Heechul was sat in the living room of his 13 man dorm, which he shared with fellow band mates, Leeteuk, Shindong, Sungmin, Kyuhyun, Yesung, Kangin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Kibum, Siwon, Ryeowook and Hang Geng. Heechul had just finished a schedule and decided to go home and rest for a while, all his band members were out and working, he laid his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes briefly. His dream was brief like all of his dreams, and soon was woken by the noises of someone opening the front door and coming in.
'Han Geng?' Heechul said with his eyes still closed.
'Sorry I was trying to be quiet.' Han Geng felt bad for Heechul, he was the most known member and so was always working hard for Super Junior.
'That's how I knew it was you.' Heechul got up and looked at him smiling. 'What time is it?'
Han Geng looked at his watch quickly. 'Not long after 4?' He smiled knowing he was done working for the day. 'Do you have another schedule?'
'No, not until 7, I'm so tired. It'll run late as well.' Heechul looked dishearted like he always did when he had a late schedule. 'So I'm sorry if I wake you when I come in tonight.' Heechul and Han Geng were in a 2 man room together, they had always been close friends ever since Super Junior debuted a few years before.
'It's okay, would you like me too cook for you before you have to leave?' Han Geng was good at cooking he was often labelled the dorm wife by the other members. 'I'll make whatever you want?'
'Yeah okay, but I want ramen.' Heechul smiled as although he loved Han Gengs cooking he tries not to take advantage of him too much. 'So we'll make it together, it'll help me distress.' He walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
'You work too hard Heechul Hyung, why don't you just relax. I'll make the ramen.' Han Geng tried to insist but before he knew it Heechul had all the ingredients ready to be prepared.
As they started to chop the vegetables up, the atmosphere became sweeter, they started messing around playfully and then Heechul went to grab the plates from the top cupboard, but wasn't tall at all. Han Geng reached to help him but Heechul flinched when Han Geng touched his back with his chest. Han Geng lost balance and fell down on top of Heechul, their noses touched slightly and they stared intensely into each other's eyes. Han Geng diverted his eyes and put his hands down to push him back up but Heechul held one of his hands and rolled himself on top of Han Geng. Han Geng was surprised at Heechuls sudden behaviour and tried to wriggle out of his grip. Heechul took both of Han Gengs wrists and pinned him down.
'What are you doing Heechul Hyung?' Han Geng was blushing delicately and looking at the floor beside him.
Heechul didn't really know what he was doing, but for some reason it felt right to him. He leant his face closer to Han Geng's and smiled lightly. 'Should I stop?' Though he knew that he couldn't resist Han Geng in this state he tried to remain sane.
'You…' Han Geng hesitated and looked away once more.
Heechul let go and got up clenching the front of his shirt. 'It's fine.' He said with his head down and slowly turning to leave the dorm.
Han Geng felt a pain in his chest and clenched his shirt too. He looked up at the figure that fluttered his heart like no other, without any more hesitation he shot up and threw his arms around Heechul. 'I'm sorry.' He tightened his embrace and took a deep breath.
Heechul grabbed Han Gengs hands, which made Han Gengs heart flutter once more, and turned to face him. He let go of his hands which fell to their side and caressed Han Gengs face slowly, then moving his hand to the back of his neck he leaned in and passionately kissed Han Geng. Han Gengs eyes closed and let Heechul take complete control over his body. Heechul's kiss became deeper and he pushed Han Geng up against the wall roughly, Han Geng became more engrossed in Heechul's breath, lifted him and rapped his legs around himself then carried him towards their bedroom. Bumping into the door then falling on the bed they became hot, hastily pulling off each other's clothes until both were in just boxers. Both looked at each other's flustered faces, Han Geng shot up to realise what he had done. Heechul shocked at him sat up next to him and put his hand on Han Geng's. Han Geng moved quickly grabbing his clothes leaving the dorm. Heechul stared into the thin air in front of him he felt horrible for letting his emotions do this.
Yesung and Ryeowook walked through the door hand in hand, they were a couple and had been since before their debut, they were giggling aimlessly at each other about seeing Han Geng run past them in his underwear. They came closer to the bedroom and Heechul quickly got under the covers and pretended to sleep.
'Oh, Heechul hyungs sleeping, does that mean we're alone' Yesung giggled grabbing Ryeowook's face and pulling it closer to his own.
Ryeowook giggled back at him then pondered about Han Geng. 'Do you not think we should have stopped Han Geng hyung? He looked a little depressed don't you think?' Ryeowook was always the first to worry about the other members.
'He was probably asleep like Heechul hyung and forgot he had a schedule? So maybe instead of upset… more like rushed and tired?' Yesung said convincingly.
'Yeah, I suppose so?' Ryeowook was totally convinced.
'So what shall we do?' Yesung said pulling Ryeowook towards the sofa. 'In or out'
The pair giggled and played around until Heechul got frustrated with their antics and got up irritated putting clothes on and leaving the dorm. He slammed the door and walked towards the elevator, he pressed the button and waited slowly, 7, 6, 5, and finally 4th floor, the doors opened and he walked in. He got to the ground floor, walked slowly out of the building and towards his car, he knew where he wanted to go the most.
Heechul arrived at his favourite place, Han River. He sat on the riverbank, where he first started having feelings for Han Geng, he laid back and looked the clear sky, it was getting into evening and even though he knew he had to be elsewhere he didn't want to leave. When he was at Nam River he felt Han Geng with him. He didn't care how much trouble he'd be in with the company as he knew this was the only place he could feel this way and not create trouble or make Han Geng uncomfortable.
Han Geng found himself running, until he was in site of Han River, he got to the bridge and overlooked the river and riverbank. He felt at ease here, he always has, Heechul was the first member he befriended. Their debut night they spent talking until sunrise sat on the riverbank, just the two of them laughing and enjoying each other's company. After a sigh of relief, he thought more of Heechul and how he wanted to see him again, and maybe he shouldn't have run away. He looked down the river again and noticed someone laid down looking up to the sky, in a somewhat glamorous way. He realised at first sight just who it was, before he could think, his legs began to run once more, down off the bridge and weaved through the trees, once he saw Heechul getting closer he stopped and looked down. 'Is this truly what I want?' he asked himself, though he already knew the answer deep down, his head was conflicted. Everything was piled up inside of him, but he knew to act off his instinct. 'Heechul hyung!' he shouted to him.
Heechul looked over in his direction.
'I'm so sorry for running away, I, guess, it's that, well… I LOVE YOU.' Han Geng fell to the ground.
Heechul's heart started beating faster and he knew he wanted to forget these feelings and try to help Han Geng's conflicted heart. 'Anywhere but here.' He stopped standing up and looking at Han Geng. 'If it was anywhere but here I would be able to handle this situation. Act cool, pretend like none of this means anything.'
Han Geng lifted his head shocked.
'Why here?' Heechul ran over to him and grabbed his cheeks. 'Why the place where I fell in love with you?' He looked into his eyes. 'I can't stand here and take this here.' He leant forward and passionately kissed Han Geng. Their hands entwined and they stood up looking at each other.
Han Geng was panting from all of his running and he looked at Heechul happily. 'But why me?' Han Geng was curious because Heechul is known for being a ladies man and could have anyone he wanted.
'Are you an idiot, it's always been you.'
'But you… have a reputation with women…' Han Geng's face was stiff with jealously.
'That, that was rumours that I started so that you never know my feelings for you.' Heechul still holding onto Han Geng's hand lifted it and kissed the back. 'But now there's nothing I can do.' He looked intensely into Han Geng's eyes, 'I love you Han Geng.'
'I love you too.'
The two enjoyed another night together at Han River. They saw the sunset, and never let go of each other's hand. They were determined to be together forever.
After returning to the dorm the next morning they walked in prepared to tell everyone their feelings for each other, as they opened the dorms front door they noticed the other 11 members perched around the living room. Leeteuk, the group's leader, was stood up pacing the length of the kitchen, when he caught sight of the two entering he quickly grabbed them and pulled them in.
'What exactly happened last night?' Leeteuk said almost furious. They had never seen this side of him before and they were a little scared.
'Well…' Heechul started.
'It's complicated.' Han Geng finished grabbing Heechul's hand.
Yesung butted in holding up that day's newspaper with a large front cover picture of the two kissing on the riverbank. 'Look we can't comment on that, whatever relationship you have is yours private. And you know this group is anything but critical when it comes to that.' He put his hand on Ryeowook's leg. 'But Heechul hyung you missed 3 schedules last night.'
'And Han Geng missed one this morning.' Kangin interrupted. 'We had to fill in because the company couldn't get hold of you. They are furious!'
'We know, there was just a lot of stuff going on yesterday.' Heechul knew there was no way he could excuse what they had done.
'They told us that as soon as you show your faces to take you straight to President.' Leeteuk didn't look too happy that his members were off causing trouble. 'I'm sorry but there could be a permanent suspension for both of you at worst.'
They all shared glances.
'We don't want that to happen, we wouldn't be Super Junior with only 11 members.' Sungmin added.
'So please just apologise' Kibum said worried.
'And ask for this relationship too. If they don't want it, then cool off for a while.' Leeteuk suggested. 'Until the company cool down, and everything is back to normal, the fans are even going crazy at this you know.'
Han Geng and Heechul felt disgusted with themselves. They knew though to them it felt right the circumstances elsewhere wouldn't have worked out. After a quick change of clothes the members left to go to the company building. All the schedules had been cancelled that day for this meeting, they were all anxious on what was going to be said. After arrival their managers were stood waiting to escort them in. The press and fans were outside, with mixed reactions, some yelled; 'we support your love' and others held anti-gay signs, protesting that slowly but surely all of Super Junior may turn out gay.
They were taken in different directions and the rest remained in the waiting area near reception. Heechul was seen first by the president.
'Do you know how much trouble your little stunt caused?' The President said disappointed at him. 'You were always the most-hard working never missed or were late for a schedule? Was it his fault?'
'No it was completely me. I could not have gone to the River, we weren't planning to meet, I promise you, and there was an incident at home. So I followed him.' Heechul wanted the blame to completely go on him, he already felt bad for Han Geng, he felt he forced his feelings onto him.
'I hate to say this but I'll have to punish you won't I? You're the fans favourite Heechul… this isn't going to be easy.' The President said looking down the room at him. 'Well, I've decided.' He paused. 'A 4 month suspension in which you will move out of the dorm and find somewhere else, no activities or endorsements, no performances or varieties. Understand?'
Thought Heechul was surprised at the small suspension, he couldn't argue with the President, so he just answered. 'I understand.' He bowed and left the office he passed Han Geng and whispered. 'Good luck.' His smile helped reassure Han Geng a little and he went to tell the other members of his suspension.
Han Geng entered the President's room and bowed to him. 'President before we start this I just have to say I know Heechul hyung would have taken the whole blame; he's always like this to his dongseangs. But please treat me for what I've done appropriately, as it was my fault I didn't attend my schedule this morning. As for the scandal too I apologise.' Han Geng stood waiting for an answer. Heechul's smile came into his head and he felt a little at ease.
'I've decided.' The President spoke coldly to Han Geng. 'We won't need you in Super Junior no more. You've violated your contract and because of that I order a termination and you will be deported back to China. I want you out of the dorm in 2 days; we'll have your plane ticket ready.'
Han Geng's heart dropped, he loved performing with Super Junior, and he knew leaving the country on these terms would make it hard for him to come back. But he knew nothing he could say would sway the president. 'I understand, thank you for your time and hard work.' He bowed and left, his manager was unable to speak just as he was. He moved towards the waiting room and before arriving he told his manager not to tell the other members yet, and for old favours he agreed.
'Han Geng…' Heechul caught sight of him and smiled. 'I got 4 month suspension, what did you get?'
'Ahh, oh, um the same.' Han Geng was never usually a good liar but for today he didn't want anyone upset.
'Aslong as your both here that's good.' Leeteuk said happily.
Everyone was smiling and happy that nothing too bad happened, but seeing all of these faces around Han Geng made him not want to tell them at all, he was once again conflicted.
2 days later and the members were ready to wave farewell to Heechul and Han Geng for the 4 months. No one knew that Han Geng wasn't going to return he thought it was easier to leave like this and knew that Leeteuk and Heechul would have protested it. He smile and waved good-bye to everyone in the dorm. They waved back and then hastily got ready for their appearances.
'So what are you going to do for the 4 months then?' Heechul said awkwardly as Han Geng hadn't really spoken to him or the other members properly since he left the company that day.
'I'm going to see my family in China for the time, I miss them a lot.' Han Geng could feel himself welling up and felt that he needed to leave soon or else Heechul might catch on to him. 'And you?'
'I'm going to stay with my family down south for a bit then return fully charged, ready to work again and…' Heechul stopped as he could see Han Geng fighting back the tears. 'Are you okay?'
Han Geng widened his eyes trying to stop himself, 'I'm fine, I'm just happy I'm going to see my family again…' He was said finally letting a tear fall down his cheek.
'Don't be silly,' Heechul wiped away the tear and held his hand, 'I'm going to miss you though. But 4 months isn't that long right.'
'No of course not.' Han Geng forced a smile and hugged Heechul tightly. 'My plane leaves soon so I should probably…'
Heechul knew he had to let go but he wanted to embrace Han Geng forever. 'Yeah I guess you should.' Finally he loosened his grip and looked at him. 'I love you, contact me okay?'
'Of course'
'Everyday?'
'If you want me too…' Han Geng always felt happy when he saw Heechul smile, even though he knew he'd never see it again he wanted to saviour every last moment without Heechul finding out. 'I'll leave now my cars here already…'
'Yes okay…'
The two parted ways and once more their eyes met as they reached their cars.
'Take care of yourself!' Heechul called over to him cheerfully.
Han Geng smiled then got in and closed the door. He was frozen solid, he didn't know what to do with himself, and he was crying but smiling at the same time. On the way to the airport, in his head he was saying goodbye to all the places he visited with Super Junior, to all the people he met and finally as he crossed the Bridge over Han River he waved goodbye to the silhouette of Heechul lying on the riverbank. Before realising it, they pulled up at the airport. He slowly got out of the car, and looked around at all the people with loved ones saying goodbye, he wore sunglasses hoping not to be noticed. He pulled his suitcase and proceeded to the check-in. After checking in he was confronted with reporters.
'Where are you going Han Geng-shii?' One reporter said.
'Is it true that both you and Heechul were suspended for a 4 month period?' Another asked.
'Han Geng-shii, can you comment on your relationship with Heechul?' Came from another one.
Han Geng stopped and turned to them. 'Sorry no comment, good-bye'
The reporters followed him up to luggage check and then were denied entry, Han Geng boarded the plane straight away, he was seating on his own. He straight away looked out of the window and finally wished Seoul a goodbye.
4 months later.
Heechul returned back to the dorm and walked through the door smiling.
'Honeys I'm home!' He yelled hoping the other members were home.
Leeteuk walked from his bedroom, 'where were you that your phone was out of range?'
'Oh, I stayed with my family down south, we don't get good signal in our area… don't you have my house number?' Heechul said giggling to himself, his eyes inspected the whole of the dorm. 'No Han Geng yet? I wonder when his plane lands, do you know hyung shall we pick him up?' Heechul was excited that after 4 months he would finally get to see his face again.
'See if you were able to get hold of you would know already.' Leeteuk said sadly.
'Why, what happened?' Heechul said still wondering whether they could pick him up or not.
'Well, a couple days after you left some guys from the company came to get Han Geng's things, they completely emptied his half of your room.'
'So he wanted his other stuff while he stayed in China?' Heechul said not completely grasping the situation.
Shindong came out of his room in tears. 'They left this…' From his pocket he pulled a now crumpled letter.
'A letter…' Heechul took hold of it and opened it slowly.
Leeteuk took Shindong to sit down.
Heechul took out the thin paper inside the envelope. He unfolded it and looked at the bad Korean handwriting he was so familiar with. 'Han Geng left this for us.'
The two nodded back at him.
'Brothers, I'm so sorry about not telling you this, I didn't want to make my last memories with you sad. But I had to leave, and I won't be returning as my contract and visa have been terminated. Please do not protest or complain about this. I don't want you in trouble, you're all important to me, and I'll be following you always.'
Heechul lost his smile and looked into the now empty bedroom where Han Geng's stuff would usually cover every clean spot. 'He's gone? I thought it was just a suspension…'
'I've spoken to the president… it's true he violated his overseas contract so it was terminated… there's nothing that can be done.' Leeteuk wanted to make Heechul feel better but didn't know what to say to him. 'I'm sorry Heechul, we are all still in shock.'
Heechul without hesitation grabbed his mobile and dialled Han Geng's phone. But the number was disconnected. 'Hyung do you know what part of China he is from…'
'No I don't think he's ever mentioned it to me.' Leeteuk felt useless. 'Sorry I'm such a bad leader I didn't even know…'
'You're not a bad leader, you're the best we could ask for and…'
'What do you need me to do?' Leeteuk interrupted knowing there was a catch to the ego buffing.
'Can you find out?'
'Where Han Geng is from… Google it?' Leeteuk suggested.
'Google… Google… GOOGLE!' Heechul grabbed Ryeowook's netbook off of the dining table. 'Han Geng… Hometown… and done! Heilonjiang… hyung do you…?'
'No, I've never been to China so…' Leeteuk said.
Kyuhyun walked through the dorm door. 'Hyung!' he ran and grabbed Heechul. 'You're back, do you know about Han Geng?'
'Yes, I'm going to get him back.' Heechul's determination was fierce.
Kyuhyun grabbed the computer and Google mapped where Heilonjiang was, he quickly printed it and gave it to Heechul. 'Get him back hyung!' He smiled brightly.
'Aishh, comes to something when the Maknae helps this much…' Heechul said laughing as rustling Kyuhyun's hair. 'Thank you' he left for the door and bumped into Ryeowook and Yesung, 'I'm going to get him back!' he ran past and flew down the stairs towards his car. He started speeding down the motorway and finally reached the exit to the airport, he pulled up and ran towards the check-in desk.
'When the next flight to China?' Heechul said puffing and panting.
'In about 30 minutes sir, but there are very few tickets left so if your…'
'Give me a ticket' Heechul quickly charged the ticket to his company card and ran towards the gates. He didn't have any luggage or items at all.
Arriving in China, Heechul ran out to catch a taxi. 'Can you take me too Heilonjiang?'
'Ah yes, Heilonjiang will take about an hour?' The taxi driver answered as quickly as it was asked.
'Great thank you so much.' Heechul jumped in the taxi and off it went, he still tried to call Han Geng but still no answer, he wanted to just see his smiling face again, to hear his voice. His anxiety level rose higher and higher, he was fidgeting and couldn't concentrate on anything around him. Finally in what felt like hours Heechul arrived in Heilonjiang. 'Thank you again…' Running through the streets he sensed a sad atmosphere. He kept trying to ask around if anyone knew him but soon was faced with what could only be described as his worst nightmare. There in the middle of the town centre stood and temporary memorial…
'In memory of Han Geng,
Who's voice inspired the ears of Asia.'
His heart laid bare, he fell to his knees looking at the picture of Han Geng smiling when he was in Super Junior. One of the locals recognised Heechul and took him in to calm him down.
'Did you not know about Han Geng?' She asked in Korean which felt more homely.
'I didn't, I was on suspension, I didn't have any news, neither did Super Junior… I… can't bring myself to understand any of this.' Heechul's tears began to flow and he became a wreck.
The woman began to cry. 'He, spoke so highly of you, Heechul.' She looked at him smiling. Her eyes were familiar to Heechul, but he didn't know where from.
'You knew him?' Heechul choked out.
She smiled once more. 'He was my son…'
Then looking around the room Heechul noticed hundreds of pictures of Han Geng, from a baby to now. 'You're his mother?'
'How did you not know about his accident?'
'What exactly happened.' Heechul didn't want to know any of this but his body acted impulsively as always. 'How exactly did…'
'On his way here from the plane… the taxi driver, he fell asleep at the wheel.' She stopped and looked at the pale Heechul. 'And they swayed across the other side of the road… and a…'
'STOP.' Heechul shot up. 'I don't want to hear anymore. This isn't true.' Heechul looked around at all the pictures. 'He can't, we only just…'
The mother grabbed him and together they fell to the floor. 'Please don't do this… Think of Han Geng…'
Within a second Han Geng's smiling face popped back into his head, the tears kept flowing and his eyes were red. But he smiled back at Han Geng one last time, looking at the pictures cradled in his mother's arms, Heechul remembered Han Geng's warm embrace one more time.
2 Months Later
At the live comeback on Music Bank, Super Junior was set to perform their new self-written song. They all prepared and were ready to go on stage.
'60 seconds' the stage manager announced. Super Junior all looked at each other and nodded.
Heechul pulled out a picture from his jacket pocket. 'Han Geng, I know you'll be listening to this.' He smiled at the picture and looked back up to the stage manager signalling them to go on. He quickly put the picture back in his pocket and they walked out onto the stage. The crowd cheered and Super Junior all put of brave faces.
'Before we start, this song was written by all of us together for a special friend.' Leeteuk started.
'He was always there when we needed someone to talk to…' Kangin added.
Sungmin stood forward. 'He was the kindest person I knew, and I hope he knows this.'
'He stood up for what he believed in, but still gave into us, even when we were wrong.' Kyuhyun was first to shed a small tear down his cheek.
But Shindong joined Kyuhyun and murmured, 'He was everyone's best friend.'
'A guy that we could go to for anything…' Yesung started.
Ryeowook continued. '… and he'd always do his best for us.'
'When he first joined he was upset that he might not fit in, but truthfully I think he fit in more than any one of us.' Kibum's tears started to fall.
'I don't think we'll ever find someone like him again, I will always treasure the memories we have together.' Siwon was known as the strong man but his heartfelt words hit him hard.
Donghae laughed a little to himself but his tears were still uncontrollable. 'When I think of him, I see him dancing about and fooling around, he was my hyung but he was childish and cute.'
'We all loved him, so much.' Eunhyuk was comforted by the others and as they tried to compose themselves Heechul stepped forward.
'Han Geng is never gone. He will always be in our hearts and as long as Super Junior is performing and together… We will always be a 13 man group. Right now you can only see 12 of us, 12 people who are mourning the death of a beloved brother. But what you can't see is the idiot that is still stood here with us where ever we are making stupid faces behind our backs as he always did.' Heechul stopped and looked to the side of him where Han Geng always stood. 'He's right here.'
With that the music started. They group moved into their positions and got ready.
Eunhyuk: 'My heart that loved you,
My eyes that looked at you… are still here.'
All: 'Oh baby say good-bye,
It's only just good-bye for a while,
I will try to put it aside for a while,
If I open the door and step a step into,
Finally it will convey your breath to my nose.'
Kangin: 'I can feel your warm hands for a while in the cold wind.'
Leeteuk: 'All traces of your tears stay on my cheeks.'
Heechul: 'It's a short journey,
The painful wounds in my heart will be cleaned by the time when I meet you,
I will tell you that I miss you.'
All: 'Oh baby say good bye,
Oh it's just good bye for a while,
''Say good bye'' I will try to push aside for a while.'
Donghae: 'If I open the door and step a step into,
Finally, it will convey your breath to my nose.'
Kibum: 'The sun and the moon today will still be that way,
Also unchanged.'
Siwon: 'Oh, why my heart changes so quickly again.'
Shindong: 'You look like a blue sky when the rain falls.'
Sungmin: 'Being wet in the rain,
I will try to hide the falling tears…'
All: 'Oh baby say good-bye,
Oh it's just good bye for a while,
"Say goodbye" I will try to put it aside for a while.'
Kyuhyun: 'If we open the door and step a step into,
Finally, it will convey your breath to my nose.'
Ryeowook: 'Everything I wanted to do in the past was so stupid,
You are so precious.'
All: 'Oh baby say goodbye,
Oh it's just goodbye for a while,
"Say goodbye" I will try to push it aside for a while.'
Kangin: 'If I open the door and step a step into,
Finally, it will convey your breath to my nose.'
All: 'Oh baby say goodbye,
Oh it's just goodbye for a while,
"Say goodbye" I will try to push it aside for a while.'
Yesung: 'That when I open the door and step a step into,
I want to be stand in front of you.'
Heechul: My heart that loves you,
My eyes that always looked at you,
Will be forever waiting.'
The crowd cheered and cried out for them, the boys in the ending tune held hands together and Heechul took out the picture from his pocket. He held it up to the audience who screamed for them once again. They exchanged glances not one of them were dried eyed.
'Han Geng, who was born February 9th, 1984, and was killed in a car accident 2 months ago, is always going to be a member of Super Junior. Even after death.' Heechul yelled to the fans.
The fans started to chant. 'Han Geng, Hen Geng, Han Geng…'
The members were smiling through their tears. They threw their arms up and bowed down to the audience. And finally yelled, 'THANK YOU'