"Sam, I am sick of you always arguing with me on every single thing. Why can't you be more like Dean? You never follow orders without questioning each one. Maybe if you followed my orders without question and listened to me, then you would be good for something," John yelled at Sam. John didn't mean all the things he said, he was just caught up in the fight they were in. He could see the hurt in Sam's eye but refused to act on it.

Sam was hurt beyond words could describe, but holding back the tears he quickly covered the hurt with more frustration. "I'm Sam, not Dean! Why can't you just see me as me and not try and force me to be something I'm not. What is so bad with me wanting our family together for once and not hu-"

"No! Sam, we will not go prancing around pretending to be a normal happy family. I will not act like we are a normal family while people are dying out there. We hunt to save people from the things in the dark. We hunt to get revenge for your mother. Breaking news Sam, but soccer is a good for nothing sport that does nothing to save people or avenge your mother. Hunting monsters saves people."

"But-"

"NO SAM!!!

JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND STOP BEING A SELFISH LITTLE SCREW-UP!!!

Now go pack your bags we are leaving in 5," John said, turning to grab his duffle bag and leaving to put it in his truck.

Sam was left there stunned at what his father said to him, so he didn't see Dean in the room behind him.

Dean was shocked at what he heard his father say to Sam. He knew the kid was hurt, but their dad didn't mean it. Well, he didn't mean all of it. If Sam would just STOP throwing a fit every time they move, their father wouldn't have blown his top. Dean knew his father went a little too far, but Dean was just too tired of always patching things up that he missed the emotion that crossed Sam's face. "Sam," he said in a low voice.

Sam lifted his head to the side to meet Dean's gaze. Dean saw his brother was trying very hard not to show all the hurt but was failing to do so. "Hey Sammy, are you okay?"

"Ya, Dean, I'm just peachy. Thanks for sticking up for your little brother!"

"Hey, Sam, I know you're hurt and Dad said some shit, but you know he didn't mean all that shit. If you would listen to him and not whine every time we moved, then he would go easier on you. You know what, Dad is right about one thing. Your soccer game doesn't save people, hunting does. The hunt is more important than your dumb soccer game. I am so tired of being in the middle of your fights with Dad and having to patch things up. Why can't you just not fight for once and not be selfish."

"Dean, you're never in the middle. You're next to Dad, ready to fight for him. All I have ever wanted was to be a happy family. If that makes me selfish, fine. Dean, I would fight right next to you, no matter what. I would be there for you. Why can't you be there for me when Dad bites my head off?"

"Sam, I am always there to protect you, but you are picking fights with Dad about every single thing and I won't stand by you. Dad is right and he knows more than us, so you should listen to him before you mess up again. You are always daydreaming about that stupid fantasy to live a normal life. Well, Sam, that will never happen as long as mom's killer is out there. You need to get your heads out of the clouds and focus on hunting so you don't get someone hurt or worse."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Sam has taken verbal abuse from John his whole life, but to hear it from Dean, his brother, the one person he never doubted loved him (well until now). Sam would sacrifice everything for his family. Sam believed his family would sacrifice everything for him too, but today showed him that he was wrong. To his family, he is expendable as long as they save the random people that they don't even know and avenge Mary. Sam was too hurt to face Dean. His mask was breaking and he needed to get away, so he turned and ran to his room.

Dean, in realization at what he had just said, internally winced. Dean didn't mean what he said, he was just tired and got caught up in the argument. He knew he hurt his brother and that hurt him, but he would make it up to Sam when they finished the hunt. Anyway, Sam knows how Dean gets when he is angry, so he should be fine, right?

"Why do they hate me so much? I just want us all together as a family. I want us all happy and together and not worrying if today they die in the hunt," Sam cried to himself. "Maybe if I can prove that I'm not a screw up on this hunt, then they'll see I'm not selfish. Maybe then, they'll love me again."

Sam finished packing his bags, determined to research the hell out of this hunt and do good to prove his family is wrong about him. Sam followed Dean to the Impala, put their bags in the trunk, and sat shotgun.

John turned to see his boys ready and getting in Baby, so he turned, got in his truck, and started for Culpeper, Virginia, where their next hunt was.

Sam's journal

I love Dean and Dad so much, I really do. I just wish loving them didn't mean I would have to give up on everything that makes me happy. All my dreams and wishes to be surrounded by those who I thought loved me. I promise to never cry, to always follow orders, and never go back to being worthless. I will prove I am worth something, even if that means I won't live through it. I wasn't supposed to live anyway. Mom should have been the one to survive that fire, not me. I just make everyone unhappy. If she were here, Dean and Dad would live the lives they deserve and not worry about their worthless son. Dad probably hates me because he didn't want it to be me that lived. He knows it is my fault she died.