This was my first Madoka Magica fanfic, written by me on about some 5 years ago. I had since disappeared from the fanfic world, and this fic was presumed lost, until a narration of it was done by Lord Starfish on YouTube. To commemorate my previously lost fic, I have decided to upload it once more. The fic is more or less preserved completely in its original state, though some edits were made out of consideration for others, as well as for clarity or to amend some spelling errors. These however were only minor edits that will not affect the overall story. The original, unedited fic is narrated in its entirety by Lord Starfish, if you wish to observe the differences that were made.

I'm the Magicest! [2012]

Chapter 1: Wot's A Magical Guhl, Mate?

Mr. Vacan felt awful for some raisin.

It was like a wave of despair was inundated over him. Of course, there was no actual wave of despair providing inundation, but that was how it felt to him.

Mr. Vacan was feeling sad and mopey. As convenience would have it, he was walking alongside a bridge on the road, which was suspended high over an icy like of water.

He thought to himself. "I am so sad, I will jump off this bridge so I will be dead and not sad anymore."

So Mr. Vacan finished the ice cream he was eating, and threw the cone away. He was about to jump.

"Alright, time to jump."

He kept waiting. And then he flexed to help his jumping muscles.

It was time.

"NOOOO DON'T JUMP YOU NINNY." Called out a womanly voice.

It was a girl with curly yellow hair on her pretty little head. She whipped out a gun from under her skirt, which caused Mr. Vacan to not be able to believe his eyes.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The girl didn't answer. "I'm a motherfucking Magical Girl, bitch." She fired her gun at the air, but as it turned out there was an invisible monster that got hit by the bullets of the gun.

"That takes care of that." Said the girl while doing a triumphant thumbs up.

Mr. Vacan rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

"Wot's a magical guhl, mate?"

And suddenly a white cat thingy hooped into view. It had cat ears with long tentacles wrapped in glowing haloes, and smiled in an adorable way.

"Magical girls get wishes. Then they fight witches, and get bitches. Awwwwww yeahhhh!"

Mr. Vacan was dumbfounded.