Summary: This story is about Peyton, Haley, and Brooke losing their way, losing who they are, or meant to be. Layers will be removed, protection will be added, and the person that they are longing to find, will be find. All they need is just one person to help them find the way that they have lost time ago.
She had been lied to her entire life and now she had lost faith in everything in which she once believed in. Peyton Sawyer believed that there was nothing left living for. Her one true love had left months ago and though she wished each night for his return she knew in her heart that he was never coming back to her. The one man that she loved more then anything in the world had lied to her, she could no longer trust her father. But he was not really her father, now was he? Peyton was in the hospital when her mother died, well at least that is what she thought, but she now knows that she was not her real mother. Her real mother lied to her as well, she didn't care anymore, and she would be out of her life soon as well. Cancer had taken over and in a matter of months Peyton would have lost two mothers in her lifetime, and only if she was lucky it will just be two. There was nothing left for her to do, nothing left for her to believe in. Everything she had known was a lie; she thought there was no reason to live the life the way she had been living because that was no longer reality. Her new reality was full of bad moves and wrong choices and if no one stepped up and intervened there would also no longer be a Peyton Sawyer.
Tric was now her life, she did not attend school regularly she felt it was pointless. She was not going anywhere in life so why waste her time in a prison daily. Her new best friend was cocaine, she had tried it once before and it scared her that she was becoming addicted. Now she was more then addicted, she relied on it to get by a day. She was so grateful when she met Gavin, he never ran out. Peyton had now been dating Gavin, who was the on call guitarist for the Tric, for 6 weeks. She ran all the shows, it was her job, but there had come a point that she was so out of it that she forgot to book shows and that is why Friday nights would be without shows.
Brooke Davis looked on as her former best friend made out with Gavin. Brooke could not believe that this is where Peyton was at in her life, dating a guy with only one name. She had noticed that she barely saw Peyton at school anymore but she did not know if it was her place to confront her. Brooke lacked in the best friend department when Peyton needed it the most so the duo were no longer close.
"Now that is just disgusting," Haley James said coming over to where Brooke was standing. "I cannot believe it, she never is without him, I mean we were practicing last night and she was still connected to his hip. I do not get her anymore. The Peyton we knew is most definitely gone."
"Do you think that she is ever coming back?"
"Umm…what do you think Brooke? We all tried to help her, we went up and beyond and she still pushed us away, I do not know if there is even anything that anyone could do." Haley looked at Brooke and realized that was not what she wanted to hear, "I am sorry Brooke, I have not given up complete hope if it makes you feel any better."
"It doesn't," she said looking over at Haley who returned a sad smile, "but thanks for trying. If this is the way that she wants to live her life now then there is nothing that I can do to change it."
"I wish there was something that I could say to make it better, but she has made up her mind."
"She is going to get hurt, Haley."
"I think that she has passed that stage, she can no longer feel a thing, and she is content with the way her life has turned out."
"Then I will just let it be."
"Well I am always here if you need anything Brooke, do not give up hope, because if you do, it is all over and you have lost her for good. I am going to go see if I can pry Peyton off of Gavin so we can practice, I will see you later."
"Good luck, and Hales," Haley turned around to see what Brooke was going to tell her, "thanks."
"Anytime Brooke." It was so ironic; Haley and Brooke were the ones who used to not be friends. Brooke actually harassed Haley for a good part of their sophomore year, but a year later they were better friends then Brooke was with Peyton. No one can control the path that life had written for each other.
Brooke watched as Haley went over to the duo and just hoped that maybe Peyton would come over and talk to her next.
Haley made her way over to the lovers and spoke, "Gavin…Gavin…" it was almost useless she could not get either of their attention, "Peyton…Gavin…practice…we need to practice." Haley was losing patience so she went over to the stereo that was blasting music and turned it off and that was when she got a response.
"Hey why did you do that?" Peyton asked as she gave a disgusted look to Haley.
"Because I need Gavin." She looked towards Gavin this time, "we need to practice."
"Do we have to? I think that we have it down perfectly."
"Yeah we do need to practice. Do not worry your pretty self though, the show is not for another 2 hours, and we are not going to practice that long, you can go right back to Peyton's lips when we are done."
"I am sorry baby," he apologized to Peyton as they locked lips once more.
Haley had totally lost patience, "GAVIN."
Gavin kissed Peyton once more and then rushed over to Haley, "Calm down, I am sorry that the so called husband of yours never taught you real love, but I know what it is, and I do not need you interrupting me."
Haley could have said a million things right then but she just let it slide. She was hurt with more then just his words though, she knew that the only way that he could know that was from Peyton. It hurt that even though the two rarely spoke that Peyton would give away every detail of her personal life to her guitarist.
Brooke had heard what happened, and felt bad for Haley, but was happy to see that she kept her cool. She also knew that Peyton was the one to tell Gavin and since Haley was not going to say anything she decided to stand up for her friend and went over to Peyton.
Before Brooke even got a chance to speak, Peyton beat her to it, "Well if it isn't Miss Pom-pom Queen herself. How have you been?" she asked sarcastically.
"Very funny Peyton, I wouldn't laugh too hard, you used to be one yourself."
"Yeah well the main word there is used to be. That is not who I am anymore."
"Well that brings up an interesting point Peyton. I have been trying to figure this out for awhile now, who the hell are you?"
"You wouldn't want to know that person."
"I asked didn't I? I want you to tell me."
"I am alone. I trust no one. Everyone that I have ever loved have either lied to me or left me. There is no need to go on living my life the way I have been living it, because that was a lie as well. So that is who I am, thanks for asking," she replied again sarcastically.
"Well good to know. I could add a few more things to that list."
"Oh you think you still know me? Enlighten me then."
"You are a back-stabber."
"Back-stabber? What did I ever do to you to stab you in the back? If you want to see a real back-stabber look in the mirror. Where were you when I needed you the most, oh yeah you were in the arms of Felix. So leave me alone, I have work to do."
"Not so quickly. I was not talking about me. I was talking about Haley. How dare you tell Gavin about Haley's marital troubles? She never did anything to you and now you allow him to throw it in her face."
"That was all him, so do not come over here and blame me for something that I had nothing to do with."
"It was your fault completely, you told him something that Haley had entrusted in you and he hurt her with his words."
"Haley is a big girl, she can take it."
"Oh is that how you see it? I do not care how strong you perceive her to be, no one deserves to have their hardships displayed for the world to see."
"I do not see what you are getting so worked up about, this has nothing to do with you."
"It has everything to do with me. Peyton you and I used to be the best of friends, now I do not even know what to consider you. I do not like the person that you have become. You have pushed away everyone that has tried to help you. There is nothing else that anyone can do to help you."
"Have you ever thought that maybe I do not want any help? I bet you never thought about that. I am fine with the life I am living now. I do not care if no one else is. It is my life and if you do not like it get over it, because you no longer have anything to do with it. Goodbye Brooke," she did not even allow Brooke to have a chance to respond she just walked away. She did not want Brooke to see her get emotional. She wasn't an emotional person anymore since she felt nothing daily, so there was no way that she was going to allow some who meant nothing to her stir her up. Brooke meant nothing to her…right?
Haley was not quite aware the reason that Peyton never had Friday night acts, but she was taking advantage of it. Each time Peyton was act-less Haley would fill in. Since Haley was no longer on the tour or involved in the music business it was something that eased some of the pain that came daily from losing Nathan. And it hurt, but she would never let anyone know it, because deep down in her heart she knew that everyone else was right, it was her fault. But still pained her each morning she woke up and was not in Nathan's arms.
Brooke was still a little speechless from Peyton's little rant, she just watched as Haley did her sound check. She was amazing, Brooke knew the reason that she had given up the music business, but Brooke still did not know how anyone could give up something they love so much. Then it hit her, she gave it up for something that she loved even more…the only problem being that he didn't love her back anymore. Haley never showed her pain though, and Brooke actually was worried about this fact, she knew that Haley must be holding it in, and that was even worse. Brooke had also noticed that Peyton was no where to be found, but she was no longer her concern. As much as it hurt her, there was nothing that she could possibly do to get through to Peyton, she was done with the world that she lived in. She was just waiting for the world to be done with her.
Lucas Scott always showed up for Haley's sound check, he wanted to support her in everything that she did. It hurt him that she left without saying goodbye, but he soon realized the reasons and has not left her side since. Haley was his best friend in the entire world and he would be there until the day that he died. Lucas walked over to Brooke, at the current moment in time they were undefined, they each loved each other that was not going away, but neither was sure that they were in love. Not yet at least. It was going to take some time for both to be able to trust each other, but they were going to take it slow and if who ever said time would heal was right, they would be together again.
"Hey," he gave her his Lucas Scott smile, "she sounds great tonight," he said looking back at his friend.
"She always sounds great Luke."
"But tonight she sounds even better."
"Okay, you are right," she gave him the best attempt of a smile.
"Hey, what's the matter Brooke?" He knew her way to well.
"Nothing," she looked at him and saw that he didn't believe it, "okay, you got me, you win, I had a talk with Peyton and it didn't go well, that is all. I shouldn't have ever confronted her to begin with, it was a big mess."
"Brooke, it is okay that you did though, don't feel like you can't talk to her just because she changed."
"Luke," she had to laugh, "it really isn't that easy. Have you even tried talking to her lately? It is impossible to get a sentence out without her cutting you down."
"No, I haven't talked to her in awhile, I did not know if it was my place to."
"Well then I hate to break it to you Lucas, but I do not think that it is your place to tell me what to do."
"I am sorry, you are right. I guess I didn't realize how bad it had gotten."
"It is okay Luke; I shouldn't have reacted like that anyways. I just felt that I have finally lost my best friend. And it just hurts sometimes to know that it is something that I could have prevented if I was just there for her when she needed me. But I have concluded that there is nothing else that I can possibly do, I have done enough, I am done trying and failing, Peyton and I were not meant to be."
"Hey, what did I tell you about that?" Haley said as she had come over as they were breaking for a little bit and have overheard most of Lucas and Brooke's conversation.
"You told me not to give up, because then it is really over. But what happens if it is already over, Haley? There is nothing left for me to do when she is not willing to give at all. She told me that she doesn't need my help, so I am not going to try anymore, it is wasting her time, and mine as well."
"Well that's the spirit;" Haley told her sarcastically, "Brooke, just because Peyton said that she doesn't need help doesn't mean that she really doesn't. The more you try the more she is going to pretend to hate you, but the more you do she will come to realize how much you care about her. There has yet to be a breaking point Brooke. Do not give up yet, if she means anything at all to you."
"Hey she is tutor, she has got to be pretty smart, you might want to listen to her," Lucas told Brooke as Haley playfully whacked him on the arm, "hey that hurts." He returned her whacking by picking her up and tickling her.
"Stop, stop, please, I am sorry," she laughed. With more begging Lucas left her alone.
Lucas had given Brooke time to think, "So what do you think?"
"I can't give up, no matter what she tries or throws."
"That is exactly what I want to hear," Luke told her, "I don't know about you two, but I am hungry, you want anything, I am going to find my ma and some food."
Both girls shook their heads, "You are such a boy Luke, go get your food."
"That is what they tell me," he laughed and was off.
"I love that kid," Haley told Brooke, who was not as cheery as Haley had known her to be. "What's the matter Brooke? You have got to stop thinking about this, please. Let's think about something else, like spring break. It is only two weeks away Brooke. You love spring break, you can do all the shopping you want, and you can go to the beach, you love the beach."
"Haley, you are talking like a mad woman, slow down. I am not thinking about Peyton anymore, well at least not entirely."
"Then what are you thinking about?" Haley wondered.
"You."
"Me? Why would you possibly be thinking about me?"
"Gavin said some harsh things to you."
"Oh that, it was nothing, he was just mad that I tore him away from Peyton, no need to think about it any further," she tried to play it off and look away.
"Haley, you have not recovered yet, the scars on your hearts are still new and you are still living in pain each day."
"I do not know where all this is coming from. I am honestly fine, yeah what Gavin said was harsh, but it was reality and reality can be harsh sometimes. I can deal, I am a big girl."
"That is funny, that is exactly what Peyton said."
"You were talking to Peyton about me?" Haley didn't know if she was upset or pleased that someone other then herself noticed.
"That is what some of our conversation was about, I knew that the only reason that Gavin could possibly know about your martial issues, would be from Peyton and I told her that she had no place telling him that."
"If that is what you two were arguing about, I really wish you weren't."
"What's done is done Haley. Don't worry though; it was not the only thing, if that makes you feel any better."
"Oh completely. I am fine Brooke, I have come to realize that Nathan does not love me anymore, and there is nothing else for me to do."
"Haley. That is a complete and utter lie. You know that Nathan still loves you, do not say that."
"Are we still talking about the same guy? Nathan Scott, basketball player, son of Dan Scott?"
"Yeah we are. He didn't know what to do when you left, he still hasn't recovered and it is taking him longer then anyone might expect. He will always love you Haley, please tell me that you know that."
"Well he has got a screwed up way to show it. He pushes me away; he doesn't even stick around long enough for me to have a civil conversation with him. I have apologized as much as I can. I have given up my music career, but he just remembers me leaving him. But does he not realize that he told me that it was over? I know that I kissed Chris, and I know I shouldn't have, but it meant nothing. He told me to leave. I never left because I loved Chris; I left because I loved music. Doesn't he realize how much it hurt for him to have me choose between music and him? And I didn't choose music because I didn't love him anymore or loved him less. I left because I didn't think he loved me anymore."
"He has never stopped loving you Haley. The love does not just die."
"Well that is what it feels like sometimes," she looked away briefly and then returned her eye contact to Brooke, "whatever I am fine, look how well I turned out," she gave Brooke a fake smile.
"Do not even try to tell me that you are fine, Haley. I live in the same room as you. I hear you cry each morning after you wake up and realize that Nathan is not there."
Haley was stunned; the tears had seemed to fall so easily that she forgot that they fell each morning. "I did not know."
"It is okay Haley, you are allowed to cry, and it makes everything feel better sometimes. If you are lucky sometimes with your tears the pain washes away."
"Well I must not be one of those lucky ones."
"Luck is overrated then. They can have their world."
"Very funny Brooke, nice try. I am done with this world anyways, so it doesn't matter anymore."
"You better be careful, you are sounding a lot like Peyton."
"Well maybe we are more alike then I would like to admit."
"Stop this Hale. Where is this all coming from?" She looked over at Haley who had sad eyes. "Wait I know. Gavin really got to you, it is okay Haley. No one ever said that you had to keep it in."
"As much as I love him, he hurts me so much Brooke. I have been trying to be strong, and I know this is not a win and lose situation but that is what I feel like. I feel like he wants me to go through as much pain that he has been through. I think I already surpassed that, because there is no way that someone can hurt more then I hurt right now."
Brooke knew that Haley hurt, but it saddened her that she hurt this much, it was so much more then she could have ever imagined. She was hiding it so well, and she knew that she could break any moment. "Well I do not know what to tell you Haley, I am always here for you."
"That is all you need to say," Haley informed her and then went into Brooke's arms as she had opened them for the fragile girl to go into. She really did not want them to, but tears fell, tears she had been keeping in for only God knows how long.
"It is okay, let it out."
Lucas returned with a smile on his face and two cokes, but the smile soon disappeared and the cokes were displaced when he saw his best friend in tears, "What is going on here?"
When Haley heard Lucas's voice she backed away from Brooke and wiped her tears away, "Nothing, just emotional girl problems that's all. Nothing that we need to concern you about," she tried to play it off again.
"Well I do not care if it is just 'emotional girl problems'; if my best friend is crying I want to know why."
"It is not a big deal Luke, I have to go back and practice anyways, I will see you later. Thanks Brooke," with that she was off back to the stage wiping her eyes with each step.
"I know her to well, what's wrong?"
"She has a broken heart Luke."
"What can I do to help her repair it?"
"That is the problem Luke, there is only one person that can repair it, and as much as you hate it, it isn't you."
"It's Nathan."
"I am afraid she is not dealing with it as well as we thought. I think it hurts for her to get up each day, Luke."
"It is that bad?"
"Yeah it is. But she is good covering it up. And she will continue to do so until she can't anymore."
"There is nothing that we can do?"
"Just being there for her and acting normal will be enough for now. We cannot help her until she asks for it."
"Well then that is what I am going to do," he turned to Haley on the stage and the words she was singing dug deep into his heart, "I still love you, even if you do not, true love, I think I forgot, pain is all I feel, my heart too broken to reveal, I still love you though, even if I have nothing to show… I will always love you."
If she was the only one in the room she would have broke down there in the club, but she maintained herself and sang her heart out onto her sleeve. At least pieces of it, because in all honesty she did not even know if it was whole enough to be revealed.