2k7 – Mikey and Big Brothers
Notes: I kind of shortened the song's lyrics, so go look up this awesome song to hear the full out version! I really fucking love this song… 'Sings whilst writing this'
But yeah, just a quick songfic! And also, I wanted a sad ending but didn't have the heart, so sorry if it seems either too sappy or the beginning doesn't line up with the ending. I originally planned a different kind of story butttt, you know me, I just go with the flow I guess.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN 'EM! I SWEAR I DIDN'T STEAL SOME CHIBI TURTLES!
*Puts hands Up*
I ALSO DON'T OWN THE SONG "ASTRONAUT" BY SIMPLE PLAN I JUST REALLY LIKE BORROWING THE LYRICS
Italics = Emphasis (You'll know which, trust me)
'Italics' = Italics with ' ' around them are thoughts.
Italics w/underline = Song lyrics
Bold = Emphasis or shouting or extreme irritation/anger
Can anybody hear me?
Or Am I talking to myself?
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hiya, hiya, hiya, hiya, hi-"
"Mikey… please, for the love of all things YOU love; Be. Quiet." Don rarely growled, but when he did, all family and allies took that as a "run" signal.
All except little naïve Michelangelo.
"But Don! I totally need you to fix this! Please, please, please, please, plea-"
Don slammed his hands on the desk angrily, "STOP! What. Do. You. Want?! I'm NOT fixing anything, not right now! I'm busy, like I've been telling you for the past TWELVE TIMES in a row; GO. !" Don raged. He rarely got angry, he was a pacifist.
Hurt flashed in Mikey's eyes, only for a brief second. Don was normally much more patient with him… So Mikey played his last card. The card that normally got Don bending at Mikey's whim and willing to talk to him and the others.
"Well, I'd go away if you'd get out of this lab! All you do is stay in here! You don't even eat or sleep anymore. We're… we're worried." Somehow, Mikey's tone of voice went from annoying and playful to dead serious and concerned in a couple of seconds.
Don frowned, not seeing his brother's sincerity. "Well, then I'll eat something later, whatever it takes to get you out! I don't need any distractions right now!" He wasn't paying attention to how he worded his sentence and didn't notice Michelangelo's face falling.
"C'mon, ya don't mean It Donnie."
"I don't huh? Well then what else are you?"
Now that, well, that stung. Stung a lot. Especially with the bitter and sarcastic tone to his voice.
"M'kay, I'll go away Don. If that's what you really-"
"Go." Mikey left dejected, not bothering to look at Don, if he had, maybe Don would've seen the heartbroken look on his face and maybe Mikey would've seen Don's look of regret.
My mind is running empty…
In the search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me
"Hey Raphie!"
"Go away Mike." Raph grunted while bench pressing.
"I just want to hang out with you, jeez. So uptight. Learn to relax."
"Sorry Mikey, ain't everybody like you, with nuthin' betta ta do wit our lives but joke around and goof off and get people injured. Yer always messing up in fights because yer a distraction. I'm surprised yer even on tha team. Yer 18 and ya still act like yer 12." Raph spat, not even having to gesture to his recent scar on his plastron from protecting Mikey when he was goofing off.
'Why is everyone giving me such a hard time today?'
"Raphie, tell me you don't mean it." He used the voice he truly used on Raph when he was scared. The one that normally kicked in Raph's older brother instincts and had Mikey remembering his big brother loved him.
"Yer dumber than I thought." That's all Raph could get himself to say. Mikey only heard Raph's words, not the tone of pain, anguish, and regret from the depths of it.
It's all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why…?
I'm lonely like a satellite?
"O-okay then… I'-I'll go see what Leo's up to then!" Mikey faked a smile and pretended to run out of the room, secretly breaking Raph's heart in two.
Mikey went to his eldest brother and found him meditating in the dojo.
"Hey Leo."
"What is it this time Mikey." Leo sounded so exasperated. He probably would've went easy on Mikey, if he'd known how rough Don and Raph had been on the poor guy.
"I was wondering if you wanted to- "
"No Mikey, I am not playing any dumb games with you." Leo's voice was as controlled and stoic as ever.
"I was thinking about meditation?"
"No. I need complete concentration. No distractions." He said coldly.
"Um…"
'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box,
I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot…
Can I please come down, come down,
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round…
Can I please come down?
'I should just give up. They're right, I'm a screw up; a distraction.'
"Okay! It's totally fine bro! I'll just, go, um-" Mikey cut himself off and left the room as his eyes were getting wet and his voice was beginning to crack. But Leo hadn't noticed, having already slipped back into meditation.
Mikey quickly hurried to his room, everything was quiet, he sunk to the floor, his shell against the door. He tried to calm himself down so he wouldn't cry, but why did it seem like ever since last week, his brothers hated him? Even his sensei didn't really speak to him individually. He would've noticed Mikey's pain, right?
What did he do wrong? Raph took a hit for him because he was useless, but they never got so mad about it before…
A tear slipped down his face.
'They hate me…I've messed up too many times. They're done with me.'
I'm deafened by the silence
Is it something that I've done?
I know that there are millions
I can't be the only one who's disconnected
Mikey couldn't help it. His goofing off was how he lightened the mood. Why did everyone hate that? Maybe it was wrong of him? He didn't know. He didn't want to know anymore. He was done. Two weeks of isolation. Two weeks of the truth that's been carried around his heart, the others' hearts, the lair's itself; the truth that he was useless, being noticed now. A burden. A distraction. A mistake. A screw up.
It's so different in my head…
Can anybody tell me why?
I'm lonely like a satellite?
Mikey cried hard, not caring who heard. Because apparently, they didn't care. Not anymore.
He cried harsher, his sobs coming out in hiccups and strained gasps from crying so hard. He felt so alone. He just wanted to stop it all. It's bad enough they're physically freaks and forever alone, but now, Mikey was really alone.
'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down, come down,
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round….
Can I please come down?
Raph winced as Don practically cried to Leo and him about how harsh he treated Mikey. Raph then confessed along with Leo and all three couldn't believe what they had done.
"I can't believe I thought this plan was a good idea… We've got to check on him, before-"
"Shh!" Don quieted Leo down and they all listened only to hear sobbing. Raph couldn't take it.
"Mikey!? Mikey, open up tha door! We didn't mean tha crap we said, ya gotta understand bro!" Raph pleaded while pounding on the door.
Mikey heard it so low, he almost missed it, even if Raph was yelling these words loud and proud, it still only came through to Mikey as if moving through some thick fog.
"Mike! We're sorry okay?! It was all just to help you, we were faking every single thing! We don't hate you, it was all for your supposed best interest! We just wanted to help you!" Don joined in, not exactly as loud as Raph was, but he still knocked on Mikey's door. How could he have done this to his only baby brother? How did he let them all go through with this dumb plan?
"Mikey, please, this is all my fault. I'm so, so, sorry little brother. It wasn't to hurt you, I swear! We love you so much, please stop crying ototo." Leo rarely gave into Mikey like this, especially after his little 'leader' training trip to the jungle but hearing Mikey cry broke his heart to pieces.
"Please..." Don begged softly as Raph was no longer banging in order to listen.
They heard consistent crying, but no response, only the crying dimming down slowly. They could tell Mikey was trying, and failing, to contain his sobs and heaves.
Now I lie awake and scream
In a zero gravity,
And it's starting to weigh down on me,
Let's abort this mission now,
Can I please come down?
After 10 minutes of silence from the brothers, knowing the youngest knew they were there, the door finally opened.
Mikey stood, head down, eyes red and puffy, and from what they could barley make out due to the darkness and the way his head was positioned, his eyes had dark circles under them. There were tears sliding down his cheeks, and immediately, all the brothers had a strong urge to protect the youngest. The only problem was, the only person -or people should they say- that they could protect him from, was them. His own big brothers were making the Michelangelo feel this way. And they had no idea how to protect him from this.
"I-I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse and it cracked. Mikey's voice sounded 20 years older than he really was.
"Mikey..." Don lost his words as they died in his throat.
"This isn't your fault Mikey. We just- we did this to... to make you. To make you see we're worried little brother. You were nearly killed. If Raph hadn't... hadn't, been there." Leo couldn't help himself from stammering and faltering. Realizing the trouble and distress they've been putting their own little brother through.
Mikey though, picked it up. He knew what they were trying to say. Seeing Don keep his head down and shift from foot to foot nervously, Raph was looking everywhere but him, keeping an odd silence, Leo was faltering, which he never did; they were all avoiding the word. The truth they all knew. Mikey could tell it.
"I-I know I'm a mistake. I get it bros. I know what I am. But I don't have to be reminded every hour of every day of year what I am. I'm sorry. But this is who I am, and I know it's not what you guys want or expect. I know that. Everyone does. I'm sorry I'm the screw up, okay? The black sheep. I'm sick of this though, I'm sick of feeling like I'm in outer space or something, with my own family! I'm sick of feeling left out and different okay?! It's not fair that you guys get considered 'Ninjas' and valuable members of the team, the family, and I'm just 'Little Mikey'. I'm sorry. But I know what I am." Mikey paused and swallowed. Right when Raph had gained the courage to speak, Mikey cut him off, "I don't want to be all alone. I'm sorry I'm different, but- but dudes, please. Don't, don't leave me alone. Please, we're all we have left and- and I can't be alone anymore! Please, please don't leave me alone!"
So tonight I'm calling all astronauts
Are the lonely people that the world forgot,
If you hear my voice come pick me up
Are you out there?
The heartbreaking looks Mikey had received made him feel worse.
The moment Mikey was sobbing again, they all broke from their momentary freeze.
"Hey, stop cryin', yer not alone Mike. Yer never gonna be alone bro. Even if we eva got so mad, we did end up ignorin' ya, we'd neva, eva, push ya away. You'll never be alone. Eva." Raph placed each hand of his on Mikey's shoulders, and was looking him dead in the eye the whole time.
Mikey looked down, then Don came beside Raph and took Mikey's chin, making him look up gently.
"We'll always be here Mikey. We'd never leave or abandon you. Even if you ever wanted us to, you're stuck with us. You're my only little brother; if you think I'm abandoning you now or anytime in the future, you're dead wrong." Don whispered this, but the truth behind his words could be heard miles away.
Mikey felt himself give a broken laugh. Even if part of him was screaming, 'They're lying to you', Mikey found his heart flutter. Just having his brothers around him made him feel like he'd never be alone.
Mikey broke down and started crying, torn between believing and not believing his brothers. He sobbed into Raph's plastron and Raph just rubbed his baby brother's shell. Soon enough, he was being comforted by all his big brothers; Raph was holding him, Don was playing with his mask tails, and Leo was whispering soft words to tell him he wasn't alone.
'I'm not alone.' Mikey thought, holding Raph even tighter if that was possible.
'Cause you're all that I've got,
And tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box,
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck up here and the world forgot
"And about you being a mistake? You never were Mikey; you get distracted, you goof off, you act up; you do all these things. Yes, this is true. But if there's one thing you're not, it's a mistake. You're our little Mikey because we fucking love you so much Mikey, you have no idea. Not because you're weak or not like us, but because you're the baby of our family; you're the light in all of our lives. Keep being the black sheep Mikey, it makes you our Mikey; just remember that you're always welcome here. We love you and that means we'd never abandon you. Never." Leo said softly.
Mikey felt himself dig a little more into Raph's plastron. He felt Raph's head rest on his, he felt Don's gentle fingers intricately and delicately intertwining his mask tails, he felt Leo rest a three-fingered hand on his shoulder; Mikey felt love. A love he forgot existed. With Leo having to go off and play jungle leader, they had disbanded a bit more than expected. Mikey, at that time, thought he could never feel more alone. And even when Leo came back, he still felt alone. The fights between Leo and Raph, Don being keeper and trying to bring everything together, Mikey struggling to make everyone happy again and then failing because the tension was just growing; Mikey had never felt worse.
Then just when Michelangelo thought everything would start getting better, his brothers started growing up. Maturing. Growing. And little Mikey couldn't keep up, he stayed young. He had planned to stay that way, until the recent events that had happened. Even as a teen, Mikey had always felt like the odd one out.
Living in the shadows of three older brothers, was way harder than anyone could every expect, until you're actually living in those shadows, feeling like the least favorite. He had been the least favorite son, and then he was the least favorite brother. Hell, he still was the least favorite, son and brother. Somehow, Mikey managed to feel more alone these last two weeks than he had at any time before them.
Now, Mikey never felt so loved. But Mikey still wondered in the back of his mind how long this 'love' would last.
Mikey let them continue to comfort him, but once he quieted down, he pulled away.
Mikey knuckled his face to wipe all the snot and tears the best he could, even if it was nasty and embarrassing.
He looked down and Don had caught on straight away, "We'll always love you Mike, you know that. Even if we don't say it, we'll always care about you. And -hey look- I know we're not the most 'kept together' group of brothers, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that, no matter how we act like we feel towards each other, we'll always love each other. We've never stopped caring for one another before, especially not towards you, and we won't ever."
Mikey looked up. Glossy and bloodshot eyes full of tears that were glistening, green cheeks that somehow let a deep red flush seep through, and a small, barley noticeable, smile. But it was real.
They'd make slow, steady process with Mikey. They could tell these feelings of insecurity had been going on for a while, no doubt.
But for now? They'd just show this astronaut that he wasn't alone.
"Okay astronaut, we're going to float right up here with you. All four of us are alone together, you said it yourself." Leo smiled, mostly to help lighten things a tad bit.
"Yeah, sorry it took so long to find you, we were drifting for awhile and had no idea how to get here, but we are now. And we're not losing ourselves or you again." Don chimed in, catching Leo's drift.
"An' we don' plan on lettin' ya get lost eitha. Plus, who needs ta land? We'll be fine jus' driftin' up here." Raph caught on too with a supportive smile Mikey's way.
Mikey smiled back. It wasn't his usual 'Thousand Watt' Mikey smile, or a fake one; it was his genuine, 100-percent authentic, 'little brother's content smile'. It was small, and not at all energetic, but it didn't need to be. It was a real, 'I'm happy and feel loved', smile. And that's all that mattered to the brothers.
"Yeah, alone. Together."
To the lonely people that the world forgot
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all that I got!
Can I please come down?
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round,
Can I please come down?
Can I please come down?
Can I please come down...