"Hey, Carrots? Carrots? Carrots, you awake? Carrots? Judy? Hey, Judy? Judy? Hey, Carrots? Ca..."

"Nick, for fluffs sake, it's 2am! What is so gosh darn important that it can't wait until the morning?"

"Why did the cow cross the road?"

"… Go to sleep, Nick."

Judy rolled over onto her other side hoping to fall asleep sometime soon. She'd thought it had been a nice gesture to let Nick crash at her apartment whilst he searched for his own place. After all, it wouldn't have looked good for the newly graduated rookie cop to still be sleeping on Finnick's sofa, not with the fennec technically being on the opposite side of the law. Two months and many sleepless nights later though, she wanted her floor space back.

"Well? Come on fox, don't leave us hanging!" came a voice from through the apartment wall.

"To get to the udder side!"

"Ha! Nice."

"That was terrible!" said a second voice.

"How was it terrible?"

"It was just a stupid pun!"

"Argh, you have no sense of humour!"

"No, I just don't like dumb jokes!"

"You're dumb!"

Judy heard Nick chuckle quietly to himself. This was the third argument this week that the fox had managed to trigger between her neighbours and it was only Wednesday. Thankfully, the constant bickering was noise that Judy had long ago learnt to tune out. What she hadn't yet learnt to tune out however, was a certain dumb fox.

"Did I ever tell you about the time Finnick and I bought a disused firehouse?"

"Can it please wait until I've slept?"

Nick ignored her and continued, "We set up this hustle where we pretended to be paranormal investigators."

"Nick…"

"It was all going so well, until would you believe it, we came across a real ghost!"

"Nick…"

"Some guy got possessed by this ancient devil, everything went totally fubar..."

"Nick, this is plot to Ghostbusters. Let me hazard a guess; does this end with a fight against a giant marshmallow gopher?"

"What? Don't be stupid! It was a giant marshmallow hamster, completely different!"

Judy could sense Nick smirking at her in his usual way, even in the darkness of the room. The fox may now be a productive member of society, but his personality had changed little from when they first met.

"Go to sleep, Nick," Judy repeated. "I want to be able to stand up at work tomorrow."

"Alright, one last joke?"

Judy sighed. "Fine."

"What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?"

"I don't know Nick, what goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?"

"Mouse code!"

"… Goodnight, Nick."

"Night, Carrots."

The following morning, Judy struggled to bring herself up to the usual level of enthusiasm she normally had for a new day at work. Nick bizarrely seemed to be able to fully function on only a few hours' sleep, something Judy envied him immensely for. Although a large dosage of coffee seemed to be a key ingredient to this state.

Judy wasn't a huge fan of the black stuff, but when needs must. A few hours later, the two partners were sitting in the bullpen, wide awake, twitching slightly from caffeine, and ready for whatever Chief Bogo had to throw at them.

"Carrots, I bet you five bucks the chief's in a bad mood when he comes in."

Judy snorted, "He's in a bad mood ninety percent of the time, what makes you think there's a remote chance I'll take that bet?"

"Alright, ten bucks and I buy lunch if I lose."

"Urgh, fine."

The look on the chief's face when he entered seconds later made it clear that Judy had lost.

"Alright, sit down, shut up, and let's get this over with," he said brusquely. "Firstly, if I catch whoever scrawled the dirty poem on the wall of the third floor men's room, I will personally castrate them with the same garden shears so poetically described in the third stanza."

A wave of snickering rippled through the room. Judy looked up to see Nick with a familiar look on his face. A look of complete innocence honed through years of hustling that Judy had slowly learnt was a total lie. Realising the fox was clearly the guilty party, she made a mental note to berate him later for it.

"Quiet!" Bogo growled, eliciting instant silence from the gathered officers. "Now, down to proper business. The new mayor is desperate to follow up on his election pledge of a greater police presence on the streets. With no regards to any other pressing matters we may have to deal with, every single one of you is on patrol today. And by patrol, I don't mean sitting parked up in a cruiser for hours on end, eating your third drive through meal of the day."

The last remark was not directed at any officer in particular, but then more than one officer in the room was guilty of such an offence.

"I want you patrolling on foot, in public areas, as much as possible," continued the chief, "Kiss babies, help old folk cross the street, take selfies with teenagers, whatever, I don't care. If the new mayor wants high visibility, that's what he's going to get, and if someone gets murdered while we're busy playing community service, that's his problem. Dismissed."

A quarter of an hour later, Judy and Nick were climbing into their patrol car.

"Take selfies with teenagers, ha!" chortled Nick, "Something about the way he said it tells me that Bogo has no idea what a selfie is, he just saw it mentioned on a ZNN report about current youth trends."

"Whereas you Nick are totally down with the kids," said Judy sarcastically, "Remind me, how old are you again?"

"Darling, I am young at heart, that's all that matters."

"Pfft, whatever gramps. Although, defacing bathroom walls with dirty poetry? Maybe you are younger than you look, I'll be sure to buy you something for your twelfth birthday."

Nick clasped his paws to his chest in mock offence. "My poetry needs an audience, and what better manner to ensure this than putting it on display in a heavily frequented area."

"You knew very well Bogo would be annoyed at it, that's why you made the bet with me."

"Rule 13 of hustling: the best gambles are always the ones where you're certain of the outcome," explained Nick, "Let's just say I'm used to playing with loaded dice."

"Still, you are not getting that ten bucks off of me."

"Such an untrustworthy bunny, going back on her word. How can I ever trust you again Carrots?"

"Dumb fox."

"Hey, it's called a..."

"Don't say it."

Judy began adjusting the driver's seat for her species and decided to change the subject before Nick could annoy her further. "So, what do you think about this?"

"About what?" replied Nick, casually doing the same on the passenger side.

"The new mayor's promises. 'More cops on the street, visible presence' and all that."

"You're trying to figure out how politicians think?" asked Nick with a sly grin. "Go easy there Carrots, I need your brain not to have a meltdown today."

"Well, I guess as long as we don't have another Bellwether on our paws, city hall can command us how they please."

"That's the spirit, Hopps. 'Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and…' ooh, I am not completing that quote."

Judy chuckled, revved up the engine, and the two of them set off into the city. The day was a typical bright and cloudless summer day, not the sort of day you want to be cooped up in a vehicle for too long. Especially one with broken air conditioning.

"Useless piece of…" muttered Nick, ineffectually banging the dashboard in an attempt to get things working. "You know, I'd be willing to take a pay cut if they just gave us some equipment that worked for once."

His partner looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"…ok, I'd be grateful if others willingly took a pay cut on my behalf."

Judy snorted, "Yeah, the Nicholas Wilde Benevolence Fund for Overheated Foxes. I'm sure it'll be seen as a worthwhile cause."

"I'll have you know that every year, literally dozens of foxes are forced to exist in uncomfortable situations caused by faulty air con, poor air circulation, and most importantly of all; lack of frozen treats. Speaking of which…"

His partner knew exactly where he was going with this line of thought. "We've been going ten minutes, Nick, we're not pulling over so you get can a snack!"

"Aww, c'mon Carrots, the chief said he wanted us to generate goodwill in the city. What better way than supporting local businesses?"

"No Nick! We're going to do our job properly, not play hooky in order to grab some food."

The fox went silent which Judy took to mean he'd let it go; until she looked over at him. Nick's ears were drooped back as though he was upset, and his eyes showed sorrow and sadness. To top it all off; he started whining.

"Don't give me that look! I-It doesn't work on me!"

It did work on her, and Nick knew very well that it did. His patented 'sad cub routine' always worked. It only took half a minute before Judy snapped.

"Argh, fine, ok?"

Nick immediately snapped back to his usual self. "Sweet, take a left up here. There's a great place down on Gordon Street, does amazing raspberry ice cream … and also blueberry, but even I like to mix things up every now and again."

Before Judy could do so, a familiar voice came over the radio.

"We've got a ten-three… no wait; ten-forty-seven… hang on… what's the code for domestic disturbance again?"

Nick grabbed the radio, "We hear you Clawhouser, what's up?"

"Oh, hey Nick! We got a call from some guy saying his neighbours are having the yelling match of the century. 262 Flock Street."

"We'll check it out Spots, car nine out."

Nick put the radio down and grinned. "Ah, nothing like a happy marriage to start the day off, eh Carrots?"

Judy frowned, "Unfortunately Nick, I remember the last time we broke up a domestic disturbance."

"Hey, it's not my fault the perp decided to flee. And it's definitely not my fault his chosen escape route went through the shower block of the nunnery next door. And it is totally, definitely not my fault that the showers were occupied. Besides, I apologised didn't I?"

"Yes Nick, the Sisters of the Holy Order of St. Bartholomew, whom, might I add, hold a solemn vow to remain teetotal, really appreciated your apologetic gift of six bottles of whiskey."

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm, Carrots? You know, I think I've been a bad influence on you, you never used to have this much sass."

Judy flashed Nick a very un-bunny like grin; an expression she'd learnt from the fox. Over the past few months, Nick had been an influence on her just as much as she'd been an influence on him. Judy had given Nick a sense of pride and joy in both his work and his life in general. Whereas Nick had taught her how to let herself go every now and again. No longer was she on cop mode 24/7. The two of the them were now considered the best partners on the force... at least by themselves.

Ten minutes later they pulled up to the address Clawhouser had given them. Flock Street was your usual urban residential road. On street parking, some attempts at greenery, and most of all, peace and quiet. Stepping out of the car, they heard the sound of angry shouting quite clearly, as did several passersby who looked towards where the noise was coming from with various degrees of concern.

"Hoo boy, these are always fun," commented Nick, an unnatural unease to his tone. The two cops walked up to the door with 262 on it and rang the doorbell. The shouting did not abate, but slowly became louder until both of them could clearly hear what was being said.

"... and that's why you should never have told your fucking brother!" came a female voice.

"Look, the article I read online said you should share your concerns with a confident. How was I supposed to know he'd tell his wife!" replied a male voice.

"Because they're fucking married dumbass! And once Shauna gets hold of gossip like that, it's only a matter of time before the whole of fucking Zootopia knows!"

The door swung violently open revealing an angry looking, middle aged, female hyena. "What do you want..."

Her voice trailed away as she realised the two mammals in front of her were officers of the law.

"Ahem," Judy cleared her throat, "Good morning ma'am, we're responding to a call from one of your neighbours about a possible disturbance. May we come in?"

The hyena looked between her and Nick for a few seconds before groaning, "Oh great, as if this couldn't get any worse."

She stepped to one side, "Yes, officers. Please come in."

Nick and Judy walked past the wife to see a similarly aged male hyena looking very bashful as he motioned for them to go through into the living room. Nothing seemed out of place, which was a good sign. It meant they hadn't been throwing anything at each other. Domestic calls were much easier to solve if they hadn't got physical.

Judy and Nick sat down on the sofa, whilst the couple nervously stood around looking like schoolchildren who'd been caught doing something they shouldn't have. Getting out a notebook and pen, Judy turned on her professionalism.

"I'm Officer Hopps, this is Office Wilde," she said. "We received a call this morning about loud noises coming from this residence, possibly an argument. Considering my partner and I overheard part of said argument before you answered the door, would you like to tell us what's going on Mr and Mrs..?"

"Bonepaw," replied the husband, "And really officers, it's nothing. Just your standard... marital disagreement."

The wife, Mrs Bonepaw, snorted derisively. "Yes, I'm sure it's completely normal to tell your brother about your bedroom problems."

"Honey, can we please..."

"He hasn't touched me in three months!"

Neither Nick nor Judy knew how to respond to that. Thankfully, the couple seemed more interested in continuing their argument than noticing the officer's embarrassment.

"Face it," continued Mrs Bonepaw, "You don't find me attractive anymore!"

"I just... I'm not a sex machine. If it were up to you, we'd be doing it so often I couldn't walk. I work over fifty, sometimes sixty hours a week, if I tried to keep pace with you, I'd be dead within a month."

"Oh, mam up for fuck's sake. What do you..."

"Martha listen, I just don't have as high a sex drive as you!"

The couple continued to argue. After five minutes, the two officers knew far more about the couple's sex life, or seemingly lack of, than they'd ever wanted to. Judy's notes read more like erotic fiction than a police report. As the couple started going into detail about the types of porn they'd found on each other's electronic devices, Nick decided to intervene.

"Ahem."

The couple's heads snapped round, eyes wide as they suddenly remembered the two cops sitting on their sofa. If the heat in her cheeks were visible through her fur, Judy would currently be the same colour as Nick. Thankfully, her partner was much calmer in a situation like this.

"Okay," continued Nick, "Obviously the two of you have some... issues that need ironing out. We're definitely not the best qualified to help you with this kind of thing. All we can ask, is to keep any arguments to city approved levels of noise pollution."

The hyena couple nodded sheepishly, avoiding looking the fox in the eyes.

"Alright then, it's obvious to us this is nothing more than a marital argument, so we'll see ourselves out."

Nick stood up followed closely by Judy once her somewhat distracted brain caught up with what was happening. As they started to leave, Nick paused for a second as he spotted a pen and notepad by the couple's phone. He quickly jotted something down, ripped the page off, and handed it to the husband.

"Here, this is the address of someone who may be able to assist you, tell 'em Nick Wilde sent you."

The husband muttered his thanks. Judy looked at her partner quizzically, but waited until they were out of the door before saying anything.

"What did write on the paper?"

"Oh, just somewhere they'll be able to get some much needed marital aid," he answered cryptically.

"You know the address of a marriage guidance counsellor off by heart?" she asked confused.

"What? Hell no, I gave him the address of a sex shop."

Judy's embarrassment, that had been fading, came back in full force.

"Oh. My. God Nick, you have got to be kidding me!"

"Believe me Carrots, all that couple needs is a bit of kink. I'd be willing to bet they haven't done the business in any position but missionary since they were married. Throw in some bondage gear and a strap on and they'll be generating a completely different kind of noise disturbance in no time."

Judy did not want to ask her partner why he knew the address of a sex shop off by heart. Since he was always bragging to her about how he knew everyone in Zootopia, Judy reasoned that maybe Nick just knew the owner. He'd hung around with mobsters and other less than salubrious individuals back when he was a hustler, it was highly possible he'd know people in the sex business as well.

In her eyes though, the more reasoning Judy could do to convince herself not to think of her partner buying sex toys the better. She was already heavily embarrassed from interrogating, or rather just listening to the hyena couple explain the intricacies of their sex life, but she was still currently too flustered to function properly. Unfortunately, her partner noticed.

"What's the matter Carrots?" said Nick. "Something bothering you?"

Nick's voice betrayed his amusement, further exacerbating Judy's current condition.

"Is all this talk of kinky sex embarrassing the pure virginial bunny girl?"

"No! Just... alright fine, it's embarrassing. And I am not a virgin!"

"Oh I believe you. Considering how you bunnies are when it comes to multiplying, I'd have thought a virgin adult bunny was basically impossible."

"Okay, firstly, that's kind of speciesist. Secondly, I had a... very conservative upbringing, so don't blame me for getting embarrassed at this kind of thing."

"Hey, I've met your parents, they are fine mammals. Don't blame them for your failings."

Judy socked Nick in the arm. "Dumb fox."

"Virgin bunny," he responded.

They got back in their cop car, immediately thankful that when the engine started up, the air conditioning decided to do the same thing.

"Another day, another case in the bag," said Nick, rubbing his paws together. "What say we go get a celebratory beer down at Manny's?"

"Nick, it's nine am," explained Judy, "We've only been on patrol for an hour."

"An hour!? I could've sworn time was moving faster than that. Oh well, back to the ice cream idea."

Judy rolled her eyes, but before she could pull out onto the road, the radio crackled to life once more.

"Guys! Everyone! There's been a robbery at the Museum of Art, we need all cars in the area to..."

"Dammit Clawhouser, how many times have I told you to use police code!?" came a more distant voice.

"Sorry Chief! There's been a ten...ninety...two?"

"Oh for heavens sake, give it here."

There a brief pause before Chief Bogo's voice came over the radio.

"Any car downtown that's not currently occupied, get yourself over to the Museum of Art!"

"Sure thing Chief, car nine responding."

Judy put the radio down once more. "He did not sound happy."

"When is he ever?" replied Nick. "Hmm, maybe I should send him to the same place as Mr Bonepaw back there."

"Nick..."

"They sell many high quality stress relieving products for the modern male Carrots."

"Nick..."

"Don't worry Carrots, I'll give you the address as well if you want. Mention my name and you're certain to get a discount."

"Nick, stop talking or you're walking to the museum."

"Shutting up now."

"Good boy."

As they set off, Nick muttered softly to himself, "I'm never gonna get ice cream at this rate."