Ah, I'm bored again. So I decided to start a collection of crack pairing oneshots. A common idea? Yes, but I wanted to try it myself. And I will be accepting suggestions, so long as they are not slash or incest.

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, I did not make up this particular pairing, and the song 'Irresistible' is by Jessica Simpson.

I

You know
I don't know what it is
But everything about you
is so i.r.r.e.s.i.s.t.i.b.l.e

The sky is dark, but not dark enough to erase the shape of the fiery ginger tom beside me. The air is cool; my pads tingled as they touched the rocks below. The river is calm, it rushed by with barely a sound. The stars are vivid, glowing with an irrepressible light. It is a perfect night, one that any she-cat would hope for—a warm and soft night, enveloping you in its arms, caressing you gently, with a tom that adored you sitting by her side.

It doesn't help me at all.

I can't look up at the sky and delight in the stars; I can't breathe in the fresh air; I can't lap up droplets of water to soothe my aching throat. It takes too much effort to focus on something else; it takes too much needless energy. I can't bear to move myself away from thoughts of him. The thought of his lithe, sturdy body winding around mine, his slow breathing in my ear, and his eyes. Eyes the icy cold of twilight stars, eyes that tear my gaze from everything else, eyes that swallow me. No, not swallow; they devour. What terrifying, menacing, dangerous eyes...yet so alluring.

I am going to meet him tonight. The reminder of even that made my heart race. It will be our first meeting for a moon. So long. Too long. I hate the waiting. Every moment away from him is pure torture, like claws raking slowly across my stomach. I never sleep peacefully unless I know he is near. But after I return from seeing him, I have nightmares.

It is a no-win situation. And still I can't stop. Why? I look to the sky for answers, but instead my eyes travelover the handsome ThunderClan leader a few steps away. My throat dries. I don't deserve his admiration. I don't deserve to stand in his presence.

"I love you, Sandstorm," he suddenly murmurs, his voice cracking with strong, true emotion. His muzzle touches my side; instead of a warm, fuzzy feeling coming over me, my mind screams for him to get away.

I face him, trying to show the same adoration in my eyes. "I love you, too." What a lie. My whole life is a lie. Lies spill out so easily for me. "And I know that you'll bring us through tomorrow, whatever happens." At least that was true. He may not own my heart, but he does possess my respect.

"We need to go and rest," he mews, pressing himself against me. A chill sweeps over me; I'm sure it isn't just the night air. Soon I will press myself against a different tom, feel my soul swell, purr strongly and loudly to let out all the emotion building inside me...

Once we arrive at camp, Whitestorm stops us in order to talk to Firestar. I can't waste my time listening; he is the only thing that matters right now. It is so horrible, how I can only care about him, when countless lives might be slaughtered tomorrow by the combined forces of RiverClan and ShadowClan. He would be safe, though. He was unstoppable. When faced with his eyes, cats turned and fled immediately. I want to do the same. I might, tonight. It sounds so easy to do; just stop. Stop sneaking out. Stop lying to the Clan, and to Firestar. Stop dreaming about him every day.

Yeah, right.

Whitestorm leaves. Firestar is distraught, I see it in his eyes. I hate seeing him distraught. It gives me no real pain, but I need to be free of guilt tonight. My muzzle touches his. Keep on living the lie. "I'd better get some sleep."

"No, wait," he cries. "I don't want to be alone tonight. Come and share my den with me."

My muscles tense. Is it really going this far with us? I didn't want to bear his kits. I couldn't live with myself if I did. Impossible: loving kits that were Firestar's, not his. No. No. Yes. You can't refuse your leader. "All right, if you want me to."

He has a rabbit in his den. I eat. He eats. I feign drowsiness. He smooths out a place for me. I lie down, opening my eyes only a tiny slit. He watches the moon rise. I grow anxious and angry. Sleep, you mousebrain. You know you want to. He yawns, finally settling into his nest. Within moments his breathing becomes slow and deep.

I am free.

I come up to the entrance of his 'camp', careful to avoid the occasional Twoleg monster that roars past. It seems colder here than in the forest, and a lot damper. Nevertheless, my heart is about to burst, knowing that in a matter of minutes I will feel his dark fur brushing against mine and let myself be overwhelmed by his eyes.

Two battle-scarred, collared cats sit guard, but they are far from kittypet material. The teeth embedded on their collars glint. One sneers disdainfully, his muscles rippling under his black pelt in anticipation. "A pretty, dainty forest cat! Let's chase her out, Casper."

Casper is smarter, but no more respectful. "Oh, don't you recognize her, Lev? The stupid she-cat Winter and Cora caught in the forest moons ago. Haven't you seen her around? Too scared to stay in BloodClan, I suppose."

They laugh harshly, each keeping an eye fixed on me. I draw myself up. Nothing will keep me from him. "I'm here to see-"

"Him? Yeah, yeah, we all know you're his little plaything," Lev snarls, but he and Casper part to let me through. Everyone stares as I walk by, some bare their teeth, but I don't care. I see him in the distance, conversing with his deputy. I feel hot under my fur; I take a sharp intake of breath. He turns and looks in my direction. He smiles, revealing shiny white fangs. He mutters something to his deputy, who retreats.

I pad toward him, feeling more apprehension and thrill with every step. We reach each other, but say nothing. Every eye is upon us.

Aching to touch him, I lean my muzzle forward. He abruptly jerks his head back, and points his tail towards a secluded area behind a few crowfood-carriers. I follow him there.

Once we are bathed in shadows, he twines his tail with mine very tightly and envelops me in his midnight-black fur. It smells of all I cannot bear to think about: darkness, lies, and danger. Evil, my head screeches, this is wrong, ghastly, evil! Except I can't listen. I have to continue. It's too controlling, too overpowering. It's everything crashing down on me; my thousand lies crushing me until I can't speak or breath. It's farther than I've been, farther into the sinister, bottomless pit that is my existence.

And in all of the gloom, a single voice is all I hear. "You are mine," Scourge whispers in my ear. "We belong together. Stay with me, now and forever."

Fear overcomes me. "I can't."

"You can."

"Please." I pry myself loose from his clutches, breathing heavily. My head pounds. Is this what I desired? "I feel ill."

Amber eyes glow before me. "You do not want me."

"I can't..."

"Weakling. You are mine."

I can't think clearly. My eyes swim with tears that were pounded out of me. "You can't own me. No one can." A ginger tom crosses my mind, murmuring 'I love you'. Revelation breaks through. "Except him. He has my heart."

Scourge bares his teeth, hissing. "Who?"

I no longer see any allurement in this disturbing creature. "Leave me alone," I reply sharply, bounding away from him and the forsaken camp. Scourge is too stunned to give an order to kill me, but even if he does, I am too fast for them. I can't wait to get back home.

Before I am out of earshot, I hear Scourge growl furiously, "Bone, tell Tigerstar I agree. We join him tomorrow in the forest."

I hear a rustle beside me. Firestar is awake. He thinks I'm still sleeping, I suppose, because he is careful while leaving the den. Through slitted eyes, I watch him give me a long loving look before heading into the sunshine.

I close my eyes and sigh, content. Before I drift off to sleep again, I whisper, feeling that warm, fuzzy feeling soothe me:

"I love you, Firestar."

So that's it. Kind of a FirexSand, ScourgexSand one, so not truly crack. Oh well. Hope you liked it.

And, as I said before, I will be accepting suggestions, so long as they are not slash or incest. Just so you know, so far I have several pairings planned, so if I reject one of your offers, it may be because I'm already planning on doing it. Or maybe because I just don't like 'em. :P

Eview-ray lease-pay!