Hi everyone. I'm still writing fanfiction, so I apologize in the delay in updating Silence and some of the other stories. The current plot bunny that is gnawing on me is a "GI Joe set in the Harry Potter" world crack bunny. The drabbles below are a result of that. I wanted to see if I could mesh the two universes and make them work. I'm currently trying to outline a story for this world, as well as flesh out some details on how this universe would work. I probably should have waited to post anything until I had fleshed out the story. However, I couldn't resist posting this as an "introductory" chapter. The four sections below are my attempts to play around with the four wizards and witches on the GI Joe team: Spirit, Cross Country, Jinx, and Flint. Not featured in this chapter is Gung Ho, who I envision as a Squib from a Cajun magical family.
Also…I don't own GI Joe or Harry Potter.
An additional note: Quodpot is the American variation of Quidditch. You can Google it, if you want more information about it.
Of Wizards and Soldiers
Spirit
Charlie was falling.
Well…not quite falling. He heard the thump thump of the Tomahawk as it hovered above him. Wild Bill veered the helicopter left just in time to avoid a spray of artillery shells. A few of the artillery shells exploded in a spray of green and yellow sparks. Cobra, it seemed, had gotten some wizard or witch to bewitch some of its armaments.
A shell hit the side of the Tomahawk, but fortunately, the defensive spell that Cross Country had placed on it was still holding.
Spirit ignored the wind blasting his body as the ground hurtled ever closer. He slipped a wand into his palm and concentrated hard on the object still inside the helicopter.
"Accio broom!" he shouted, but the wind ripped the words out of his mouth. Charlie Iron Knife felt a sickening lurch in his stomach as he continued to fall. He felt, rather than saw, the blur that burst out of the helicopter. Spirit landed on top of the Nimbus 2000 and nearly had the breath knocked out of him. The Joe gratefully gripped the top of the broomstick and angled it up away from the ground. Being a magic user had its advantages.
And unfortunately for Cobra, GI Joe was one of the few integrated military units in the world. Muggles and wizards coexisted on the GI Joe team under the command of Clayton Abernathy. The U.S. President and the Secretary of Magical Affairs had decided that the Cobra threat warranted a response team of both Muggle and Wizard specialists.
Spirit weaved the Nimbus through a steady barrage of enchanted artillery. He kept his eyes peeled for any hexes or spells that might be thrown his way. The roar of Cross Country's HAVOC soon drowned out everything else. The military vehicle, which had been enchanted to fly, dropped out of the clouds and landed on top of a COBRA Night Raven. Cross Country whooped and waved cheerfully to Spirit, before flipping the steering wheel of the steel behemoth. He flew off in search of more Night Ravens.
The Nimbus shot past Wild Bill's Tomahawk and toward the witch he had spotted a head. A flash of pink hair had alerted him to the fact that Zarana had joined the fray. The Dreadnok scowled at him and raised her wand in his direction. Spirit was faster.
"Expelliarmus!" he shouted. The wand flew from Zarana's hand. Spirit turned the Nimbus 2000 and flew after the wand. Zarana followed closely at his heels, determined to catch her wand before he could reach it.
It wasn't for nothing though that Spirit had been the Seeker on his school Quidditch team. (He had always found Quidditch more interesting that Quodpot. Cross Country thought that was sacrilege.)
His eyes easily picked out the falling wand among the aerial battle still taking place. Charlie twisted the broom and it shot forward at his command. The wind whistled in his ears and despite everything, Spirit found himself grinning madly. Deaf defying stunts on a broom tended to do that to him. It had always driven his mother and grandmother crazy.
His hand reached out and snatched the falling wand out of midair. Somewhere far behind him, he heard Zarana screech in fury. Spirit ignored her as he concentrated on a new spell. He quickly chanted the spell that had been passed down for generations in his father's family. The traditional Pueblo style of magic was wandless magic…but still very effective. A thunderbolt hit Zarana's broom. It disintegrated with a large crack.
Zarana landed with a thud on top of Cross Country's HAVOC. The other Joe cast a leg locking curse on the Dreadnok witch. The floating HAVOC roared off across the battlefield and proceeded to play a game of chicken with Zandar, who was flying on an enchanted motorcycle.
A crunch of metal told Spirit that the Dreadnok had lost the game.
Cross Country (and Spirit)
NOT punching Lucius Malfoy took a special kind of dedication. Cross Country gritted his teeth and flexed a gloved hand, but refrained from shoving it into the teeth of the smirking wizard in front of him. Barely.
"They will let anyone in here," the British wizard sneered. "Such a shame to let standards fall."
He totally wasn't punching What's His Name Malfoy. Sgt. Robert Blais, AKA Cross Country, was currently on assignment in Great Britain with Spirit and a few other Joes. He and his fellow wizard had decided to visit Diagon Alley while on break and pick up a few items. They'd had the misfortunate of running into Malfoy while on their way to the apothecary to pick up more potion supplies.
To be fair though, both Joes stood out among the other wizards and witches. They had wandered down the street, still dressed in their GI Joe uniforms, and were unabashedly American. Cross Country fingered the Confederate buckle on his belt and considered beating Malfoy with it. Spirit frowned at him.
"Not worth it, Robert." However, Cross Country noted how Spirit eyed the supplies he had bought for Freedom at the Magical Menagerie. He didn't need Legilimens (which he'd never been able to do anyway) to know that his teammate was contemplating shoving Freedom's new harness down Malfoy's throat.
"Not worth what, Mudblood?" Malfoy sneered. Cross Country watched Spirit freeze beside him.
"For your information," Spirit answered calmly, "I am half-blood…and my father's family has at least a thousand year history of shamans…not that it matters," Charlie Iron Knife added. The Native American had never cared about the whole Muggle vs. Wizard racism of the Wizarding world. Which, Cross Country thought, seemed even more acute in Britain.
Take Malfoy, for instance.
Malfoy sneered in reply. He seemed on the verge of saying something else, but more level heads prevailed. Spirit pulled Cross Country away from Malfoy and along the cobbled street of Diagon Alley.
"We promised Hawk that we wouldn't get into trouble," Charlie Iron Knife reminded him.
"But…" Cross Country tried to reply.
"And Molly wouldn't like it," Spirit added, referring to his teammate's distant cousin. Molly Prewett Weasley had been nice enough to invite her relative (who was descended from the Prewetts on his mother's side) over for a visit.
Cross Country ground his teeth again, but followed after Spirit.
"As I said," Malfoy said loudly as he walked away in the other direction. "They'll let anyone in these days." Robert Blais whirled around and nearly hexed the other wizard. However, he lowered his wand when he saw the large, white blob of bird excrement hit Malfoy in the face.
Spirit's face twitched as he held out an arm. Freedom landed on his arm and gave a self-satisfied kuk-kuk. Cross Country grinned at the British wizard, who wiped the gob of eagle poop off of his face with the sleeve of his very expensive robe.
"Freedom," Spirit admonished. He shifted the packages under one of his arms and wagged a finger at the eagle. "What have I told you about doing that?" Freedom gave another kuk-kuk and made a show of drooping his tail feathers. However, Cross Country knew it was just an act.
"I really apologize," Spirit told Malfoy. He didn't sound remotely apologetic. "Shall I remove that for you…I wouldn't want you to be spoiled by my magic…"
Malfoy's face turned a deep shade of red. He turned and stalked away. Both Joes looked at each other and grinned.
"Good Freedom…" Cross Country cooed, petting the eagle. "I'm buying you steak and eggs when we get to the Leaky Cauldron."
Freedom perked up at the mention of food. He flapped his wings and was immediately airborne and headed towards the infamous pub.
Jinx
Jinx silently made her way back to the Arashikage compound. Her heart thumped oddly in her ears. The ninja finally paused and leaned back against a tree. She was so close to home. Kimi Arashikage closed her eyes momentarily and thought back to what had just occurred.
…+…
The old woman gawked at her. Jinx stared back and then down at the wand in her hand. She hadn't intended to use magic on the other Muggle. She prided herself on her Arashikage training and rarely, if ever, touched magic. After all…none of the Arashikage masters needed magic. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were both powers unto themselves.
Jinx looked back at the old woman and silently damned herself. She was a ninja, but had been seen by a civilian. She was a ninja who hadn't been quick enough to physically stop a red ninja from throwing a grenade. The wand had slipped effortlessly into her hand. Before Kimi Arashikage knew what she was doing, she had pointed it at the bomb and shouted the Locomotor spell. She had swiftly levitated the bomb high up into the sky and exploded it.
The old woman backed away from her. Kimi damned herself again. She was a ninja, who had been seen by a civilian, performing magic. She was also a member of a top secret military unit. She wasn't supposed to be seen at all.
Her hand tightened around the wand. The ninja knew what she was supposed to do…what the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy required. The Obliviate spell was so easy. The woman wouldn't remember anything…
But Kimi couldn't do it. She was Muggle born, after all. And even after her training as a witch, Kimi Arashikage had never been comfortable in the magical world. The attitude of wizards and witches towards Muggles was abominable. Even wizards who claimed not to be anti-Muggle still looked down at Muggles as childish…as bumbling beings who needed to be protected. They wouldn't hesitate to Obliviate a Muggle. They NEVER hesitated to cast spells on non-magical people.
She really should Obliviate the older woman. The spell was so easy, even for a reluctant witch.
The woman stared silently at her, jaw slightly open. She was trembling.
Just Obliviate her, Kimi thought to herself.
But she couldn't do it. Instead, the ninja silently melted into the night and fled towards the confines of the Arashikage compound. She nearly snapped her wand, but stopped herself at the last moment. She was a ninja and ninja didn't throw away powerful tools.
But damn, if she didn't want to do it.
Flint
Lady Jaye shook her head and tried not to smile as she heard the man let out another string of curses. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms. Meanwhile, Flint continued to glare down at the piece of paper in front of him. It wasn't often that Dashiell Faireborn allowed himself to be frustrated by "Muggle" items…he had lived long enough in the non-magical world that he was able to navigate it nearly as well as a Muggle.
Nearly.
He was currently flummoxed by a box of crayons.
"This can't be right…" she heard him mutter again. Alison Hart-Burnett stifled a snicker. Her boyfriend had just accompanied her on a family visit, where he had watched Alison's nephews coloring with crayons. Flint's confusion had led to a tiny slip, which he had quickly covered back up.
"Are…those defective?" Dashiell had asked, frowning down at her nephew. The little boy looked up with equal confusion.
"What's de-fec..fective mean?" the child had asked. Alison's sister looked down at the crayons and then up at the Flint.
"What's wrong with them?" she asked. Lady Jaye noted the quick look of panic on the warrant officer's face, which he quickly covered up.
"Nothing, sorry," Flint lied. "I'm…a bit color blind. I thought it was the wrong color." Alison's sister gave him a strange look and then shrugged, buying the lie. As soon as Flint and Lady Jaye were alone together, the warrant officer whispered in her ear.
"Are they supposed to do that?"
"Do what, Dash?" she asked back. Flint's face reddened slightly. He always prided himself on his knowledge of Muggle society. His slip up was obviously humiliating for him.
"Um…nothing," he lied. Lady Jaye raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject.
Flint stabbed a yellow crayon down on the piece of paper, as if he was trying to will it to do something. They were currently spending the night in a hotel room. Alison shook her head again. She hadn't expected the warrant officer to actually buy a set of crayons. Lady Jaye honestly wasn't sure when he had bought them. He probably had done it while she was at the grocery store.
"Let me guess," Lady Jaye asked. "Wizard crayons change color, don't they?" Alison herself was what the wizards called a "muggle." However, she had picked up enough of Wizarding culture from her fellow Joes that it seemed to be a logical guess. Flint turned his head to peer at her and then stared embarrassed down at the crayon in his hand.
"Color and texture," he answered.
"Texture?" she asked.
"Well…like you can create a fuzzy surface, or a hard one…I had a set when I was a kid that created slime." Lady Jaye shook her head at the explanation. Flint pulled out a blue crayon and scribbled it against the surface of the paper.
"This is weird," he complained. Alison rolled her eyes again and finally crossed over to the warrant officer, who also happened to be a pure blood wizard.
"Honestly Flint," she told him, plucking the crayon out of his hand. "How long have you lived in the Muggle world now? And this surprises you?" Flint grinned up at her.
"Yep."
She rolled her eyes again.
"You know, you can create colors," she told him. To demonstrate, she scribbled a small patch of the paper with the blue crayon. She then colored the yellow crayon over the patch, to make it green. Flint stared dumbstruck down at it.
"You can do that?" he asked. Flint gleefully grabbed the crayons back from her and set about mixing colors. It was Alison's turn to stare dumbstruck at him.
"They don't teach you color mixing in wizard schools?"
Flint didn't answer her. He was too busy mixing the brown and purple crayons. Lady Jaye sat down in a chair next to him and leaned her head into his shoulder. It wasn't often that she felt the cultural gulf between them. Dashiell Faireborn had been raised entirely in Wizarding society and was a member of one of the oldest pureblood wizard families in the United States. He had decided to pursue first an academic, and then a military, career in the Muggle world because he had wanted a challenge. Most of his family, as Alison understood it, had reacted with a mix of horror and shock.
"Why don't you buy a few sets of crayons to send to the kids in your family?" she finally suggested. Flint liked that suggestion. About an hour later, a bemused Lady Jaye was at a local K-Mart store with her significant other. Flint had expertly navigated the Muggle store, but when they arrived at the children's section, he couldn't resist frowning at the coloring books. Alison watched as Dashiell picked up a My Little Pony coloring book and turned it several ways, until it was upside down. He shook it and poked at it briefly, before finally shrugging his shoulders and dropping it into the shopping cart.
Flint hid his embarrassment when he saw Alison smiling at him.
"Our coloring books…move," he told her quietly. He flicked his eyes around to make sure that no one else was in earshot. Lady Jaye raised a surprised eyebrow.
"Then how do you color them?" she asked. Flint grinned in reply.
"That's part of the fun…you have to catch them. Sometimes you have to hold them down too."
Sometimes Alison wondered if she would ever adjust to the wizard world. If she ever ended up marrying Dashiell, she would have to. But…that was a problem for another time.
She looped her arm around Flint and they walked out of the store together.