Author's Note: Wow, its been quite a while since I posted anything. I had a muse strike me, and I had no choice. This idea's been bouncing around in my skull for a bit, and I had to actually type. I'm not really into author's notes or anything like that, so I have no idea what to say in one, lol.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my little stuffed Kakashi. :)

"Klepto'd"

For Iruka, it had been an interminably long day already, and it was only late afternoon. Midterms were things to be dreaded, especially with the current shortage of nin to send on assignment. He felt like a character in some bad manga - school-teacher by day, superhero at night, defending the rights of the innocent and down-trodden. Yeah, right. With his not-fantastically-high chakra levels, he was ideal for scout work; less chance of a chakra flare giving him away. And Tsunade, the kind-hearted woman that she was, had pounced on that fact. Every night for the last month he had been out, and it was starting to wear on his nerves.

Kind-hearted? He snorted. Like a rabid dog, Iruka's mind-voice chided. And about as cuddly as a porcupine. In fact, just the week before, some poor nin had made the fatal mistake of knocking a near-full tumbler of sake off Tsunade's desk while turning in some paperwork... word on the gossip vine said that Aoba was still scrubbing the ANBU lockerrooms with a toothbrush. With his hands tied behind his back. Iruka shuddered. Those ANBU... on-duty, they were hard-core and bad-assed. Off-duty? Like a bunch of sixteen-year-olds who had broken into their parents sake-stash. With the bladder control to match. Iruka felt a pang of sympathy. He occasionally had janitorial duty at the academy. That was nothing compared to Aoba's suffering.

Iruka sighed, glancing at the wall-clock in the classroom. It was almost time for his duty shift at the mission desk. Thrilling. Dealing with bored nin who had either already handed in their mission reports or who were waiting to be assigned missions was worse than dealing with the dear, sweet tots that he dealt with daily. It was like taking Konohamaru, inserting him into the Inuzaka clan (and thereby adding at least one dog to his act), and running an IV of caffiene directly into his system. It was a recipe for disaster. And bored nin were far more childish than even his youngest class. Those dear cherubs, only five and six, were only allowed plastic, albeit weighted kunai. The nin in the mission office often thought it was fun to stand some poor bastar- err... messenger genin, against the wall and then throw senbon at them until they had an entire outline.

Gathering up his never-ending stack of papers to grade, he shoved them unceremoniously into his satchel, then grabbed his empty coffee cup. It was Raido and Genma's shift in the mission office right now, and while Genma certainly came across as a whore sometimes, his true love (after Rai, of course) was coffee. His scheduled shift was until midnight. He was definately going to need some.

It was so quiet, you could have heard a senbon drop. The mission office had it's normal complement of people, but all were stock-still and shell-shocked. Iruka was confused. Even Gai, the Mighty Green Beast of Konoha, looked submissive. His legwarmers even looked subdued - more a faded red today then their normal fluroescent orange. No booming welcome greeted him. There was something wrong.

Lady Tsunade herself sat at the mission desk, holding a pencil before her face. Her face, usually unlined and relaxed, had a strange, evil look to it. Iruka gulped. Who did what now?

Trying to ignore the scene, Iruka strode forward, then gave a short bow to his Hokage. "Er, Lady Tsunade, is there something the matter?" He figured the clueless approach would be the best option.

This was, and Iruka realized it as soon as the cursed words left his mouth, of course, the wrong thing to say.

"Is something the matter?" she asked, her voice rising. "What ever would be the matter, Iruka-sensei? Why would there even be something the matter? You have a guilty conscience? You think there's something wrong?" Off to the side and behind Tsunade's field of view, Izumo and Kotetsu were making no-no motions, desperately trying to save their friend from the mess he'd walked in on. Conspicuous in his absence was Genma, who's shift he'd been about to relieve.

Tsunade growled, forcing Iruka's eyes away from Ko and Izu. "Someone here thought it would be cute to not only hide my sake, but someone thought it would be cute," the way she boomed the word, you could tell she didn't think it was very much so, "to hide my coffee! Now, I'm normally a calm woman, but not even the Hyuuga have been able to find it!" It was then Iruka noticed both Neji and Hinata hiding behind Gai, both looking like they had undergone the entire chuunin exam all over again. Tsunade took no notice, and just kept plowing ahead, her voice raspy with emotion. "I've questioned every other nin here, so now it's up to you. Iruka-sensei. Where is Genma, that coffee-thieving bastard?"

Iruka couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.

The room seemed, if it were possible, to go even more silent. Surely the chuunin had lost it? Laughing at the Hokage, when she was in instant-death-mode? This was a far worse mood than she had been in when she had punished Aoba; it was a chilling thought.

"Lady Tsunade, I assure you, I have no honest idea where Genma-san could possibly be." He wiped a tear from his eye, not seeing the sweat form on her brow. "I'd just like to take over for my shift so I-"

"Silence!" she boomed as the pencil snapped in half. Splinters flew across the room, and more than one shinobi had to throw himself out of the way of the shrapnel. As it was, some of the shards embedded themselves into the far wall. It was amazing how much wood they had actually used to assemble the pencil. A muffled yelp was heard from Asuma, who was picking a dagger-sized splinter out from his shoulder.

Shoving her chair back roughly, Tsunade glowered at the entire room. "I want my coffee, or my sake, damnit, and I want them now." She glanced at the clock. "You have until dawn tomorrow. If there isn't a steaming cup of coffee on my nightstand by dawn, you'll all-" she stopped, unsure of how evil her punishment was going to be, but on too much of a roll to care. "You'll all regret it! The clock's ticking!"

She poofed away in a small puff of gray smoke, and all the remaining nin stood silent in shock.

Reviews get you cookies. .