Tears of Love and Hate
Lorelai and Rory sat together at a small table in a little coffee shop in Providence. The walls were a minty-green, and the tables were brown with little coffee cups printed on the table cloths. It reminded Lorelai forcefully of a day care center with caffeine.
Rory sipped her coffee, and commented "Not as good as Luke's, huh?"
Lorelai didn't respond, and swirled her spoon around in her cup.
"Sorry…" Rory mumbled.
"No, it's not your fault. I just can't stop thinking that Luke left because of me, because I proposed to him. He was running away, like a scared, mad little dog." Lorelai spat out the last word disgustedly, quite ashamed of herself.
"Don't worry about it, we're going to see Luke today, and sort everything out. I'm sure everything will be fine."
Lorelai just sighed, and stared into space, letting her thoughts swirl into the brightly-colored walls.
Lorelai's high heels clattered loudly on the linoleum tile floors of the hospital.
"215, 216, 217. Here it is." Lorelai stared at the door for a little bit.
"You want to go in?" Rory asked tentatively.
"Um, yea. Let's go in."
Rory pulled the handle and entered the room.
Luke had been sitting in that room for about 3 days now. He had a large bandage around his forehead that itched like crazy. His hands were wrapped in bandages and gauze. Luke didn't know whether it was his conscience or his pain medication that made him think about Lorelai. He thought about her constantly. He pictured her soft gaze and heard her voice, talking in rapid-fire with her witty sense of humor. Luke knew that she would come soon, he vaguely remember Liz telling him something about calling Lorelai. He had very mixed feelings; he was guilty for leaving from fear of Lorelai, he was mad at himself for leaving Lorelai, and not just saying yes.
Luke rolled over on his bed and turned away from the door, and stared at the window. A solitary tear rolled down his face. He missed Lorelai.
Then, he heard the door open. He saw Lorelai and Rory's reflections in the window, and immediately pretended to be asleep.
"Luke? Luke!" Lorelai whispered intently into his ear. She poked his shoulder gently in an attempt to wake him up.
"He's asleep, Mom."
Lorelai sighed slightly, and pulled up a chair and sat next to Luke's bed, facing his back.
Rory could tell that Lorelai needed some time alone, so she said "I'll go get some coffee."
Lorelai nodded. She heard the door close behind Rory. She then looked at Luke's night stand. It held a small lamp, a TV remote, and Luke's hat.
"See, life's better with a TV in your room!" Lorelai whispered. She then picked up his hat, and held it in her hands. She felt the soft, worn material run against her fingers, and she felt her eyes water up.
Lorelai then looked at Luke's head, and saw the large bandage encircling it. She ran her hand against it very softly. Luke's heart skipped a beat when he felt her tender touch. Lorelai then ran her hand through Luke's soft hair.
"You look so good without a hat, you know," she whispered, even softer than before. Silent tears started to run down her face. "Why did you leave? Were you scared? I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that, it's all my fault. If I had known this would happen…" she drifted off, and never finished her sentence. Luke was struggling very hard to keep as still as possible.
Lorelai sniffed, and then whispered, slightly louder this time, "I guess I'll go find Rory. She might have gotten lost." She then forced a slight laugh that ended up sounding a lot more like she was choking. Then she bent down, buried her face in Luke's hair, and kissed the top of his head. "Goodbye," she said.
Luke listened to Lorelai's heels clacking loudly on the floor, and heard the door shut softly behind her. Luke turned over on to his back, and sat up. He stared at the wall for a moment, and then burst into tears. He buried his face in his hands, hating himself for hiding from her again.
Rory still hadn't returned Dean's call by the night after their first day in Providence. Lorelai and Rory were staying in a hotel. Luke's doctor had informed them that Luke would stay in the hospital for another two weeks. Lorelai had fallen asleep in the twin bed that stood closest to the window. Rory couldn't sleep; her head was spinning with news. She could think of nothing to do but to call Dean. She snuck quietly out of the hotel room, and walked down a flight of stairs and strode out onto the parking lot.
Rory dialed her phone. "Dean?"
"Rory? Is that you?"
"Yes, it's me." Dean didn't inquire about the time that she called, 11:00 pm, but waited patiently for Rory to continue.
"Well, I'm in Providence right now. Luke was in a car accident."
"Oh no. That's terrible. I'm so sorry." Dean was never extremely fond of Luke, but he still felt sorry for him.
"Yes, well, we're here, and I thought that I might come and see you."
"You want to come and see me?"
"Yes, I do."
"That's great Rory. I can't wait to see you."
"Yeah. I guess I'll see you sometime tomorrow."
"Ok, that sounds great," Dean responded enthusiastically. "I love you."
Rory paused. She was straining to comprehend everything that was happening, and everything that she had just done. She looked up at the almost-full moon, as if the answer to everything would be spread out for her in the heavens. When it wasn't, she looked back down at her shoes, and responded quietly, "I love you, too."
Rory came back inside the hotel. No one was sitting at the front desk, and she met no one in the halls. She reached the door to her room and turned the knob, only to discover that it was locked. Rory had forgotten the key. She knocked on the door.
"Mom?" She called. Nothing happened. She knocked louder. "Mom," She called again. The she started to pound on the door, until someone yelled, "Be quiet! Some normal people are trying to sleep!"
Rory rolled her eyes and then peered through the peephole desperately. There was no movement inside, so she slumped against the door and eventually fell asleep.
Lorelai woke up at 6:30, and noticed immediately that Rory was missing. She threw on an outfit and opened the door. Rory, who had been leaning against that door, asleep, fell backwards into the hotel room.
"Rory!" Lorelai cried. "Rory! Are you ok? What happened? Why are you out here, sleeping in the hall like a hobo!"
"What?" Rory asked; a bit dazed. "Oh no, I must have fallen asleep! I was waiting for you to wake up!"
"Come inside," Lorelai said calmly. She helped Rory up and guided her into the room and onto her bed.
"Why were you outside?" Lorelai asked.
"I couldn't sleep."
"And?"
"And, I went outside and called Dean."
"Dean? You called Dean?"
"Yes, I called Dean."
"Does Logan know?"
"Yes. We split up."
"Oh, honey." Lorelai hugged Rory warmly, embracing her as if she would never see her again. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well, you were so upset about Luke, and then we came here, and-"
"You can always tell me these things Rory. You should know that by now."
Rory was fighting back tears. She nodded.
"So, where is Dean now?" Lorelai questioned.
"Boston," Rory replied simply.
"Ok." Lorelai held Rory a little while longer, and they were silent. Then Lorelai asked, "So, do you want to go downstairs and get some coffee? Rumor has it that it's free."
Rory nodded, smiling slightly, and follow her mom out the door.
Later on that day, Rory passed up a sign that read "Welcome to Boston". She wasn't sure that she would be that welcome. Well, at least to Dean she would be.
As the taxi cab meandered around the city streets, Rory stared out the window, wondering what was going to happen. Then, she saw Dean walking along the sidewalk.
"Stop here, thanks," Rory told the driver anxiously. She paid him quickly and jumped out the car door.
"Dean! Wait!" Rory yelled.
Dean turned around to face her. "Rory! You came!"
"What on earth were you thinking?" Rory bellowed at him. After analyzing everything on the ride over, she realized how stupid and selfish he was to ask her here, and how stupid she was to even come.
"What are you talking about?"
"What, you think that I'm just waiting around for my old boyfriends too call me back, and then come running back into his arms? Well, it's not gonna go down like that!" Rory was screaming at the top of her lungs. She knew that everyone on the street was staring at her, but she refused to look at any of them. She just stared straight into Dean's petrified eyes.
"Rory, just calm down-"
"No! I will not calm down! I still don't understand what I am doing here at all, but I guess telling you off is a good enough reason as any!"
"Rory, I…" Dean paused. He was registering what Rory was saying. Ever since he left Stars Hollow, he had never been able to find another girl as wonderful as Rory. That was why he had called her back. But now, Rory was ditching him. He was starting to break down inside, but didn't let Rory see it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I don't think that you'll ever understand."
Rory stared at him for a moment, but knew that she would never love him again.
"Goodbye, Dean," she said quietly. She turned around and started to walk back the way she had arrived. She started to pick up her pace, going faster and faster, and finally breaking into a run, tears streaming down her face, crying from her second goodbye in three days.
Dean simply watched her go. Shaking slightly, but refusing to cry, he to turned around and walked away.