Gaze: I must have been high or drunk when I wrote this... All credits goes to kuro-chan10307 for the 14, 32-33. And no. 7 is from Shiks' review on my other fic. Someone might have written this already but…if there is someone, it's purely coincidental! Because I thought there weren't any "How to Piss Of Kai" fic/ one-shot.

Summary: You think Kai is all cool and high and almighty…you thought wrong! There are ways to piss him off and maybe kill him in the process! (FICTION)

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An Idiot's Guide: How to Piss Off Kai Hiwatari

Follow the instructions carefully:

1: First and only thing you do is: Insult Kai. Duh…

2: Steal Dranzer. Then kill it using a shot gun/rifle/Medusa 9mm (point blank) etc… or Tyson's kendo stick. With the kendo stick, beat it until the feathers all shed from its body. A bloody mess…heh, oh well.

3: If you survive: tell him that an android dude named Zeo stole it.

4: Then tell him: a fat guy named Tyson killed it.

5: If you're caught: just laugh like an ass and run!

6: Raid his closet and take out all his dark black, blue, silver…clothes and change it into neon-coloured ones.

7: Simply toss a live cat at his face yelling, "EAT CAT!"

8: If you manage to live through 1, 2, and maybe 3, 4 and 5, possibly 6 and 7, call him fat and make him skip dessert for a month and let him eat tofu instead.

9: Steal his face paint.

10: Call him an emo.

11: Break his beyblade with a sledge hammer.

12: If you lived through 6-8, tie him up in a tree upside down and have everyone poke him with a stick.

13: If that doesn't kill the bastard, throw him a pit of fangirls. Have his clothes shredded into bits so the girls can share it amongst themselves. Such a waste but whatever.

14: Call him a fag.

15: If you're still alive, whenever he and Tyson are beyblading, have Hilary yell, "Hey! Quit looking at Tyson that way! He's your enemy!"

16: Have Hilary push him off the cliff/seawall whenever he thinks of leaving the team.

17: Have her push him again off the seawall for being such an idiot.

18: Tell him he'll never beat Tyson because he's such an emo and gay. And his bird has flown off the coop several times, it's lame.

19: Tell him he's weak even with the muscles.

20: Call him a bishoujo.

21: Tell him, Hilary is dead.

22: Tell him Hilary and Tyson are together.

23: Throw his scarf to the side and yell "FETCH!"

24: Steal all his hair care products and hide it. Then tell him a cat took it…

25: If you lived through that: add that it was a guy named Ray.

26: Give him a haircut in his sleep.

27: Ask if his original hair colour was silver or salt and pepper. Then dye it blonde.

28: Ask him if his head got stuck in the paper shredder because his hair is so uneven.

29: Call him "Supreme Kai" from Dragon Ball Z and show a had-drawn picture of the old dude and how he might've been his reincarnation.

30: Using fish oil, stick his hair up in a Mohawk.

31: Tell him that Tala is gay. And so are his team mates.

32: Get him drunk.

33: Get them all drunk. Then tell him that Ty and Hil had a 'one-night stand' and that Hil is pregnant (even if she's not and they didn't).

34: Ask him to read the bible Leviticus 15 and have him explain the whole thing to Hilary.

35: Ask him to make out with Tyson. If it makes you happier, do what that dude did in Naruto, push him into Tyson while they're having a staring contest.

36: Do only tip#1: Insult Kai and ignore the rest.

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Gaze: Yup, I was on high when I wrote this…I swear. I could've hated Kai when I wrote this. Leviticus 15…you must find out on your own! (cough-discharges-cough. No thanks to my other writer, Miko!) Look at the title! I did this in religion class since our teacher made us read it. If it was funny, review me and if it wasn't well…you can flame me. I'll listen if you're reasonable but if it's just crappy criticism…guess what? I won't. But go ahead, do your worst! If you liked it, tell me which ones!

Miko: You're nuts.