I'm back with another short story. But I'm not just doing this for my own benefit. A friend of mine I met on this fandom is suffering from depression and has even attempted suicide. I wrote this mostly for her. Hopefully I'll write a different version with one of her favorite pairings. Hopefully Orangebird124 will enjoy this because of the pairing. But the main purpose of this story is for Rain-on-Serena aka BrickOli. I hope you enjoy... and realize that you matter and you always will. You are loved whether you know it or not. If you ever come or came across her, please show your support. Don't do it for my sake, I will NOT tolerate that. I wrote this mostly so I can help her. It's the least I can do. Hopefully it could make a big difference, or better yet - it could make all the difference.
If you want to hear my depression story, well to put it shortly, I have been depressed for seven-eight years. It only started getting really awful throughout my high school years, hence it was ruined. I get mad over the littlest things, and cry almost everyday. I indirectly hurt myself because I'm too afraid to hurt myself. I get feverish whenever I feel this way now - that's how terrible it is. I never once got help and every time I tried to I always felt fine and had absolutely nothing to say so in the end it was all pointless. I have attempted suicide but like I said - I could never hurt myself. I only drowned in my own thoughts just thinking about it. I wrote Inside Out stories to help me feel better but because this fandom isn't the same, I quit the archive. Not only because of that, I'm getting worse at writing in case you haven't noticed - spelling, grammar, I'm writing slower, - those sorts of things. There's no point in saying you'll be there to listen because there's nothing for you to listen to. In the end I'll always be too afraid or have absolutely nothing to say to you. If you have the key to unlock the doors of my mind then you'll wish you never opened them.
Song: When She Cries by Britt Nicole - Listen to it or you'll never be able to feel the true emotion of this story. I'm kidding. Anyone can feel it, but if you listened to the song then it might bring you to tears. I wouldn't know anyway.
PS: Whether or not you enjoy this story, please don't forget what I said. There's only so much I can do to save you. But you know something else? Sometimes you just need a hug; not a lecture you already know. In fact, it might be the only thing you need.
in that case, have a MASSIVE HUG from me.
Everyday's the same.
She fights, to find her way.
She hurts; she breaks; she hides; and tries to pray.
She wonders why...
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
Today, Riley's turning sixteen. The Emotions sang, but Sadness refused to smile. In fact, she wasn't even there to celebrate. She was too busy wallowing in her self-hate, isolated from the family she has always known. Despite this, Headquarters was no place to hide. Ever since puberty came, Sadness has been kept away from the console for most days. It wasn't the fact that Joy didn't learn her lesson, it was to help Riley adjust to this new period in her life. Sadness didn't take it that way at all.
She remembered all those days the Emotions celebrated their own birthdays. As expected, Joy had the most recognition. Her birthday was the same as Riley's. It was Sadness' birthday too. And where has she been all those years? In a corner; a circle. Or better yet, her room. The only gifts she would get are the cuts and bruises her body consumed. She'd leave her room, if only they healed. Instead, she hides it all - it was the one and only thing she could hold back. She cried at every thought. How could they act like everything's alright? That they could celebrate her birthday without her. She started pulling her sleeves, tracing the scars of past memories. Every reason for each scar was still held within, she remembered every detail of it. She was a walking mind manual. She hasn't hurt herself in a while.
So what if she does now?
She reached under her pillow. Horrifically, there was a cutter underneath. Who knows how it got there; only she knows. She rolls up the sleeve on her right arm. There weren't as many marks. She gently caressed the blade on her already tainted skin. But before she could dig deeper, the cutter was slapped out of her hand.
"Are you crazy?!" he roared. That voice. It was Anger's voice. Sadness didn't even care. It was Anger - he always inflicted pain whenever someone pushes his buttons. It looks like she pressed a big red button on his head, or so she thought. He saw it all - from her disheveled hair, to her dry scars. Had she really been broken this whole time? He knew she would be, but to this extent? He won't allow it. She would. After all, maybe making her bleed would be the answer that could wash the slate clean. Sadness recalled that song... that one song she wanted to sing out to the Emotions - to finally let them know how she felt. But Anger was the only one present. Where's everyone else? It didn't matter for her to look around, let alone look up as he looked down on her.
"Everyday's the same. I fight to find my way. I hurt, I break, I hide, I try to pray," there was a brief pause so she could catch her hitching breath. "I wonder why... does anyone ever hear me when I...
"Cry?"
Anger's eyes widened. He heard every word. It was barely a whisper, but the way she sang it made him think of an angel - a weeping angel. That's what she felt like to him.
"I hear you," he grumbled back. Sadness braced herself. She knew he was going to punish her for all this nonsense she's been telling him. Instead, she felt a tear on her hand that wasn't hers. No longer hesitating, she looked up to find Anger sobbing at her. He glared, trying to stifle his tears but to no avail. She was hurting herself, he realized. It was the last thing he wanted to see. Ironically, out of everyone in the entire mind, he was the only one who hears her when she cried. Everyday, night, minute, second, even when no one seems to be noticing. He hears her. Anger growled hopelessly and pulled her into his arms.
"I love you."
It didn't need to be romantic. These three words. They reminded her of one thing and one thing only: she matters. Unknown to her, Joy, Fear and Disgust watched from outside. They were all shocked, saddened, and full of guilt. Neither of them were worthy enough of entering. They forgot her birthday, her existence. Again.
Joy was the next to step in. "You know, we were looking for you. Here." She took out a box and handed it to her. Sadness read the note where everyone greeted her. It really was for her! She carefully unwrapped the gift to reveal a golden trophy with her name engraved on it. Incredulously, she took it and smiled at the ground.
"Hey," Disgust stepped in. "We're really sorry for not celebrating your birthday these past few years. And we never meant to leave you out since Riley had puberty. We still include you. You'll always be a part of our family. Happy birthday, Sadness." Disgust took out what looked like a necklace and clipped it around her neck. "I bought it from Fashion Island. The sapphire stones really reminded me of you."
Sadness said nothing but smiled wider.
"Sadness!" Fear cried frantically before tackling her to the ground. "Where else did you hurt yourself?! I demand to know! AAH- What's THAT doing here?!" He pointed shakily at the cutter. Joy took the item and placed it on Anger's head. Anger hated that thing so much. It hurt her. Feeling this, his head lit up in flames and completely obliterated the object. "We really need to take you to a doctor!"
"I'm fi-"
"No you're not! Before I call MindSavers," he gave her a scarf and kissed her forehead. "Happy Birthday... Now, where was I? Oh yeah." He left the room and dialled a number on his phone.
"Typical Fear," Joy giggled. Disgust rolled her eyes in amusement. "Come with us, Sadness! We're waiting for you to cut the cake."
"Me?"
"Duh? What's a birthday without you?" Disgust chuckled. "We'll wait downstairs." Joy nodded and followed suit.
Sadness stared into Anger's eyes. Hers weren't as dull as before, but they were still bloodshot from all the tears. Anger didn't like the way anyone stared at him too long. He simply looked away. "I got this for you." Behind his back the whole time was a little notebook, the title being "Memories Start Here". Before Sadness could take the book, he immediately retracted the book from her. "IF! You stop hurting yourself like that. You'd better promise me that, kid."
While Sadness hesitated to keep that promise, Anger groaned and rested her hand on the book cover, with his hand resting atop hers. "You don't have to be afraid anymore, kid. Riley needs you, and I - we all love you. I would break out of my comfort zone to tell you this if I have to. And I did. So please, don't hurt yourself ever again." His voice was shaky, so out of character. Despite this, Sadness accepted and hugged the book to her chest. Anger held out his hand once again.
"Shall we head downstairs? We're all waiting for you," he spoke softly.
A small blush sprawled across her cheeks as she flashed a small smile. She took his hand and he led her downstairs. Since then...
Everyday's the same.
She fights, to find her way.
She hurts; she breaks; she hides; and tries to pray.
She'll be just fine.
Because she knows they hear her
When she cries.
...