Two days. Two bloody days of trapesing up and down the Wounded Coast looking for some Maker Forsaken flower. Two days of fighting bandits, blood mages, templars, dragons, spiders, and Tal-Vosth. But the absolute worst part of these two days without his mage in fact for the last day he had been pinching his ears so that he wouldn't have to take care of his problem in the camp next to Hawke. Neither she nor her lover, Isabela, has let them live down that night.
Hawke had invited him to join the rest of their rag-tag group for drinks and cards at the Hanged Man but Fenris just wanted to get home drop his pack and earnings at the mansion before rushing to Darktown and ravishing his mage on the closest surface be it Anders' desk or a cot. Void even the dirt floor just as long as he shows his mage how much he missed him. Well after he has Anders heal his now bruised ears. He can't stop the sigh of relief when he sees his dilapidated mansion comes into sight.
Once inside the mansion he walks into the foyer and stops for a second when he sees light coming from his room at the top of the stairs. With a small smirk of triumph Fenris makes his way across the foyer as fast as he can without running taking the stairs two at time. Fenris can't stop his disappointment when he walks into the room and doesn't sees Anders anywhere but his disappointment quickly disappears when he sees light coming out from under the closes bathing room door. He drops his pack on ground where he stands before quickly but carefully removing and properly storing his armor and weapon on the weapon and armor stands.
After his armor and weapon is stored he starts toward the bathroom stripping off the rest of his clothes as he goes. He is in nothing but his smalls, with his right hand on his small he opens the door with his left. His heart flutters in excitement as he walks into the room but what he finds causes his excitement and arousal to turn into white hot rage.
He finds Anders sitting in the tub trembling his skin an angry pink and he curled in on himself his scared back facing Fenris. He has seen Anders do this before but usually only after he had nightmare of the Circle which he always refused to talk about, saying that Fenris has enough bad memories of his own without adding to them. Fenris starts to step back to leave the room so he can get redressed but isn't fast enough. He only gets one step back when Anders turns around to look at him. Heartbreak and rage fill him in equal measures when he sees Anders beautiful honey eyes darkened and glassy with pain and humiliation. Anders curls tighter in on himself before he says, "I'm sorry love. I know you wanted to hav…have…I can't. I can't tonight. I'm sorry,"
Fenris fights back a growl not wanting Anders to think he is angry with him. He opens and closes several times as he tries to think of something to say but nothing comes out so he just turns and leaves the room quickly walks over to his dresser. He pulls out a sleeveless shirt and a pair of leggings pulling the clothes on quickly before going back to the bathing room to find Anders once again vigorously scrubbing his arm with a hard bristled scrub brush. Fenris quickly walks across the room to the tub and kneels next to the tub. He firmly but gently lays his hand on Anders' stopping his mage from scrubbing off his own skin. Fenris fights back a flinch when Anders head jerks up and looks up at him with his eyes filled pain, humiliation and now fear. Fenris gently removes the scrub brush from Anders' hand before places it on the floor next to his legs than reaches out and gently cupping Anders face rubbing his mage's check with his thumb as he asks, "What happened while I was gone Anders,"
Anders pulls away shaking his head but before he can say anything Fenris captures Anders' face between his and as he says, "No. No more of this 'I can't put more on you bullshit.' You have taken on enough of my problems. You know more about my past than anyone else alive. You have been my shoulder for so long let me be yours,"
Fenris does his best to keep his voice as even as possible knowing that he could cause even more harm if he yelled at Anders. His stupid selfless mage, always there to listen to him, always submitting to Fenris never dominating him so not to trigger any memories. Since they began their relationship Fenris has leaned on Anders but Anders has not once leaned on him. That is going to change now, Anders is going to lean on him for once.
Fenris takes deep breath and says, "Please Anders. Let me take some of your burden you have taken enough of mine. Please tell me why you are so upset. Why you are scrubbing yourself raw,"
Anders looks at Fenris for a few long seconds before nodding his head. Fenris smiles at Anders as he lets go of his mage's face. He starts to reach up to pet Anders' head and run his fingers through his mage's hair, something that always helps calm him down but Anders jerks away with a soft sob not the reaction he was expecting. Fenris clenches his teeth and is barely able to stop another growl of anger, he has an idea of what happened now. Anders has very sensitive scalp which Fenris has often uses that sensitivity to calm and comfort his mage after Warden nightmares or when he had an extremely hard day at the clinic. But the sensitivity of his scalp could also be used against Anders, to hurt or even control him.
Which Fenris is sure happened a few times in the Circle despite Anders' protests that he was lucky enough not to have been abused in such a way by the templars. Fenris takes a deep breath before he lay his hand on Anders back and almost jerks his hand back at how cold the skin is under his hand. Ignoring the cold skin he begins rubbing comforting circles on his back which seems to helping Anders relax again he asks, "Do you want me to wash your hair?"
Anders sniffs a few more times before nodding his head as he says, "Yes. That would be nice,"
Fenris smiles at Anders giving his back an extra rub before he stands up slowly and says, "Okay uncurl and lean back while I grab the hair soap and lotion,"
Fenris watches Anders out of the corner his eye as he slowly uncurl and sit upright in the tub as he makes his way across the room where they keep the fancy Orlesian soap and strange hair lotion, that makes it easier to brush out a person hair after washing it. Anders gets these items from one of the Hightown merchants in exchange for ointment that Fenris doesn't want know what ointment is for. He picks up the bottles and pitcher they use to wash their hair with before going back to kneel next to the tub. He puts the pitcher in the water to fill it and can't stop the shiver that travels up his arm when his hand comes in contact with the water and finds that it is freezing. Fenris curses himself for not realizing that Anders trembling hadn't be because of whatever happened but because he was cold from sitting in freezing water. He pulls his hand and pitcher out of the tub dumping the water before he says, "Anders the water is freezing. Could you warm it up a little so I'm not dumping freezing water on you,"
Anders jumps a little as if he had forgotten Fenris was in the room. The mage turns his head and looks at his elf blinking a few times before nodding his head than calls magic to his hand focusing it in to a mild heating spells and waves his hand over the water. He stops the spell and let the magic rescind into his body when he raises the temperature of the water to lukewarm, he can't stop the violent shiver that travels up his body or the hiss that escapes when the barely warm water causes his skin feel like it is being stabbed by millions of burning needles. He jumps again when Fenris starts slowly pouring the warm water over his back and chest. Luckily it doesn't take long for the stabbing sensation to stop and for him to stop shivering as his body gets used to the warm water.
When Anders stops shivering Fenris smiles and says, "I am going to wet your hair now,"
"Alright," Anders whispers as he fights back the urge to curl up again and instead settles for hugging himself.
Fenris rubs Anders back for a second before he fills the pitcher with water again than slowly pouring it over Anders' head completely wetting his mage's hair. Once his hair is completely wet Fenris coaxes Anders to lay on his back against the wall of the tub. He is careful to make sure Anders doesn't lay on his hair and spreads it out over the wall of the tub before he picks up and uncorks the bottle of soap. He pours a moderate amount soap into this palm before rubbing his hands together. Once the soap even coats his palms he starts gently rubbing the soap into Anders' hair being sure to gently massage his mage's scalp with the pads of his fingers. He smiles as Anders relaxes much of tension leaving his body with a sigh of contentment, Fenris keeps this up for several minutes until Anders is almost asleep. He doesn't really want to stop or bother Anders but he has to.
Fenris gently shakes Anders shoulder and asks him to sit up with his eyes closed so they can rinse his hair. He quickly rinses Anders hair making sure he has gotten all the soap out of his mage's hair before he has him lay back again so he can use the lotion which luckily doesn't need to be rinsed out. Just as he did with the soap he gently massage's the lotion into Anders hair and he spends several extra minutes massaging Anders' scalp. Fenris can't stop his smirk when Anders whines at loss of sensation before he quickly rinses his hands in the water. He stands up and grabs the drying cloth and holds it out to Anders as he says, "Time to get out. Why don't you get dry and dressed for bed while I clean up in here,"
Anders just nods his head as he stands up and takes the drying cloth before he steps out of the tub. He wraps the towel around himself than walks out of the room mumbling his thanks as he walks out of the room.
Fenris watches Anders leave the room his heart breaking all over again when he sees the defeated slope of his mage's shoulders. He sighs again before unplugging the tub to allow it to drain before putting bathing supplies back where they belong than picking up Anders discarded clothes. He puts them in the basket where Anders insists they put their dirty clothes before he goes back into the bed room. He finds Anders is already dressed in a long sleeve lose fitting tunic and pants that are lose fitting around the legs but tight at the waist or as Fenris as called them the no-sex-sleeping-clothes. Not that it is much of a surprise. Fenris walks across the room to the bed and climbs into the bed fully clothed laying on his back. Anders crawls into the bed next to Fenris and pulls the blanket over them before laying his head on Fenris' chest warping an arm over Fenris' stomach.
Fenris wraps his right arm around Anders' shoulder while he reaches over with his left arm and begins to gently pet Anders' hair making sure to gently massage his mage's scalp. Fenris smiles when he feels Anders relax against him with a sigh. Fenris continues petting and massaging Anders' head for a few more seconds before he says, "Please tell me what happened,"
Anders stiffens against Fenris at hearing these words, he doesn't want to tell Fenris about his past for many reason. Fenris already has had so many horrible things happen to him that he is still dealing with that Anders doesn't want to add to it. But he can tell by Fenris' tone of voice he is going to have to tell him tonight. He won't have to tell him everything but he will have to tell some of it. Anders takes a deep breath begins speaking, "Today at the clinic on of my patients got violent. I didn…I didn't realize he had become obsessed with me," Anders pauses to sniff a few times. He takes a deep breath calming himself down before continuing,
"When the clinic was mostly empty he…he grabbed my hair…" Anders pauses when Fenris brands begin to glow with a deep growl of rage as his body stiffens, fighting the instinct fly out the mansion to hunt this unnamed man down to kill him slow and painfully.
Anders pushes himself up a placing his hand on Fenris' chest over his heart as he quickly continues, "He didn't do anything,"
Fenris forces his brands to deactivate taking Anders' hand in his own as he slows his breathing. When Anders is sure Fenris isn't going to rush out and stack down the man who attacked him, he lays back down placing his head on Fenris' chest as they continue to hold hands and Fenris resumes pets Anders' hair with free hand. After several minutes of listening to Fenris' heartbeat he begins speaking again.
He tells Fenris how the obsessed patient used his grip on his hair to control him and forced over one of the cots with the intention of raping him and he would have if one of the less injured patients hadn't run out screaming for help and as always the Darktowers protected their Healer.
As Anders finishes his tale he finds that he can't stop talking. He starts telling Fenris about the Circle, about how the templars realized early on that he was easily they could control him by grabbing his hair. He tells him about all the times the templars just hurt him by leading him around by the hair. How they would grab him by his hair so he would hold still so they could rape him. He tells him about all the punishments he received from scrubbing pots and pans, to the flogging and his time in solitary confinement. After finishing telling Fenris about the Circle he still can't stop talking. He finds himself telling Fenris about Wardens and how they betrayed him by allowing the templars in. And how those said templars quickly learned about his weakness how they exploited it over and over again. He tells Fenris how he tried going to his fellow Wardens only to be brushed off by them all save for Justice. He tells him how Justice finally convinced him to run away and how they were tracked down by the templars. Anders tells Fenris about how the templars almost killed him and if he hadn't joined with Justice he would have died.
When he finally stops speaking he is voice is rough and cracking from overuse and thick from tears as he sobs openly against Fenris' chest. Fenris for his part never said a word during the whole confession he just kept holding Anders' hand and petting his hair.
For the next half hour Anders sobs out a lifetime worth of pain, humiliation and betrayal until he finally cries himself out.
Fenris keeps holding Anders and petting his hair as he processes everything that he just learned tonight. His Anders. His stupidly selfless mage has been thought as much as he has if not more. He has been hurt over and over again as well as betrayed by those who were supposed to protect him. All of this was shocking to learn but the most shocking thing he learned was that Anders never wanted to join with Justice but had no choice. Soon guilt begins to replace the shock as he remembers all the things he said to and thought about Anders. This adds to the guilt the already felt for his hurtful words and for calling him a weak power hungry magister the same mage who had helped his so much, had helped him heal more than just physically makes him feel sick.
He looks down at Anders tearstained face and can't help but smile, even though his face is tear stained this is the first time he has ever seen his mage look so at peace and relaxed. He kisses the top of Anders head promising to make it up to him and also to find that bastard who attacked him if he is still alive and make sure the bastard dies screaming.
Fenris close his eyes and focuses on Anders breathing allowing the sound too slowly lull him to sleep. Comforted by the thought that his mage is going to finally begin to heal just as Anders has helping him heal.