Oz sat on the window seat, looking outside. Rain came from the sky in a torrent. Everything seemed to be masked by the downpour; the whole world was grey. He pressed his palm against the glass. Cold. He pressed harder, enjoying the feel of it on his hot skin. Tiny raindrops decorated the window; something simple like that could fascinate him if he were in the right mood. But he wasn't.
With a sigh, the blond swung his legs to the ground, wincing slightly as feeling returned to them. How long had he been sitting there? The antique clock in the corner of the room answered him with six bonging noises.
Since five o'clock, then. An hour. How dull.
He looked around the room, hoping to see something that would catch his interest. An embroidered carpet with knights on it; bookshelves full of ancient texts, a neat desk with nary a paper. This was supposed to be his room, but didn't feel like it. More like a guest room than anything resembling home.
Feeling like this...he shook his head, keeping the thoughts at bay. He was no longer the boy he had been; now a contractor, he had gone through a lot. Occupying himself for a few hours shouldn't be this difficult. Sharon had dragged a protesting Alice off on a shopping adventure. He wouldn't have minded tagging along, but Sharon insisted that the new clothes purchased for Alice should be a surprise for him. She smiled sweetly as she said it, but Oz had backed down right quick. There was no messing with that girl, lady of the mansion or not. As for Xerxes Break, Oz had no idea where was. Probably popping out from under people's beds somewhere and scaring them.
Oz was alone in the Rainsworth mansion, with the exception of some servants.
He wished his own servant were here.
If Gil walked in right now, he would immediately question why Oz had such a sour look on his face. However, he had gone out to shop for ingredients. Sometimes when he returned from these trips, Oz saw flecks of blood on the white of Gil's shirt. The spots were damp, as if he had tried to wash the evidence off in a hurry. Unless Gil killed animals himself, which was doubtful, there was no way getting food led to something like bloodstains.
Besides, if Oz asked, he had no doubt that Gil would tell him exactly what it was that he did. But Oz never said anything about it because he had a secret of his own. And, after coming from the Abyss to find himself ten years into the future, he doubted he could reveal it.
The opportunity for telling Gil had gone.
If only the coming of age ceremony hadn't been interrupted.
If only he could change things. Go back to their relationship pre-Abyss, and let Gil know how important he was to Oz. And then, after he returned from the Abyss this time around, there wouldn't be a secret to keep. That is, if Gil felt the way Oz hoped he did.
He always teased Gil about his fear of cats, amused by the expressions he would make. The Gil who blushed and cried so easily made Oz want to protect him. But now it was different. Gil was Raven now, a man. Ten years of experience under his belt, along with gun skills. Someone like him didn't need a master any more, not really. In fact, Oz had been stunned when Gil had been so eager to return to how things had been before. Master and servant, their established roles. That was one of the things Oz loved about Gil; he was so loyal. He kept his promises.
Really, Oz was undeserving of someone like that.
He knew this. Gil probably felt weird about their situation too, but he never wanted to make Oz upset. That was one of the things Oz hated about Gil. His unwavering belief that Oz was a person who was worthy of such devotion made Oz feel ill. Because he wasn't. What had been so bad about his life? Did it really matter so much that his father had rejected him? Other kids went through the same thing without the support of a best friend like Gil. They made it out just fine without breaking down like he almost did.
Weak. Filthy. Oz believed these words described him perfectly.
He wanted too much without deserving any of it.
Back in the Abyss, he had accepted the fact that he would die there. Of course he had been scared, but a larger part of him had been relieved. Life with Uncle Oscar and Ada was fun; every day meant new games and adventure. Gil had always been by his side. They grew up together. But despite those happy times, Oz felt that he was destined to leave this bright path. Shadows had already crossed it, after all.
He didn't want to drag everyone else into ruin.
The Abyss had been where he would repent for his sin: his existence.
Acceptance of his fate had come without much fuss.
And then Alice had saved him; life continued on.
Oz's palms hurt suddenly. He brought his hands up to his face and saw crescent cuts in the flesh. He had been digging his nails into them, one of his habits. How stupid. But at least hurting himself was something that he could deal with easily.
Fifteen more minutes had passed on the clock.
He stared at it, suddenly finding it fascinating. A structure made out of gold and glass...it was beautiful. Liking clocks after all the bad things they represented was strange, but he didn't mind. Oz took a step towards it, feeling slightly dazed.
Was it a trick of the light, or had the minute hand really begun to move backwards?
He heard a familiar tune, but couldn't remember where the melody had met his ears before. Everything began to blur around the edges. Falling to the carpet, he managed to hold himself up with his hands and knees.
A sharp pain seared beneath his collarbone; he thought he screamed, but wasn't sure. The music seemed too loud; he felt something warm trickle down the sides of his face. He pressed his hands over his ears to block out the noise. All the while, it felt as if someone were carving a knife into his chest. Oh, the pain was unbearable, he couldn't stand one more moment of it—
"Oz?" a frantic voice called. "Oz!"
He hurt too much to answer Gil.
There was a white flash and silence fell upon him.
Oz remained curled up in the fetal position. Heart thudding in his chest, he focused on taking deep breaths. A dull ache was all that remained of his chest pain; the seal had moved again, he realized, able to think more rationally. And the noise had stopped, that was a good thing. He stiffened, feeling something drying on the sides of his face.
He looked at his hands again and saw they were bloody.
The racket had done quite a job on his eardrums.
Being deaf was just perfect. He and Break could be a disabled pair
Oz rolled onto his back, eyes closed, and waited for Gil to force him to explain what had happened.
"I'm so happy that you finally came!"
His eyes flew open at the girlish voice.
One, he wasn't deaf after all. Two, that wasn't Gil.
All he could think was how much the girl leaning over him, a smile on her face, looked like Alice. Everything about her, aside from the snow white hair and clothing, was the same. Although there was an expression in her eyes that made him uncomfortable.
She looked desperate, despite her obvious attempt at being pleasant.
This had to be the Will of the Abyss.
Alice's psychotic twin, the girl who had removed Break's eye.
"I'm so happy!" she repeated, offering an outstretched hand. "Oh, Jack, I've been waiting for such a long time. I knew Vincent lied! You're not dead! You're really not!"
He took her hand and she pulled him up with graceful ease.
"I don't know how to say this, but I'm not Jack."
She blinked her long eyelashes at him. "What are you saying? Of course you are!" She clapped her hands together in delight. "You're Jack, and I'm Alice! Oh, I can't believe it's really you!"
Oz glanced around his new location, wondering whether this was a dream. He couldn't be back in the Abyss. How was that even possible? But the Will had been described as the most powerful being there, so maybe she had found a way to drag him into its depths while the seal on his chest moved...
"We'll always be together!"
She grabbed him by the hands and kissed his bloody palms.
He winced despite himself, but she didn't appear to notice.
"Just you and me, without her!" She exclaimed, while all the dolls surrounding them began chattering excitedly. "What shall we do first?"
"I'm sorry." Oz removed himself from her grip. "But I can't stay."
"You always left so early back at the tower! We never got enough time together." She tilted her head, white locks falling over her shoulder in waves. "Why would you say something like that?"
He didn't know whether she really believed he was Jack, or whether she was trying to trick him. Either way, he didn't want to be there for much longer. He wanted to return to Gil, even if it meant the ten year difference being intact. He wanted to see his Alice, with her haughty nature and love of meat. Break calling him a creepy kid would be fine. Even being bored, even wallowing in self-pity, seemed appealing now.
"Please, I need to go," he said. "I'll come back."
"But you just got here!" She twirled in a circle. "I sensed that you were looking for me, so I did my best to bring you where you wanted to be. And here you are."
"I didn't want to come here."
She looked at him over her shoulder. "Of course you did. You want to change the past. That's how we managed to find one another."
Oz stared at her. He did want to go back to the coming of age ceremony and tell Gil how he felt, but that was just wishful thinking. Something like that couldn't really happen. But then, Break had managed to do it.
And that hadn't exactly turned out well.
But...
"Could you?" he asked. "Change the past so that Gil and I—"
She was looking down, stroking a plush rabbit's head. At his words she stiffened, and when her eyes met his, he took a step back.
They were infuriated.
"You imposter!"
The chattering of the dolls increased, and Oz dodged one that lunged for his foot.
"You're not Jack! Jack wouldn't want to change the past! He would stay with me!"
"But I told you that—"
"Get of my room!" she screeched, throwing the rabbit at him. "You had no permission to come in here!"
There was no exit; crazily patterned walls were all that surrounded them. He was trapped here. Something stirred in the corner; Oz thought that it was just another doll, but a cat boy popped his head out. His heart thudded in his chest; Cheshire's body was mangled, and his one good eye—Break's eye—didn't seem to focus properly.
"What's wrong, Alice?" he asked, voice low.
"Cheshire, there's a stranger here!" She suddenly burst into sobs. "I'm scared!"
"Cheshire will tear you limb from limb!" he hissed, struggling in a futile attempt to escape his nest of dolls. "No one makes Alice cry!"
"Help me!" she wailed, falling to her knees, tears dripping down her face. "Cheshire!"
Oz watched, horrified, at the scene before him: an insane girl having a breakdown and her gravely injured cat boy trying his best to move, but being unable to do more than thrash around. The dolls squealed loudly, and his wounded ears rebelled against this.
He clapped his hands over his ears and shouted as loudly as he could:
"Go ahead and do it! Kill me!"
The Will of the Abyss looked right at him, and he forced himself to maintain eye contact. Her tears stopped as if a switch had been flicked. She got to her feet and wiped at her tearstained face, taking dainty steps toward him.
Her gaze travelled down to where his seal was concealed by his clothes.
She struck him there with her nails and black spots flashed before his eyes.
"Next time, don't pretend to be Jack." She giggled, as if nothing had happened. "But since you do resemble him, I shall grant your request."
That was the last thing he heard before he sunk into unconsciousness.
"Hey!"
Someone was calling out to him. Someone familiar...the tone full of anxiety.
It took great effort, but he managed to open his eyes.
A man with tousled dark hair looked down at him, golden eyes full of worry. Oz smiled at him, unable to remember a time when Gil's face had ever been better to look at. It dawned on him that the whole Will of the Abyss adventure been a dream; he had merely passed out due to the seal's rotation, and...
Wait. The room was the same as it had been, except for the carpet. It was plain beige, and there were no knights to be seen. Oz swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. This couldn't be; it had always been like that, and he had imagined the knight pattern. Right?
"I'm so glad you're okay, Oz." Gil sighed. "Had me worried there."
He blinked. Nothing had changed, since Gil seemed normal enough.
But he had to be sure.
"Gil, was the carpet different be—"
Gil cut him off by laughing.
"Now, Oz! What have I told you about calling me by such a familiar name?" He flicked Oz's forehead. "I'm Master, or Raven to you. Remember that!"
"M...master?"
"That's right."
Oz grinned weakly, but he had a sneaking suspicion that something wasn't right at all.
A/N: I don't even know what the hell this is. I think I was smoking something illegal when I wrote this. Dx Want me to continue? The likelihood of that is very slim...but maybe I will if you can convince me. I was supposed to write a straightforward Oz/Gil fic and it turned into this...AU nonsense? I DON'T KNOW. I'm sorry. ;___;