Disclaimer: I do not own any of the historical characters in Victoria nor do I own the TV series which was written by Daisy Goodwin. Any lines from the show are also not mine and are just borrowed from Daisy Goodwin and ITV Victoria.
This was originally written after episodes 1-4 and posted on AO3 before episode 5 aired.
"I am to be married to Prince Albert."
There is awkward silence for a moment but it cannot last … it never does with them.
Their first meeting is a little awkward.
She feels young and confused under his gaze, worried about how he will perceive her dolls (are they too childish, too ridiculous?) and whether he thinks she looks too short to truly appear like a queen.
But she can see that he tries to put her at ease, asks her questions, and shows an interest. When she mentions her distaste for Conroy he does not try to placate her, he simply says that she can have someone else as her Private Secretary.
However when he suggests himself she snaps back at him, momentarily fearful and angry that he is just another person trying to control her.
She regrets it later, once he has left. It was an overreaction, for he was only trying to be useful to her. And there had been a sincerity in him that she rarely experiences.
When she meets him once more she is determined not to let their bad parting mar the occasion.
She smiles and laughs as he shows her around her new home (it isn't hard – the windows and lightness of it all make her feel more free than she has in years).
And when she brings up the matter of a Private Secretary, just a little timidly, he does not show any resentment about her earlier dismissal of his offer of assistance, merely rueful humour.
He agrees to her request and she is grateful and relieved.
The day is pleasant with him there – they get along so marvellously.
"The prince has, you find, improved upon acquaintance then?"
She blushes a little, "I believe I may … perhaps … have misjudged Albert a little."
"Only a little?" he jests.
She smiles back. His joke is a little forced but she does not do him the disservice of mentioning it. Her feelings for Albert are exceptionally strong but she does not forget what her Lord M has been to her, what he still is to her.
Nor does she forget that her news will have caused him pain. Lord M has always insisted on preparing her to do without his guidance, he has always tried to observe the boundary that society says should be between them even when she has not, and he has always insisted that she will find someone worthy of her heart. But she knows he felt as she did, felt (feels) the connection between them. She knows that while he did his duty and refused her offer at Brocket Hall it was certainly not easy for him.
Albert is to be her husband but Lord M is her dearest friend still, the one who has helped her steer through a difficult and stormy period in her life. She owes him much – she's not sure she could have weathered the turbulent times without his support.
They get past her proposal at Brocket Hall more easily than either expects. Little awkwardness ensues because she does not wish to appear affected and he does not wish to embarrass her by further reference to it.
And of course she soon comes to realise what he knows all along – she really cannot not give her heart to him. It does not matter what either of their inclinations are, it is something that just cannot be allowed. Just as Elizabeth could not ever truly have her Leicester so Victoria can never have her Melbourne.
But that day at Brocket Hall does not break their intimacy. At first it makes Victoria stumble a little, but the costume ball and Melbourne's words to her there make it quite clear that he is still very much her dear Lord M.
And she may be young and naïve in the ways of love but she is no fool and she can see the strength of feeling in Melbourne's eyes (she sees the same expression in her own every day).
Reality about their situation has set in for her, but she still knows she can count on him, will always be able to.
"I hope you do not think badly of me, dear Lord M."
"I do not think such a thing is possible, Ma'am," he says with such true sincerity that it makes her heart hurt a little.
"It is only that I have proposed to Albert, that I think I am beginning to love him, when not so long ago I swore I had already given my heart away."
She does not elaborate further. There is no need to. They both know what she is referring to.
He hesitates, with a heightened awareness of propriety now that she is not only his queen but an engaged woman, but after only a moment he reaches out to grasp her hands as he had that day at Brocket Hall when both of their hearts had been a little broken in a way never to be full repaired.
"How could I think badly of you for following my own advice, for following your heart? You should not be alone, Ma'am, you deserve all the happiness in the world."
"I thought you weren't going to come."
"I had a matter to attend to."
"I thought perhaps you were cross with me."
"You? Never."
"You do approve, don't you Lord M?" she asks, so quietly and softly that he can barely hear her.
"You do not need my approval, Ma'am, you are the queen."
"I should like it all the same. I do not care what people say – you are my dearest and truest friend and your opinion matters to me."
"Prince Albert is a man of excellent character, Ma'am, of high learning and good ideals. And he cares for you, I believe. He is a worthy candidate for you to offer your heart to."
She smiles almost slyly at him, "but did you not once call him a clockwork prince," she teases, "for I am sure Emma told me so."
He sees that she is not offended and smiles himself, "Lady Portman may have been correct, Ma'am, I will admit it. But I'm sure you can allow a man his harmless little joke, and I admit that despite my earlier misgivings he is an admirable man."
"I cannot blame you, Lord M," she agrees, "for dear Albert was most awkward when he first arrived, so severe and scolding. He is one of the sort who perhaps do not make the best first impression."
It is a mark of their friendship that Lord Melbourne restrains himself from making any remarks about the early behaviour (which he still has not quite forgiven for the way it hurt the queen he is devoted to) of the man he has come to respect but still cannot quite yet like.
He hates to watch her with Prince Albert but he can never bring himself to look away. Perhaps he is a masochist.
He has no right to jealousy, he knows. She has made him an offer and he has refused it – it makes his heart ache even now but he knows it was the right thing, the only thing he could really do.
Still, he punishes himself by watching her fall in love in front of his eyes. Just the way he said she would one day.
And he watches every mistake the prince makes, every misstep, every barbed comment, and every miscalculation. He watches with a little bit of pleasure. Because it is never so awkward with them.
Often it is the most natural thing in the world.
"What will the people think?" she asks him, "they would like a royal wedding, would they not?"
"They generally celebrate such a wedding, Ma'am, and they will like a stable royal family, I think, after the issues with heirs in the past decades."
She goes a little pink at the mention of children, an idea she is not quite sure she is ready for, but as always Lord M does not make her uncomfortable but merely continues on.
"There may be some concerns over a German prince," he admits to her, "the English are not always welcoming of foreigners."
She sighs, "you did tell me once that the people would like an English match … but we cannot please everyone of course. I am sure the people will soon see how useful Albert will be to England – he does have some fascinating ideas, you know."
He nods. He has heard of the prince's championing of the poor – it will make him popular with the common people if they can overcome their prejudices long enough to accept him. But he fears the aristocracy will be another story entirely.
"There may be trouble, Ma'am, but it can be overcome."
There is a small part of him that wants the engagement to fail, that wants the prince to go back to his home. But he can't be selfish about the queen, he cares too much about her. And she loves for Prince Albert. So he knows he will help her – it will involve compromises the prince is sure to dislike but he will ensure that the marriage takes place.
It might break his heart a little bit more but the queen deserves her happy ending.
After the queen has left Brocket Hall, after he has let her down as gently as he can and probably broken them both a little, he thinks of his earlier words to him.
How he told her an English match would be well-received.
He had of course been speaking of someone like her cousin George of Cambridge but he thinks his words may have been seen in a different manner, given her visit to Brocket Hall soon after.
He cannot be sorry for it. He knows he never could have said yes to her, no matter what his true inclinations are, but it is nice to know that she regards him as highly as he does her.
His only regret is that he has hurt her in his rejection. He only hopes she realises how it hurt him to refuse her.
"I do not think I will be so much with you after the wedding," she says to him with deep regret.
He knows that of course. He has known ever since he met her that one day she would marry, one day he would no longer be needed. He has always thought he would be prepared for it but of course it turns out he is not. But he knows he needs to be strong for her.
"I know that," he tells her gently, "you will have much more to occupy you after your marriage, and I am sure Prince Albert will be a great help to you in your work."
"But you will still visit, will you not? I will still have need of your advice and you are the Prime Minister, you must dine with us sometimes."
She pauses a moment, "and you are my friend, Lord M, you always will be."
He only nods. What else can he do?
He does not want to tell her that his party won't be in power for much longer – they will be lucky if they manage another year or two. He will retire then, will live quietly at Brocket Hall with only the rooks for company. When he is no longer Prime Minister his constant visits to the palace will no longer be appropriate, nor will the regular correspondence they currently maintain. And soon enough he thinks she won't notice much – she will have her husband to advise and support her, she won't need a tired old man like him.
But she looks at him with so much innocent hope and he does not want to upset her. It pains him to cause her sorrow.
And he wants to hope too. It will not be the same, not even close, but it's nice to think that she will maintain a corner of her heart for him, just as he knows he will for her.
So he does not tell her the truth, not yet.
"Of course, Ma'am, we shall always be the greatest of friends."
"You were happy too?"
"You know I was."
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.