Me: Okay I was really really bored, and the first part of the fanfic is actually true…I'm at home right now, missing school because I'm so freaking sick and I can barely talk. I feel like crap…
Fans: Whatever. Like we care.
Me: -gasp- I'm not loved?! –proceeds to die-
Note: The character Isuzu is actually me in a way, so sorry if you get a bit confused.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'd kill off Sasuke if I did. Seriously.
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-COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH COUGH-
Isuzu sat in her chair in front of her computer, coughing like there was no tomorrow. Of course she had a perfectly good explanation for that; she was sick. Again.
'Why am I always sick?!' Isuzu practically screamed in her mind. She had woken up that morning with a 103 degree fever without warning. When she saw this on her thermometer, she had looked at her father, dazed, and proceeded to announce that proteins started breaking down at 104 degrees. Her father stared at her oddly and suggested she went back to sleep and miss school for the day.
Although it was nice to skip school, she felt like a rabid, polka dotted monkey had reached into her throat and scratched it multiple times. But that's beside the point.
"So…bored…" Isuzu muttered. She should probably do her homework and study for her quizzes she was going to take the day after, but she was too lazy at the moment.
Deciding to have a little fun, she formed the tiger seal and formed a picture of Sasuke in her mind. "Um…MONKEY NO JUTSU!" Isuzu screamed. She heard a small poof from behind her and whirled around. There, standing in all his emo glory, was a very confused Sasuke.
He looked at Isuzu oddly. "Who are you?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed together. Isuzu grinned. "Your worst nightmare." Her eyes turned red and her hair produced silver highlights, like she always looked like in fanfictions.
Sasuke stared, twitching. Suddenly he got an idea; he walked over to the authoress slowly, putting on his 'cool' face. "You're cute." He drawled out, even though he thought she was the ugliest girl in the world.
Lisa: I TOLD YOU TO BUY SOME SELF CONFIDENCE ISUZU!! –Tackles-
Me: NUUUUUU! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT SCHOOL?!
Lisa: Oh yeah. -poofs away-
Anyways, continuing the fanfiction…
Isuzu proceeded to kick Sasuke with her Asian glory (A/N: That didn't make sense…), and Sasuke flew back a good few feet, destroying Isuzu's house pretty darn well.
Isuzu flew towards Sasuke and held him by the collar, screaming things like "WHY DOESN'T THE AUTHOR JUST MAKE YOU DIE?!" and "YOU'RE SO DANG UGLY AND I HATE YOUR CLOTHES IN SHIPPUDEN ANYWAYS!"
Unfortunately, the jutsu had started to wear off, and since Isuzu was holding on to Sasuke, she poofed along with him back to Naruto world!
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In Naruto land…
Orochimaru was just outside of the kitchen, his neck extended and his tongue dripping saliva onto the ground. Ew! But anyways…
Orochimaru had his sight set upon his target. He would succeed no matter what. It was such an important item, and he needed it in order for his plans to work. His eyes narrowed as he prepared to strike out and retrieve the item…!
In an instant, too fast for the human eye to see, Orochimaru had a cookie in his mouth! "Yes!!" he screamed, his body, which was still outside of the kitchen starting to dance as his head and neck, which was still in the kitchen started doing a complicated version of the wave.
Suddenly he heard a weird poofing noise above him, and he looked up in time to see Sasuke and a weird girl land on top of his neck. The three started screaming like heck, Isuzu screaming insults at Sasuke, Sasuke screaming insults and curses back, and Orochimaru just plain cursing because it was so freaking painful to have two people sit on your neck.
Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing Kabuto dressed oddly in an old, black general suit and an oddly shaped hat. (A/N: …Just imagine George Washington.) The three on the ground stopped screaming and stared at Kabuto as he started to sing.
"Tell me quickly what's the story, who saw what and why and where, let him give a full description—Let him answer to Javert!" Kabuto strode over to the trio and glared down upon them. "In this nest of whores and vipers, let one speak who saw it all, who laid hand on this good man here, what's the substance of this brawl?!"
Sasuke and Orochimaru, who were socially deprived, had no idea what Kabuto was singing, and just stared at him in confusion. Isuzu, on the other hand, knew that he was singing Les Miserables. "I'm a girl, by the way…" she muttered before joining in. "Javert, would you believe it—" Isuzu went into a spasm of coughs and hacks, the bacteria spurting from her mouth onto Orochimaru and Sasuke.
Kabuto, being nice, asked her where it hurt, and Isuzu pointed to her throat. Kabuto got some water and put it into her throat, removing it quickly with the infected green mucus. He disposed of the substance quickly, checking if Isuzu was all right. The authoress smiled. "Thanks!" she chirped, her voice back to normal. (A/N: I wish…)
Kabuto looked at her, concerned. "What was that?" he asked curiously. "You weren't injured, it was just the mucus, but even so, you were coughing violently…"
Isuzu looked at him weirdly. "It was…a cold?" she stated more than asked. "Oh! I remember now. Nobody in Naruto gets sick…which means basically that there are no harmful bacteria in here…which also means that your immune systems suck!"
As if on cue, Orochimaru and Sasuke started coughing and sneezing like heck. Isuzu felt their foreheads and cringed. "Okay, I take that back, your immune systems REALLY suck!" Isuzu smiled cheerfully. "I guess this is the end for you!" she said in cute voice.
"YES!! FINALLY!!" Kabuto screamed with joy. "I'M FREE OF OROCHIMARU! YAY!!!" He started dancing around. "Let's go, random girl!" as he took her hand and they left the secret base.
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A few months later…
"Tayuya, what's this?" Kimimaro stared at the body of his dead master in shock. Tayuya came over, gasping as she saw the two dead, evil, gay ninja. She stared shaking. "Wasn't he…immortal?" she barely managed to whisper out the words. Kimimaro nodded, also scared. "And there isn't a single scratch on their bodies…" Tayuya continued, gulping. The two stared at each other in shocked silence, then ran out the base screaming bloody murder.
Fin!
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Me: Wow wasn't that totally random?
Fans: Yes…
Me: I just made it up as I went along…okay now I'm going to go eat an apple, because I feel like it.
Peggy: Hey! I wasn't in this!
Me: Sorry Peggy! Haha…I'll put you in the next one, okay? Okay. Good. Bye-bye! –Runs off into the distance-