Orochimaru

I fell in love.

A much as it pains me in my demented and twisted heart, I was.

She was the worst and best thing to have ever happened to me. I trained so hard that I never even had the chance to see the other things in life that I was neglecting. The things that really and truly counted. Love.

We saw each other one day as I was walking through the village. She, veiled lips and head, looked at me then quickly looked away. If only I were capable of doing so. I stared at her. Memorizing every curve of her face. Every eyelash of her eyes. I followed her until I could barely see my own hand in front of me. Then she turned to me. I only being several feet away.

"Please meet me tomorrow at the out skirts of the village, at dusk."

And with that she turned away from me. I smiled. Something that came easily to me. Walking away I thought of yesterday and what was to come.

I was running late and couldn't help but pray that she was still there.

And she was. But this time without the veil. She pulled off the hood around her head, I then saw how wonderful beautiful she was. She smiled at me and offered her hand.

"It's nice to see you again."

"My name is Orochimaru." I say smoothly taking her hand. She smiles. Her hand drops, much to my dissatisfaction, back to her side. She pulls her cloak closer around her.

"I know" She looks around as if scared that someone was watching. "Do you think that we could meet again Orochimaru? I…I like you. I've seen you before walking through the village. I couldn't help but stare. Your… very different looking."

I say nothing

"Not that, I… mean, I like you because you don't look like everyone else. It's… your eyes. So dark and mysterious. I wish I could paint them." Her hand creeps up to my face. I watch as it approaches. Her fingers twitch within several inches of my face, then drops again. She starts to pick at the hem of her clothing. "Could I paint you Orochimaru? If… if you don't mind?"

I shake my head. "I don't mind." I smile, then reach for her hand that began to more nervously pick at her dress. "What time shall I come to see you tomorrow? Same time? Same place?"

"Ye…yes."

"Yes to the time or to the place?" I ask with a smirk.

"Both. I meant both." She shakes her head. "I guess I will see you then."

"Oh yes."

She opens her mouth as if to say something but then closes it turning away.

I grab her hand. She gasps. I hold on tugging her back to me.

"You leave without a good bye kiss?" My head falls to her lips. She turns in the last instant, I windup kissing her check. She blushes profusely.

"I…I don't know how to… kiss Orochimaru."

"Oh?" I answer staring down at her small face.

She nods.

I decide within an instant. I move her hand to my lips, kiss her knuckle softly. "Until next time then?"

She tilts her head as if processing things. Her eyes close then she bits her bottom lip.

She looks up at me then, a small smile playing on her lips "Maybe." she says, then she skips off.

We spent a many of nights meeting in secret. Always at dusk. She would wait for me, and as I approached I would look for her. Waiting for her bright smiles and welcoming embrace.

We talked of things that most people would never even think about. She told me of her parents and her stuffy life. And I would answer with talk of my training and tiring nights. We were more compatible than I knew. Until one night when I came to see her. She was crying and shaking. I asked her what was wrong and she replied:

"My…my father, he promised me to… to the next Hokage. When the old one dies, which seems to be very soon, I will be the first offered to the new. Orochimaru what will I do! I cannot marry this man when… when I love you!

I frown. This was the first time that she had said those words to me. Then I smile. "Why can't I become the next Hokage? Then we could marry and every thing would be alright."

She begins to cry more heavily. "It's possible Orochimaru! We could live our life together, have a family! Oh god!" She cries and cries. I sit next to her then pull her on to my lap. I begin to brush her hair murmuring sweet nothingness into her ear. She laughs and everything is right again.

"Orochimaru! What has gotten into you? I said stop!"

I didn't hear my sensi. I was going to kill my opponent if it was the last thing that I would ever do.

"Orochimaru STOP!"

I see the blood on the floor, and yet my fist still slam into his head. I hear the cries he yells, but still I continue the jutsu. And all the while the only thought that runs through my mind is, I must be the best, I must be the best, I must be the best, I must…

"OROCHIMARU!"

My hand stops in mid swing. I look around me. At the surprised look on Jiraiya's and Tsunade's face, open mouthed and afraid. I stand, from where I was positioned on the floor. A crimson liquid seeps onto my skin. I stare at the body laying so stiff and yet so relaxed. I stare at his bruises that would never appear. Then I stare at my sensi. The disbelief written all over his face. He blinks once, twice, three times.

"Orochimaru… well… done." He states. I nod my head as I watch my opponents team mates carry him off. My hands clench into fisted rocks. I sweep out the door in one fluid movement.

It hadn't been the first time that I had lost control. Nor would it be the last.

I became so obsessed with becoming the next Hokage that I let it cloud my good sense of judgment. A strange side of me was coming out. A person that I didn't want others to know. And yet here it was, masking who I really was. Now all that the people around me saw was a distracted and uncertain bastard cloaked in a mission of destruction and chaos. All for the sake of one stupid and crazy cause. Would this every change? Would I ever become the person that I wanted to be?

I pushed my self to much and now I was nothing.

An empty shell of fragile glass.

People only think they can read me. But the truth is, is that I don't even know myself. I don't even know what I was. All that I could think about was the fact that I had to become Hokage. It was life or death. A life spent with the women of my dreams. Or death in exile and distain.

"Orochimaru, I am sorry but you didn't make it."

My eyes drop and I stare at the floor.

I wasn't Hokage. I wasn't Hokage. I wasn't Hokage. I wasn't Hokage. I am no one. The women I thought I would spend the rest of my life with would be given to another man. A man more worthier than I. Not me. I wasn't Hokage.

But she didn't have to be another mans either. She could be my own. I could steel her away. I could kill the man chose for her. Then we could be together. But I hadn't seen her for days. So determined with my own goals I hadn't taken the time to think about her own. And how I regretted it.

I went to her home that night. A mansion sized house with more windows than I had ever seen. But I knew which one was hers. I could hear the crying and see the light. Luckily she was on the second floor and not the third or forth and that she also had a balcony. I used a jutsu and found myself looking in at her through the balcony door.

"I am here there is no reason to cry." I say.

She looks at me. A small smile plays on her lips.

"I knew that you would come!" She runs to the door's balcony, opening it wider so that I may enter. I do. The wooden floor doesn't creek as I step down on it. I look around and see many framed paintings. I assume they are hers.

"Did you make it? Please tell me that you did!" Her bottem lip droops in a pout then she smiles.

I stare at the door behind her left ear. Then I shake my head.

"You… didn't?"

I can't look at her.

She doesn't know how much that this hurts me. "But, darling" I say ",we could simply run away."

She gulps a mouthful of air. "From all of this?" She jesters around her room. "Are you insane? How dare you even ask me to do such a thing! Get out of my room before I call my daddy! I would rather marry the Hokage my father chose for me, whom I KNOW I will hate but I will have the things I so desire, then leave with you and have nothing!"

I stare at her unblinking. I didn't everything for her. Lost everything for her. Did all that I could and still wasn't enough. I would never be good enough for her. Never be anything to her. Never. Even though I tried. Oh God! How I had tried.

"I thought you said you loved me?" My temper rises.

"Well I thought you loved me but you didn't become Hokage did you! So it should seem the YOU don't love ME!" She stomps her foot and crosses her arms. "Get out you!"

I bow my head and close my eyes. "I can't leave."

"What's that suppose to mean!"

"I have done so much for you. And you don't even care. I have pushed myself and pushed myself. All for the thought of your love. Now I ask you, why? Why are you doing this?"I look up. Then I move forward to embrace her.

"Get away from me you SNAKE!"

"I will kill him." I state staring at her. I frown.

"Wha… what?"

"Your thought-to-be-husband. Then we can be together."

"Don't you get it you idiot I don't WANT to be with you. You're a no body!"

I shake my head still smiling. "Don't worry darling. Once I kill him and your family nothing will keep me from you."

"But… I said… I don't want to be with you! Get it trough you thick head!"

"I will see you tomorrow darling." I turn to go back through the window.

"NO YOU WONT!"

I smile brighter at her. She shivers. "Tomorrow darling, I promise."

"NO YOU IDIOT. I SAID NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"Oh, did you want a goodbye kiss?" I walk back to her.

She holds her hands out as if to ward off a demon. "If you kiss me I will scream."

I stand in front of her as if I didn't hear. "Come here darling, let me kiss you goodnight." I open my arms wide. She just stares at me.

"Your crazy if you think-"

I pull her to me. Covering my mouth over hers before she could scream. She struggles. But I only pull her tighter. She frees a hand and slaps me.

I smile. My cheek stings I place my own hand over it and rub.

"You will regret that darling. You will pay dearly for what you have done." I turn and jump off the balcony.

I found out, as I was gathering information about the new Hokage, that the man didn't want a bride. That he flat out refused my darling. I felt so much joy that I went to her home that day. Not caring it wasn't night. I use the same jutsu I used before to get to her balcony. I peer into her window. Only to find that it is empty. I go back down to the ground and look in a few more windows. But like the rest of the house everything is gone. No people no nothing. I search the forest, for, anything. It's as if they were never there.

But she left.

She left the day the new Hokage refused to wed her. Do to the fact of the embarrassment she caused her family and herself.

But what kind of fool would refuse my darling?

Bastard! He would die!

I went to my sensi demanding that he help me kill the new Hokage.

He refused.

I somehow knew that he would. So in return, I killed him. My sensi, no more. Poor Sandaime, he was one of the only people who believed in me. And because of his idiocy, he died.

I was then kicked out of the Village of the Leaf.

But not after I loss the ability to use my hands for jutsu's.

This only increased my ambition to kill the new Hokage. Using any means necessary. I began to experiment with people to create new jutsus to make myself immortal. The reason. To out live the Hokage and watch him die and to give me enough time to find my darling. For I still hadn't found where she and went. Plus I still had to kill her parents, her family.

I decided that I was going to create my own village. I would be the Hokage. And maybe then she would come back to me. The village, a name that would strike fear into the hearts of others. Something that would represent the nothingness of my heart. The sound. The Village of Sound. And I did become the Hokage of my village. The village I found. I created.

Yet, it wasn't as grand as I thought it was going to be.

And she didn't come for me. Even though I was a Hokage of a village. Even though I had made a name for myself. Even though…

She wasn't here.

I was still alone.

I hated life.

I was a lonely 'snake' with no meaning.

I had done everything for her.

And I wasn't really a Hokage.

I fell in love.

A much as it pains me in my demented and twisted heart, I was.