Author's Note - I've been trying to write this story for a while, but I could only think stuff up at about 1'clock AM, and would forget to write it down. And thus, I would forget it. I finally remembered to write some of it down, and here it is! The wheel of time needs more humor!
Disclaimer - I don't own the wheel of time
A list appeared, pinned to the wall of the common-room outside the kitchen. Someone had used the power to carve a nook in the wall next to it, to hold an inkwell and several quills.
It looked like an ordinary announcement. The title showed it was not. It read ….
Things not to do in Tar Valon
1. Do not, under any circumstances, hide Sudan's mounted fish. It tees her off.
Half the tower quaked in fear, and the other half giggled helplessly as Aldric calmly followed his Aes Sedai, holding the fish behind his back.
2. The weave for paint is now forbidden.
An accepted named Alire had recently discovered the weave for paint. And shown it to the Amyrlin herself.
Before discovering a weave for a paint-can
3. You are not permitted to throw stew over the side of the white tower.
The greens had tried to launch an assault on the tower when a bowl of green stew bombed one of their number.
They gave up when they found out it was only a warder, trying to clean a brown's study – or because the offended person remembered that beef stew is not naturally green in color...
4. You cannot still insane trees
Moiraine really didn't want to know
5. Warders are not to be run up flagpoles.
Neven, a prank - hearted green, had bundled up her warder and his bed, and sent him up the flagpole.
6. Aes Sedai are not to be run up flagpoles.
Neven's warder was better at pranks than she was.
7. Do not put inflatable Myrddraal in the kitchens
One Aes Sedai, one strong angreal, one inflatable shadowspawn – the kitchens would need MANY repairs.
8. Inflatable Trolloc in the warder barracks are not funny.
One of the warders, a big, solid fellow named Didanes had hit the door without bothering to open it. The whole side of the building fell off.
9. What did I say about paint!
Bale-paint. A stream of light that made the sun look dark, and covered anything it touched in paint. Greens were having a lot of fun with the new weave.
11. There is no such thing as the Urple Ajah
Neven Sedai looked at the list, tugged her pink-and-purple fringed shawl closer about her, and went back to her nefarious plans.
12 . The Amyrlin is to be informed in advance of any bale-paint wars.
Moiraine took one look at the green, yellow, and purple tower, and decided she had pressing business in andor.
13. Never tell the Amyrlin who hid her fish
Poor Aldric was trying to clean every hall in the tower with a tooth-brush.
14. And if you do, don't tell him you told on him.
Alire had opened her big mouth. The next day she found all the dust in the white tower on her floor.
15. Note to those using the dream Ter'angreal. We do not have an over-fond dream detector!
So that was why Verin looked so strangely at the Amyrlin
16. Do not bale-paint a warder's sword.
Several of the novices could not look at a warder without screaming and running.
17. If you send someone to root out the Urples, make sure they aren't Urple.
And the next day, the Amyrlin found her wardrobe was all a particular shade of purplish pink.
18. "If in doubt, blow it up." Is not the green's official motto.
….no matter WHAT the warders said.
19. Nor is "Never let a person get a night's sleep." The official motto of the blues.
… Every warder agreed with that one.
20. Who came up with "If it looks askance at you, still it?" We don't have warders!
Underneath was scribbled "Says the woman who tried to still a fruit tree."
21. Do not cook with fireballs!
Dalen had only just got over destroying the kitchen. Then she had decided to try cooking, without the proper weave. The cooks will still scraping stew off the roof when the age of legends came again.
22. Do not run through the hallways shouting "The Urples are coming. The Urples are coming!"
Everyone had been so busy hiding their stuff and finding good defensive positions, that it took them awhile to realize what the prank had been! No-one wanted to admit they had fallen victim to the great Urple scare.
Rule 23. do not bale-paint the Amyrlin's fish!
The Urples hid, the Amyrlin stormed, shouted and swore, and Moiraine giggled.
If you have an idea for a joke, send me a review and tell me. I have some ideas for a second chapter entitled "things not to do in the stone of tear", and i may or may not write it, depending on reviews.