So I'm in a really dark place right now. I had actually been writing another chapter for a different story and I just, stopped. Anyway,,, this is a story coming from that dark place.

I changed some of the dialogue because I can and to make it less of a copy

Sugu's POV

"I just have to see her, just one more time. I need to see Asuna."

I blinked several times, blood running cold. Asuna… In my head flashed several images of my Onii-chan, sitting depressed, sitting holding her hand, talking to me around the house with a look of not fully being there.

I let go of the avatar in front of me, suddenly feeling icy from where I was touching him. No,,, no,,, it couldn't… "Is that you… Onii-…chan?" Please. Do anything, but don't be who I think you are.

My wish would not be granted. My wish would come back, laugh in my face, and then stab me in the heart. "Sugu? Suguha?" He looked at me incredulously. Oh no…

"It's not fair. It's not… I just…" I heard myself mumbling. My brother who I love, will never love me. And now,,, Kirito-kun,,, I now know he will never love me.

I logged out quickly, ignoring my brother who reached out to stop me.

Slowly, senses returning to me, I awoke in my bed, facing the poster of myself hanging above me. Still in shock, I slowly got up, and removed the plastic amusphere from my head, clenching it tightly. *Knock knock*

"Sugu…" Kazuto's caring voice touched me through the door. It did nothing to wipe away my tears though. He's there for me, but not really. Never really. Never…mine.

"Go away!" I shouted my anger at the door. Angry at him for being so damn perfect. Angry at life for being so cruel. Angry for thinking I had a chance at happiness. The one person I want most. "Just go away," I whispered.

"What happened Sugu? I'm sorry for using the nervegear, but I don't have a choice. It's my only chance to save her."

"Just shut up!" I yelled again. He'll never understand. Then make him understand. What do I have to lose…

Getting up, I threw open the door. "I… I…" Words refused to come as I stared at his beautiful face, choked up and lost. I pushed myself. Say it. Just say it! "I'm in love with you Onii-chan! But you don't care! All you want is her! So I tried to make myself happy, so I fell for Kirito. He was perfect, he wasn't you but he was everything you were. Of course I was wrong because you were hiding as Kirito all along weren't you!" I was boiling and shedding tears at the same time. My argument didn't even make sense. He didn't know better. But I didn't care.

"Love? Sugu, but," he started with a small confused smile.

"Don't even bother. You're not my brother. I know loving family is wrong, but I can't help it. Plus you're my cousin, so it doesn't matter anyway." I knew in my heart that people would still never accept it, but my feelings never went away. They never would. And he couldn't care less.

"You should have just stayed the jerk you were before you joined SAO. Then your being nice wouldn't have been so cruel."

He looked at me blankly. Of course he doesn't know what to say. He's never considered me like that. He's never really considered my like anything. "Sorry," he let out.

"Your sorry won't change anything," I breathed out softly. "You don't care. Go, be with her. And leave me alone, for good." He couldn't meet my gaze as I said this. But he flinched at my words anyway. I shut the door in his face, hating and loving him at the same time in that moment.

Crawling on my bed, I curled in to a ball and cried to myself, knowing that I was alone. There's no one left. No one for me. I took two chances and life spat in my face.

"Sugu," I heard outside the door after several minutes, "I'll be on the north terrace of Arun." His door closed across the hall, leaving me in silence.

"So strong… I can't be that strong… not,,, anymore."

Kirito's POV

Logging in, I silently flew to the terrace, ignoring Yui's questions of what had happened. How could I be so blind. So stupid… So,,, cruel. I remembered her words and cursed myself.

I stood in the terrace, scolding myself repeatedly, realizing that I had been a neglectful brother. I had taken my sister for granted, someone I swore to cherish when I was in SAO.

Standing there, I instructed Yui to tell me when Leafa logged on. She nodded with a worried look in her eyes. She obviously knew something was wrong, hearing Leafa call me brother, and me calling her by her real name.

Minutes passed.

Still no word from her, I felt a blade in my spine and a disembodied voice, "Where is she!?"

Becoming visible, I saw the short Sylph that had feelings for my sister holding his dagger up to me, a cursing look across his face.

"You hadn't heard from her either…?" This was her friend, so if she refused to talk to me, wouldn't she go to him? He shook his head, writhing in anger. Something must have happened.

Pulling my menu up, I navigated to the log out button, "Fine, I'll see where Sugu went." I logged out, not before noticing the look of shock on his face as I said her name.

Getting up, I tossed my nervegear aside and looked at the clock on my wall. It had been twenty minutes since I logged in. Is she still crying…? I found my way to her door, knocked, and let myself in before I could hear any protests. One thing was clear, she wasn't there. What was there was a drenched piece of paper, "I'm sorry," scrawled on it. Oh no. Sugu! Where did you go?

Now in a state of panic, I started to yell, "Suguha! Sugu answer me dammit!" Running downstairs, I found nothing. Everything was peaceful. Or so it looked. Finally, I started ripping open every room, grabbing my cellphone to call her. I heard a faint ringing upstairs, but she wasn't up there?

Following the sound, I ended up at the bathroom. Knocking furiously, I called through the door. "Sugu! Answer me."

I heard a clank of metal hitting tile and froze.

"SUGU! OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Turning the handle, I found it locked, not to my surprise, but to all my rage. Stepping back, I charged, running my shoulder in to the door. *POP* I felt my shoulder out of place a bit, but I didn't care. Switching, I hit with my other shoulder, feeling the door give way a bit. "SUGU!" Stepping back, I kicked frantically at the handle, each time hearing a small crack as the wood was splintering. Charging again, I felt my shoulder burn with pain as the door broke open and slammed against the wall.

Seeing a figure in the shower, I threw it open and gasped, the unholy sight before me burned in to my brain forever.

Sitting in the corner, was Sugu, wide eyed, bloodshot, tears cascading endlessly down her face, holding her arms close to her body, a knife from the kitchen abandoned on the floor, stained crimson.

"Sugu! No, no, no, no, no, no! What are you doing?!" I quickly grabbed her and inspected her arms, already knowing what I would find. Large slices running down her wrists with copious amounts of blood flowing out. "Sugu, please," I cried, my own tears flowing out. She looked at me with a pained expression, and cupped my cheek with a blood soaked hand.

Staring blankly, I was lost. What do I do, I need to do something. I can't move though. I can't… move. Start Moving! Come on you stupid arms! Grab her wrists, stop the blood! DO IT!

Kneeling, I looked in to her eyes, unmoving, not doing… anything. My mouth was wide open, a choked sob coming out, as I was covered in her blood and my tears.

Looking at me with a softer look, my sister whispered, "I'm sorry, my beloved Onii-…"

Her hand slipped from my face, her eyes staring blankly, never finishing her words.

"S…Sugu… Sugu! SUGU!" I shook her violently as I stared into her eyes, empty of life, lost from the world.

Something in me snapped.

Finally able to move, I clutched her close to me, tears flowing and throat hoarse from screaming. Eventually, probably hours later, someone rushed in, finding me, holding the sister I had treated so badly, myself lost to the world.

Let's just say I'm in a bad state of mind atm. Good chance you didn't like my story. I wont ask for reviews, this wasn't written for pleasure. I will accept them graciously, but don't feel pushed to write them

Mysteryous (also spelled incorrectly. XD)- Ug. I hate updating chapters simply because people don't have accounts. There are multiple reason's why this is going to stay a one-shot and I apologize if that doesn't make you happy. There is the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I would write, the fact that I have a story that goes through ALO, also that IDK if Kirito would actually be able to continue on and whatnot. My main reason though, is the last sentence of this story. "Myself lost to the world." I am not saying what that means to me. I did that so readers could have their own interpretation, whether insanity, emotional breakdown, or his own suicide. I don't want to get rid of that and decide for the reader. Anyway, thank you for the review and I'm sorry to others if I wasted your time with your reading this. This is why accounts help. XD