Reviews are always welcome. Please, enjoy.
xxx
The car, old and slightly battered as it was, made an impressive climb up the hill, as Detective Jane Rizzoli slammed her foot down on the gas pedal. Her phone was in one hand, the other gripping the steering wheel like a vice. She hadn't had time to put her mobile down after getting off the phone from Maura, the frantic panic in her voice almost freezing Jane to the spot. Thankfully, she'd managed to shake herself into gear, speeding out of the Boston Police Department car park as fast as she could. It was just another occasion in which her car, almost fifteen years old and on it's last legs, took the brunt of Jane's frustration.
"Come on, come on." She hissed through gritted teeth as she skidded to a halt at an intersection, the lights firmly red. As she glowered as fiercely as the scarlet of the lights, the phone call with Maura replayed in her mind.
"Jane, it's me, something's happened…"
"Hey, Maura, look I'm totally swamped here, if it's about the meeting last night, I'm sorry I had to stay and question a suspect and I promise I'll make it up to her…"
Sobbing crackled down the line, and Jane's stomach flipped.
"Maura? What's happened?"
"Sara's had a seizure Jane, I'm in an ambulance with her now. She's barely conscious, I don't know what to do, one minute she was colouring and the next, oh God…"
"Which hospital?" Jane had already stood, flipping over the case file and grabbing her keys. She jogged to the lift and slammed the button over and over.
"Mercy, we're minutes away."
"I'm on my way, Maur'. It's gonna be okay, she'll be okay."
Jane wasn't sure if her words were comforting Maura, but she didn't know what else to say. The alternative was just too awful to comprehend.
She had snapped her phone into it's holster on her belt and raced to her car, shouting her apologies behind her to the beat cop she'd shoulder barged.
As she pulled into the hospital car park, she felt her breathing become shallower and her chest tighten. She had only gotten off the phone to Maura eight minutes ago, but she knew better than most what could happen in eight seconds. She hadn't seen her daughter last night because she'd been too busy working a case. She hadn't seen her the last few planned visits, and she struggled to think of the last time she had seen her smile, or held her in her arms.
She crashed through the double doors at the entrance of the Emergency Department, flashing her badge at the nearest member hospital personnel she could find and said, through strained breaths:
"I'm here for Sara Rizzoli-Isles."
"I'm sorry, officer, but only family's allowed in..." The nurse stuttered, visibly cowering when Jane growled,
"I'm her mother."
She whipped round, leaving the nurse to open and close her mouth like a goldfish.
"Maura?" Jane called out as she stalked down the corridor. She saw the fluttering of a curtain up ahead and breathed out a huff of anxiety when she saw Maura's face. Her cheeks were puffy from crying, her eyes almost closed. Her hair, usually so neatly coiffed, was scraped to the back of her head in a messy bun. She was visibly shaking.
Jane jogged the last few steps, wanting so much to pull Maura close to her and to repeat her words from earlier; everything will be okay, I'll make sure of it.
Though she knew she had no power over Sara's health, she felt even more hopeless not being able to comfort the woman who was, technically, still her wife.
Maura turned her head to look toward the bed, and Jane's gaze followed. Her knees nearly gave out on her as she took in tubes in her daughter's nose, the monitor wrapped round her thin arm, the nurse drawing blood. Sara's blonde hair was crusted with blood at the front of her scalp, and Jane had to fight not to be sick.
"She's bleeding," she muttered to no one in particular, her voice nearly drowned out by the beeping of Sara's heartrate.
She felt Maura stir next to her. Her voice was quivering.
"She hit her head on the table as she fell, Jane." The hint of kindness in her voice made tears prick Jane's eyes.
"There's so much blood…" Jane trailed off, fearing that her voice would betray her emotions if she continued.
"Head wounds always bleed the most, they often look a lot worse than they actually are."
Jane nodded, still unable to speak. Maura seemed to have calmed since her frantic phone call, which helped to quell Jane's fears somewhat. She wanted so much to feel the touch of Maura's hand on her arm, to feel her breath on the back of her neck as she held her close. She swallowed.
"Can I go closer?"
The nurse who had been taking blood turned and smiled at Jane.
"I've just finished up, we're just making sure she's comfortable here before we take her to have a scan."
"A scan? What for?"
"We take seizures very seriously, Ms…?"
"It's Detective, actually. Jane Rizzoli." Her words were not meant to be brash, or unkind, as they usually were when she corrected people rather, they were just informative. She reached out her hand.
"Angie," she smiled her smile again, slipping her glove off her hand before taking Jane's.
"My mother's name is Angela," Jane said, almost in a daze. She'd need to tell her family what had happened.
"There are lots of things that could cause a seizure Detective, that's why we need to take Sara to have a scan, to see what's going on inside her head. It'll be over fairly quickly, and she won't be in any sort of discomfort."
"Can I see her first?"
"Of course, she'll be a little bit groggy but she's woken up now."
Jane looked to Maura, who gestured that yes, it was fine, she could move towards the bed.
She shuffled to stand next to Sara, before kneeling on the floor. She kissed her daughter's cheek, gently brushing a few wayward strands of hair from her face, being careful not to touch the bandage now strapped across her forehead.
"Hey sweetie, it's mama, can you hear me?" Sara opened her eyes with a flutter, the shadow of a smile gracing her lips.
"Ma?" Her voice was croaky, and Jane's heart hurt at the sound.
"Hey baby girl, how are you feeling? You gave us a bit of a scare."
"Is mommy here?"
"She's right here," Jane turned to see Maura, who was standing stone faced in the corner. They locked eyes, and Maura looked towards the floor.
"I wanted to come and give you one of my special mama hugs, because I know that makes you feel better when you're sick."
"What's happening mama? I feel dizzy."
"I know sweetie, I know. But the doctors and nurses are taking such good care of you. And you know what this nurse's name is?"
Sara shook her head tentatively.
"It's Angie, like Nonna's. Isn't that crazy?" She kissed Sara's cheek.
"Detective, we need to take her up to the MRI now. You're welcome to take a seat and wait in the family room, it's private."
"Thanks Angie, thanks for taking care of our little girl." Jane stood and shook her hand once again before blowing a kiss to Sara.
"I'll be right out here, sweetie. You'll be just fine. Angie will stay with you."
She pushed the curtain back, before pausing.
"I'll get us a coffee." Maura nodded and moved to say goodbye to Sara, stroking her face and kissing her on the forehead.
Jane sat in the private waiting area for friends and family of patients in the Emergency Department alone, listening to the low buzz of the news on the television. She purposefully drowned it out; she didn't need to know how many murderers and rapists she hadn't caught. Two cardboard cups of coffee sat on the table in front of her, steam fluttering into the air as she sat with her head in her hands. It was something she often did when things became overwhelming.
She didn't notice the door opening, didn't see Maura standing there watching her, a sad look on her face. Maura fiddled with her fingers, not wanting to disturb Jane's rather crude version of meditation. She walked to sit down, the noise of her heels snapping Jane out of it.
"Sorry, Maur'. I was miles away. She go off okay?" She rubbed her eyes with her knuckles.
"Rubbing your eyes excessively can lead to conjunctivitis, a scratched cornea, keratoconus…"
"Thank you Doctor Wikipedia, but I think I'll be okay. Just tired."
As if to prove her point, she grabbed her coffee and took a long gulp. She passed Maura's to her, shrugging her shoulders.
"They only had a good, old fashioned black Americano. It won't be as nice as the stuff that comes out of your coffee machine." She chuckled, noticing that Maura kept her mouth firmly in a straight line.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Well it's hardly your fault, is it Jane?"
Jane faltered.
"The way you said that makes it seem like it's entirely my fault."
Maura pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.
"I'm sorry. I think, perhaps, I'm a little run down too."
Jane nodded, sympathetic. They sat in awkward silence, and Maura's cheeks flushed when she realised this was the first time they'd been alone together for almost two years.
Jane sipped her coffee.
"Do you have any idea what could be wrong with her?" Jane's voice was soft, as it often was when she spoke about their daughter.
"If I had to hypothesise?" Jane nodded.
"It could very well be epilepsy. I highly doubt the seizure was caused by a head injury, because you know how careful I am with her, I didn't let her out of my sight the entire day, and as far as I'm aware she doesn't have Meningitis, I like to think I would have noticed that..."
"You're a good mother, Maura. It wasn't your fault."
Maura hadn't even realised that she'd assumed it was her fault, though she now realised that that is exactly what she had been thinking. She bent her head forward, masking the tears in her eyes.
"If you need to sleep, I could stay here, in case Sara needs anything. You're only ten minutes from the hospital so it's not like you'd be miles away if something happened… I mean, if you needed to get back here." She was rambling and she knew it.
Maura seemed to contemplate for a moment before she spoke.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Jane."
She wasn't sure whether it was the stress of what was happening to Sara, or her anguish at not having solved a murder case in almost five weeks, or whether she had just reached a level of pissed off that was impossible to control anymore, but something inside Jane snapped.
"When are you going to trust that I'm not a danger to our daughter, Maura? She is our daughter, you remember? I see her when I can, I know I missed last night but you know better than most people what my job is like. I have to see her with a fucking chaperone. Do you know what that's like? To feel like you're being watched at every moment? I feel like the perps we bring in, Maura. I feel like a criminal." She punctuated her final word with the jab of a finger towards Maura who, in her defence, sat there and took every word.
She sat with her legs crossed, the only visible sign of discomfort the slight flaring of her nostrils. Jane turned round and paced across the room, struggling to control her temper. Getting angry would only add weight to what she knew Maura already believed; that Jane was dangerous.
"Can you blame me?" Maura's voice was small, but it was there. Jane's heart sunk. She dragged her feet to a chair and slumped straight into it, head in hands once again. Her voice was muffled.
"I don't know what I can do to make this better, Maura. I've tried, you know I have."
"I just don't know if I'm ready to…"
"To what? To let our daughter spend time with her mother? And you know, it's not like we're going to a baseball game, or something that would constitute a normal mother-daughter activity. I just want to be there when she goes to sleep, and when she wakes up. Like I used to. Please tell me you haven't forgotten what that was like."
Maura hadn't forgotten. She remembered in perfect clarity the gloriousness of waking up with Jane's nose pressed against hers, the tender morning kisses that often turned into passionate love making. She hadn't forgotten either what it was like to see Jane read bedtime stories to Sara, sitting cross legged by the side of her bed and using a different voice for each character. There was no one on this earth who could make Sara laugh like Jane could, and Maura had always loved that about their relationship.
Maura hadn't forgotten. It was just that, somewhere along the way, it had gotten lost.
"I'll be back at 7am. I'll wait with you until she comes back down from the MRI before I go. Will that be alright?"
"Yeah, I can work with that."
Maura gave a curt nod of her head, picking up her bag and the coffee cup to put in the recycling bin.
"Maura?"
"Yes Jane?" Maura's voice was tired, but Jane didn't miss the hopefulness of her tone.
"Thank you."
xxx
I would appreciate it ever so much if you could leave your reviews. It would mean a lot to me. Thank you for reading, and I'll see you in chapter two!