Together?

"Will we be able to go out together again?"
Mamoru had tried to caress her head and she had withdrawn.
"Yes" he had told her gloomily.
Grabbing his left hand, Usagi had tried to stay in contact with him without getting overwhelmed by his presence.
She wanted to jump in the air, she wanted to laugh and cry like girl a madly in love. But their reconciliation had been too hasty – a wonderful kiss and then Mamoru had reverted to his silence.
She had tightened her hold on his big fingers, the same hands that had refused to touch her for weeks.
"Will I be able to hug you whenever I want?"
Mamoru was sad. "Yes, Usako."
No, not Usako. "Don't call me that." Not yet, it was too soon. "Will you hug me back?"
"Usagi." Mamoru had made her sit on one of the stone benches that lined the seafront.
"All this time, I was wrong."
She knew his reasons and she was willing to forgive everything, forgetting all the suffering. But if he turned away after a kiss, and behaved like she wasn't even there… "Don't make me feel bad anymore, please."
Mamoru remained silent. Usagi tried to swallow her pain and be strong, happy. They were back together, things would resolve themselves. She just needed to be patient, bear a little. Mamoru had been without her for a long time and maybe he had gotten used to his solitary peace.
"I don't think it will be easy to forgive what I did" he said.
Usagi shook her head. "That's not why I…"
"I wasn't talking about you. I meant it won't be easy to forgive myself. I don't want to do it."
Usagi observed him, his shoulders bent inside the jacket, his head bowed. Her big Mamo-chan was small in that moment.
"It was right wanting to keep you safe." He swallowed. "I don't regret wanting to protect you with all my strenght, but… I detested myself every time I turned you away, and the things I said to you… It was my decision, my fault, but I resented you."
"Me?" she said incredulous.
"You kept appearing in front of me. I wanted to be away far from you and you kept on..." He looked into her eyes, finding something to hold on to. "Thank you for never stopping."
She wanted to cry. "I always believed in you." She had managed to live and laugh just by thinking that those bad moments were a nightmare she would wake up from very soon. Soon, she had reminded herself in the worst days, repeating it over and over again in her own head to resist. "Don't make me feel bad anymore, Mamo-chan."
Why did she have the voice of a stupid child?
But did he love her for real? Truly?
Mamoru grabbed her by the shoulders, an intense hold that she couldn't escape.
"I can't promise you that, Usagi. I'm not able to…I love you. Truly, with everything I am."
Overwhelmed, she let out a sob. "Don't ever turn your back on me."
"I think of you even when I do that."
"But look at me in the eyes!"
He nodded quickly. "Yes. I'll do it more often, every time I'll remember, but you have to know that-"
"Didn't you miss looking at me?"
Once again, Mamoru didn't answer.
"Why don't you speak?" she murmured.
"I don't know how to explain."
"What?"
"I have a photo of us, on my nightstand. The photo we did together that day."
The one with the two of them at the park, with the lake in the background. She had dragged him under the tree, asking for help to a woman passing nearby.
Mamoru had been so sheepish, but he had put his arm around her shoulders. In the resulting image, she smiled and he wasn't embarrassed anymore. He was serene and the photo had been perfect.
"I looked at it so many times that…" Mamoru breathed in. "Yes, I missed touching you. I missed hugging you, having you in my arms. I didn't miss looking at you. I watched you every day."
She didn't cry for the excess of happiness: she put two fingers on her lips and laid them on his mouth – the same gesture she had gifted him with every morning, using as a substitute the Mamo-chan from another photo of the two of them together. I will keep loving you until I live, I promise.
"A little kiss like this every day" she whispered to him, "and you won't be able to hurt me again, even if you ignore me for a week. I just want…" Love me, please.
He took both her hands, kissing all her fingertips and laying them on her lips. He removed the obstacle, brushing her mouth with his own, pressing on a little. He stopped kissing her, then did it again, his eyelids never closing. "I will be…"
Mine, she hugged him.
"Better. I promise."
She smiled, her joy possible only with his breath mixing with her own. "As Tuxedo Mask, you are really good…"
"Hm?"
"At talking. Why with me…?"
"It's like a rule" he admitted, and when he tried to touch her hair again, Usagi welcomed the caress, sinking in it.
"It's easier to speak about things that are not that important for me."
So, that meant…
Mamoru embraced her strongly, managing to overcome the obstacle of their legs that kept on colliding and their arms that didn't know how to intertwine.
"Take it as a compliment." He smiled softly against her hear. "The silence means…"
She shut him up with a finger.
Then, silence, she asked.
And she demanded everything he could give to her.

N/A: I missed seeing a moment like this between Mamoru and Usagi after their reconciliation. I like to imagine it went down this way. It's not a perfect moment, because he clearly had many problems in conveying to her what he felt – for me he felt inadequate – and she wasn't so sure about his feelings, even if she believed in him. At this point they love each other, but they still have many things to sort out – mainly because their love wasn't born in normal circumstances and maybe they had been to hasty in getting together, overcome by their feelings.
I've written two stories to clarify on this point – one is called 'Dentro di noi' (Inside the two of us) set between episode 59 and 60 of the R season, that narrates how Mamoru and Usagi had gone from remembering their past to actually getting together. It's a four chapter story in which I describe their firsts dates and them talking about their memories and becoming a couple.
Since I'm convinced Usagi and Mamoru still had some problems after getting back together in episode 77 – otherwise in the Stars season Usagi would have never believed Mamoru had voluntarily chosen to avoid any contact with her for months – I've also written a story set after episode 200, in which they finally resolve their issues. This story is called 'Oltre le stelle' (Beyond the star)s and is a five-chapter story, the end I would have liked to see for the whole series. Afterwards I used it to continue the Usagi, Mamoru and the Senshi's adventures, but that's another thing altogether J
I plan on translating both the stories I mentioned. I hope to be able to do that soon.

ellephedre