Make It Okay
A/N: Honestly, if I didn't do this songfic I'd be a total khlorfbag, in the words of Starfire. It's so bittersweet and touching, I just had to bring in the SasuNaru. I do live in SasuNaru land after all. They're everywhere.
P.s. The song exert will usually explain the short-story part above it.
Disclaimer: Naruto is Masashi Kishimoto's. His series will be compromised into a shōnen-ai series. "When You're Gone" is Avril Lavigne's. She's a punk angel who seriously knows how to sing her heart out.
Warning: Shōnen-ai, very slight OOCness, spoilers (for anyone who hasn't seen Shipuuden), overly-dramatic (but who don't love drama? ferr real, yo)
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I always needed time on my own.
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
Naruto stared indignantly down at the engraving in the back of his departed lover's headband.
'I love you'
Who knew a few scraps and scratches in one accessory could pain him so much inside. He hugged it close to his chest, imagining it to be the dark adolescent's soft hand. Stop being weak! he told himself over and over. It never sank in.
He tightened his grasp around the metal and cloth and rolled out of bed. Pain returned to his muscles and such. He groaned and crept over to his dresser. The mirror told him just how much sleep he'd had since that day. Not much . . . not much at all.
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
He looked down at himself. I'm still in the same clothes I wore yesterday. He blinked and shrugged. It didn't particularly matter to him how he looked. He knew he'd be miserable in whatever he chose to wear. All the same. He tied his lover's band around his head. He hadn't worn that other one–his–since.
With no regard as to showering or changing or eating–including ramen, he found the taste wasn't really there anymore–he exited his apartment then the small apartment building. His mind faded in and out of reality as he walked the streets of Konoha. He made his way to the training grounds without a blink of an eye. He had put himself in a rut for those last two anguish-induced weeks.
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
The area he and his team learned their basics appeared in his bleared view. The log he was tied to and Sasuke fed him from, the tree he fell and Sasuke caught him from, the shaded spot on the other side of the grounds that he and Sasuke . . .
"Sakura-cha-an!" the teen waved frantically for the pink-haired girl's attention.
Said kunoichi refused to bat a lash for her desperate teammate. Instead, she continued to venture after the teammate who wouldn't give her a minute's notice. "Sasuke let me take you out for lunch! It'll be fun!"
The blond trotted up to them and looked at Sasuke disdainfully, the sour jealousy bearing its blinding white fangs. Sasuke glared at nothing in particular, shadows of sky-touching trees overhead, caressing his picture-perfect face. "I have to train with Naruto." He looked over at the one he gave worth to mentioning expectantly.
"You do? Why? I want to go to lunch!"
Sakura scowled and continued to look at the love of her life. Was Naruto not even commendable of eye contact? "I didn't ask you Naruto! Don't just invite yourself into others' plans. You're so rude. Just go home already!"
Sasuke saw the rejection coming undoubtedly. He looked down at the dirt and waited for the whining and continuation of propositions. He frowned when nothing came. He lifted his head in mute. Naruto was gone.
"Good rittins. So Sasuke–"
Sakura frowned at his disappearance. "Sasuke?"
---
Sasuke found Naruto under the shade of a willow tree off center of the training grounds. He advanced upon him until Naruto realized he wasn't alone . . . and how close they were.
"S-Sasuke?" He was backed up against the tree. The taller boy loomed over, shadowing him, his breath creeping over his cold cheek.
"I'm done watching you suffer. I'm done fighting to see who's better. And I'm done allowing her to scorn and scold you." The breath, Naruto noted, was warm. Hot.
"Where the hell is this coming from?" Naruto asked, rearing for a fight, like always. He liked his and Sasuke's fights. It made him feel . . . noticed. Special.
He was shocked down to the bone when a fight didn't commence. Nor a verbal one. Nothing of the sort.
"I'm done just having you see right through me."
Yes, nothing of the sort. Something much, much different. Something neither of them would ever forget.
That's right. And he never went a day without the thought of how lucky he had become.
How did that lead him to this mess?
Naruto felt his heart swell. But not in the love-filled way it did that day, and all the days Sasuke made his insides melt as he stroked his face or kissed the corner of his mouth. The pain-filled way. Like when he thought about how those butterfly-feeling quirks would never appear to him again.
He tried to avoid thinking of the event that took it all away from him. Took the only one he would ever love away from him. It wouldn't go away. The horrible memory kept crawling back.
"You have become . . . my best friend."
Naruto's heart ached. He looked up, unable to move. Not to be unsentimental, but a huge blood-thirsty fight like that, then involuntarily falling into a massive amount of sex is seriously tiring and strength-killing.
"Sasuke please," the young blond begged. "Don't leave me."
He felt the one he just made love to freeze up inside like he just took upon himself the title of a cold-hearted assassin. Which was true. He quickly dabbed Naruto's lips with a gentle kiss.
"I love you," he whispered. Naruto reached out for the truth in his voice. He didn't want it to disappear. Sasuke would always be Sasuke, no matter what. Right?
And then? Yeah, he was gone.
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Naruto tried to hold back a sob. Why did you leave Sasuke? You had everything going for you.
You had me, he thought bitterly. He felt like strangling him and kissing him at the same time. He just wanted to see him. To see his face and make sure he was okay. That he was still alive. Was that too much to ask? He just wanted to scream why!
"Why?" he croaked. He then fell to his knees, the anguish in his shriveling heart enveloping him whole. He broke down crying. The next moment, he blacked out completely.
Do you see how much I need you right now?
Naruto woke with a start. He felt that uneasy feeling he got when he knew he wasn't alone. He readied himself for combat and narrowed his eyes suspiciously into the dark surrounding him. He reached for a kunai from his pouch, but found it wasn't there. His pants weren't even there. Only his boxers. He tried to inspect himself, but couldn't see a thing in the pitch black.
He went to call out, but was beat to it as the lights flickered on and a yell blossomed into the room.
"Naruto, you're awake! Oh thank god!" He was trapped in a hug. It was Sakura.
"S-Sakura–" He cleared his throat. Crying always did that to him. "Sakura? Where am I?"
She pulled away an inch and smiled sadly. She didn't let go of her hold around his neck. His bare neck. He looked down. So he was half-naked? "At my place. I found you passed out at the training grounds yesterday morning. You slept the whole time. I was so worried about you."
Naruto, without even a thought as to what he was doing, broke out of her grasp and frantically reached up to his forehead. It was still there. He sighed.
She chuckled, folding her hands in her lap beside his half-naked form. "You think I'd even touch that thing? It's sacred. My hands would dirty it of its remnants."
Naruto couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Frankly, he was too tired to care. He asked the question that had been bugging him not but a minute or so ago. "Where are my clothes?"
She frowned. Not even a smile. Not even a fake smile. Well, she's trying. "It poured last night. I had to get you out of those clothes or you would've caught a cold. Good thing it did, I guess. You never would have changed otherwise." She was hoping something would come of that. He could tell as he looked at the hopeful expression on her face. He felt bad putting her attempt down, but he just couldn't do it. That first smile was saved for him and him alone.
He again felt his heart crack, a piece falling from its rightful place. He feared he would never smile again. How pathetically poetic.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you
Sakura had afterward provided him with some clothes. She said they were "leftovers" from all the times he went over for dinner and forgot a shirt or a pair of pants. How one went about this, I don't know. But that's Naruto for you.
He sat silently as she left him to make some soup for them both. She said they needed to just talk. Talk about what? Naruto assumed she wanted to talk about him and the other him and how Naruto was dealing. Naruto wasn't dealing, he was living. He was surviving. This wasn't something you could deal with. It wasn't permanent, Naruto told himself determinedly. It wasn't permanent.
I never felt this way before
Naruto decided not to stick around. He didn't need to hear how bad his situation was. He didn't want to deal. He just wanted it all to go back to the way it was supposed to be. The time when everything was perfect between them.
Again, like a dream, he was absentmindedly placed in front of Ichiraku Ramen. He screamed in his head. This was the last spot he wanted to visit.
Perfect, his mind wept.
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
"Thanks, old man! It was delicious!" Naruto yelled to the store keeper as he and Sasuke exited the restaurant.
He looked over at his partner and smiled softly. His heart jumped as Sasuke chuckled and cupped his cheeks with both hands. He kissed him deeply. He sighed happily from his head to his butterfly-filled stomach to his toes.
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
The raven pulled away and grabbed his small lover's palm. They walked hand-in-hand down the isle of shops in town, fully flaunting it. Naruto's heart was soaring.
He peeked over to the left when he heard someone scowling and glaring at them. Naruto reared for the yell of obscenities about to be thrown at him. The rude mouth was opened, but what really came out? This:
"Oh shove it, you immature fool."
Can you guess who that was? Naruto looked up at him. He screamed in his head. He screamed 'I love you so much!' He was fully ready to say it too. He was going to say it. He felt he couldn't move his mouth though. Sasuke looked at him and smiled.
Naruto practically died. That smile was as fucking gorgeous as Sasuke was. He threw his arms around his lover's neck joyfully.
I love the things that you do
Naruto couldn't stop crying from that moment on. It was all so perfect. So dreadfully perfect. This was such a mess! Sasuke needed to come home and tell him he loved him and he'd never leave him alone again to cry and think about the good times between them now! He just couldn't take this anymore.
If only the good times were the only things that crossed his mind.
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
---
"This one's empty!" he screamed. He darted to another door.
He heard his pink-haired teammate shout the same thing back. He cursed to himself. How the fuck can one place have so many fucking doors!?
Naruto's head peered into another deserted, desolate room, the door creaking as it swung open. From one space to the next, all he found was silence and debris and ruins. Not to mention the stench of blood and rotted corpses was everywhere he turned. His nose scrunched up in sheer disgust. This was definitely Orochimaru's lair.
His heart felt ache all over again. Sasuke, please still be here.
It had taken him three years to numb his heart and mind of the pain that awaited him every godforsaken minute he closed his eyes or walked the nostalgic streets of Konoha. And look at him now. Fallen into the Uchiha's trap once again. He hated him for it. He hated himself for it. He hated himself for loving the cold-hearted bastard so fucking much it killed him inside. Too literally to tolerate.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you
Naruto blinked and looked around. He was stilling standing in his last search spot. He cursed again. The stupid jerk can even distract me from saving him when he's not here! Asshole!
He pivoted around and sprinted quickly out of the dark, almost closet-sized area. His neck craned in every which-way direction, seeking out his suddenly vanished teammates.
He took a desperate intake of breath as he felt a pang of grief in his chest. He looked to his left.
Naruto's eyes narrowed as a bright light appeared to him at the end of the dusty, suffocating hallway.
Within a second he was darting down that rancid corridor, scorning himself over and over for continuing to get his hopes so high. It wasn't going to happen. Just another wild goose chase. Like always.
Into the light he emerged, faster than he wanted to go. Over and over, higher and higher his hope raised. He looked at Sakura. He frowned. She looked a little . . . frazzled? Yeah that's the word. He raised his head to see what she was so intently staring at. The pang hit him again. And again. And again.
At that moment he didn't think he wanted to cry so bad before ever in his life. He couldn't decipher what his tears would actually mean though. Be it happy or sad . . . he just really wanted to break down and cry.
"Sa . . . Sasuk-ke . . ."
His blood rushed cold through his system as the deep, misleading eyes he'd grown to love more than he should settled from Sakura upon him. They worked their way up and down the blond's shivering body. The sun was blaring down on him. He was freezing his ass off under that downgrading gaze.
Their stares took their sweet time just taking the other in. Basking in the familiarity and unfamiliarity. Enjoying and dreading the reunion that was about to begin for the both of them. Naruto feared just how far Sasuke was willing to go this time. Sasuke felt the exact same way.
"Naruto. You've grown."
Oh god, that voice, Naruto groaned. It's so delicious . . . Everything about him is delicious. He groaned again.
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Everyone was still. Not one limb of a writhing body shifted. Until Sasuke made his move. Sakura gasped. Sai stood still and Yamato looked attentive, but stayed silent. Naruto's heart leaped so hard into his chest, he had to gulp for air. Sasuke's arm was suddenly around his nervous-shaking shoulder.
Naruto's mind raced a mile per second. Why was he not just leaving? Why did he decide to appear before him? Why was his arm around him? . . . Did he want to touch him as much as Naruto did Sasuke?
He tried to come off as calm and collected. He was panicking like a cat in soapy water. Sasuke probably knew anyway. Of course Sasuke knew the effect he had on Naruto. That's why his arm was situated so fucking comfortably around his torso, hugging his neck. The bastard.
Naruto's mind continued to race as he tried to figure out the right thing to do in this sort of situation. He had no fucking clue. He hoped Sasuke didn't know that also. "So have you, Sasuke."
Sasuke decided to turn into conversation. Healthy, it's-good-to-see-you-after-such-a-long-time conversation. The fucking bastard! He started, "You know Naruto, if you keep chasing after me like this, you'll never have the chance to become Hokage. I shouldn't be the only thing on your mind. What about your dream?"
Naruto shook like the prey of a mobster. Sasuke always knew the perfect spot and perfect weapon to poke a wound with. "I shouldn't be the only one on your mind." Like anything otherwise will ever matter. He knew. He knew!
"How can I become Hokage if I can't even save my lo–my friend, Sasuke?"
They kept repeating each other's names, like if they didn't, they're eyes would open and the person they raised their hopes to be wouldn't be them anymore.
Sasuke caught the slip. Naruto smiled weakly as Sasuke cringed. As if Naruto didn't know the perfect wound area to stab also. Stab like a killer. It made Naruto happier than Kakashi with his new book that Sasuke still cared.
"You have to stop chasing after me," the taller nin whispered inaudibly to everyone not a foot within earshot. He's so undeniably talented he had no trouble pulling something like that off, even on some of the best shinobi. Yes, a remarkable prodigy.
"I could never," Naruto rasped. He started to feel weak in the knees. Sasuke still cared.
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
Sasuke fell silent for a moment. Team 7 behind them just watched, careful not to make a sound. Naruto's breath was easily detectably uneven. That cat in soapy water was about to be freed. Sasuke acted on impulse.
His sword slithered halfway out of its fitting sheath. Naruto's breath hitched loudly. The others twitched but made no drastic move.
"Sasuke–"
"I won't hurt you," he spoke softly to the unnerved and fidgety blond.
Naruto almost sneered at that. Naruto never sneers. But god was it called for. What a STUPID thing to say, he thought, of all things. "Why should I believe you?" he taunted haughtily. Naruto was so out of it, he was having bi-polar symptoms. Sasuke sighed. Naruto chuckled under his breath. Sasuke sighing. It was so original. So bi-polar, Naruto, so bi-polar, Sasuke drawled.
His face curled into a bitter smile then. Sakura almost heaved at this. I have no need to mention what Sai was doing, but he was happily standing back, enjoying the event being played out, almost exactly as he planned it would.
"I never could," he murmured, his chin tilting into Naruto neck a bit deeper. His sword escaped the case.
Naruto's fitful head twisted to Sasuke, his eyes wide as they followed the blade overhead. It swooped across the sky, lightening whizzing out like a tight chain of bullets. They caused large rocks and debris to plummet down in a wall blocking off Naruto's teammates. A wall indeed. Sasuke's bitter smile returned, not much as bitter as before.
Sakura gasped piercingly. "No, Naruto!" she screamed. She sprinted over to the blockade and dug with all her inhumane might. It was so thick. She punched a big hole into it. It still went farther back. She cursed and kept digging.
She then turned to her teammates when she noticed she was the only one participating. "Help me!" she screeched in her home-grown high-pitched voice. She went back to her task. Neither nin moved from their spot. Sai smiled.
---
Sasuke's arm lowered slightly, his body calming and his bitter smile disappearing. Naruto calmed also. You'd think he'd get more worked up after this, but suddenly he felt safer than he had in a long time.
His small but built body curled fittedly into Sasuke's tall, masculine one, his arms wrapping around the other's thin waist securely.
"Sasuke," he croaked, his voice beginning to weaken and crack again. He felt safe, but still strongly had the urge to cry.
Sasuke's body tensed in Naruto's hold. "Naruto, shinobi aren't . . . supposed to show emotion." Naruto caught the nervous gulp. Sasuke definitely still cared. Naruto smiled, feeling, for lack of a better word, victorious.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
Naruto's arm released the raven's waist and shot up towards the sword. He grabbed for it and skillfully chucked it across the clearing. Not a lot of skill, but at least he didn't stab his lover in the process. He didn't have to open his eyes either. His arm returned to its previous spot. Naruto smiled goofily as he thought of it as its rightful place.
Sasuke chuckled. His empty arm found its way to the other around the boy's shoulder. He hugged the smaller teen to him firmly, taking in his glorious scent he'd been deprived of for years.
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
Sasuke spooned his head into the back of Naruto's neck and took in a large breath. He then kissed gently up to his golden hair. God he loved that golden hair. He loved that thin neck. He loved those shiny blue eyes staring up at him gleefully. He loved the warm smile he hadn't had for so fucking long he had felt officially cold inside. He hated that he couldn't resist him even if his own life was on the line. He needed him so much more than he could fathom for himself.
Naruto laughed, shaking his head. "I honestly thought you might be dead for a while there! You insensitive jerk! Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again or I promise you'll never be getting any anymore for as long as you do live!"
Sasuke sniggered. Naruto's vulgarity was just as addicting as it was when they were young.
Sasuke watched quietly as his blond's features softened visibly, his forehead settling to rest against the taller nin's chest. "I was really scared you were dead."
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay.
Sasuke breathed out. He swallowed as his heart jumped in his enclosing chest. He shut his eyes slowly and hugged the boy as close to him as he possibly could. "It's okay. I'm okay."
Naruto smiled from his head to his heart to his feet. To cry for joy then, Naruto? The scraps of Sasuke's headband scraped against his heated skin.
"I missed you."
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Oh, it's so adorably cheesy! I love it, I love it, I love it! My favourite one yet! I'm so happy I'm squealing like a cute baby piggy named Sasuke!
Uh, listen to her song! It's beautiful and it couldn't represent SasuNaru any further! Hooray!
Kbyedears!
You know you love me,
Paramour