For the 2014 Grimm Secret Krampus fic exchange for Tumblr user Andyousaidtruelovedidntexist.
Prompt: Characters: Nick and Monroe (Friendship). Desired Rating: General.
Nick is having a hard time. Monroe comforts him. 'There are two wolves inside of everyone. One wolf is bad. The other is good. The two wolves are always fighting each other. The wolf that you feed is the one that will win.' («paraphrased Native American tale.)
All characters belong to NBC and Universal... Although I wouldn't mind owning them for a bit... which is why I write fanfic.
Nick Burkhardt stood on Monroe and Rosalee's porch, fists shoved in his pockets, shoulders slumped, head hanging. The Grimm knew he was in trouble with them, and had come to apologize.
Last week, Nick and Hank were assigned a string of homicides perpetrated against Wesen women; all of the victims, it turned out, were Fuchsbau, so the detectives decided to catch him in the act. Rosalee had been quick to agree to help, but her husband had a much different opinion; after over an hour of arguing, Monroe only agreed on the condition that he come along, too, and that every possible measure of safety be taken. Rosalee found the suspect, another Blutbad, and had allowed herself to be taken to an abandoned warehouse; when the suspect realized it was a trap, he threw Rosalee into a metal door, knocking her unconscious. As soon as he saw his wife's feet leave the ground, Monroe blew his cover, rushing the other man. He got between Rosalee's limp form and the suspect, and the two fought. Hank called for backup and Nick attempted to break up the fight; even the Grimm was no match for the Blutbad intent on protecting his mate, and Monroe only stopped hitting the suspect when the other Blutbad stopped moving. Once he was satisfied that the man was out, Monroe had gently scooped Rosalee up and carried her to safety, ignoring Nick's attempts to help, refusing to relinquish his hold on her until the paramedics came, and even then under much duress. Rosalee sustained a concussion and a badly broken leg, and apparently those were cause for her to spend a few days in the hospital. During that time, Monroe refused to speak to Nick, speaking only through Hank if he had to, and Nick couldn't take the silent treatment anymore.
So Nick stood on their porch, suddenly wishing he had thought to bring Rosalee some flowers; the thoughts fled when Rosalee opened the door, maneuvering awkwardly on crutches as she let Nick in. She still looked very tired.
"Hi, Nick! How are you?"
"I'm okay… You look better." Rosalee nodded, although the movement made her pale; she looked like she was going to vomit. "Is Monroe home?" Rosalee nodded again, turning toward the kitchen; Nick followed. Monroe looked up from the dishes he was washing, and his face scrunched up in disapproval.
"You should be resting, Missy…" He stopped when he realized Nick was with her. The two men stared at each other; their contest was interrupted by Rosalee trying to open the fridge; swaying awkwardly as she tried to maintain her balance.
"What do you need, honey?" Monroe asked; Rosalee pouted at her own helplessness.
"Apple cider? Please?" Monroe dried his hands.
"I'll bring it out to you; go sit." Rosalee did as she was told, and Monroe poured two glasses of cider; almost as an afterthought, he addressed Nick.
"You want a beer?" Nick nodded, taking what he was offered. "You wanna talk?" Nick nodded again, and followed Monroe into the living room. Rosalee had a little nest of pillows and blankets on the couch, and her injured leg was up on a pile; in the five minutes or so it had taken Monroe to prepare the drinks, she had dozed off. Monroe put her cider on the end table, adjusting a blanket over her with a gentle kiss before leading Nick onto the porch.
The two men settled on the steps, both looking straight ahead at the park across the street. They sat quietly until Monroe spoke.
"Why are you here, Nick? Do you need help on another case?" There was a bitterness in his tone that Nick hated hearing.
"I came to apologize for what happened to Rosalee. You seem more upset about it than she does…"
"Well, yeah. You put my wife in a dangerous situation, and she got hurt. We're lucky it didn't… wasn't worse." Nick nodded sadly.
"I know, and I understand. Look, I'm sorry I keep causing you two problems, and I understand if you don't want to help me anymore."
Monroe's head fell back, and he watched the golden leaves on the tree above them catch the last of the autumn sunset.
"You know we can't do that." Nick sighed in exasperation. Why did they have to be so selfless?
"But why? Why do you keep letting me interrupt your lives and get you in trouble? And don't say you guys owe me for getting you together, because you've repaid that a couple times over." Monroe paused for a moment, scratching his head.
"Okay, I've been thinking a lot about this recently, too, why we keep doing this, and I figured out why. Now, I'm going to tell you a story, and you're gonna shut your mouth and listen. Maybe it'll help you understand." Nick raised his hands in compliance, and Monroe began.
"When I first decided to go Wieder, I had a hard time finding a mentor I could trust. The first mentor I had through the support group, a Skalengek named Rocco, was really strict, like a drill sergeant, who pushed me so hard that I fell off the wagon after about three weeks. I couldn't take it, so I ran off into the woods. Rocco went in after me, and he was bent on dragging me out; we scrapped a bit, I busted his jaw, and he left.
"Then they sent in Joe, a Löwen. I fought with him, too, and eventually resorted to pelting him with rocks 'til he left. I found another place to hide. Then they sent Kateri after me."
Nick's face changed; Monroe had mentioned some of the people in his support group before, but had never spoken of a Kateri. Monroe took a sip of his cider.
"Kateri was an older Blutbad woman, a Chinook Indian. Really sweet old lady, quiet, tiny, sort of the mother hen of the group. Always brought food to meetings. Anyway, she tracked me to my spot, this cave facing the Canadian border. But she didn't come after me like Rocco and Joe; she sat at the mouth of the cave, singing this quiet song in her language. I thought if I hid long enough, she'd go away… but that song… I can still hear it." Monroe sighed.
"Anyway, the song drew me out to her; I still don't know how. I just felt all the the fight just… like, drain out of me. I just wanted to sit with her and have her sing to me in this language I didn't understand. It was hypnotic… anyway, I went out and sat with her.
"When she finished her song, she started another one, moving slightly closer. Another song, and she took my hand. She sat with me for what seemed like hours, each song coming closer until I was curled up in the fetal position, my head in her lap, her fingers stroking my hair. Finally, she sang this one song that was just so beautiful, so haunting, I just started crying. She let me cry in her lap until I had nothing left, then she helped me sit up. She put a hand on either side of my face, and pulled my forehead down to hers. 'You need to hear a story, Leeloo'… that's what she called me, Leeloo…" Nick chuckled slightly. "If I remember correctly, it means Wolf in their trade language, so it's actually… nevermind, not the point." Monroe turned so he was facing Nick head-on. "I'm not going to sit the way she and I sat, but I'm going to tell you her story. It might help you, okay?" Nick blinked dumbly.
"Ummm…" Monroe took another gulp of his cider and leaned forward.
"An old Indian was teaching his grandson the ways of the world. He said, 'My son, there is a war in the hearts of all people, two wolves within. The black wolf is Evil. It is anger. It is destruction. It is envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, resentment, lies, pride, fear, guilt, self-pity, and hatred. The white wolf is Good. It is joy. It is creation. It is hope, humility, serenity, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith, peace, and love. They are constantly fighting, inside you, inside me, inside everyone you meet.'" Monroe swallowed hard against the tears starting to creep into his voice. "The boy thinks this over for a moment. 'I understand, Grandfather,' the boy says, 'but which wolf wins?' The old man simply responded, 'The one that wins is the one you feed.'"
Monroe stopped for a moment and wiped a tear from his eye, seeming to gather his thoughts as Nick mulled over what he had said. Monroe sighed before he spoke again.
"It is the wolf we feed and nurture that wins the battle. I choose to feed the white wolf; I choose to fill my world with kindness, knowledge, hope," his eyes flickered to the window; Nick could see Rosalee was awake again, adjusting some pillows under her foot. "And love. I choose love." His eyes focus back on the Grimm. "I chose understanding with you, seeing your humanity rather than the monster within you… and thankfully, you chose the same with me. You chose your duty as a cop over whatever instinct you had to destroy me. When you asked me to help you, you chose knowledge over fear. With every Wesen you meet that you don't blindly murder, with every update to your family's books that doesn't end with "…and then I killed it", you are choosing a world of peace and understanding. And that, my friend, is why we keep putting our asses on the line for you. Because that is what we choose, too." The Blutbad reached out and puts a gentle hand on Nick's shoulder. Nick put his own hand over Monroe's and squeezed it.
"So what happened with Kateri?"
"Well, she and I sat and talked outside the cave well into the night. She told me some things about herself and her past, as well as things about me and my future. At dawn, we came out of the woods and found the group waiting for us. They were worried I would hurt Kateri, but she chose compassion instead of force, which is why I followed her. She became my mentor… Remember when I took you to meet Charlotte in the Wesen nursing home?" Nick shuddered slightly before nodding, remembering the aging Spinnetod. "I met her there, through Kateri. I tried to visit Kateri once a week, if not more.
"The last time I saw her, I took Rosalee to meet her. It was a pleasant visit, but as we were leaving, Kateri said she wanted to speak to me alone. Rosalee went to wait in the car, and I sat on Kateri's bed. She pulled herself up, and put her forehead to mine again, like she did so many years ago. She said, 'Your white wolf has gotten so strong, Leeloo; remember to keep feeding it. That woman, Rosalee, is good for you. Help her feed her white wolf, and she will feed yours as well. I love you, Leeloo; you have made me so proud." She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and I thanked her and told her I loved her, too. When we said goodbye, I knew it was for the last time. She passed that night." Monroe sighed sadly. "That meant a lot, having her approval. I just wish she could have seen us get married. I still talk to her every day, though, almost like praying; a lot more now that I found out I'm going to be a fath-…"
Monroe stopped, slapping his hand over his mouth. Nick stared at him uncomprehendingly until the penny dropped. Monroe had fought against Rosalee being used as bait, and made Nick and Hank promise in so many different ways that she would be safe; when she had been thrown, Monroe had disregarded the plan and focused on protecting her, nearly killing their suspect in the process. Even before that, Rosalee hadn't been eating as much, and seemed tired and sickly lately. Monroe was spending most of his time working from her shop instead of out of their home. Nick had been offered a beer, but Monroe and Rosalee had both been drinking apple cider without alcohol. It all fit together. Nick smiled widely, slapping his friend on the back.
"Congrats! When will you guys be announcing it?" Monroe smiled.
"We'll be announcing it at the Halloween party. I'm going to wear my skeleton suit, and we found her this really cute shirt that has a ribcage and spine and what looks like a baby's skeleton on the tummy. Don't tell anyone, though. It's supposed to be a surprise."
"Sure thing! Wow, a baby Blutbau… or Fuchsbad… I wonder if there's anything about that in the trailer?"
"It probably ends with 'then I chopped its head off'." Nick and Monroe shared a laugh.
"Well, we'll add our own updates. And Rosalee is off bait duty until further notice."
"I'll drink to that!" The two men clinked their glasses together. Nick sighed and leaned back; a shooting star streaked across the sky, and he made a wish for his friends' continued happiness.
"I'm glad we're both choosing to feed the white wolf."
"Me too, dude. Me too."