Author's Note: just a two parter using different perceptions- namely Clarisse and Joseph's- to describe some private moments between them; a different way for writing, I guess!
The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me!
I love my wife.
It's early in the morning, two months after our surprise wedding and, as usual, I am watching her sleep- she dislikes this intensely but I can't help it, I was awake long before she was (many years of being up at five am just in case the royal family (or the Queen, in recent years) was up earlier than expected) and because I have spent my life watching over her and protecting her, watching her sleep peacefully beside me is a dream come true for me...and I love her more as I watch her, knowing that she is my wife and that we're 'finally' married and that I will be able to tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, every day if I want to... which brings me back to the realisation that I love my wife...
How could I not? As far as I'm concerned, she is the most beautiful woman in the world, both inside and out; the best friend I have ever had (quite a change from my earlier years, when I used to prefer to confide to my college best friend or male work colleagues, but a change that I found was beneficial and I came to enjoy very much) ; and she was, unknowingly and quite innocently, part (about half) of the reason I never married and had a family of my own. Having deep and ever growing feelings for the Queen of Genovia was hardly conducive to establishing relationships with other women, although I did try, I really did try... but long or short courtship, I ALWAYS came to the conclusion that while most of them were very nice, they deserved so much better than me and, more callously... they weren't... her.
I didn't choose to fall in love with a married woman- and a queen, no less- and I had fought hard against my feelings for a long time (although, in retrospect, it was a battle that I knew that I would lose), had even told myself that she was married to a King and would remain so till death did they part (and I never wished that the King would pass on- it was a dreadful shock when he did) but I couldn't fight it anyway- which was ironic, considering I had had quite the reputation as a ladies man (although, deep down, I was always a one woman man, monogamous and willing to commit to a life with someone).
No, I couldn't fight my attraction to the Queen, an attraction that deepened into feelings that I had never experienced and finally developed into a love that I knew was special, once in a lifetime, even though I knew that there was a possibility that it would never be returned... still, as the saying goes, it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all- although, in my case, it was to have loved but never had had reciprocated...either way, I knew that I loved her and that was al that mattered to me.
I didn't actually expect her to respond to our attraction, with obviously the exact same strength of feeling as my own- there was a mutual attraction, we could both feel it but out of respect for both the King and Queen (but mainly the Queen), I kept my feelings strictly under wraps and behaved as professionally as possible towards her (although the boundaries were quickly blurred when I felt the need to point out when she was doing the wrong thing, security wise- and she didn't like that) but there was a moment when I realised that she was just as attracted to me...
0
"Joseph?" came Her Majesty's soft voice from inside the bedroom as I waited out in the main living room area of the suite- having only been on the palace staff for four years, I usually wasn't allowed anywhere near the royal suites (and especially not inside them) but there had been a staffing emergency that pressed me into service as Her Majesty's primary security at the Genovian State dinner.
"Yes, Your Majesty?" I had been standing patiently at the opposite end of the room, waiting for a signal from outside to inform me that the Queen needed to be ready to meet her husband downstairs- they had separate suites, had had since the youngest son was born 11 year earlier but that was something I didn't want to ruminate on, it wasn't any of my business, although I had heard the rumours about the King and his various mistresses and had felt sorry for the Queen.
"May I ask you to do a favour for me?" came from the inner sanctum and I wondered what the favour was going to be, although I automatically replied:
"Of course, Your Majesty?"
"Can you tell me whether this dress is appropriate for this evening?" and I was dumbfounded- could she actually be wanting my opinion (my OPINION- I was merely the second security guard, a nobody in the security hierarchy, although I had ambition and determination to raise my profile eventually) about a dress she was going to wear tonight? I didn't think I could do that, and I began stammering in response:
"Your Majesty... I'm not sure that I would be the best person..." but the rest of my words died on my lips as she came into view and I was hard pressed not to drop my mouth open- she looked absolutely exquisite!
I couldn't actually recognise the dress itself- I would not have been able to describe it, let alone know who made it (probably her personal dressmaker) or even the materials but I did know enough to be able to describe how the lavender dress caressed the gentle curves and slender figure of the 34 year old Queen and I also knew that it brought out the colour of her eyes, softened her features, allowed her complexion to glow, revealed beautiful rounded shoulders and a long graceful neck and shiny hair...but how could I put any of that into words? How could I put a compliment into appropriate words that wouldn't insult her but not embarrass me? How could I even DARE say what I was truly thinking...
"You... you look beautiful, Your Majesty," I finally said, humbly lowering my eyes so that she couldn't see how much I REALLY liked her dress and the way she looked in it...she WAS one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid eyes on...no, she was the MOST beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on...
"Joseph," she had obviously moved closer to me as I could hear her skirts swishing and the scent of her perfume hit my nose. "Joseph," she said again, patiently and I finally had to lift my eyes up to meet her beautiful royal blue eyes... there goes the beautiful word again, I told myself sternly- I was hopeless, I truly was!
"Thank you," her smile was kind. "I appreciate your compliment...I probably shouldn't have asked you, I was being inappropriate."
"Not at all," I said hastily, almost stumbling over my own words. "I was pleased that I could help..."
"I just wanted a man's opinion... His Majesty..." before she stopped short, looking a little sad and I felt awkward, not wanting to embarrass the Queen by acknowledging her feelings but actually wanting to be of assistance by acknowledging her feelings, before she straightened up and her jaw tightened up, as if she was preparing for her entrance with her husband- I could almost see the barrier coming down around her heart and soul... before she gave me another look, a warmer look but with something else there... I wasn't sure what it was (and would spend the evening and ensuing days and weeks puzzling over it) but, in retrospect, it was her response to what I had said and that she had seen what I was feeling about her in my eyes...
She was attracted to me as well, she liked me more as a man rather than her bodyguard, just as I liked her as a woman, a very beautiful woman...but we were also both puzzled at the almost instant connection that had sprung up between us and how we were going to deal with it...
0
"Are you watching me sleep again?" came my beloved wife's voice, bringing me out of my reverie and I looked down to see her sleepily glaring up at me. "I honestly don't know WHY you do it... my hair's a mess, you can see all my wrinkles, I look ugly, I'm grumpy and I'm just..." before I stopped her half hearted complaints (they were getting weaker by the day) by leaning down and sealing her lips with mine for our usual warm, loving good morning kiss.
"Good morning, my love," I said when we finally broke apart and Clarisse gave me a slightly abased smile.
"Good morning, darling... I have to admit that you have a lovely way of waking me up in the morning, I've gotten used to it very quickly."
"Good," I kissed the top of her mussed head as she snuggled closer to me (I knew that even if she was annoyed at me, she couldn't resist getting closer- she loved being held), the perfume of her shampoo again wafting up my nose but I don't mind- I love all her scents and they, along with the sound of her heels on the parquet floors, usually indicated where she was or where she would be- I had learnt that lesson a long time ago while I was still 'just' a bodyguard. Once I had become her personal security (and then Head of Security) it was almost a second sense to know where Clarisse was. "You deserve to be woken up this way every day."
"Is that a promise?" she looked at me with wide blue eyes, suddenly much more awake and I couldn't help but chuckle as I leaned forward and kissed her again, enjoying her soft lips gently teasing my own... she can be such a flirt when she wanted to be...
"Definitely, I promise..."
"What about watching me sleep?"
"Yes, I'm going to keep doing that- you have no idea how irresistible you are when you're sleeping... besides," I added, deciding to turn the tables on her. "I would like to know... if you're awake and I'm asleep, how do I know that you don't watch me sleep?" I teased and took great pleasure in seeing her face turn red and watch her try to bury her face in her pillow, but I wouldn't let her- I wanted to hear this. "You do, don't you?"
"Well...it's just too... wonderful...not to watch you and realise that this dream has come true," she muttered, trying to squirm away but stopped when she realised that I was watching her, too touched to even want to tease her even more and, after a few moments, she finally raised her head to look back at me. "Joseph?"
"I... I don't know what to say..."I finally said and I was being truthful- it stunned me to realise that she truly felt that way about me...it was a dream come true for me when we got married but I still couldn't believe that she felt exactly the same way...
"Tell me," she said gently, moving a little closer to me and I knew that I had to say what I was feeling- she wouldn't let it go until she knew what I was really thinking, I had learnt that the hard way a long time ago but I guess that's why she was my best friend... she never missed anything...but still, sometimes I needed some gentle reminders that she was the person I trusted most with my thoughts and dreams.
"I just never imagined that this would actually happen... us sleeping together, going to sleep together every night, watching each other wake up, enjoying these early morning moments..."
"Oh sweetheart," she pulled me close to her, her warm body flush with mine (and reminding me of the night before, when we fell asleep in each other's arms after making love) and I had to fight to remain in THIS moment (rather than remembering the night before) as she gently dropped kisses on my bare shoulder and slowly made her way up my neck, jaw and up towards my lips. "I never realised... I thought I was the only one who really revelled in those moments..."
"You are so very wrong about that," I said huskily as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close- she didn't shy away from me now, in fact she embraced these moments and I had come to realise that her first marriage had probably been chillier than I had imagined. "I cherish these moments and always will- that's a promise- but you have never realised how beautiful you look when you're asleep..."
"As compared to when I'm awake?" she teased, giving me a stern look but her eyes were twinkling too much and her lips were fighting a smile.
"No, I cannot choose between the two sides of you... all I know is that I love both sides of you..." I said with a grin- I so very much loved this woman, she was so beautiful, so soft and smelled so sweet... but she was also so passionate and playful...
"I didn't realise..." she looked bashful but the twinkle in her eye told me that she was actually flattered at the compliment and was trying to fish for more...honestly, women! Not just Clarisse, but all women- they had to ask for more...not that I minded with my wife, she deserved every compliment I could think of...
"You shouldn't have to...you are absolutely exquisite and it will give me a great deal of pleasure to tell you that time and time again... do you have a problem with that?" I looked down at her questioningly and she laughed.
"I suppose I have no other option...but I DO love you, Joseph, I hope you know that," she looked at me seriously, her twinkling blue eyes suddenly sober and I knew how much and how deeply she meant those words.
"I love you too, Clarisse... always... just the way you are..." before our lips met again for another kiss.
0
"How do I look?" Clarisse emerged from the bedroom a couple of hours later- we were due to have lunch with the Prime Minister and his wife as well as our granddaughter and Nicholas and, as always, Clarisse wanted to look her best (not that she didn't look it anyway- she was always one of the best dressed women in Genovia) and she had taken to seeking my opinion whenever we went out in public, not that I minded- I always told her that she looked gorgeous- but I often had to wonder why she was so insecure about her looks... although, knowing Rupert as I did, I shouldn't have been surprised...
I turned now from the window to see her standing in front of me, dressed in a pale peach linen suit (that was all I knew- I didn't know anything about designers or styles or the rest of the nonsense), the knee length skirt rustling slightly as she twirled flirtatiously for me (and I suspected that she loved doing this with me, to flirt with me while seeking my approval, which she did not need) and I couldn't help but feel proud that this lovely woman was my wife.
"You look as beautiful as always, my dear," I said, walking towards her and taking her left hand in my own- and admiring the plain gold band and my mother's engagement ring on her ring finger, it definitely showed the world that Clarisse Renaldi Bonnell was mine...
"Getting a touch possessive again, are we?" she teased as I lightly kissed her hand. "I always see that look in your eyes when you see those rings...but I have to admit that I love that look..."
"Good, because I'm probably always going to be feeling that every time I see those rings...you are mine," I growled huskily, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close.
"Good... I love knowing that..." and then lightly kissed my cheek before pulling away to rub any traces of lipstick off my cheek. "But you didn't really say whether you liked my outfit..." she pulled away completely to stand expectantly in front of me. "So...? Do I look too old in this... are my wrinkles too obvious?"
"Sweetheart, you know you look beautiful in anything... you know I'm very much biased in your favour whenever you select an outfit..."
"But...?"
"No buts- all you need to know is that you are definitely not ugly and I love all your wrinkles- I love kissing them all."
"Kissing them ALL? How many do I have?" she almost squealed, looking horrified and I realised that I had made a mistake- I had discovered, days into our marriage, that as with most women, my wife was rather sensitive about her looks (although not as badly as other women I had known over the years; compared to them, my Clarisse was seemingly disinterested, but it was only recently that I had noticed she was taking more care with her looks and asking my opinion). "Am I really that old looking?"
"No, no, no my darling," I soothed as I pulled her into my arms again. "You are definitely NOT old- you're beautiful inside and out and I would never consider you old..." I paused, waiting for her to make a sound (even a sob) but I was surprised to feel her shoulders shaking before she pulled away to reveal that she was laughing. "What on...?"
"I couldn't resist!" she chuckled. "You were so apologetic and sweet...I know that I'm getting older and that wrinkles are inevitable... and that I'm more than a little sensitive about my looks but I haven't really thought about my looks before we got married..."
"Why now...?"
"I am a woman, Joseph, not Queen anymore- a very old fashioned woman, but a woman none the less, and I want to make sure that my husband is happy." She gave me a withering look, as if I wasn't smart enough to understand what she was doing- and she was right, I didn't.
"And I wouldn't be happy if you weren't careful about your looks?"
"I want to look my best for you, Joseph- you are my husband and I want to look...good for you...that's why I always ask you about my outfits- I want your opinion so that I can dress for you."
I stared at her for a moment, touched beyond words that this sophisticated woman, a woman who had been Queen and had seen and done so much over the years, was deep down a very simple woman who had very simple, old fashioned tastes and whims... and that she wanted to dress for me, a man who had only been her bodyguard for nearly thirty years...HOW could she really want that?
"You don't need to look your best for me- you are perfect as far as I'm concerned, and whatever you wear is what I love... I don't care what you look like, you look beautiful to me."
"Which is what I really love about you, you don't care about things like that... but I want to do it anyway for you...do you understand?"
"I guess..." but it still surprised me that a powerful woman would want to dress for me!
"You look surprised," she said softly, leading me towards the sofa and we sat down together, her hands still clutching mine. "Could it be that you're just as insecure as me... that you are worried that a Queen should love a man like you?"
"Could be..." was all I could say and she immediately moved closer and squeezed my hands tighter.
"I DO love you- and you should know why. You saw me and loved me as Clarisse rather than the Queen- and I love you for the man you are, so much more than Rupert- and while you cannot believe I can love you, I can and I will... you are truly a gentleman and if I could find a way to show that publicly, I would."
"You don't need to do that..."
"I want to- but I want you to know that I would do that for you..." she concluded softly and I smiled.
"I know that... I just can't believe that you love me... you LOVE me...I'm hardly the most glamorous man in the world..."
"But you are the love of my life and that's more important...but does it truly bother you that I ask you your opinion about what I'm wearing?"
"Not at all... I just wish everyone else (and you at times) saw you as I see you- incomparable," I said simply and suddenly it was my wife's turn to dab at her eyes.
"Oh Joseph... you really are a romantic," she said gently, a small smile on her face and I laughed.
"No... I just love my wife more than anything..."
Her eyes softened even more- and I loved that we were finally able to talk about our TRUE feelings and how we really felt about each other- but before she could say anything in response, there was a gentle knock on the door and we both knew that it was our time to go downstairs and while it was welcome (and necessary), I also cursed it- it prevented Clarisse from telling me what she was feeling, although I knew that the past few minutes had more than convinced me of her devotion to me... what still puzzled me was that WHY she was so devoted to me...
"You are more than you know," she murmured softly after I had helped her up and, arm in arm we walked towards the suite doors- I loved the physical closeness and that we were 'allowed' to be so close to each other although, even if it hadn't been 'allowed', I still would have wanted to be close to her...just like I had been on our wedding day when, half way up the aisle, I had pulled her arm completely into mine so that we were close... the fact that we were about to be married in front of the entire parliament and country had slipped my mind, all I really cared about was that Clarisse was near me and I knew that she had desired the same as I felt a small squeeze after I had done just that as well as the brief smile she had thrown my way...
Our wedding day had been the happiest day in my life- even surpassing the day when I discovered that she loved me and the days when we shared our more intimate moments (when we were still establishing our relationship and trying to understand each other's boundaries)... on this day, Clarisse was going to become my wife and everyone would know that we had had a relationship much deeper than bodyguard and Queen or even friends... that we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
"You're dreaming," she suddenly teased and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed as my cheeks turned hot but she leaned over and breathed gently into my ear: "You should do it more often... you look less tense... "
"I suppose I always used to look so tense because my job was fairly difficult... and my main charge liked to try and escape me," I teased, narrowly avoiding a gentle slap on the arm from her.
"I wasn't all that bad!" she protested.
"You did try, though, didn't you?" I teased- there were a number of instances that came to mind when she attempted (and not very successfully- someone usually spotted her and came to report to me) to avoid her security team (even for a simple walk around the garden, and I could and did understood her reasoning- I wouldn't like to be constantly followed around, with no privacy) but I had my job to do and protecting her was my job.
"You know perfectly well that I did," she stuck her nose up in the air with mock hauteur as I followed her out of the suite into the cool hallway. "I can still remember the lectures you gave me...you were just fortunate that I CHOSE to accept your impudence rather than fire you on the spot!"
"You were just fortunate that I didn't take my complaint to His Majesty... he could have had your Head of Security impose severe conditions on you..."
"That wouldn't have happened," she said flippantly. "There may have been stringent conditions but they wouldn't have been imposed..."
"And why not, madam?" I wasn't at all surprised at her words- while Queen, she tended to listen to her own advice over anyone else's- and she rarely took advice from her husband.
"Because..." she stopped and stared at me. "I was Queen- I had to be accessible to the people, I had to be able to move freely around the palace and every where we went... but," she paused for a moment and gave a slightly small smile. "I have to admit that you were right... I was being deliberately silly with my safety and causing problems with my security when I shouldn't have... you already had a hard enough job without my selfish whims..."
"They weren't selfish whims... I DID understand why you tried to give your security the slip- I'm sure I would have tried to do the same in your position..."
"I'm sure you would have been much more sneaky than I."
"Oh, I don't know about that," I chuckled wryly- Clarisse certainly possessed a great deal of natural cunning and she would have had plenty of ideas of how to escape her security... after all, she was the mother of Phillipe, the Crown Prince whose security team had to practically run beside him to keep up with him, a fact that I reminded her of seconds later. "Phillipe had to have inherited the ingenuity and cunning gene from someone... and I assume that it would have had to been from you... I can't imagine Rupert having tried to escape his security!"
"He didn't... but then again, he paid them well enough to turn a blind eye with his mistresses," she said in a neutral tone, but when I looked at her expression- stopping again halfway down the stairs- I noticed that it wasn't sad or bitter... it was an expression of acceptance and peace... she had finally moved on and wasn't bitter about his indiscretions. "You seem surprised that I didn't seem so bothered about his infidelities anymore," she suddenly turned to me and I couldn't hide my surprise.
"Not necessarily... but he caused you so much pain..."
"He did and I will never forget that," she said calmly, gently touching my cheek with her hand. "But it was necessary that I moved on from that- and so much healthier- and I have... and you have had a great deal to do with that...knowing that you loved me, really loved me, was what saw me through those years," she said before she turned and continued down the stairs, leaving me with another surprise to adjust to...I knew that I had been a great support to her during those years, but I never realised that our love had been the one thing that had really helped her...
"Are you coming?" she was at the bottom of the stairs looking up with a smile and I realised that she was waiting for me.
"Of course I am," before I moved quickly down the stairs to join her, although this conversation with her was NOT over!
0
Her Majesty Queen Amelia (sorry, Mia- she much preferred being known by her nickname amongst her family and friends) and Lord Devereaux (Nicholas or Nick, as he preferred to be known as) were already in the dining room with the Motazes when we arrived, and Mia beamed when she saw us, much to my consternation- I knew how she really felt about seeing us and while it was endearing, it was rather ridiculous to consider us as 'adorable' as I said moments later in response to her smile.
"I can't help it, you look so happy together... it's a fairytale come true!"
"But us- seriously- as adorable? We're hardly a young couple at the start of life!"
"But while you started your journey a bit later..."
"Much later," I interposed wryly, as while Clarisse sat down next to Sheila and I sat opposite them, next to Sebastian, although I had to admit that she was correct in some aspects.
"Nevertheless, you have more wisdom and experience than younger couples would and you're just in love as the younger generation!" and while I finally had to chuckle at her words- she was very young, enthusiastic and obviously romantic, Clarisse decided to change the subject, turning to Sebastian and asking how things were in parliament, a diplomatic tact that I was pleased she had employed- but she had always had a gift of diplomacy and tact, something which I didn't possess at all. Of course, as Queen, she would have had to be diplomatic over the years, given some of the people she dealt with; and she often teased me about how 'tactless' I seemed to be at times...
000
"You didn't have to shove Lord Fricker out of the way!" she gently chided me one evening at a ball when I had 'rescued' her from a drunk Lord Fricker, who had been been handling the Queen as if she was someone that should be spun around with no grace and no finesse- simply to make her dizzy. "I had him under control- I was just about to end the dance, anyway."
"Nevertheless," I said gravely as we continued to move on the dance floor- the only way of preventing some other idiotic, drunken parliamentarian trying to make a move on the Queen in the name of dance was to dance with her myself, not that either of us had an argument with that, as I could feel her relax slightly with her grip on my hand. "I always have to maintain the dignity of the Crown and that man was making you look foolish... not as foolish as himself, I'll admit, but you could have been made to look like a fool."
"Well, the Queen cannot look foolish, at any costs!" she teased but, gazing into her eyes, I could see that she had be grateful for my intervention. "And I am grateful, Joseph, I truly am- although you could have been a little more diplomatic, rather than say: "May I cut in?" and simply shove the man aside."
"Well, look where that man is now?" I pointed out and she looked around to see him accepting yet another drink from a hovering waiter.
"Alright, I see your point... thank you," and she gave me a warm smile.
However, on other earlier occasions, I was even less than diplomatic, inserting myself into situations when the Queen was in danger (or I felt that she was in danger) and while I usually received a look from the Queen afterwards, my boss Anthony usually gave me a dressing down that obviously came from the King and Queen as well as himself... but on one occasion, there was a difference...
"She is NOT your wife, she IS your QUEEN and BOSS- you do not have the right to intercede into dances or conversations just because you don't like the man she is speaking to!" Anthony, the Head of Security, barked as the two of us stood in the security room after a state dinner when one of the parliamentarians, drunk as usual, had made a move on the Queen, touching her inappropriately, and I, the closest man to the situation and sensing her displeasure, stepped in and shoved him away from her.
Of course, the Queen had given me an icy look and apologised to the man in question, recommencing their dance while MY other boss had given me another look and I took it to understand that I was to stay in the corner for the rest of the evening, which I did... and then I received a dressing down that I didn't think I deserved, as I argued with Anthony just then.
"He had his hands all over her... it was inappropriate and disgusting!"
"Nevertheless, Her Majesty is well used to situations such as these and she would have been able to handle it... By the way, this is your verbal warning...and," he added, raising his hand as I opened my mouth to protest. "Her Majesty would like to see you in her study at nine o'clock tomorrow morning... I'm sure she is going to want to tear her own strip off you..."
So, the next morning, I was almost shuffling my feet as I made my way to Her Majesty's suite- her temper, while rarely seen, was almost legendary- she had often made maids cry and I was worried that she was going to do this to me as well, not that I didn't deserve it... although I was still determined to argue the point that she wasn't being protected as she should have been...
"Good morning,Your Majesty," I said as soon as I was bidden to enter the room, the door held open by one of the guards, and was standing in front of her desk- she was busy doing paperwork with her personal assistant and I was kept waiting for at least five minutes before she looked up, her blue eyes icy yet distracted.
"Good morning, Joseph..." before she dismissed her assistant but there was a silence as we waited for the woman to leave.
As soon as the door closed, Clarisse... the Queen stood up and moved around her desk to stand in front of me.
"So...what happened last night was a mistake, was it not?"
"Yes ma'am," was all I said- I knew that I was right but I didn't want to upset the Queen- she had already been hit on (and it probably wasn't the first or last time) and it was her turn to speak.
"You shouldn't have pushed Lord Jones away from me so roughly?"
"No ma'am," although, given the chance, I would have decked him in the face.
"You DO realise that you have brought embarrassment to the family- and your boss?"
"Yes ma'am," I replied almost automatically- she was so deadly calm, as usually was when she was building up to a dressing down (I had seen it more than enough times) and I was already bracing myself for that moment.
"His Majesty wasn't pleased- he actually wanted you fired last night, did you know that?"
"No ma'am," I kept calm- she was still standing in front of me and, unsure of where I was supposed to look, I continued to look straight ahead, as we were trained to do when getting disciplined by the men downstairs.
"Joseph, why won't you look at me?"
"I was told never to look at their Majesties when they are... discipling us..."
"Well, that's rather rude... I want you to look at me when I speak to you," and this time, her tone turned stern and I knew that I couldn't disobey. "Joseph. Look at me."
I finally plucked up the courage (imagine, a grown man afraid of looking at a beautiful woman, a woman who was my boss and had every right to tell me off when I was doing something wrong) to meet her eyes and I was more than a little surprised to discover that her eyes didn't match the stern tone in her voice... in fact, the expression in her eyes was warmer than expected...in fact, there wasn't any icy in her eyes as there usually was when she was discipling someone...
"Your Majesty?" I asked, feeling and sounding unsure.
"Thank you," she said softly, a small smile on her face, confusing me all the more.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand... Your Majesty?"
"No one has ever stood up to protect my honour like you did last night... and while I DID have a handle on it... I appreciate that you were there to protect my honour... and while I should give you a speech saying that what you did last night was inappropriate and boorish (as His Majesty would say), I am NOT going to... maybe you went the wrong way about it- and I sense you probably would have wanted to do more, am I right?"
"Maybe," I mumbled, wanting to look away but her eyes were far too compelling to look away from and I was a little more relieved when she laughed lightly, the laugh sounding girlish and young.
"You have definite risen in my estimation, Joseph, you are definitely a man to be watched."
"Ma'am?"
"I cannot say any more for now, but let's just say that there are people around the palace that appreciate your dedication to your job...thank you," she nodded and walked around the desk to sit back down at her desk, indicating that I was dismissed.
Just as I was about at the door, I heard her say:
"Joseph?"
"Yes, ma'am?" I instantly whirled around.
"I meant what I said- thank you for what you did."
"It was my honour," before I bowed and exited the room, almost colliding with her assistant who was returning to continue her work.
000
"Hey, Joe? Are you there?" I suddenly heard, Mia's voice breaking into my thoughts and I looked around to see that everyone was watching me.
"I'm sorry, I missed that..."
"Missed it? I've been asking you the same question for the past five minutes and you haven't answered me!" Mia joked as Clarisse frowned at her.
"Mia," she gently chided and Mia looked repentant as I felt a stab of guilt- I was caught daydreaming and Mia was the one in trouble.
"Sorry...I was just saying that Scott is doing a good job as my Head of Security and I wanted to know how you felt."
"I think he's doing a great job," and it was true- he had been initially nervous when first starting out just after the wedding and had called me constantly on Clarisse's private line (not that she had minded, she had reminded me that "someone will always need you besides me...and besides, Scott didn't expect this for years...", which had made me pounce on her and stop her laughter with a VERY long kiss...), but he had stopped almost completely and the few times that I had 'dropped by' to see what was going on, he was very capably handling the team and any questions that they threw his way (although they had all worked together for a long time, alongside me, so they all knew each other quite well) and I knew that he was a success- I had trained him well and he would definitely look after my granddaughter well.
"He is indeed," Sebastian and Nicholas quickly agreed with me.
"Still, he is nothing compared to Joseph," Clarisse said, smiling over the table at me and I couldn't help but smile back, trying not to blush at the compliment. "He learnt well under my Head of Security but I would rather trust my life with Joseph rather than anyone else."
"Even though I'm now retired and a protectee myself?" I teased back, although I did appreciate her words.
"Especially then..." she responded just as teasingly and I braced myself for the inevitable squeal from Mia of 'aren't they cute?' but, instead she looked serious as she nodded at everyone's words.
"He's keen, serious and enthusiastic... and I'm sure he will be a great HOS... but it's too soon for me to know everyone and what they do and I just have to trust that he does his best... by the way, has Lionel gone back to school?" she addressed Sebastian and Clarisse and I exchanged a glance- I was well aware of his short comings as a bodyguard as well as his almost uncontrollable crush on the Queen, but I had to admit that he was a nice boy and would do well if he continued to pursue his leanings in security.
"He is has, but he is hoping that he will be able to come back here for next summer... only if Her Majesty approves," he added hastily- he too had heard the rumours about him and the Queen and I know he was keen to smooth things over.
"I will have to have some time to consider it," Mia began slowly as Clarisse beamed from her side of the table- she was truly sounded like a royal, non committal but not wanting to offend- before continuing: "However, I think that it shouldn't be a problem... I'm sure that my new Head of Security will be happy to help..." and again Clarisse and my eyes met- only, this time, we were chuckling to ourselves...lucky Shades!
0
"You looked very absorbed in your thoughts," Clarisse said afterwards when lunch had finally ended, the Motazes had left and Nicholas and Mia had also disappeared (but, knowing that they were trying to establish their own relationship, I was entirely empathetic to their need for privacy), Clarisse and I moved out into the gardens, our usual routine in the afternoon (not that our life had completely settled into a routine- I was still prone to whisking my beloved off for a weekend or a week away at the beach, the Winter Palace or my own private house, but we were due for a honeymoon and I had to admit that a routine didn't suit us anymore.
"What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing of consequence," I said calmly.
"Joseph... darling..."
"It wasn't anything serious- I was just remembering how tactless I was compared to you over the years... you WERE Queen, after all and I was just a bodyguard..."
"Not JUST a bodyguard," she squeezed my arm and leaned over to kiss my cheek.
"...Nevertheless, I was officially known as a bodyguard... but I was just thinking about the times I got into 'trouble' for not being as diplomatic as I could have been... and even you told me off a couple of times!"
"I chided you, I didn't tell you off... you WERE a little tactless in some instances, but not in some...as for the time you protected my honour from Lord Jones... the octopus..."
"You can still remember that?" I cried in surprise- I had always naturally assumed that she removed any unpleasantness from her mind once an official function was over.
"Of course I do, sweetheart," she stopped and turned to me, caressing my cheek. "That was the first instance when someone, anyone, would protect my innocence and honour... and when it was you... that made it all the better..."
"Really?" This was something I hadn't heard before...
"Really," she affirmed, smiling sweetly at him. "You had no idea- you were just caught up in the moment of punishing the man who had dared to touch me inappropriately- but when you were so determined to stand up for me, even with your Head of Security, I knew that you were someone I could trust, someone I could depend on... I assume you remember what I told you the day after, that you were a man to be watched?"
"Of course."
"Well...I have a confession to make... when I told you that people were keeping an eye on your in the palace... it was mainly me... yes I had heard about your reputation as a ladies man and your temper and all of that... but there was just something about you that I knew that I could trust you...and I was proved right... and I knew that I wanted YOU as my personal bodyguard... "
"You did?"
"Of course... I wanted to the best and you were the best... but... did you want to be my bodyguard or His Majesty's?" she paused again and I smiled at her- I loved her insecurity, it proved that she was human and the woman that I loved deeply.
"Well..." I began, pretending to stall for a moment but her eyes were glittering so expectantly that I didn't have the heart to tease her any further. "Truth be told, I preferred to look after you... you were so shy, so ladylike, so vulnerable- all of things I deduced, you did not show those qualities to people willingly," I added as she opened her mouth in protest. "But there was something special about you that convinced me that you needed me to look after you... " but before I could say anymore, she had rushed forward to kiss me lovingly on the lips.
"I did, I did... more than I realised... but didn't it bother you that you had been chosen to protect the Queen rather than the King? I'm sure that the King had more adventures than I did..."
"Yes, but I would have rather worked and protected someone who had integrity and dignity- and that was you," I said bluntly and was only surprised when Clarisse shied away from me.
"Oh!'
"It's true- you always had more of those qualities than your first husband- we both know that- but I would have much rather have protected you than Rupert... not that I'm that cruel..."|
"You're not and I was so pleased that you were looking after me...I just never heard your reasoning so upfront and true... and I thank you for it... who would have known if we would be enjoying our happily ever after if you hadn't agreed to the transfer..."
"We would have," I said comfortably, confident in the future and knowing that we WOULD have been together and she obviously agreed as she snuggled up into me (which I LOVE- not only an indicator of her vulnerability but of what she truly was). "We both know that... anyway, I was thinking about a conversation we had had earlier and I would like to ask you another question..."
"What? Ask away..."
"Well...before when we were talking about Rupert and you didn't seem so bothered about the past...are you really over all of that? I mean, he caused you a great deal of pain..."
"I am," Clarisse smiled at me. "Yes, he did hurt me and at the time, I was sure that I would never be happy again...I'm lucky that I didn't believe that," she paused to touch my cheek for a moment. "But now, so many years have passed and I have gained a new perspective- I feel sorry for him and what he spend much of his life chasing after... we were friends and parents and King and Queen but we were never in love- I was fond of him but I didn't love him in the important way that a wife should love her husband and I'm more than certain that while he cared about me, he didn't love me in that way... In fact, I have often thought that he never really loved anyone, not truly, except his boys... not even himself...He may have been seeking intimacy through casual affairs with other women but he never really found someone he could have shared love with...but maybe he didn't really want that."
I had never heard her speak so eloquently and so thoughtfully about Rupert- not that I had truly tried to pry into their marital relationships, I only heard what I heard from Clarisse and I had always been on her side, no matter what- but the way she was speaking now, I too couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Rupert.
"Do you think, if he had had given you the chance, you could have been that one?"
It was a question I didn't like to think about or ask- although nothing had come to pass, she was married to me, but it made me wonder how different our lives would have been if she had actually enjoyed a happy marriage to Rupert.
"I did think that for a long time, particularly when the boys were small- and I didn't want them growing up surrounded by arguments and bad behaviour (although they really weren't aware of what was happening until they were older, Rupert and I made sure of that)...but as the years passed and I had my eyes opened about his personality and behaviour, I knew that it wouldn't and couldn't have been me...we were so different, with different belief systems and ideas... he respected my opinions and contributions- most of the time- but I was only an asset to him and the mother of his heirs."
"What made you move on?"
"YOU, my darling Joseph," she moved even closer and squeezed my arm as we continued to stroll around the gardens, neither of us really seeing the gardens, absorbed as we were in our conversation (or I was at least, Clarisse was speaking calmly and with a peaceful expression, until she turned to me with a radiant lookwhen affirming what had made her move on from mulling over her first husband's rejection). "How could I remain bitter towards the man who had caused me so much pain when I had something he didn't... love... the love of a very good man who never treated me badly and has always been there for me, no matter what...I love you, Joseph- I love my sons and Mia in different ways, but you were the one that showed me really how to love..."
"Oh my darling..." was all I could say as I stopped, wrapped my arms around her and crushed her into my chest, not wanting her to see the tears welling in my eyes- she was such a beautiful woman, inside and outside and I only wished that I could tell her how much I loved her as well...
"Joseph..." she pulled away and looked at him worriedly, her expression growing more concerned as she saw the tears in my eyes. "Joseph... did I upset you?"
"No, not at all," I finally managed to choke out, gently caressing her cheek with my hand- her skin always felt so soft and tender under my rough hands, but she seemed to enjoy it, she actually leaned into it. "I... I love you too..."
"I'm glad," she smiled tenderly before her eyes began twinkling mischievously and she took both my hands in hers and began leading me back towards the palace. "I have an idea that will make you feel better..." and I laughed, knowing what she had in mind- she was slowly opening up and I loved seeing every moment...
000
I was a little afraid as I lay beside her early the next morning, the morning after our impromptu wedding, a wedding that neither of us had expected but had enjoyed immensely after we had gotten over the shock of Clarisse openly proposing me in front of the guests (or, rather, I was more shocked than Clarisse, who had received some timely advice from Mia and had decided to follow her heart for once), but my mind wasn't on the wedding- I was wondering what would happen when she woke up... I had been awake for hours, but she had fallen asleep after we had made love for the second time, snuggled right up to me and completely relaxed... how would she react?
We had had such a massive celebration the day before, we really hadn't had the chance to discuss the fact that we were married- in fact, we had barely had any time to have a serious intimate discussion, the whole day had been a whirlwind- and how we would both feel about that, and I wasn't quite sure whether she would wake up and remember that we were actually man and wife or accuse me of seducing her and throw me out... although, knowing Clarisse as well as I did, I knew that she would not do that... but there was still a tiny part of me that was worried...
The previous day and evening had been the most wonderful of my life- I had hoped that, after my mistaken belief that she didn't want to marry me and had walked out on her, that I would be able to try and beg my way back into her heart (and not entirely sure that it would work) - but then for Clarisse to do what she did...I knew that she would have forgiven me...
All that really mattered, as we walked up the aisle together and became husband and wife in front of the Archbishop, the church guests and the country, was that we were together- and we were inseparable for the rest of the day...
She stirred beside me as I continued watching her and I froze- I wasn't quite sure what to say or do at that moment...and there was a moment after she opened those beautiful blue eyes that I loved so much and stared blankly at me, that I panicked- what if she didn't accept that we were married and that things were different between us...- before her eyes focused and softened as a wide, radiant smile spread slowly across her face.
"Joseph, my love..." she breathed as she moved back into my arms- I had gently pulled away when I had woken up, just to ensure that she had room to move and breathe (and allow the arm she had fallen asleep on had pins and needles in it, not that I would begrudge the discomfort for anything)- and snuggled in close. "I didn't dream last night..."
"You shouldn't have, it DID happen!" I joked jovially, although I too had been feeling the same way as well as being worried that she didn't feel the same as me, that I shouldn't be here... "I..."
"I'm so happy that it DID happen," she said softly, nuzzling my neck and I could feel my body responding to her touch- gentle as it was, it was more than enough... she was so sweet and so innocent yet so sexy... "I have a feeling that you were a little concerned about how I would react when I woke up this morning?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" I blustered as she leaned up and rested her hand against my lips.
"I do and you do... you were worried that I wasn't going to remember last night and yesterday... and that I was going to kick you out..."
"Well, maybe..."I mumbled, looking down and away from her for a moment before I felt her hand gently guide my face back towards her.
"Do you think I would do this if I didn't remember?" before she leaned forward, her warm body closer to mine than ever before (before last night) and kissed me, softly and gently at first and then with growing enthusiasm and passion, so much so that we were both breathless when she finally pulled away with a satisfied smile.
"I... I guess not," I stammered, my heart racing and trying not to push her too hard but feeling an increasing wave of desire for her... she was so lovely and so sexy... I had wanted her for a long time and the desire of wanting to make her mine hadn't dimmed in the slightest, in fact it had increased after yesterday...
"So, are you convinced that I DO want you here and that I DO remember that we are husband and wife?" she teased as she ran her hand down my chest and I managed to nod- her fingers and hand were so gentle yet so teasing and I had to wonder whether she knew what she was doing to me, a question that was answered only seconds later when she looked over at me with a sly smile.
"Good morning, Joseph," she teased with a warm smile.
"Good morning, Clarisse," I managed to respond and she chuckled.
"Well, aren't you going to kiss me again?" she joked and that was all I needed to pull her tightly into my arms and kiss her again, and again and again...
000
"Penny for your thoughts?" came the same tease's voice as we strolled back into our suite and I didn't hesitate to lock the door behind me.
"You don't want to know,"I almost growled back at her as I made my way towards her and she slowly backed towards the bedroom.
"Don't I?" she teased, her eyes laughing along with her mouth.
"No, I don't think so... although there is one thing I want to say to you..."
"Oh?" she stopped in her tracks, allowing me to catch up to her and wrap my arms around her waist.
"I love you... just the way you are..." before I swept her off her feet, Clarisse giving a tiny squeal, before we made our way towards the bedroom.