Building It Up
When I think forward to the future, it stings,
When I think of the past, it burns,
When I look at myself in the mirror, I have to…
I have to rebuild my castle.
Being accused by the one you love that you are lying, fighting them. Nothing works anymore and the lyrics of songs by those bands which comment on how unreal I find my life. I lay back on my purple duvet cuddling into the couch. Paramore racing through my head, the lyrics stinging with every new verse and being more drummed into my soul with every repeated chorus. I've tried so hard not to think about what my life was like before this mess, before I nearly lost both the things in my life that mattered – my best friend and my lover.
I wanted to be in a world where no-one will ever find me. Torn from reality I seem to seek hope and happiness in my fantasy, my new world. After everything one chorus strikes my heart to the core, drills the hole deeper, making it bleed out all the sanity I had left.
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick
And the clock struck 12
Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick
or the wolves gonna blow it down
Would anyone help me? Would this wolf that was gonna come and destroy my world succeed and get away with it. It's just like Jake to come in and step up to be my friend, my comforter, but he expects so much more than what I can give him, when – to me – he will always be second best to the keeper of my soul. The trick seems to be that he would just step in, but I want to be back, before my world tumbles and crumbles into nothing.
You can't see it with your eyes
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
Cause if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark
And that's where I want to be
I want to be where I should stand, beside Edward, just like him. Forever, alive, and completely in love. The three things which Jacob will never be able to give me. Motor cycles and friendship, yes, love, no. I cannot wait for him to bury himself in my world, never to return, filling the gaps. The gaps which would ''never exist'' as Edward put it. I want to find where my reality can be found. Shining in the sun. No not shining, glistening a thousand gems and jewels. Just how I want to remember him. I want to be able to see him in the dark, and that's where I want to be.
The song changed, my mood stayed consistent. 'Looking Up' sounds so much like when I first met Edward.
I thought I'd never see the day when you smile at me.
I once looked at him, and he looked back. Shaken into the one chance I had of even attempting happiness. I never thought he would even consider me. But it was what I would call love at first sight; though I never thought it would happen to me. It sounds completely insane but it was true to me.
I'd never trade it in, cuz I've always wanted this!
It's not a dream anymore! Ohhh...
It's not a dream anymore! It's worth fighting for
I wouldn't ever want to forget him, no matter how hard he wanted me to.