It started out innocent enough, the way we started. I would have never believed that a special relationship was about to be formed with the most unlikeliest person in my group of friends.
I remember the days after Alex's death and how very depressed I was. I felt like everyone around me was leaving me…one way or another. Alex was the only one who hadn't chosen to leave. Maria was in her own depression, having to obsess with his memorial while I was finding out his killer. Max was with Tess and refused to think that Alex's death was alien related. Isabel, the only other person I could lean on was in a state of shock.
I was alone for a very long time—at least it seemed to be. When I finally had concrete proof, Maria came around and helped me. I think by that time, she wanted desperately to know Alex hadn't killed himself. I let her help me but most of the time I just felt anger towards her. She had been Alex and my best friend…how could she doubt me? How could she believe Alex killed himself?
Michael had been the perfect boyfriend. Any time Maria needed something, he was there. At first he helped us because he didn't want us getting into any trouble and then as I showed him everything I had collected, he believed what I had been saying for the past few weeks. I was never angry at him. More than anything, he wanted to find Alex's killer. I think he felt responsible. He was never close to Alex but they got along and had a couple of good times together. He also felt like he was the only one that could do something about it since Max was in his own little world with his own set of problems. Michael was the one who stuck by me through the whole thing.
Maria had gotten too angry, too depressed in the thought that the life we had lived had led to our best friends' death. She begged her mother to move and said goodbye to us all. She didn't want anything to do with aliens and I couldn't blame her. Looking back, I probably would have done the same thing if I hadn't been so obsessed at the time on finding the killer. I know Michael was going through a lot and I probably should have paid more attention to him but in those days he let the mystery consume his life, not only to bring justice but to forget he no longer had Maria. In a lot of ways we were more alike back then and I think we needed each other. Our obsession was our life. Nobody else understood us.
We spent a lot of time together, Michael and I. It took us a couple of months after Maria left to sort out through all the mess, all the lies that had been going on. I remember when we realized what had happened. We went straight to the Valenti's house to ask Kyle what he had been doing the night Alex had died. When Kyle validated who we thought did it, I can't explain the emotions that washed through me.
The three of us exposed Tess for what she truly was. Isabel not only hated Tess, but hated Max for trying to defend her when we accused her. It took all of Isabel to get off of Tess. I will never forget the look of pure hatred Isabel showed Tess and Max and the gratitude she showed me and Michael. She left Roswell that same day. She went off to college and never set foot back in Roswell.
It took Max some time to swallow the information we were giving him. He wanted to know why and asked a million questions. Michael and I stood back, both of us waiting for our moment with her. After Max was done questioning her, he walked out and said he'd be back. Lord knows what he was thinking. But Michael and I weren't going to give Max a chance to come back.
I still feel pleasure every time I think of how we killed her. I should be repulsed by this as I write but I'm not. We enjoyed killing her because she was evil and because she'd killed us as well as Alex in a way. She had tortured Alex for months. She had killed our trust, our friendships. She had destroyed my relationship with Max. And she had driven Maria away.
Max knew what Michael and I had done but he turned his head at it. To him, it was as if Tess had never existed. He wasn't a man to me. He'd been weak. In the days following the murderer, Michael and I hung out but never talked. We were processing what we'd done and how we felt about it. Max to us was dead. He'd never helped us and when he did, it was because he was safe. He never apologized and was glad we had taken care of the problem when he should have done it.
But I got way off track. I wanted to write about us. I wanted to register in my head how it all started all those years ago. We were strangers, we were acquaintances, we were confidants, and we had killed together…and for some strange reason that made us close.
We had decided to move away from Roswell, like Maria, I think we wanted to get away from our past. But separating didn't feel right to us. We wanted to stick together. I think in the time we spent solving Alex's murder and then killing her, we got so used to being around each other that we felt we'd fall apart if we didn't have each other to lean on. He grabbed only one bag to take with him when we left. I did the same because we were leaving on his bike.
The first month together out on the road is still a blur. I don't think we slept more that 4 hours a night or ate more than once a day. We finally settled in a small town called Arvin in California. I can't remember how we got there, especially considering we wanted to live in a big city. I don't know why it called to us. The town was mostly populated by Mexican Americans. I can't believe how fast we picked up on Spanish. Michael, picked up on it faster than I did, of course. I think it's the alien thing.
When I started getting my powers a month later, we didn't know what to think. We experimented. There is so much land out here we can basically go anywhere to practice on our powers. So, it was at this point in time that I started looking at Michael very differently. I would "accidentally" walk in on him when he was changing. I started buying skimpy outfits. I laugh every time I think about it because I was being so obvious.
Michael has never been stupid. He knew exactly what I was doing but he played dumb. Not because he wasn't interested like I once thought but because he enjoyed watching me in my little outfits. Once, while we were watching a movie in our townhouse, I had gone an extra mile to try and turn him on. I only wore girl shorts with a small and lose top and wore no bra. We were laying down on the floor watching some movie. I got on all fours so my rear was in his view and lowered myself to stretch for the remote. While I did this, he not only had a nice view of my rear end but my lose top dragged down enough for him to see my breasts. That was it for him.
I distinctly remember him laughing and then him groaning as he lifted himself and pulled me back with him until we were both laying on the floor. It was then that we had our first kiss. It was not gentle at all but hungry. Neither of us had time, too many teasing had been going on. He actually ripped my shirt off and it only turned me on more.
It was like we were hungry for each other and we'd never tasted food this good before. We didn't use a condom. He didn't know I was a virgin and I didn't think to tell him. He entered me hard and fast and I can remember how shocked he was. When he entered me, I stiffened and winced/moaned. At first I didn't know if we should keep going or ask him to stop. But when the pain subsided and I saw his fear and regret show in his eyes…I relaxed. He cursed himself for not asking and apologized time and time again for entering me as he had. I laughed it off and moved my hips, encouraging him to move within me. He looked at me and I assure him I was ok. When he saw I wasn't angry or sad about what we were doing, he started pulling out and entering me again and again. We both set a pretty fast pace. He bit and sucked my nipple while I bit my lip and moaned for more. He held out just in time for me to cum before he did it himself.
We called in at our jobs for the next couple of days. We stayed indoors those next few days just enjoying our bodies. The only time we weren't fucking is when we were eating or sleeping. And I know I say fucking like it didn't mean anything. Believe me we felt something every time. By that time we did love each other. I only say fucking because it was so raw for us then. We make love all the time, even now. And yes there are those times where we just go at it like wild animals but we like taking our time now.
Anyway, I guess our relationship is easier than I thought. It's been a roller coaster between us and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
See you another day.
Elizabeth Guerin.
I set my journal down on the end table next to the bed just as Michael walks in.
"Good morning, Love." He beams at me and my heart warms.
"Morning." I return the smile. "Hi my little prince. How did you sleep?" I coo at my baby boy when Michael places him in my arms.
He leans over me and kisses me and I kiss back.
"Mommy. Daddy. Eeew, stop."
And we laugh as we separate. "Good morning, Alex." We say together as our 2 year old son beams at us and comes running up into bed with me.
"How Mike-ey today?" He asks because baby Michael had a fever yesterday.
"He's good today, Al." Michael ruffles his hair.
"Alex, why don't you go help Daddy make breakfast? You're Auntie Izzy is coming today and we have lots to do." I suggest.
Alex's eyes go wide. "Auntie Izzy coming to see me?"
Michael and I nod just as baby Mike is crying to be fed.
"Uh oh. Come on Al. Looks like Mike is hungry too. Let's go make you some food while he eats."
"Ok." Alex says. He leans up and gives me a kiss on the head. "Love you, Mommy."
My eyes fill with teas every time. "I love you, Alex."
"I love you Mike-ey." And he kisses his baby brother before jumping off of the bed. "Come on, Daddy. Auntie Izzy coming."
"Don't remind me." Michael groans but I can see he's faking it and I shake my head.
As I adjust Mike to my breast, I watch Michael and Alex exit the room and all I can think of is how much I love them and my life now.
And no matter how much I hate Tess for killing Alex, I can also see how she changed our lives in doing so and how happy I am that she did. It shocks me to realize that. And for the first time, I can't decide if I did the right thing in changing all our futures or if I'm certain Alex had to die. I guess there's different ways things could have gone and paths change all the time. But even as I hold Mike in my arms and I hear Michael and Alex in the kitchen I don't regret killing her. Yes good things came out of our new paths but I still don't forgive her.
"Mikie, your Mommy is screwed up in the head." And as I say it I know I'm right. There are things I shouldn't have gone through. "But you know what, I love you, your brother and your Daddy and that will never change. And I promise that you and Alex will never have to kill because Daddy and I will always keep you safe. You won't grow up living in fear like we did in Roswell. I promise you."
I squeeze him to me, hoping Michael and I don't have to ever kill again. But if it's for someone we loved, especially our children we wouldn't think twice.