind of just blew her off. Which was mean of me. I apologized after, when I found out we had been in the same classes. It continued like that all through secondary. We spent all of our time together. When it came time for our GCSE's, we studied together. Of course she passed with flying colors. As for me? Not so much. What I lacked in intelligence back then I made up for in personality.
During one of our secondary school endeavors, we were at her house. We were both laying down on her bed. In opposite directions, of course. Aria lifted her head to look at me, making a face. She had braces on her teeth then. I gave her a look back and swept my sweaty hair out of my face.
"It's so hot," we said in unison with a sigh. She suggested swimming, I negated it. Neither of us had pools or sprinklers and a reasonable beach was out of walking distance.
But Aria had and idea. She always had an idea. I think that's one of the things I love most about her. She's deadly smart and quick on her feet.
So they we were, in proper beach attire, taking a cold shower. It didn't even feel nice, so we were huddled together on the side where the water didn't reach, shivering. I told her it was a bad idea and she gave me a look.
"Tell me something I don't know, Wes," was all she said and I had no response. It was only five minutes, but it felt like an eternity before we got out.
In the next year or so, we grew closer. Close to the point people thought we were dating. Which would be nice. I didn't know how I felt about her back then, but I was about to find out.
Around the time we began revising for our GCSE's, I was bored.
Routine. My life lacks routine now, but there was once structure in it. I was tired, the kind of tired sleep couldn't fix. A smile from Aria was really all it took to spark an idea.
"Hello, Wesley," she said to me as I was blowing my nose. We had second period together, and she was holding a packet that needed some hole-punching and stapling.
"This weekend, you and me. Run away." I shrugged. Her jaw hit the floor.
"You and I both know that's a stupid idea." She rolled her eyes and stapled her papers a bit too angrily, she had to pull out the staple and try again.
"It's a stupid idea, but it's a fun one. Let's go to New York, Aria."
I had to bring it up. She'd never been. A light I couldn't quite place at the time filled her eyes, and her anger turned into something much more beautiful.
Even though she's hot when she's angry.
It was about a ten and a half hour drive. We went on a weekend and got back the day before we were supposed to test. In NY, we went to one of Brand New's gigs. We got in General Admission, but we stole someone's seats in the front. It was fun, probably one of the best experiences of my life.
The lights dimmed and the tune of the guitar changed. Jesus Christ, as I recall. She turned to me, leaned in to my ear.
"This is my favorite song," she said, grinning from ear to ear. I had already known that. I don't really know what happened leading up to when I just grabbed her face and laid one on her. A kiss, I mean. I kissed her.
It was another one of those times when the rest of the world just didn't matter and it was us two. It was…magical. I feel so dumb for saying it, but it's true. Aria' lips were really soft. I mean, they looked it... I just had never known for sure. At first, it was just innocent. I didn't realize it could be one of those relationship damaging kisses until she had her hands in my hair. I pulled back to give her a quizzical look.
All she did was shrug, and she kissed me again. I didn't even think we liked each other like that after. We were just best friends again and we were okay with that. It took me a long time to realize my feelings for her. It took a tragedy, even.
Another one of my favorite memories, while sad, is when Aria got into a car crash. I finally got to see her broken. It was breathtaking. The initial shock of the news was enough to drive me to tears. Critical condition, they told me. But she was still allowed to have guests.
I stayed by her side the entire week she was knocked out. They gave her a lot of painkillers, so she really only got up to go to the bathroom. Even then, she still used a bedpan. I still tease her about that.
Saturday morning, she looked so peaceful in her bed. Her face looked very clean, besides the yellow stains from having to sterilize areas that needed stitches. Boys are notorious for disturbing the peace and I was no exception. I crawled into bed with her, wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, and nuzzled my head into the crook of her neck. This earned me a soft sigh.
I felt a soft hand brush against my jawline. A small giggle. "You need to shave," she murmured, and turned her head against mine. I didn't hide my grin.
"You're awake," I whispered, tightening my grip, "it's a shame. We thought you were dead. We were making burial arrangements. I guess I won't be getting your life insurance premium now."
She gave a drugged-up laugh at that. The morphine was to blame. "How do you know you'd be getting anything from me? You're not even in my will."
It was brilliant. Even at her lowest, Aria was a clever as ever. I yawned into her neck. "You don't even have a will, and you're alive, so you're stuck with me."
She shrugged, stroking my hair. A contented sigh. "I wouldn't want it any other way."
Our eyes met for the first time that day. I half-smiled. "You look so broken." I couldn't help saying it. It was true. The sparkle in her eyes that I love so much was probably the only thing left together by the drunk driver in the other car.
"Because I am." She nodded. "It's your job to put me back together. Like a jigsaw puzzle; a Arssaw puzzle."
At this point, I was crying again. Silently, of course. Boys are also notorious for not wanting to show emotions. Aria was my best friend, but I didn't feel comfortable expressing myself. I was supposed to be made of steel.
"Cry baby." She tried to laugh again, but I could tell it hurt by the face she made. I loosened my arms and whispered out an apology. She moved her hands from my head to my wrist to guide it back around her.
"Don't let go of me," she said. I kissed her neck stitches. She played with my hair. We laid for some time before I said anything.
"I love you," I mumbled into her hospital gown. Her slow, steady heartbeat is what kept me relaxed. I felt her lips graze the top of my head, and then her gentle fingers braiding my hair. It was dirty, because I didn't really shower. I spent the majority of the week waiting to see her awake.
"Hm?" The small noise called my attention up. Aria's bright eyes met mine, and I felt time stop. I whimpered.
"I love you," I said, this time louder. I looked back down in fear of her response. I felt her chest fall with an exhale. The words hung in the room, whitewashed by the florescent lighting. I felt a headache coming on.
"I love you, too, Wes," she said simply. I could feel her nod as well. I buried my head deeper into her chest and shook my head.
"No." I stumbled over my words. She swept my bangs out of my face, and moved a bandaged thumb over my cheek to wipe away my tears. "I mean, I love you like a husband loves his wife. I think—I know I'm in love with you, but I'm afraid to tell you."
Another rise and fall of her chest. "Why?" she asked. It reminded me of my baby cousin, Anna. Always with the questions. Another reason why I loved Aria was her thirst for knowledge. Always curious, always inquisitive.
"I don't want to scare you off." My voice broke. I could feel tears in my eyes. I sniffled and swallowed hard. She sighed.
"Wes, I'm not afraid." It was reassuring. "I love you, too. I'm in love with you. And I'm not scared."
I didn't hold back the sob forming in my throat. I was crying, for real. I showed myself to her. It was a very intimate moment. I'm glad now that I didn't hold back that day.
I mean, I wouldn't be proposing to her, now would I?
There was no holding back now. Aria was was mine. I was hers.
She let me sleep. I needed it, desperately.
The world turned. Aria was my world. My entire life.
Until I went and got accepted to Yale. Because I needed to devote myself to that, first. It was one of those times where I was alone. The only real connection we had to the outside of the dorms was the twice a week phone calls, and I used those to call my mom and little sisters. There was a void that was only somewhat filled with the new friends I made being in college for my first semester. I passed. I went home for Christmas break.
"You didn't even call me. Not once," were Aria's first words to me. She was right. I didn't try to make the effort because I knew I would miss her more if I really did. So all I did was sigh at her. She furrowed her brow and sighed back at me.
To this day I'm still not sure why she said this, but she did, "Well, just know that I'm proud of you." And we decided we'd stick together for a long time.
Which brings us to present day. I'm proposing to her today. She might say yes and she might say no, and I'm hoping she says yes because if she says no, I don't know what I'd do.
Everything has to be perfect.
"Kendall, for the love of God, hurry it up!" I order him, nearly ready to rip out his "perfect" hair and draw the dumb picture myself. Kendall was one of my friends I'd made at Yale. Besides Aria, I'd say he was my best friend. He always puts up with my shit and I always put up with his. He gives me a cross look as he hands me the last and final pasty note. It is with much excitement that I press it against the wall, the dot under the question mark. "Now scatter, Aria's is going to be here any second."
"Fine, but it's the last time I help you with any of your Arias projects." I'm not looking at him, but I can tell he's rolling his eyes. I do it back just the same.
I'm going to need the help any longer.
I hear cheetah printed keys hit against our apartment door. I hear the door open, shut, and lock. I hear her key's fall on our in table in the hall. "Weeeeessssssleeeeeeeyyyyyyyy yyyyyyy," she drawls out my name in to the next continent, but I can't care less. Her voice is all I need to feel my stomach leap into my throat.
"In here." My voice cracks. Smooooth. I'm standing in the living room of our apartment in front of a bunch of pasty notes that say "Marry Me?" and feeling as though I'm going to explode.
Do I get down on one knee or stand up? I'm making myself sick. I hear the clicks of her Jimmy Choo's getting closer and I want to barf.
She sets down her purse on the end table and looks up at me. "Oh..." is all that escapes her lips. I grin and get down on one knee, opening the small box that's been marked with my sweaty hands.
She scans the pasty notes with her eyes. "Are you…are you serious?" She asks me. My grin falls.
"That doesn't really answer the question at hand, sweetheart," I say, and I stand back up. She walks closer to me to look at what's behind me.
"Yes, but…Are you serious?" She turns to look at me for the first time. I can't make eye contact and I'm nervous.
"Yes, I'm serious," I mumble. Aria can't seem to grasp this. Tears brim to her eyes and one falls to her cheek. Although every time shes ever cried has physically caused me pain, these are the most beautiful tears I've ever seen?" "You want to marry me?" she whispers, her voice beginning to crack just like mine. I finally look at her, grin again, and tell her, "If you'll let me."
"I-I-I-I don't... How did you... You... I... The postey notes..." She breaks down, letting out a sob and falls into my arms. I laugh and let her melt into my arms, kissing her face, her neck, every inch of skin I can reach, apologizing jokingly. She's giggling through tears and she says "Yes, yes, Louis, I'll marry you."
And the world melts away again. I slip the ring on her finger and kiss her on the lips. Her lips are still soft. I'm only reminded of the outside.
Aria looks up at me. "And this is the part where we decide to stay married a long time, isn't it?"
I nod. "You're still the strangest person I've ever met." She laughs again and says "you, too."