It's Not a Problem, It's Just a Challenge

Chapter 1

Open foot, insert mouth

Sequel to Effective Communication

Summary: When Zizes breaks up with Puck he tries to convince Mike to share his girlfriend. Mike, being sane, refuses. Now Puck has taken it upon himself to woo both of them and Mike has to compete for his own girlfriend while fending off the jock's advances. Naturally, hijinks ensue. Eventually Puck/Mike.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I don't even own anything that looks kind've like Glee. But if I did, that would be awesome.

Inspired by the events of Season three, episode one.

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Mike barely looked up from his captivating match of Call of Duty when Puck crawled in through his window (the dancer had long gotten used to Puck's insistence on resisting the societal practice of using doors), clambering in with distinct finesse before slamming the frame down with a resounding thud that the jock usually resorted to using when he was in desperate need of attention but wanted to be subtle about it. This generally guaranteed that he wasn't going to be subtle at all, but Mike always gave him points for trying.

Behind him Puck flopped gracelessly onto the bed, sagging into the mattress as though the weight of the world had crashed down upon him. Mike waited and…yes, a melodramatic sigh followed and Puck had undoubtedly come to the part in his act where he flung an arm across his eyes, despairing. If Mike didn't like keeping his face in such pristine, un-punched condition he would have commented that Rachel was infecting the mohawked teen (Puck hadn't been nearly this bad before joining glee club) but the dancer was on a kill streak and in a remarkably good mood so he kept that to himself.

Puck, unappreciative of his lack of concern, nudged the base of Mike's spine with his foot and sighed a little louder, waiting to be "doted" on.

Mike shrugged it off, focusing on the screen.

Just a few more minutes and the match would be over anyway. Besides, they weren't even dating (no matter what Puck had declared), they were simply in some mangled hybrid form of a booty-call that Puck had the audacity to call dating. Since clearly this wasn't a call for Mike to put out (at least not yet) and they weren't dating, Mike didn't have to sit and listen to Puck complain about his life (even if he normally did because he was a nice guy like that).

If it was really that bad Puck could wait a few more minutes. It would teach him the value of patience. Since this whole shebang had started Mike had tried to teach the "lovable" jock its importance, but as of yet nothing had gotten through.

Yeah, this summer had been…odd. Granted, after Mike had given in to Puck's demands things had gone a lot smoother for him, though it was not to say the mohawked teen hadn't found new ways to leave him in fits of aggravated frustration. Apparently once Puck declared Mike cool the whole "soul intervention" thing was dropped. Which was nice, Mike had began to develop an allergic reaction to the scented candles they had used, but after that new complications were more than happy to arise.

Like the fact that Puck decided they were dating…kind've…not really. Basically he just stuck with the making out stuff. That and he'd call at sporadic hours of the day to talk about…whatever, it wasn't really ever consistent and it never had anything to do with them. Mike suspected that half the time Puck called because his internet was down and he just really, really wanted to know some random fact that he would probably end up forgetting the moment he hung up the phone.

Thankfully Puck hadn't really gotten beyond that. There weren't any actual feelings there (and Mike wasn't sure if he should be insulted or not because Puck had claimed him as his "boyfriend") or attempted dates (not that Mike was sore about it or anything, he was actually quite glad) but he couldn't help but feel he wasn't represented himself in the "I deserve respect" aspect of the world all that well. Especially when Tina and Zizes demanded that he and Puck make out for them.

Yeah, that wasn't doing any favors for Mike's manliness.

The good news was that the farthest they had gone was second base, and it didn't look like they were going to get past that…ever.

Eh, you took what victory's you could get.

There were benefits to "dating" Puck as well. He at least attempted not to be as much of a jerk towards Mike. He didn't go out of his way to make insulting comments and didn't call him a girl anymore (which Mike found especially ironic considering the conditions required to make that happen) and Tina seemed to be incapable of being angry at him.

Who knew that live guy-on-guy action could be so strangely powerful?

Whatever, Mike wasn't complaining. All he had to do was put up with Puck (who he could begrudgingly admit wasn't all that bad of a kisser) barging in whenever he pleased (and luckily that wasn't too often or Mike would have more issues with this) and things pretty much went as smoothly as they always did.

No one was even upset about their arrangement. Kurt sent the occasional text message to check up on things every now and then, but that was the entire amount of effort anyone was putting forth to interfere.

Mike would have questioned it if he hadn't been so grateful.

On the screen an enemy soldier jerked and crashed to the ground, brought down by his sniper rifle. He smirked, tapping the button to reload as he began to move to a new position. He had already killed about five guys from this spot, they could probably figure out where he was by now and he didn't-

Mike flailed, letting out an undignified squawk as a hand groped between his legs, hard.

Shit, he hadn't even noticed Puck had moved. Mike's controller clattered against the carpet, the grenade button accidentally triggered. The dancer tried to scramble for it, to move his character out of harm's way, but Puck squeezed again, making Mike blush, heat rising to his cheeks as his character exploded on-screen.

Clearly this was Puck's way of saying he didn't feel like being ignored anymore, and Mike was willing to bet that he probably wouldn't get to play the rest of his match.

"Puck," he growled, batting the offending hand away. "You couldn't wait two minutes?"

The jock shrugged, eyes half-lidded and showing no signs of remorse. If anything he was the one that looked irritated. "Nope," he drawled, watching Mike's motionless character get mowed down by the other team with subdued interest. "We have more important things to talk about."

Mike glared (ineffective but it usually made him feel better). "I was almost done."

Puck raised an eyebrow and pointed to himself. "More. Im-por-tant."

They stared at each other for a moment, Mike scowling at the other teen's thoughtlessness while Puck did very little to restrain his evident boredom of things not pertaining to him. Another explosion on the screen broke Mike out of his one-sided glaring contest and he sighed, reaching down and snatching up his controller. He logged off and turned to face Puck expectantly; waiting for him to get to sharing so he could get back to playing.

Hopefully it wouldn't be anything too terribly pressing.

Puck, seeing that he had Mike's full attention, flopped back down on the bed and resumed his pity party from earlier as though nothing had happened. As though he had not just forced Mike into compliance. The dancer frowned but crawled until he was lying beside Puck, as was expected. The other jock wouldn't admit it but he was a big fan of cuddling, and Mike wouldn't admit it (not even to himself) but he kind've enjoyed being the cuddle-er as opposed to the cuddle-ee. Of course, these were things you never talked about (at least after the first time when Puck punched him in the face for being snarky) so he quietly settled in beside Puck, wishing to hell it felt a lot more awkward than it actually did.

"Alright," Mike grumbled, at least putting up the appearance of still being miffed so Puck wouldn't think he had gotten off easily. "What's the problem?"

If Zizes hid his guitar again Mike was going to scream. She always hid it in the same place, it was never different. Mike had tried to drill "the closet under the stairs" into Puck's brain at least three different times, but much like the patience thing, it wasn't sticking.

Thankfully it was something different.

"The world is ending," Puck lamented, throwing up his free arm overdramatically. Mike was torn between suppressing a sigh or a snicker, because seriously, drama queen, and chose to distract himself with settling in, draping an arm across Puck's waist while the other continued to passionately insist on the upcoming apocalypse.

"Zizes broke up with me," the despairing jock continued, disbelief mixed with just the tiniest hints of heartfelt sorrow. "She said that glee club and I weren't cool enough." He shifted angrily, curling an arm around Mike's waist as he shook a fist at the ceiling. "Can you believe that, I'm a frickin' pimp man, and she dumped me!"

Mike patted his side, fully aware of how deeply this must have hurt the other teen. Zizes was…she and Puck had a weird relationship, but he was happy and she was happy and Mike guessed that was all that mattered at the end of the day. Losing her like this was…well, for Mike it was a mild relief because she was intimidating as hell, but Puck was legitimately hurting so Mike did his best to comfort him.

But as Puck went on and on about the injustice of it all Mike froze, stewing over a sudden realization.

Did that mean he wouldn't have to date Puck anymore?

Wait, no; he meant "date" Puck.

The only reason Puck had even… "chased" (and that was putting it very nicely) after him was because Zizes had told him to. With her out of the picture would Puck call it off?

Horrifyingly enough, Mike found that he was actually conflicted over thought. He would be more depressed over that if it weren't for the fact he had mourned the loss of his sanity long ago. Best to not to dwell on it.

But back to Puck, if he broke up with Mike would he go back to treating the dancer like garbage?

Did he still even want to date Mike?

His query was answered shortly.

"…and that's why," Puck continued when Mike chose to zone back in. "I need you to share Tina. Like, I'm going to ask her too, but since she's going to jump at the chance to get a piece of this," he motioned to his body, flexing his bicep. "I thought I'd run it by you first." Plan fully explained Puck reclined against the bed, looking incredibly pleased with himself, smiling at Mike knowingly.

The dancer blinked in confusion, still trying to process what he heard. "What?"

Puck let out an aggravated sigh, like he was the one dealing with an idiot, and gave Mike a look of utmost patience Puck usually reserved for when dealing with Brittany.

"Zizes wants a popular guy so I need to stick to the pimp plan." Which had been a moronically stupid plan to begin with, Mike's mind silently added. "Once she sees how much respect I'll get for dating you and goth central she'll totally come crawling back." Puck paused for a moment to allow it to sink in. "It's fool-proof."

Mike blinked some more, wishing he had misheard (but knowing all too well that he hadn't) and sat up slowly, rubbing the side of his head. Puck grunted in protest of losing his cuddle buddy, but Mike held up a silencing hand, preparing himself to dole out some long-time-coming tough love.

Or maybe it was pent-up aggravation.

Either way…

"First of all," he started, keeping his voice calm and level. "This is not dating."

Puck sat up quickly, beginning to object. "Dude-"

"No," Mike interrupted, glaring him into submission. "This is not dating. This is me," he gestured to himself so that Puck couldn't get lost. "Making out with you," he tapped Puck's chest. "So that you," he tapped a little harder, for visual aid's sake. "Will stop treating me horribly, which aggravatingly enough, is something you do to everyone else for free."

Puck had the gall to look like he was going to protest this but Mike waved him off.

"You know what, it's cool." He muttered, rubbing the side of his head again. "Clearly by this point I have accepted this. But it's not dating." He reached out a hand and covered Puck's mouth, not wanting to give him the opportunity to interrupt his lecture. "Dating involves two people who actually like each others personalities and because of that, they make out and go on dates and spend time with each other. Real dating involves wooing and caring and…" Mike waved free hand in frustrated, searching for the right words. "Not this. You had to win Zizes over just like I had to win Tina over-"

Puck pulled his hand away and gave Mike an incredulous look. "She liked your abs."

Mike glared, slapping his hand back in place. "Shut up." That was just the hook, she liked him for his personality. Really, she did. "What I'm saying is that dating requires effort and it's not just something you do just because." He pulled his hand away and sat back, waiting to see if his words had left any lasting impact.

To his credit, Puck actually looked thoughtful, mulling over Mike's words in a way that suggested Mike had finally earned his respect.

…Could it be?

Things were looking up, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, Puck was…maturing. And Mike had been the one to witness it- no, to instigate it.

Mike was victorious, Mike had won! He had walked through the valley of evil and survived, he had climbed the tallest mountain, had traipsed through metaphoric jungles and deserts and lived to tell the tale. He was the greatest man on earth right now, nothing could ruin this moment, nothing could dampen his spirits, nothing could-

"So," Puck started, breaking Mike out of his mental victory dance and pointing a finger knowingly. "You're saying I have to woo both of you."

Mike stared; shocked as though a bucket of frozen water had been dumped all over him. "…No."

No, this wasn't fair, he had won, he was a winner.

But Puck wasn't listening anymore; he was strategizing, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "That shouldn't be too hard; I've already gotten halfway with you."

"No," Mike mumbled, despair washing over him. "That's not…"

"I'm always up for a challenge," Puck decided, mind clearly somewhere else.

"Please, no," Mike whispered, praying to whatever God there was to listen.

"I got this!" the mohawked teen declared, springing up from the bed with renewed gusto. "Mike Chang," he announced, giving the look Mike was only too aware as being his 'sexy' face. "Prepare to be wooed."

And with that proclamation he vacated the room, ducking back out through the window before Mike could gather his wits again and demand a do-over. The dancer stared at the well-maintained glass for a long time, trying to convince himself the entire exchange had been a mere figment of his imagination.

And then, when that failed, he attempted to look on the positive side of things.

Suffice it to say he was still unsuccessful, which was only the beginning of his problems.

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Endnotes:

The maybe-long awaited sequel to "Effective Communication".

After watching the first episode of season three I was actually really sad about Zizes leaving. The character had really grown on me, and while I was mourning her loss the pieces for his just slowly came together. So I present, for your viewing entertainment, the continued adventures of Mike and Puck.

Hopefully I'll be able to send Puck into a tizzy this go-round.

Until next time.