The sun beat hard on the artillery range. It was hot; much hotter than it had been earlier that morning the first time Cpl. Mae MacDougal had taken his artillery drills. She walked to the end of the field, carrying a long, thin case past a line of other soldiers taking their target practice, stopping when she reached the end, next to Pvt. Markowicz, who had arrived at the base a couple of days earlier.
"Hold your fire!" shouted the sergeant as a target was set up for Mae.
Markowicz was puzzled. "Didn't I hear you were here earlier?"
"I'm off duty," she replied. "This is what I do to wind down." She opened the case and pulled out a quiver, which she opened and strapped to her back. She reached back down and pulled a longbow taller than she was, and checked the string.
The target, a six-foot tall cutout of a man holding a semi-automatic pistol, was ready. Mae squinted; the sun was in her eyes. Then, one right after the other, pulled arrow after arrow from her quiver and let them loose in one fluid motion.
THWIPP. One in the pistol hand.
THWIPP. The heart.
THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. All in the head.
Mae proceeded to take aim and fire a shaft into each of the eight targets on the field, the last one being a hundred yards away. All of them were dead center in the heart.
Markowicz stood there, slackjawed. There was a smattering of applause from the others at the range, who had stopped their own exercises to watch. Mae ran out onto the field to collect the arrows. He had gotten about halfway when he heard, "MacDougal! Front and center!"
Mae turned around; a jeep had driven up while she'd been shooting, carrying a visiting general who'd been at base for a few days now. Running to the jeep, she waved goodbye to Markowicz, who stood gaping at the target which had received the brunt of the action, and at the perfectly symmetrical happy face Mae had fired into the head.
The general stepped down from the jeep. "Corporal MacDougal?" he asked.
Mae gave him a salute. "Yes, sir."
Returning the salute, he said, "I'm General Abernathy. Let's go talk."
*****
Mae was hopelessly lost. She had arrived at G.I. Joe headquarters that morning with orders to report to the top sergeant first thing. The MP out front had given her directions which seemed designed solely to confuse and annoy. She hadn't seen another person for at least ten minutes.
Maybe there was still time to pursue a career in ice fishing.
She was about to turn around and try her luck with the MP again when she heard someone coming.
"Excuse me," she said. "Could you-"
She was interrupted when a huge dog lit out from behind the approaching soldier and ran at her at full speed. She barely had time to shriek in the most dignified manner possible before he knocked her down and began licking her face as if it were covered in gravy.
"Dammit, Junkyard, get over here!" A tall, stocky man, with dark hair and mustache, ran up to Mae and tried to pull the dog off of her. "I'm sorry about that. Junkyard gets excited sometimes. Are you okay?"
Mae laughed, petting Junkyard as she sat up. "Yeah, I'm all right. I take it you're the welcoming committee?"
The man said, "Oh, you must be one of the new recruits. I'm Mutt. Pleased to meet you. You already know Junkyard."
Standing, Mae replied, "Hi. I'm, um, Cricket," she said, wincing at the nickname she hated which had, naturally, become her codename. "I'm your new grunt-slash-computer nerd."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Really? Breaker'll be relieved; he's been going 24/7."
Cricket asked, "Can you help me? I'm supposed to report in to Sgt. Hauser and I think the guard out front is trying to make me cry with the directions he gave me."
"No trouble. It's on my way."
*****
Duke glanced through Cricket's orders while she waited.
Code Name: CRICKET
File Name: MacDougal, Mary C.
Primary Military Specialty: Computer Technology
Secondary Military Specialty: Intelligence
Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts
Grade: E-4
He smiled at the line that read "Like her namesake, Cricket is small and very, very loud." Reading up on her history, he saw that she had been the soldier who had taken down Firefly in Cobra's abortive attempt to steal the Gravity Core being guarded at Ft. Hama, which was exactly the reason she had been brought in. It was surprising to look at the girl who went with these files; Dressed in green fatigue trousers and a long-sleeved black shirt, Cricket was small, barely 5'3", with dark brown hair that refused to stay out of her face. She also looked far too young to be there.
"Mary, is it?" asked Duke.
"Um... well, it's Mae, normally. My mother calls me Mary when I'm in trouble."
Grinning, Duke remarked, "I'll have to remember that." He read the file some more. "Says 'Special Weapons' here. Care to go into any detail?"
"I'm an archer, Top."
"Call me 'Duke'. Archery, huh? Where'd you learn that?"
"It wasn't anything official. I've been doing it since I was a kid, and my old C.O. used to let me practice on base when I was off duty. I was hoping to make the Olympics. I guess they thought I could give you some help up here."
Duke wondered. She must be very, very good indeed if Hawk had even looked at her twice.
*****
There was a knock on Duke's office door. 'You in there?"
Duke looked up from his work to see Scarlett standing in his doorway holding a disc. He smiled. "Come on in."
"Not too busy?" Scarlett asked.
"No, I've been looking for an excuse to take a break. What's up?"
She held up the disc. "I wanted to show you something I thought was interesting, if you have a few minutes." She went over to his computer and opened the DVD drive. "This is from this morning."
The screen came to life, revealing a black and white image of Beach Head's obstacle course. The ski-masked drill instructor was, as usual, making life miserable for anyone within earshot. Today, that included Scarlett, who was standing with him, and the new kid, Cricket. Duke could only imagine what Beach was saying to brighten everybody's day, however; there was no audio.
"Security video?" he asked Scarlett. He knew that Breaker often recorded the first run every new recruit made through Beach Head's obstacle course, partly for file purposes, but mostly to torment them later.
"Yeah. I had Breaker run me a copy to show you." She pulled up a chair next to him. "Beach Head asked me to help demonstrate the high beam to the new recruits." She smiled. "He wasn't happy; he's not wild about the few women on the team now; Cricket looks like she's about twelve."
"Gee, Beach Head was complaining. I'll cry myself to sleep tonight. So, what am I Iooking at? The high beam?"
Beach Head had finished tearing down the recruits' morale by that point, and signalled Scarlett to climb to the platform. The high beam, twenty feet long by about four inches wide, stood eight feet over a pit two feet deep in mud. On the opposite end of the beam were a pair of lasers, trained on the person trying to cross.
"They weren't set to kill, obviously," Scarlett said.
"No, but they hurt like hell if they hit," Duke replied.
Scarlett nodded. "You know how it is; show the newbies someone who's done it before so when they can't do it the first time they'll feel like crap."
Duke rolled his eyes. "Not too many make it across the first time. Taking one of those lasers feels like getting hit with a steam hammer."
On the screen, Scarlett ran across the beam, jumping over, ducking under, and generally avoiding the lasers as best she could. It was easy to see why Beach Head had chosen her to do the demonstration; she really did make it look simple. This did nothing, however, to ease the look of panic evident on the new recruits' faces.
Cricket was next. As she climbed the ladder, Scarlett asked, "Duke, how old is she?"
"Her greensheet says she's twenty. Joined up at eighteen."
"That's crap. She can't be older than eighteen now."
Duke shrugged. "Kids lie about their age to join up all the time. I'll talk to her abou-" He became distracted by the screen. Cricket had made it about a quarter of the way across before she took a laser right in the stomach. It knocked her backward, toppling her from the beam.
Clutching her stomach with one hand, she caught herself with the other, slowly pulling herself back on.
Duke was impressed. She was tough.
She bent over for a minute. Beach Head could be seen to be pointing at her and yelling something. "He was warning her not to throw up on his obstacle course," Scarlett said, grinning. "Always concerned about the welfare of his charges."
After a minute, Cricket started off again. She dodged two more bolts from the twin lasers before taking another one in her left shoulder, which finally knocked her off the beam, about three steps from the finish.
"She did good. Better than most," said Duke, admiringly.
"She did, but that wasn't what I wanted to show you. Watch this."
Cricket went to the top of the platform again. This time, she was holding her bow with one hand. She let Beach Head yell at her for a couple of minutes and then very calmly reached into her quiver, drew two arrows, notched them, and let them fly into the barrels of both lasers with a single shot.
Duke blinked.
"What just happened? Play that back." Scarlett rewound, then replayed the scene in slow motion. According to the timecode, Cricket's action, from moving her hand toward her quiver all the way to both shafts hitting their targets dead center simultaneously, took 1.2 seconds. She then calmly strolled across the beam.
Beach Head slowly worked his way from stunned to apoplectic. He pulled Cricket off the platform bodily and chased her around the compound, occasionally kicking her in the ass to make her run faster.
Scarlett said, "Beach Head just about threw a fit. Question; I couldn't understand what she was doing with her bow on the obstacle course. She said you told her to keep it with her until further notice."
"Yeah. We don't have anything like that on base except for your crossbow, which she's not rated for. I need her to be able to get at it in a hurry if there's ever an emergency. Until we can put archery equipment in the weapons lockers around base, I don't need her running back to her quarters every time Cobra decides to knock on our door." He watched the tape again. "I'll have to let her know that having it with her doesn't mean she can use it while she's training."
"Don't worry; Beach Head's taking care of that now. What time is it now?" asked Scarlett. "About eleven?"
"Yeah, about that."
"This tape is timestamped 0800 hours." She went to Duke's window and pulled up the shade. Sure enough, Cricket, looking like she was about to pass out, ran by the window, with Beach Head screaming obscenities close behind.
Duke chuckled. "Well, sure, but a day without abuse from Beach is like a day without sunshine." His chuckling turned into outright laughter when he heard, off in the distance, Cricket miserably wail "It's my first day!"
*****
Scarlett watched Cricket stumble her way into the mess. Duke had pulled Beach Head away on an imaginary errand to give the newbie some relief. She had felt badly; new recruits always had a rough couple of days when they started, but Beach Head usually went way above and beyond where he needed to. She was about to call Cricket over to sit when she saw Shipwreck sprinting towards her.
Lady Jaye plunked down her tray across the table from Scarlett and sat. "Haven't seen much of you today."
"I've been pretty busy. Have you met the new kids yet?" Scarlett asked.
"No, but I've seen the tape," Jaye replied.
"That was fast."
"Hell, that was four hours ago. That tape's made the rounds. Breaker's been dubbing copies all morning."
Scarlett asked "Well, what do you think?"
"I think she's going to do really well. Cricket can obviously shoot; it remains to be seen whether or not she can do it again when real people are shooting back at him. But I was impressed she got back up in the first place. Not too many people can take more than one hit off that thing, and - what's Shipwreck doing?"
Scarlett turned to look. Shipwreck had brought Cricket over to his table, along with Gung Ho, Bazooka and Alpine. That couldn't be good. "Oh, Christ. Don't tell me it's Ship's turn to haze the newbie."
"Really? Oh, this'll be fun. Shipwreck always picks something incredibly inappropriate and in full public view."
They watched as Cover Girl went over to the men's table, rescuing Cricket. By the looks on her face, it was too late. She'd gotten her task. They came over to Scarlett and Jaye's table and sat down.
"Hey, we were just talking about you. How are you feeling?" asked Scarlett.
"Better. I stopped throwing up about half an hour ago. All in all it's been a busy day."
"It's only noontime."
Scarlett took a bite of her sandwich, and noticed Snake Eyes wandering around with a soda in his hand. He usually ate in his quarters, but had recently been making an effort to be somewhat more sociable.
Scarlett waved him over. "Hey, you," she said. "Is it Monday already?"
Snake Eyes shrugged. "Yes. Is there a seat open?" he signed.
Jaye indicated the seat at the end of the table. "Right over there. Have you met Cricket yet?"
"No, but I've seen the tape. Good work." He offered his hand.
Cricket took it, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know sign language."
"He's congratulating you on this morning," said Scarlett.
"Oh. Well... thanks."
"Don't mention it," Snake signed.
"You'll have to learn to sign at some point," said Cover Girl. "Snake here does a lot of the hand to hand training."
Cricket watched as Snake Eyes put a straw in his drink, then opened his mask a fraction to allow the straw in. He sat there and drank his soda, completely uninterested in the conversation at the table.
"I gotta tell you, Cricket," said Jaye, "I saw the security tape of this morning's workout. That was impressive."
Cover Girl said, "Tell me about it. My first time on that thing, I didn't even make it to the top of the ladder before I took a shot. I certainly wasn't about to climb back on."
Cricket blushed. "Well, thanks. I guess I just have this thing about doing stuff that drill sergeants don't think I can do. I get underestimated a lot. I'm not that much of a gymnast, so actually dodging the beams on that bar wasn't going to happen."
"We'll get you there," signed Snake Eyes. He had been paying attention after all. "There's a lot of training ahead of you. So, what made you decide to transfer over here?" Scarlett translated for him.
"I was invited. I was stationed at Ft. Hama, and -"
Cover Girl asked, "Ft. Hama? The Gravity Core?"
"That's right. We were guarding it before it was being sent to a government lab in New Mexico. Cobra tried to steal it while I was on duty. I have to tell you, I wasn't that impressed. Duke told me they've been up to some pretty big shit in their time, but to be honest, the only time anyone out in the world hears from them is when the guy with the bag over his face takes control of the airwaves, interrupts my stories, and claims he has a ray that'll turn the U.S. oil reserves into rice pudding."
The girls laughed.
"Then lo and behold, the oil manages to stay oil. I realize that's because G.I. Joe manages to keep anything from happening, but the knowledge of everything they've ever tried to do going up in their faces, coupled with the sight of a few guys in blue pajamas screaming "COBRA!!!!" at the top of their lungs, doesn't really inspire a whole lot of fear. The fact that most of them didn't look like they could find their ass with both hands didn't help them." She smelled her food, and, making a face, decided she didn't want any.
Scarlett said, "Roadblock's cooking today. This is as good as it gets. The mess is usually nowhere near this busy."
"No, it smells good. It's just my stomach's still a little off."
"Who was leading the assault?" asked Cover Girl.
Cricket shrugged. "He was wearing grey camo. Had a mask on. Lemme tell you, he didn't want to stay down."
"Firefly?"
"I think that's what they said his name was. I dunno."
"So what happened?"
"I made him stay down."
Jaye and Scarlett looked at each other. Knowing Firefly was in the room with you was unusual. Beating him down was almost unheard of. Snake Eyes was looking forward to her training.
Cricket sighed. "Didn't matter, though. I heard he blew his way out of the wagon less than an hour later. Important thing was that the Core stayed put." She toyed with her lunch some more. "Are there a lot of women on the base?"
"You're looking at 'em," said Cover Girl.
"Oh."
"Yeah. It's not all bad; there are so few of us, we don't have to stay in the barracks. We have a couple of officers' apartments set aside. Scarlett and Jaye share one; you'll probably wind up with me."
"So, um... what's Duke like?" she asked, trying to get a feel for her top sergeant. Jaye and Cover Girl immediately looked at Scarlett.
Scarlett glared at them. "Stop it."
Cricket asked, "Stop what?"
Jaye, with a huge grin on her face, sang, "Scarlett likes Duke..."
"I mean it. Cut it out."
Jaye and Cover Girl started making kissing noises.
Snake, not looking at Scarlett, signed, "Are we pretending it's a secret?"
Scarlett went red as a tomato and fussed with her ponytail.
Jaye caught Snake's tone and quickly changed the subject. Turning to Cricket, she said, "To answer your question, he's the best commander you'll ever have. He'll be your dad and your best friend rolled into one until you piss him off. Piss him off and you'll wish you were dead."
Cover Girl added, "We're also hoping he has a thing for redheads." Scarlett put her head on the table and muttered wordlessly to herself.
Cricket looked at Cover Girl, wondering how seriously she meant that. Her hair seemed more auburn than outright red.
Snake Eyes had finished his soda. "I'm afraid that's all I have time for today," he signed. "I have a report I need to finish. Can I take anyone's tray up?"
Scarlett surveyed the table. "I think we're still working on ours. Thanks, though."
"No problem." Snake Eyes, grabbed his empty can and started towards the recycling bin. He got halfway there before Cricket jumped up from the table, ran up to him with her eyes ablaze with fear, and grabbed his pants and yanked.
Scarlett had to run that through her mind one more time.
Cricket just pantsed Snake Eyes.
The mess was dead quiet. Cricket was frozen, looking up. She'd been on the base five hours and had already heard what this guy could do to him. Snake was equally still. He seemed to be processing the whole thing.
This went on for an eternity.
Then, suddenly, Snake Eyes dropped the can.
"Run, kid!" bellowed Flash from the rear of the hall.
Cricket gave a yelp and ran as fast as her feet would carry him. Snake Eyes started to chase her out of the mess with his pants still down around his ankles. He heard someone snicker, then glared in the direction it came from and silenced whoever it was. As quickly as he could, he pulled his pants back up and started off.
Scarlett said, "Hell. I better get after him. Goddamned Shipwreck." She sprinted towards the exit as the mess, much braver now that Snake was gone, erupted in laughter.
Lady Jaye said, "Wow. New kid's had a big day."
Cover Girl remarked, "At least she got it out of the way quick."
Shipwreck held up a sawbuck. "Okay, who had tighty-whities?"
*****
Scarlett caught up with Snake Eyes by the motor pool. "Snake! Stop! Snake Eyes!" she called. He didn't stop, but he did allow her to catch up.
She ran in front of him and stopped, throwing her arms out. "Come on. What were you going to do?"
He shrugged. He wasn't really sure himself.
"She's the newbie. You know how it goes. Newbies have to have their little initiation. She does something stupid or embarrassing - or, in this case, extremely dangerous - and then she's one of the guys. You happened to be hit by the shrapnel this time. But what was she supposed to do? Refuse to do it?"
"Yes."
"And then what? Do you remember when Ripcord wouldn't streak up and down the officers' quarters?"
"Vaguely."
"No one - yourself included - wanted anything to do with him until he broke down and did it. Do you remember why?"
"I'm sure I don't."
"Because it's the men's idiotic idea of not being a team player. And stop acting like you don't know what I'm talking about; I remember all too well what you made Blowtorch do when he got here."
Snake Eyes chuckled silently. "Think that dress still fits him?"
Scarlett shuddered at the memory. That back was far too hairy for that revealing a gown. "All I'm saying is lay off Cricket. Blame whoever put her up to it."
"I have an idea."
"I'm sure you do. But don't go nuts over this. You got nailed. Everyone here has gotten nailed at one point or another. Besides, you have beautiful thighs."
He smiled under his mask. "Thanks. I work out."
She added, "Please don't let this stop you from coming around when you're not on duty. We used to see a lot more of you. It's been nice seeing you around again."
He shrugged. "It was Hawk's idea. He's worried I've been -" He stopped as he tried to think of the word. "Isolating myself too much."
"Well, we've missed you, and it's nice to have you back, even if it did take a general to order you to be seen in public with us. You don't have to be 'on' all the time, you know. You think someone's going to attack you in the mess?"
Snake Eyes cocked his head to one side. "Other than people trying to steal my pants?" he checked his watch. "I'd better go. I still have that report to finish up, then I have to start training the new kid."
"Be nice," Scarlett warned. "She's a good kid."
"I'm always nice." He started back towards his living quarters.
Scarlett watched him leave. She knew what was really bothering him. "Snake Eyes?" she called. When he turned around, she said, "I'm sorry if what the girls were saying upset you."
"About Duke?" he asked. He paused, then shrugged and signed "It's not my business."
*****
Within the hour, a new tape was circulating.
*****
Lady Jaye took it upon herself to give Cricket a real tour of the camp while she waited for hand to hand training to begin. Cricket relaxed; she was finally starting to not feel so lost as things gradually began to look familiar to her.
"You're saying he tensed up? I didn't notice at all," said Cricket.
"You will once you start to know him a little better. Snake Eyes and Scarlett... well, they kind of had this thing."
"Which is over, I take it?"
"Yeah. Snake's a very good man, and once he learns to trust you he'd happily step in front of a train for you, but he's not one for letting people in. As for the Duke thing, I can see the appeal, but it'll probably never go anywhere. He's her CO. Plain and simple."
"Oh, I know what you mean. A friend of mine back at Hama got into a thing with the base commander. It did NOT end well. For either of them."
"It never does. Duke's not oblivious; Shana's done everything but pull him under his desk. But he's not about to ruin both of their careers." She smiled. "Regardless of his own feelings."
"Really?" Cricket asked.
"I'm not oblivious, either."
As they reached the motor pool, a lot of yelling and cheering could be heard. Jaye rolled her eyes. "Kiddo, this is the motor pool. This is where you want to go if you're in the mood for a lot of general stupidity. Hang on." They turned the corner and found a crowd of Joes in a circle, shouting and laughing. In the front was a man in a pilot's uniform, holding a big wad of cash.
"Hey, Ace," called Jaye, "you want to tell me what's going on here?"
Ace looked up. He smiled, holding the money out of sight. "Hi, Jaye. Um... nothing. We're just-" the circle opened up to show four Joes Cricket hadn't met yet straining to keep their mouths, which were obviously full, closed. Shipwreck was in front, holding a huge bag.
"What's in the bag?" asked Jaye.
"Oh, you know. They're these, um, glass bearings."
She looked. "Marbles. You guys are stuffing marbles in your mouths?"
"Look, it's just a friendly competition."
"This is the most asinine thing I've seen since... well, since the last time I was down here." Jaye turned to Cricket and sarcastically remarked, "Welcome to G.I. Joe. Come on, let's keep moving."
Shipwreck raised an eyebrow, and said loudly enough so that Jaye could hear, "Okay then, that puts Clutch ahead so far with twenty..."
"What?" demanded Jaye, wheeling around. "Twenty? Please. Forget it. Here," she said, handing a twenty to Ace, "fill me up."
*****
Cricket walked with Jaye to the infirmary. Jaye had managed to get forty-three marbles in her mouth, but had lodged them in so well that they didn't want to come back out.
Hearing someone enter, a pleasant-faced medic came out from his office. He looked at Jaye, said nothing, and turned his attention to the new arrival. "You'd be Cricket, right? I was just going over your file. I'm Doc."
"Hi Doc. It's good to meet you. I'm just making the rounds with Jaye."
"Overwhelmed yet?"
"A little. It's starting to make some sense, though."
"Well, when this place makes sense to you, do me a favor and explain it all to me. Now then. Jaye," he asked, without a hint of irony in his voice, "what seems to be the problem?"
"Huh huh. Hery huuy."
"I happen to think I'm incredibly funny. We've been down to the motor pool, I see. How many'd you get in there?" Jaye held up four fingers, then three. "Impressive. Did you win?"
Jaye shook her head no.
"Really? Who won?"
Cricket started, "I think they said-"
Doc put up his hand. "No, no. Listening to Jaye try to talk is amusing. Who won?"
"Hor hew."
"Short Fuze? What made you get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze?" He looked at Cricket. "The man can unhinge his jaw and fit his whole fist in there. Word of warning; never get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze."
"I'll try to remember that."
"Hey Doc," said Flint, walking into the infirmary, "what's up? Shipwreck told me you -"
Jaye turned her head towards Flint. Blushing furiously, she meekly said, "Hi."
Flint stopped short. Sensing that outright prolonged laughter would probably get him in a whole lot of trouble later, he immediately turned around and hurriedly went back the way he came.
Doc grinned. "Shipwreck's been busy today."
Doc went over to a cabinet and grabbed a small set of forceps. "People here are always pretty keyed-up," he told Cricket. "Goes with the territory. Part of what makes people fit for this kind of duty is having a lot of nervous energy. We can go weeks, even months without Cobra poking its head up and causing trouble. In that time, we have to find ways of blowing off steam." He started probing Jaye's mouth with the forceps. "The result of which is I get a lot of visits like this one. I'm just glad it's someone's mouth I'm poking around in this time. I guess - does that hurt? No? - I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry about what these people will do when it comes time to do their jobs based on some of the stuff I'm sure you've seen today. Everyone -"
"OW! Ow ow ow ow ow!" cried Jaye.
"Oh, stop it. If it didn't hurt a minute ago, it doesn't hurt now. Damn, you got these jammed in here really good. Anyway, everyone works hard. They also play just as hard."
Doc made one final lunge into Jaye's mouth and wrenched a marble free. With that, the other forty-two came spilling out all over the infirmary floor.
Doc smiled at Cricket warmly. "Welcome aboard."
"Hold your fire!" shouted the sergeant as a target was set up for Mae.
Markowicz was puzzled. "Didn't I hear you were here earlier?"
"I'm off duty," she replied. "This is what I do to wind down." She opened the case and pulled out a quiver, which she opened and strapped to her back. She reached back down and pulled a longbow taller than she was, and checked the string.
The target, a six-foot tall cutout of a man holding a semi-automatic pistol, was ready. Mae squinted; the sun was in her eyes. Then, one right after the other, pulled arrow after arrow from her quiver and let them loose in one fluid motion.
THWIPP. One in the pistol hand.
THWIPP. The heart.
THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. All in the head.
Mae proceeded to take aim and fire a shaft into each of the eight targets on the field, the last one being a hundred yards away. All of them were dead center in the heart.
Markowicz stood there, slackjawed. There was a smattering of applause from the others at the range, who had stopped their own exercises to watch. Mae ran out onto the field to collect the arrows. He had gotten about halfway when he heard, "MacDougal! Front and center!"
Mae turned around; a jeep had driven up while she'd been shooting, carrying a visiting general who'd been at base for a few days now. Running to the jeep, she waved goodbye to Markowicz, who stood gaping at the target which had received the brunt of the action, and at the perfectly symmetrical happy face Mae had fired into the head.
The general stepped down from the jeep. "Corporal MacDougal?" he asked.
Mae gave him a salute. "Yes, sir."
Returning the salute, he said, "I'm General Abernathy. Let's go talk."
*****
Mae was hopelessly lost. She had arrived at G.I. Joe headquarters that morning with orders to report to the top sergeant first thing. The MP out front had given her directions which seemed designed solely to confuse and annoy. She hadn't seen another person for at least ten minutes.
Maybe there was still time to pursue a career in ice fishing.
She was about to turn around and try her luck with the MP again when she heard someone coming.
"Excuse me," she said. "Could you-"
She was interrupted when a huge dog lit out from behind the approaching soldier and ran at her at full speed. She barely had time to shriek in the most dignified manner possible before he knocked her down and began licking her face as if it were covered in gravy.
"Dammit, Junkyard, get over here!" A tall, stocky man, with dark hair and mustache, ran up to Mae and tried to pull the dog off of her. "I'm sorry about that. Junkyard gets excited sometimes. Are you okay?"
Mae laughed, petting Junkyard as she sat up. "Yeah, I'm all right. I take it you're the welcoming committee?"
The man said, "Oh, you must be one of the new recruits. I'm Mutt. Pleased to meet you. You already know Junkyard."
Standing, Mae replied, "Hi. I'm, um, Cricket," she said, wincing at the nickname she hated which had, naturally, become her codename. "I'm your new grunt-slash-computer nerd."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Really? Breaker'll be relieved; he's been going 24/7."
Cricket asked, "Can you help me? I'm supposed to report in to Sgt. Hauser and I think the guard out front is trying to make me cry with the directions he gave me."
"No trouble. It's on my way."
*****
Duke glanced through Cricket's orders while she waited.
Code Name: CRICKET
File Name: MacDougal, Mary C.
Primary Military Specialty: Computer Technology
Secondary Military Specialty: Intelligence
Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts
Grade: E-4
He smiled at the line that read "Like her namesake, Cricket is small and very, very loud." Reading up on her history, he saw that she had been the soldier who had taken down Firefly in Cobra's abortive attempt to steal the Gravity Core being guarded at Ft. Hama, which was exactly the reason she had been brought in. It was surprising to look at the girl who went with these files; Dressed in green fatigue trousers and a long-sleeved black shirt, Cricket was small, barely 5'3", with dark brown hair that refused to stay out of her face. She also looked far too young to be there.
"Mary, is it?" asked Duke.
"Um... well, it's Mae, normally. My mother calls me Mary when I'm in trouble."
Grinning, Duke remarked, "I'll have to remember that." He read the file some more. "Says 'Special Weapons' here. Care to go into any detail?"
"I'm an archer, Top."
"Call me 'Duke'. Archery, huh? Where'd you learn that?"
"It wasn't anything official. I've been doing it since I was a kid, and my old C.O. used to let me practice on base when I was off duty. I was hoping to make the Olympics. I guess they thought I could give you some help up here."
Duke wondered. She must be very, very good indeed if Hawk had even looked at her twice.
*****
There was a knock on Duke's office door. 'You in there?"
Duke looked up from his work to see Scarlett standing in his doorway holding a disc. He smiled. "Come on in."
"Not too busy?" Scarlett asked.
"No, I've been looking for an excuse to take a break. What's up?"
She held up the disc. "I wanted to show you something I thought was interesting, if you have a few minutes." She went over to his computer and opened the DVD drive. "This is from this morning."
The screen came to life, revealing a black and white image of Beach Head's obstacle course. The ski-masked drill instructor was, as usual, making life miserable for anyone within earshot. Today, that included Scarlett, who was standing with him, and the new kid, Cricket. Duke could only imagine what Beach was saying to brighten everybody's day, however; there was no audio.
"Security video?" he asked Scarlett. He knew that Breaker often recorded the first run every new recruit made through Beach Head's obstacle course, partly for file purposes, but mostly to torment them later.
"Yeah. I had Breaker run me a copy to show you." She pulled up a chair next to him. "Beach Head asked me to help demonstrate the high beam to the new recruits." She smiled. "He wasn't happy; he's not wild about the few women on the team now; Cricket looks like she's about twelve."
"Gee, Beach Head was complaining. I'll cry myself to sleep tonight. So, what am I Iooking at? The high beam?"
Beach Head had finished tearing down the recruits' morale by that point, and signalled Scarlett to climb to the platform. The high beam, twenty feet long by about four inches wide, stood eight feet over a pit two feet deep in mud. On the opposite end of the beam were a pair of lasers, trained on the person trying to cross.
"They weren't set to kill, obviously," Scarlett said.
"No, but they hurt like hell if they hit," Duke replied.
Scarlett nodded. "You know how it is; show the newbies someone who's done it before so when they can't do it the first time they'll feel like crap."
Duke rolled his eyes. "Not too many make it across the first time. Taking one of those lasers feels like getting hit with a steam hammer."
On the screen, Scarlett ran across the beam, jumping over, ducking under, and generally avoiding the lasers as best she could. It was easy to see why Beach Head had chosen her to do the demonstration; she really did make it look simple. This did nothing, however, to ease the look of panic evident on the new recruits' faces.
Cricket was next. As she climbed the ladder, Scarlett asked, "Duke, how old is she?"
"Her greensheet says she's twenty. Joined up at eighteen."
"That's crap. She can't be older than eighteen now."
Duke shrugged. "Kids lie about their age to join up all the time. I'll talk to her abou-" He became distracted by the screen. Cricket had made it about a quarter of the way across before she took a laser right in the stomach. It knocked her backward, toppling her from the beam.
Clutching her stomach with one hand, she caught herself with the other, slowly pulling herself back on.
Duke was impressed. She was tough.
She bent over for a minute. Beach Head could be seen to be pointing at her and yelling something. "He was warning her not to throw up on his obstacle course," Scarlett said, grinning. "Always concerned about the welfare of his charges."
After a minute, Cricket started off again. She dodged two more bolts from the twin lasers before taking another one in her left shoulder, which finally knocked her off the beam, about three steps from the finish.
"She did good. Better than most," said Duke, admiringly.
"She did, but that wasn't what I wanted to show you. Watch this."
Cricket went to the top of the platform again. This time, she was holding her bow with one hand. She let Beach Head yell at her for a couple of minutes and then very calmly reached into her quiver, drew two arrows, notched them, and let them fly into the barrels of both lasers with a single shot.
Duke blinked.
"What just happened? Play that back." Scarlett rewound, then replayed the scene in slow motion. According to the timecode, Cricket's action, from moving her hand toward her quiver all the way to both shafts hitting their targets dead center simultaneously, took 1.2 seconds. She then calmly strolled across the beam.
Beach Head slowly worked his way from stunned to apoplectic. He pulled Cricket off the platform bodily and chased her around the compound, occasionally kicking her in the ass to make her run faster.
Scarlett said, "Beach Head just about threw a fit. Question; I couldn't understand what she was doing with her bow on the obstacle course. She said you told her to keep it with her until further notice."
"Yeah. We don't have anything like that on base except for your crossbow, which she's not rated for. I need her to be able to get at it in a hurry if there's ever an emergency. Until we can put archery equipment in the weapons lockers around base, I don't need her running back to her quarters every time Cobra decides to knock on our door." He watched the tape again. "I'll have to let her know that having it with her doesn't mean she can use it while she's training."
"Don't worry; Beach Head's taking care of that now. What time is it now?" asked Scarlett. "About eleven?"
"Yeah, about that."
"This tape is timestamped 0800 hours." She went to Duke's window and pulled up the shade. Sure enough, Cricket, looking like she was about to pass out, ran by the window, with Beach Head screaming obscenities close behind.
Duke chuckled. "Well, sure, but a day without abuse from Beach is like a day without sunshine." His chuckling turned into outright laughter when he heard, off in the distance, Cricket miserably wail "It's my first day!"
*****
Scarlett watched Cricket stumble her way into the mess. Duke had pulled Beach Head away on an imaginary errand to give the newbie some relief. She had felt badly; new recruits always had a rough couple of days when they started, but Beach Head usually went way above and beyond where he needed to. She was about to call Cricket over to sit when she saw Shipwreck sprinting towards her.
Lady Jaye plunked down her tray across the table from Scarlett and sat. "Haven't seen much of you today."
"I've been pretty busy. Have you met the new kids yet?" Scarlett asked.
"No, but I've seen the tape," Jaye replied.
"That was fast."
"Hell, that was four hours ago. That tape's made the rounds. Breaker's been dubbing copies all morning."
Scarlett asked "Well, what do you think?"
"I think she's going to do really well. Cricket can obviously shoot; it remains to be seen whether or not she can do it again when real people are shooting back at him. But I was impressed she got back up in the first place. Not too many people can take more than one hit off that thing, and - what's Shipwreck doing?"
Scarlett turned to look. Shipwreck had brought Cricket over to his table, along with Gung Ho, Bazooka and Alpine. That couldn't be good. "Oh, Christ. Don't tell me it's Ship's turn to haze the newbie."
"Really? Oh, this'll be fun. Shipwreck always picks something incredibly inappropriate and in full public view."
They watched as Cover Girl went over to the men's table, rescuing Cricket. By the looks on her face, it was too late. She'd gotten her task. They came over to Scarlett and Jaye's table and sat down.
"Hey, we were just talking about you. How are you feeling?" asked Scarlett.
"Better. I stopped throwing up about half an hour ago. All in all it's been a busy day."
"It's only noontime."
Scarlett took a bite of her sandwich, and noticed Snake Eyes wandering around with a soda in his hand. He usually ate in his quarters, but had recently been making an effort to be somewhat more sociable.
Scarlett waved him over. "Hey, you," she said. "Is it Monday already?"
Snake Eyes shrugged. "Yes. Is there a seat open?" he signed.
Jaye indicated the seat at the end of the table. "Right over there. Have you met Cricket yet?"
"No, but I've seen the tape. Good work." He offered his hand.
Cricket took it, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know sign language."
"He's congratulating you on this morning," said Scarlett.
"Oh. Well... thanks."
"Don't mention it," Snake signed.
"You'll have to learn to sign at some point," said Cover Girl. "Snake here does a lot of the hand to hand training."
Cricket watched as Snake Eyes put a straw in his drink, then opened his mask a fraction to allow the straw in. He sat there and drank his soda, completely uninterested in the conversation at the table.
"I gotta tell you, Cricket," said Jaye, "I saw the security tape of this morning's workout. That was impressive."
Cover Girl said, "Tell me about it. My first time on that thing, I didn't even make it to the top of the ladder before I took a shot. I certainly wasn't about to climb back on."
Cricket blushed. "Well, thanks. I guess I just have this thing about doing stuff that drill sergeants don't think I can do. I get underestimated a lot. I'm not that much of a gymnast, so actually dodging the beams on that bar wasn't going to happen."
"We'll get you there," signed Snake Eyes. He had been paying attention after all. "There's a lot of training ahead of you. So, what made you decide to transfer over here?" Scarlett translated for him.
"I was invited. I was stationed at Ft. Hama, and -"
Cover Girl asked, "Ft. Hama? The Gravity Core?"
"That's right. We were guarding it before it was being sent to a government lab in New Mexico. Cobra tried to steal it while I was on duty. I have to tell you, I wasn't that impressed. Duke told me they've been up to some pretty big shit in their time, but to be honest, the only time anyone out in the world hears from them is when the guy with the bag over his face takes control of the airwaves, interrupts my stories, and claims he has a ray that'll turn the U.S. oil reserves into rice pudding."
The girls laughed.
"Then lo and behold, the oil manages to stay oil. I realize that's because G.I. Joe manages to keep anything from happening, but the knowledge of everything they've ever tried to do going up in their faces, coupled with the sight of a few guys in blue pajamas screaming "COBRA!!!!" at the top of their lungs, doesn't really inspire a whole lot of fear. The fact that most of them didn't look like they could find their ass with both hands didn't help them." She smelled her food, and, making a face, decided she didn't want any.
Scarlett said, "Roadblock's cooking today. This is as good as it gets. The mess is usually nowhere near this busy."
"No, it smells good. It's just my stomach's still a little off."
"Who was leading the assault?" asked Cover Girl.
Cricket shrugged. "He was wearing grey camo. Had a mask on. Lemme tell you, he didn't want to stay down."
"Firefly?"
"I think that's what they said his name was. I dunno."
"So what happened?"
"I made him stay down."
Jaye and Scarlett looked at each other. Knowing Firefly was in the room with you was unusual. Beating him down was almost unheard of. Snake Eyes was looking forward to her training.
Cricket sighed. "Didn't matter, though. I heard he blew his way out of the wagon less than an hour later. Important thing was that the Core stayed put." She toyed with her lunch some more. "Are there a lot of women on the base?"
"You're looking at 'em," said Cover Girl.
"Oh."
"Yeah. It's not all bad; there are so few of us, we don't have to stay in the barracks. We have a couple of officers' apartments set aside. Scarlett and Jaye share one; you'll probably wind up with me."
"So, um... what's Duke like?" she asked, trying to get a feel for her top sergeant. Jaye and Cover Girl immediately looked at Scarlett.
Scarlett glared at them. "Stop it."
Cricket asked, "Stop what?"
Jaye, with a huge grin on her face, sang, "Scarlett likes Duke..."
"I mean it. Cut it out."
Jaye and Cover Girl started making kissing noises.
Snake, not looking at Scarlett, signed, "Are we pretending it's a secret?"
Scarlett went red as a tomato and fussed with her ponytail.
Jaye caught Snake's tone and quickly changed the subject. Turning to Cricket, she said, "To answer your question, he's the best commander you'll ever have. He'll be your dad and your best friend rolled into one until you piss him off. Piss him off and you'll wish you were dead."
Cover Girl added, "We're also hoping he has a thing for redheads." Scarlett put her head on the table and muttered wordlessly to herself.
Cricket looked at Cover Girl, wondering how seriously she meant that. Her hair seemed more auburn than outright red.
Snake Eyes had finished his soda. "I'm afraid that's all I have time for today," he signed. "I have a report I need to finish. Can I take anyone's tray up?"
Scarlett surveyed the table. "I think we're still working on ours. Thanks, though."
"No problem." Snake Eyes, grabbed his empty can and started towards the recycling bin. He got halfway there before Cricket jumped up from the table, ran up to him with her eyes ablaze with fear, and grabbed his pants and yanked.
Scarlett had to run that through her mind one more time.
Cricket just pantsed Snake Eyes.
The mess was dead quiet. Cricket was frozen, looking up. She'd been on the base five hours and had already heard what this guy could do to him. Snake was equally still. He seemed to be processing the whole thing.
This went on for an eternity.
Then, suddenly, Snake Eyes dropped the can.
"Run, kid!" bellowed Flash from the rear of the hall.
Cricket gave a yelp and ran as fast as her feet would carry him. Snake Eyes started to chase her out of the mess with his pants still down around his ankles. He heard someone snicker, then glared in the direction it came from and silenced whoever it was. As quickly as he could, he pulled his pants back up and started off.
Scarlett said, "Hell. I better get after him. Goddamned Shipwreck." She sprinted towards the exit as the mess, much braver now that Snake was gone, erupted in laughter.
Lady Jaye said, "Wow. New kid's had a big day."
Cover Girl remarked, "At least she got it out of the way quick."
Shipwreck held up a sawbuck. "Okay, who had tighty-whities?"
*****
Scarlett caught up with Snake Eyes by the motor pool. "Snake! Stop! Snake Eyes!" she called. He didn't stop, but he did allow her to catch up.
She ran in front of him and stopped, throwing her arms out. "Come on. What were you going to do?"
He shrugged. He wasn't really sure himself.
"She's the newbie. You know how it goes. Newbies have to have their little initiation. She does something stupid or embarrassing - or, in this case, extremely dangerous - and then she's one of the guys. You happened to be hit by the shrapnel this time. But what was she supposed to do? Refuse to do it?"
"Yes."
"And then what? Do you remember when Ripcord wouldn't streak up and down the officers' quarters?"
"Vaguely."
"No one - yourself included - wanted anything to do with him until he broke down and did it. Do you remember why?"
"I'm sure I don't."
"Because it's the men's idiotic idea of not being a team player. And stop acting like you don't know what I'm talking about; I remember all too well what you made Blowtorch do when he got here."
Snake Eyes chuckled silently. "Think that dress still fits him?"
Scarlett shuddered at the memory. That back was far too hairy for that revealing a gown. "All I'm saying is lay off Cricket. Blame whoever put her up to it."
"I have an idea."
"I'm sure you do. But don't go nuts over this. You got nailed. Everyone here has gotten nailed at one point or another. Besides, you have beautiful thighs."
He smiled under his mask. "Thanks. I work out."
She added, "Please don't let this stop you from coming around when you're not on duty. We used to see a lot more of you. It's been nice seeing you around again."
He shrugged. "It was Hawk's idea. He's worried I've been -" He stopped as he tried to think of the word. "Isolating myself too much."
"Well, we've missed you, and it's nice to have you back, even if it did take a general to order you to be seen in public with us. You don't have to be 'on' all the time, you know. You think someone's going to attack you in the mess?"
Snake Eyes cocked his head to one side. "Other than people trying to steal my pants?" he checked his watch. "I'd better go. I still have that report to finish up, then I have to start training the new kid."
"Be nice," Scarlett warned. "She's a good kid."
"I'm always nice." He started back towards his living quarters.
Scarlett watched him leave. She knew what was really bothering him. "Snake Eyes?" she called. When he turned around, she said, "I'm sorry if what the girls were saying upset you."
"About Duke?" he asked. He paused, then shrugged and signed "It's not my business."
*****
Within the hour, a new tape was circulating.
*****
Lady Jaye took it upon herself to give Cricket a real tour of the camp while she waited for hand to hand training to begin. Cricket relaxed; she was finally starting to not feel so lost as things gradually began to look familiar to her.
"You're saying he tensed up? I didn't notice at all," said Cricket.
"You will once you start to know him a little better. Snake Eyes and Scarlett... well, they kind of had this thing."
"Which is over, I take it?"
"Yeah. Snake's a very good man, and once he learns to trust you he'd happily step in front of a train for you, but he's not one for letting people in. As for the Duke thing, I can see the appeal, but it'll probably never go anywhere. He's her CO. Plain and simple."
"Oh, I know what you mean. A friend of mine back at Hama got into a thing with the base commander. It did NOT end well. For either of them."
"It never does. Duke's not oblivious; Shana's done everything but pull him under his desk. But he's not about to ruin both of their careers." She smiled. "Regardless of his own feelings."
"Really?" Cricket asked.
"I'm not oblivious, either."
As they reached the motor pool, a lot of yelling and cheering could be heard. Jaye rolled her eyes. "Kiddo, this is the motor pool. This is where you want to go if you're in the mood for a lot of general stupidity. Hang on." They turned the corner and found a crowd of Joes in a circle, shouting and laughing. In the front was a man in a pilot's uniform, holding a big wad of cash.
"Hey, Ace," called Jaye, "you want to tell me what's going on here?"
Ace looked up. He smiled, holding the money out of sight. "Hi, Jaye. Um... nothing. We're just-" the circle opened up to show four Joes Cricket hadn't met yet straining to keep their mouths, which were obviously full, closed. Shipwreck was in front, holding a huge bag.
"What's in the bag?" asked Jaye.
"Oh, you know. They're these, um, glass bearings."
She looked. "Marbles. You guys are stuffing marbles in your mouths?"
"Look, it's just a friendly competition."
"This is the most asinine thing I've seen since... well, since the last time I was down here." Jaye turned to Cricket and sarcastically remarked, "Welcome to G.I. Joe. Come on, let's keep moving."
Shipwreck raised an eyebrow, and said loudly enough so that Jaye could hear, "Okay then, that puts Clutch ahead so far with twenty..."
"What?" demanded Jaye, wheeling around. "Twenty? Please. Forget it. Here," she said, handing a twenty to Ace, "fill me up."
*****
Cricket walked with Jaye to the infirmary. Jaye had managed to get forty-three marbles in her mouth, but had lodged them in so well that they didn't want to come back out.
Hearing someone enter, a pleasant-faced medic came out from his office. He looked at Jaye, said nothing, and turned his attention to the new arrival. "You'd be Cricket, right? I was just going over your file. I'm Doc."
"Hi Doc. It's good to meet you. I'm just making the rounds with Jaye."
"Overwhelmed yet?"
"A little. It's starting to make some sense, though."
"Well, when this place makes sense to you, do me a favor and explain it all to me. Now then. Jaye," he asked, without a hint of irony in his voice, "what seems to be the problem?"
"Huh huh. Hery huuy."
"I happen to think I'm incredibly funny. We've been down to the motor pool, I see. How many'd you get in there?" Jaye held up four fingers, then three. "Impressive. Did you win?"
Jaye shook her head no.
"Really? Who won?"
Cricket started, "I think they said-"
Doc put up his hand. "No, no. Listening to Jaye try to talk is amusing. Who won?"
"Hor hew."
"Short Fuze? What made you get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze?" He looked at Cricket. "The man can unhinge his jaw and fit his whole fist in there. Word of warning; never get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze."
"I'll try to remember that."
"Hey Doc," said Flint, walking into the infirmary, "what's up? Shipwreck told me you -"
Jaye turned her head towards Flint. Blushing furiously, she meekly said, "Hi."
Flint stopped short. Sensing that outright prolonged laughter would probably get him in a whole lot of trouble later, he immediately turned around and hurriedly went back the way he came.
Doc grinned. "Shipwreck's been busy today."
Doc went over to a cabinet and grabbed a small set of forceps. "People here are always pretty keyed-up," he told Cricket. "Goes with the territory. Part of what makes people fit for this kind of duty is having a lot of nervous energy. We can go weeks, even months without Cobra poking its head up and causing trouble. In that time, we have to find ways of blowing off steam." He started probing Jaye's mouth with the forceps. "The result of which is I get a lot of visits like this one. I'm just glad it's someone's mouth I'm poking around in this time. I guess - does that hurt? No? - I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry about what these people will do when it comes time to do their jobs based on some of the stuff I'm sure you've seen today. Everyone -"
"OW! Ow ow ow ow ow!" cried Jaye.
"Oh, stop it. If it didn't hurt a minute ago, it doesn't hurt now. Damn, you got these jammed in here really good. Anyway, everyone works hard. They also play just as hard."
Doc made one final lunge into Jaye's mouth and wrenched a marble free. With that, the other forty-two came spilling out all over the infirmary floor.
Doc smiled at Cricket warmly. "Welcome aboard."