She's riding her motorcycle aimlessly around town one Sunday morning when she hears it. The lyrics instantly make her think of the woman she loves... the woman she lost.
I've been driving myself crazy thinking about the good times, back when you were all mine...
How did they get here? They were happy... or so she thought. There were I love you's, moving in together and planning for a future together.
I'll pick up those broken pieces, I can pick you up.
She thinks back to Valentine's Day when she let herself be truly vulnerable with Alex. She told her about her first heartbreak and her parents kicking her out. They hadn't said 'I love you' to each other yet but she knew she was irrevocably in love with Alex. If she's being honest with herself, she fell in love with Alex the first time she saw her smile. Alex has the kind of smile that makes her feel warm, safe, and loved. If only she could see that smile one more time...
Don't you think by now we should've found some way to be over each other? Maybe our goodbye wasn't right. You and I ain't come-and-go lovers
She doesn't understand how it all fell apart so quickly. She certainly doesn't see herself moving on anytime soon. Alex was steeped into her being. Her every thought was consumed by Alex.
What was Alex doing at the moment? Had she been taking care of herself? Did she miss Maggie? Did she still love Maggie?
She couldn't dwell too much on that last one. It hurt to think that one day Alex could date someone... sleep next to someone that wasn't her.
I miss when we were us. Let's pick up right where we left off. I can pick you, I can pick you up
No. She revs the engine with determination, setting the course for an apartment she once called home. They'd been through too much together to give up now. They were going to figure it out because she can't imagine her life without Alex Danvers in it.
Maggie was going to get her girl back.
As she walks up to the apartment door she feels her hands get sweaty. For a second, she double guesses herself. It's not too late, she can still walk away. But the lyrics of the song are still stuck in her head. What if they can still make this work? If there's even a small chance that they can get back together Maggie has to take it.
She steels herself as she knocks on the familiar door. For a second, she thinks back to the night that started it all. She remembers standing here with pizza and beer hoping it wasn't too late to kiss the girl that she wanted to kiss. She hopes the outcome is the same this time.
She's taken out of her thoughts by the door swinging open to reveal Alex Danvers in grey sweatpants and DEO hoodie. It looks like she cut her hair since the last time they saw each other. She feels her fingers flex of their own accord – itching to run through the red locks.
"Maggie…" Alex smiles before a confused look takes over her face.
"Hey" All Maggie can do is smile at just being near her again.
"What are you…" she trails off like she doesn't yet believe that Maggie is standing in front of her.
Maggie bites her lip, doubting herself again before pressing forward, "Can I come in?"
Alex opens her mouth before quickly closing it, "Yeah…uh yeah" she shakes her head "of course you can."
As Maggie walks in she takes in the place they once shared. Not much has changed yet she feels like a stranger. The pictures of them together are no longer up and her bonsai trees no longer taking up every free surface. She feels a twinge of hurt even as she realistically knows that it wouldn't have made sense for Alex to keep her things up if they weren't together.
She doesn't realize she's still standing in the middle of the living room until she notices Alex looking at her inquisitively. They lock eyes for a second and she thinks she sees a wave of guilt pass over Alex before its quickly replaced with confusion.
"I…" Fuck she should've practiced before she came here.
"Do you want to sit? Can I get you anything? Water?" Alex asks, still looking somewhere between relieved and scared at the same time.
She walks over to the couch, "Uh, sure, water's fine." She's grateful for the moment to gather her thoughts.
Alex hands her the glass and sits on the other end of the couch, waiting.
A million thoughts are running through her mind but somehow the only thing that comes out is "Why did you leave me?"
Alex takes a deep breath, not expecting to start the conversation like this, "Maggie I…." She's not sure what to say. There's no explanation that would suffice for letting the woman she loves go. All she can say is "You know why"
"But I love you so much Alex. Every day I wake up hoping that you're going to be there and that this was all a dream. And every day you're not there feels like a weight on my chest." Maybe that was a bit much but she's going to make sure she says everything she hasn't been able to since they broke up.
At this point she feels tears welling up in her eyes, "I get that I wasn't enough for you but…"
"Don't say that of course you were – you are – enough" Alex pleads.
Maggie shakes her head. Tears are streaming down her face and she's sure her makeup is ruined but she doesn't care. She has to get this out before the weight of it absolutely crushes her. "You wanted kids more than you wanted me!"
Alex instantly recoils, the accusation hitting her like a slap in the face.
Maggie looks away, unable to take in the look of pity in Alex's eyes.
"Maggie..."
"Don't. I don't need your pity."
"I don't pity you. I never did. I admire you Maggie." She walks closer to Maggie, just enough to make sure she has the other woman's attention.
"You have been through so much and you're still a confident, caring, amazing woman. You're an incredible detective who cares so much for others." A pause as she considers her next words.
She shakes her head before continuing, "No, I don't pity you. I just don't understand how I was stupid enough to let you go."
Maggie let's out a sigh as she sinks down onto the couch, "Because you want kids." They're just going in circles and not getting anywhere.
Alex purses her lips as she takes in the broken woman in front of her. She simply says, "I love you" as if it's the only thing she's sure of.
"I'm just not sure if that's enough" Maggie sighs, she shouldn't have come here. This conversation is just twisting the knife in the wound.
"No that's not true."
"She hears the determination in Alex's voice and she's not sure she can take it anymore, "Alex…"
Alex holds a hand up, "No Maggie, it's my turn now." She drags a hand through her hair, "Look I've had time to think about everything and I've even been spending more time with Ruby. But I – I guess I didn't realize how my job would affect a kid. I – My only experience taking care of someone is with Kara and she's practically indestructible. But a kid? I mean what if I get hurt or I'm on a mission and the kid gets hurt and needs me? I guess I got caught up in the idea of us having a kid together that I just focused on a kid and not the fact that that life doesn't work unless you're in it."
Maggie takes a deep breath and wipes away the tears from her face, "So what are you saying?"
Alex looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath, "I'm saying that life I imagined is missing the most important thing." She looks into Maggie's eyes "You, Maggie. You're the most important thing to me and I shouldn't have let you go for something that I'm not sure I want anymore."
"But what if you change your mind. Alex I can't go through this again."
"I won't. I thought that this life I imagined needed a child in it but I don't need a kid to be happy. I was happy with you. And I don't want to be away from you anymore."
Alex gets up and sits next to her, taking Maggie's hands in hers, "I love you Maggie Sawyer and I want to spend my life with you."
"I love you Alex Danvers"
Maggie joins their foreheads and they lock eyes before brushing their lips together. God, she missed this. As Alex cupped her face, Maggie tangled her hands into Alex's hair, holding on to each other as if they would disappear if they stopped touching.
They brought their lips together again. This time open mouths hungered to take the other in like they were drowning and their only salvation was the other's lips.
They broke apart breathless, both panting.
"Oh and one more thing." Alex was still cupping her face and looking into her eyes, "You are more than enough Maggie Sawyer."
She says it with such fierce intensity that Maggie can't help but nod. They have a lot more to talk about but for now, she's just happy to be in the arms of the woman she loves…forever.
AN: The song is "Pick You Up" by LANCO. Ever since I first heard it I got Sanvers vibes. Also, I kinda wrote this at 1am last night and I'm not sure it all makes sense. Feel free to say hi on my tumblr: myvox-nihili to talk Sanvers, Supergirl, or anything else.