I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters. That being said, here's another fun, senseless dose of Misfit madness!
This is No Picnic
It all started one day while the Misfits were in class. Cover Girl was taking her turn teaching today. "I just finished grading your tests people," She announced in a stern voice.
"Uh oh," Lance groaned. "That's not good."
"Well I have to admit that some of your answers were entertaining," Cover Girl said as she passed the tests back.
"I can't look," Todd groaned before he peeked at his paper. "Hey! I got an A-!"
"Wow that is a miracle," Pietro sniffed. "I of course got an A. A perfect score."
"I believe an A+ is a perfect score," Xi smirked and showed Pietro his test paper.
"WHAT?" Pietro looked at it. "No way!"
"Way," Xi grinned.
"I can't believe this! How could he beat me?" Pietro gasped.
"Very easily," Wanda held up her paper. "Read 'em and weep Pietro."
"You too!" Pietro balked.
"Me three," Althea snickered.
"And we make six," Daria said as she and her sisters held up their papers.
"Seven," Lance grinned.
"Agggh!" Pietro put his head on the desk. "How can I prove how superior I am if you all beat me?"
"Cheer up," Lance said. "There's always Freddy."
"Oh big deal me beating the Blob," Pietro huffed. "There's a challenge!"
"Hey I got an A too!" Fred yelled excitedly. "We tied Pietro! That means we're evenly matched. You're just as smart as I am!"
"Somebody shoot me," Pietro groaned.
"Everyone got an A," Cover Girl smiled.
"Hey that means we all did good!" Fred said excitedly.
"Good thing it wasn't an English test," Pietro snickered.
"You've all been working very hard lately so I think it's time you all had a treat," Cover Girl smiled.
"You gonna give us cash?" Quinn asked.
"That'd be a great reward!" Brittany said.
"No," Cover Girl sighed. "I was thinking more along the lines of a picnic tomorrow."
"Yeah!" Fred yelled enthusiastically. "That's a great idea!"
"Well it figures you'd like that idea Blob," Lance snickered. "But I gotta admit it kind of sounds like fun."
"Where are we gonna have it?" Wanda asked.
"We could just pick some national park and simply teleport there," Daria suggested.
"That's not a bad idea," Althea nodded.
"All right it's settled," Cover Girl smiled. "Tomorrow will be the first annual Misfit Picnic. May god help us all…"
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So the next day at a remote park the entire Misfit team and their adult caretakers showed up. "I love picnics!" Brittany sang as she skipped along.
"Born Freeeeeee Wak!" Polly the parrot sang as he flew around.
"I'm amazed Hawk would allow us to do this," Spirit mused. "Especially after the water fight in the cafeteria the other day."
"I think it's because of the water fight in the cafeteria that he's letting us do this," Low Light groaned. "Let's face it, he'll do anything to get the kids out of his hair for a few hours."
"Come on!" Shipwreck said impatiently, "The sooner we pick a spot the sooner we can eat!"
"Not to mention Shipwreck," Low Light grumbled.
"Hey this looks like a good spot!" Shipwreck pointed to a partially shaded area near a river.
"Fine," Roadblock groaned as he set down his share of the gear. "I've been on maneuvers that didn't need as much stuff as we brought."
"You brought all this?" Low Light blinked. There were several toys as well as dozens of picnic baskets.
"Have you forgotten who we're feeding here?" Cover Girl pointed to the kids.
"Good point," Low Light sighed. "But did we really have to bring all these toys?"
"Well we did need something to keep Shipwreck entertained," Roadblock grinned.
Already Shipwreck was fooling around with a few stuffed animals, putting on a show much to the babies' delight. "Avast ye me hearties it's Sammy the Squid and his pal Bubbles the fish! Oh look! Here comes the evil Stuart the Shark! AGGGGH! Save me Bubbles! Da ta da dah da dah! It's Bubbles to the rescue with super swim fins! Whoooosshhhh!"
"Shipwreck will you quit fooling around and help us here?" Roadblock snapped. "Before I kick your rear!"
"Forget it Roadblock," Low Light sighed. "We're better off without his help anyway!"
"Oooh! Low Light and Roadblock got a case of the crankies," Shipwreck snickered. He picked up a stuffed black and red fish. "Hi! My name is Low Light!" He spoke in a funny voice. "And I hate everyone and everything because the girl I love is in love with Shipwreck!" Then he picked up a girl doll and spoke in a falsetto. "Oooh! Shipwreck! I love you because you're so manly and handsome and you're not a hopeless loser like Low Light!"
"THAT'S IT!" Low Light snarled as he tackled him.
"Low Light no!" Cover Girl pulled him off Shipwreck. "I'll do it!" She started to strangle Shipwreck.
"Hey can't you take a joke?" Shipwreck managed to get out of her hold and backed away.
"Joke about this funny man!" Low Light made a fist.
"GET HIM!" Cover Girl shouted. The two of them started to chase Shipwreck around.
"Barney," Roadblock sighed. "I need to borrow your whiffle bat." Barney handed it to him. "Thank you. CUT IT OUT YOU MORONS!" He chased after the three of them.
"AWK! AWK! Red Rover Red Rover let's all run Shipwreck over! WAK!" Polly flew around them.
"Shut your beak bird!" Shipwreck snapped.
"You shut your beak!" Cover Girl shouted.
"Just let me hit him for a few hours!" Low Light screamed.
"WILL ALL OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR BLOCKS OFF!" Roadblock bellowed, swinging the whiffle bat.
The others stood there watching the madness. "Uh should we do something?" Fred asked Spirit and the Blind Master.
"In times of crisis one must follow one's conscience," Spirit said simply.
"Fortunately when it comes to Shipwreck we don't have one," The Blind Master held up a can of soda and some popcorn. "Refreshments?"
"Thank you," Spirit took some.
"And they're always complaining about our behavior?" Wanda asked.
"Frightening isn't it?" Lance nodded.
"Thank goodness we're out here in the woods where no one can see us," Althea groaned.
"Amen to that," Todd remarked.
Eventually the adults tired out and went back to the business at hand of setting up the picnic area. The babies were set up in a portable playpen with their juice and animal crackers while the others were sitting on the huge blanket they brought.
"All right!" Shipwreck shouted, rubbing his hands together. "It's time to chow down!"
"Geeze Pop you're worse than Freddy," Althea rolled her eyes.
"Hey!" Fred said. "I'd like to think I have some self control!"
"Well not much," Pietro remarked.
"Well I have more than Shipwreck!" Fred pointed.
"You have a point," Pietro agreed.
"Come on everybody! Let's eat!" Shipwreck started to eat some sandwiches. "Let' s chow down! I'm gonna have some of this, and this, and this…" He was already sampling some of the food.
"STOP EATING YOU GLUTTON!" Low Light snapped.
"Yeah save some for the rest of us!" Roadblock told him.
"I'm hungry!" Shipwreck shrugged. "Sue me."
"It's either girls or food with you isn't it?" Cover Girl groaned. "If you're not obsessed with one you're obsessed with the other!"
"Hey you know what they say?" Shipwreck grinned as he hugged her with one arm and held a root beer in the other. "A loaf of bread, a bottle of root beer…"
"And YOU!" Cover Girl punched him in the face.
"Hey," Shipwreck rubbed his jaw. "What can I say? I like the simple things in life!"
"How appropriate," The Blind Master sighed. "Such a simple man liking the simple things."
"You mean a simpleton," Althea remarked.
"In Daddy's case it's one and the same," Quinn remarked.
"HEY!" Shipwreck snapped. "Why don't you girls learn to respect your elders?"
"We do," Althea said. "The ones that don't constantly make fools of themselves!"
"ENOUGH!" Spirit snapped. Then he composed himself. "Before we begin why don't we reflect on what we are grateful for?"
"That's a good idea," Cover Girl said. "I'll go first."
"Go right ahead!" Shipwreck resumed eating.
"Dad you are hopeless," Althea groaned.
"Don't let THAT distract you," Spirit told her.
"Don't worry, I won't," Cover Girl muttered. "I think I speak for everyone when I say we are all grateful that none of us are Shipwreck!"
"You got that right," Lance remarked.
"Yeah let's eat before he eats everything else!" Pietro said.
"Good idea!" Fred started to munch on some food.
"Well so much for the one moment of sanity around here," Low Light sighed. "Hey Pietro stop eating off my plate!"
"Can I help it if you're too slow?" Pietro cackled. Then he noticed Xi had stolen some food from him. "HEY!"
"You'll have to be quicker than that," Xi grinned.
"Oh yeah?" Pietro stared swiping food from everyone's plate.
"Pietro knock it off!" Wanda powered up and sent food flying at him.
Some of it splattered on Lance and Todd. "You know just once I'd like to go somewhere where we don't end up in a food fight," Lance grumbled.
"Not gonna happen," Todd grinned as he started to fling food around. Soon everyone was throwing food at each other.
"Is there any other family that's more deranged than ours?" Cover Girl moaned just before she was hit in the face with some strawberry pie. "SHIPWRECK YOU ARE DEAD!"
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Not too far away another group was trudging along with picnic baskets. "But I hate picnics Zanya!" Buzzer whined.
"Look we are going to do what the therapist says like it or not so shut your traps!" Zanya snapped. The Dreadnoks trudged along.
"But why do you have to drag us Dreadnoks along," Ripper asked, panting under his load. "It's your family that's going to therapy!"
"Because misery loves company!" Zartan growled. Neither he nor his family members were carrying anything. They were making their henchmen carry it all.
"Yeah and since you dweebs are the only company around you're gonna do what we say and like it!" Zarana snapped.
"In other words they want us to do all the bleeding work while they sit around and do nothing as usual," Buzzer grumbled under his breath. Zarana heard this and slapped him on the head. "OW!"
"Why are we going to a stupid family therapist in the first place?" Zandar growled.
"Because Cobra Commander thought that after Dad's last scheme and Zarana's romance with that Joe and how we failed in our last mission he thought it would be the perfect punishment for all of us!" Zanya groaned. "Why couldn't he have just shot us?"
"And you know he's taping those sessions secretly and having a bloody good laugh at our expense," Zarana snarled.
"Now Zarana," Road Pig, the Dreadnok with a split personality warned. "Remember your blood pressure. Y-Yeah don't blow up or nuthin'!"
"I am perfectly calm!" Zarana snapped. "I am fine. Just as long as nobody ticks me off!"
Just then a banana cream pie flew out of nowhere and hit her smack dab in the face. "WHO DID THAT?" Zarana screamed as she entered the clearing.
"What's with all the flying food?" Torch asked.
"Hey guys we got company!" Althea shouted. Immediately all the Misfits stopped fighting and glared at the intruders.
"I don't believe this!" Monkeywrench moaned.
"WHO INVITED YOU HERE?" Both Zartan and Shipwreck shouted at the same time.
"YOU!" Zanya hissed at Althea.
"YOU!" Althea growled at Zanya. They both glared at each other like alley cats.
"DIE!" Both girls charged at each other and started fighting.
"Man I thought we hated the X-Geeks," Lance scratched his head as he watched them fight. "What's the story with them?"
"Those two have been rivals for a long time," Roadblock told them. "Zanya like her father lives a life of crime. Not to mention Storm Shadow he had framed and played, and whenever she thinks about that…"
"YEOWWWWWWW!" Zanya yelped as Althea chased her around with Torch's flame-thrower.
"Somebody gets flambéed," Roadblock finished.
"Well what are we sitting around here for?" Wanda asked.
"Yeah let's go pound the Dreadnoks again," Fred grinned.
"I'm up for that," Xi grinned.
"We are so dead," Buzzer gulped as the Misfits attacked.
"Isn't there anyplace in the world we won't ever run into GI Joe?" Zartan groaned as Shipwreck readied his fist.
"Nope," Shipwreck grinned and punched him.
No matter how hard the Dreadnoks tried, the Misfits were more than a match for them. A little too much of a match. "WAVEDANCER KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE FLAMETHROWER!" Cover Girl snapped. Some of the plants and trees were on fire.
Wanda noticed this and laughing maniacally she used her powers to make the flames larger in order to chase the Dreadnoks. "Let's get out of here before we get baked alive!" Zartan yelled.
"I told everyone that this picnic was a bad idea," Zandar grumbled. "But did anyone listen to me? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Just ignored me like they always do! No matter how good my ideas are…"
"ZANDAR SHUT UP AND RUN!" Zanya yowled.
"Uh Wanda…" Todd gulped as the flames grew higher. "That may have not been your brightest move."
"Oh great they just set the forest on fire!" Low Light grumbled.
"Oops," Wanda gulped. "I got a little carried away."
"YOU THINK?" Roadblock snapped.
"No problem!" Althea used her powers on the river water to put the fire out.
The water became a huge tidal wave that loomed over the Dreadnoks. "Great! Just great!" Zanya screamed as she was washed away. "One day I'm gonna kill that bloody, useless, mermaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiddd!"
"Well that was fun," Pietro remarked after the flames died down.
"Yeah a real blast," Roadblock pointed to the destruction around them.
"How are we gonna explain this to Hawk?" Cover Girl groaned.
"Don't worry," The Blind Master said. "We'll blame it on the Dreadnoks. Tell him that they had some kind of evil scheme to burn down the park. He'll buy it. Something tells me he wouldn't really want to know the truth anyway."
"Works for me," Roadblock breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hey they left their stuff behind!" Fred said excitedly as he pawed through the baskets left behind by the Dreadnoks. "Chocolate doughnuts and grape soda! Yeah!" He started to munch down on them.
"Hey Blobbo save some for us!" Pietro snapped. To this Fred threw a doughnut at him. "Okay this means war!"
"CHARGE!" Trinity shouted as the girls grabbed some food and flung it at Lance.
"Okay that's it!" Lance snapped. "You three little witches are going down!"
"And so the kids pick up where they left off," Roadblock sighed as the Misfits got into another food fight. "They don't miss a beat do they? Destruction seems to be their forte."
"Next time we want to reward them, let's give 'em cash instead," Cover Girl moaned.